Relationships Talk

Listen up!

As an adult, every single one of my long-term relationships has started on a dating site or a dating app. With the notable exception of the time I agreed to go out with the guy tattooing me because he literally was driving an ink-covered needle into my wrists and I couldn’t think of a polite way to say no, but that’s a story for another day, and maybe that dating advice can teach you something.

When it comes to using dating apps to find forever love, I’m not alone. We live in a digital age, and when you can have tampons, ice cream, a novelty t-shirt that makes it look like you’re wearing a bikini and a DVD of A Walk to Remember delivered to your door in under an hour at any time of day, why shouldn’t we rely on technology to also help us with our deeper needs like love?

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One of the most popular dating apps around is Tinder (obviously), and like many other dating apps out there, it’s got its pros and its cons. It’s easy to get disheartened with Tinder dating when you’re trying to meet someone digitally, but that doesn’t mean that you ought to give up.

Plenty of people have managed to find their husband or wife using the app, so it CAN be done! If you want to achieve a similar result, you’ll want to listen up to what they have to say about how to use Tinder to your advantage. Their dating advice can’t guarantee that you’ll meet your soulmate using the app, but their words of wisdom helped them find love, so surely hearing what they advise isn’t the worst idea in the world either! 

1. Expect a lot of first dates.

“I downloaded Tinder after a really rough breakup, and it took a long while of going on first date after first date to find someone I could seriously see for a month or so. After that, it took plenty more first dates, but eventually I found someone that wanted to keep dating and we’ve been together ever since.” 

2. Say what you want.

“So I put at the top that I wasn’t interested in hookups which, as expected, guys didn’t pay attention to when messaging me. I matched with my now boyfriend. Not sure why, but I actually messaged him first. We talked and were able to meet the next day, my only day off that entire month. I actually had plans with another guy who seemed more ‘my type’ but canceled. I met him at his apartment and we walked to sushi and watched lots of South Park. And we didn’t hookup! In fact, we didn’t have sex for about three months, after we made us official (we did make out a ton though).”

3. You have to be patient.

“I found my boyfriend of almost two years on Tinder! We love each other so much and we moved in together and even adopted a kitten. Online dating is great for introverts who don’t like to go out in bars, clubs or gym. It took me a lot of swipes to find someone who was interested in a serious romantic relationship but I found him and he’s amazing.”

4. Know what you want.

“From my experience with Tinder dating, you get all types. If you’re looking for a hookup, you’ll definitely find that. If you’re looking for a relationship, you can find that too! Be patient and have fun! That said, I met my SO on tinder. We got married last summer.”

5. Don’t set your expectations too high,

“I dated someone for about a year that I met on Tinder. I think the guys on Bumble are higher quality though.”

6. Keep your sense of humor.

“You’ll meet a lot of trash bags on Tinder (like the guy who parked where I told him not to, so I ended up paying $125 to get his car back just to get him the hell out of my house, and then he accused me of stealing his socks). But you just gotta laugh at it when someone is really sucky and move on.”

7. Make a list.

“Tinder was great when I was in the dating game. However, I had a pretty rigorous checklist to weed out the weirdos and guys who only wanted sex.”

8. Have pictures that show your whole body.

“I had a very good experience. My friends, on the other hand, didn’t. Put the best pictures of yourself that also shows off your body. Don’t write too much about yourself but don’t keep it short. Keep in mind that some guys will compliment on your looks first, but ignore those guys because, eventually, they will ask about sex. I was skeptical at first but I have been a lot happier now that I found my boyfriend.”

RELATED: How To Use Dating Apps Like Tinder And Bumble To Actually Meet Good Men In Person

9. It’s okay to turn people down.

“I’m engaged to someone I met on Tinder. So, there’s that. I’m also still friends with a few guys I had flings with after meeting them on Tinder. They work in fields adjacent to mine, so it can be fun/useful to swap notes. Be discerning with the profiles you swipe right on and don’t feel pressured to give people a chance. My only bad (just awkward, never dangerous) dating experiences came from giving people I had misgivings about a chance. Oh, and don’t be afraid to message first.”

10. Really read the profile.

“Matched with a girl. She had the URL to her last.fm page in her bio. Being a fan of music, I checked it out and used it as a conversation starter. Over the next few weeks, we exchanged music with one another and we’re on year 5 now!”

11. Remember that what you write matters.

“Having content is huge. I see profiles that just consist of emojis and the guy’s height much of the time. I doubt most girls will decipher those. It’s also very good to list whatever things you enjoy that you think girls like to do too. I mention things I like that I know many guys do; this is to help them feel comfortable. It works well both ways, I find. Humor and punctuation will take you miles in the bio and conversations.”

12. No sex talk first.

“Nothing sexual at first unless it’s a hookup you want with a girl who says she wants a hookup too. On appearances, if you’d say it in front of a fireplace, save it for in person when it’s going well. Not Tinder.”

13. Go on a first date soon.

“Try and get some sort of in-person date ASAP. Even if it’s just meeting up for coffee somewhere between class or during lunch, moving the relationship from Tinder to real life will show if you two are actually attracted to each other, if they can hold a conversation, etc.”

14. Give your prospects something to talk about.

“Put a conversation starter at the bottom of your profile. Something like ‘Message me your favorite [movie, book, band, video game, whatever honestly interests you]’. It gives you something to talk about right out the gate (and makes it even more obvious if someone hasn’t read your profile).”

15. Be mindful of who is in your pictures.

“If I see kids, I am almost immediately assuming he’s giving me a polite clue that he is a parent. The presence of another girl is often going to either suggest there hasn’t been much time since the last relationship he was in, or he’s still with her and they are open or want a third.”

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. Her work focuses on relationships, pop culture and news. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.