After a messy divorce and an unfaithful husband how do I learn to trust again?: Ask Ellie – TheSpec.com
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Now, with freedom and good health to create a new outlook for yourself and your future, hanging on to past hurts is a choice you can remake.
There are many opportunities for you to engage in activities that you enjoy and meet new friends (both women and men) — walking groups, sports teams, book and film clubs, volunteering, and more.
Staying “alone” and living with perpetual distrust of all men is a cop-out when you’re mature and experienced enough to assess a person’s character for the purpose of having company and friendships. I understand that you may never want to marry again, but fearing all male contact at this point is choosing negativity instead of looking for positive ways to enjoy life.
For the record, it’s rare that professionally trained and experienced counsellors “take sides,” though clients may interpret things that way when they don’t agree with the process or dislike any hint of their having had a part in the relationship problem.
Also, the belief that a predator “steals” away someone’s husband, suggests that the men involved have no will and left happy relationships. It may happen that way sometimes, but usually there are background factors that contributed.
Yes, people sometimes fall in love even though they’re married. From the tens of thousands of letters that I’ve received over many years, in most such cases the individuals try to repair their marriages, and struggle hard with the decision to divorce (as they should, when children are involved).
What’s important once that happens, and certainly now, is getting on positively with your own life. Your children want you to be happy and strong, engaged with friends and things you enjoy doing … not stuck in this story from years back.
The current operative phrase applies to you for your benefit for years to come: Move on.
Ellie’s Tip of the Day
Fixating on sad details of a years-ago divorce is a negative choice. Move on through healthy activities, interest groups, and new friendships.
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.
Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.
Follow @ellieadvice.
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Unfair Odds
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.
Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.
Follow @ellieadvice.
