Relationships Talk

“Oftentimes these preferences do not match,” Mulnix said. “This is not a personal slight, simply a difference of opinion. If you don’t get a response, then move on.”

Letting go of a disappointing match just puts you that much closer to being open to a new conversation and a new prospect.

Less is more (in the beginning)

Good banter is key, since having a large number of in-app texting conversations can become monotonous. Even with an initial photo attraction, if the conversation falls flat, a first date might never happen. 

Keeping the banter breezy and carefree in the early stages could lead to an in-person first date. You don’t need to spill your entire life story. Save something for the first date, and keep a little mystery.

One size doesn’t fit all

Do a little research first and figure out your dating goals, since some dating apps are known for attracting certain age groups, demographics and desired commitment levels.

“Know what you are looking for and try a few different ones to see if you find a fit,” said Regan Paulsen, a licensed professional counselor in Dallas.

“Dating is, largely, about knowing yourself, so it only makes sense to use a dating app that fits your personality and needs. What works for your friends might not be right for you,” she says.

If you’re apprehensive, explore what is holding you back, Paulsen says. Fear of rejection? Fear of confrontation? When you know the underlying fear, you can decide if you’d like to challenge it, or leave it alone.

Dating multiple matches at once can serve as another stress factor. Spending too much time immersed in the app can be a deterrent. Apps are intended to connect people who are hoping for a romantic spark. You don’t want to spend more time swiping than actually meeting people out in the real world.

Set boundaries

“If someone is spending too much time on a dating app, I think it would be a great idea to set boundaries,” Carbino said. “Online daters should think of their app use as part of their routine, not as a full-time job or something they need to be doing every second of every day.”

If the push notifications are too tempting and you’re checking every five minutes, remove them. One approach would be to use the app once in the morning to swipe and then in the evening to answer any messages, she said. Another boundary-setting approach is to set a time limit around each session.

Hanna found that taking 10-minute breaks every hour or so to check the app and her social media was the best solution for her. She would check again before she went to bed but said she found it most relaxing to keep her evenings social-media-free.

Take a break

If the search process is sucking the joy out of dating, you can always take a dating detox.

The app can be deleted just as easily as it was downloaded. If you are feeling disappointed or overwhelmed by the apps, just step away. Or focus on one dating app at a time.

“When overwhelmed in any situation, especially dating, I think it’s helpful to take a step back and to consider what is going well and what is not,” Carbino said. “Then after taking some time to strategize and think about their next moves, I would encourage them to get back in the game.”

Kimber Westphall is a Dallas freelance writer focusing on dating, fitness and travel. She met her boyfriend via a dating app in 2015.