Relationships Talk

Jesus when asked about divorce reaffirmed the value of marriage as found in Genesis1 and said in Matthew 19:4-6 “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no one separate?”

The reformer, Martin Luther, married an ex- nun, Katie von Bora, at the age 42, because “his marriage would please his father, rile the pope, cause the angels to laugh and the devils to weep.” Luther quickly grew to love “his dearly beloved Katie: fathered six children with her, and spoke of remarked on the joy of waking up to pigtails on the pillow next to him. Luther commented, “There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” Luther gives advice to bachelors who were seeking a wife saying, “You would gladly have a beautiful, good and rich wife if you could. Indeed, we really ought to paint you one with red cheeks and white legs! These are the best, but they usually cook poorly and pray badly.”

Looking at marriage in church history John Witte of Emory University writes, “The medieval church treated marriage and the family as a natural, contractual, and sacramental unit.” Marriage in the church was a sacrament because it was created by God and God’s forgiveness, grace and salvation came through marriage. Luther’s marriage to Katie was revolutionary as he redefined marriage. Dr. Jim Nestigen, a Lutheran theologian, wrote, “Reviewing the sacramental system of the medieval church, Luther pointed out that unlike baptism and the Lord’s Supper, there is neither a specific

promise nor a special physical sign involved with marriage. Marriage is not a matter of the gospel, but of the law.”

Luther removed marriage from the realm of redemption, the way God saves people, and re-stablished it firmly in the realm of creation, where human beings have a part in being God’s stewards of the gifts, including sexuality, love and companionship.

Marriage, Luther and his colleagues taught, was a social estate of the earthly kingdom of creation, not a sacred estate of the heavenly kingdom of redemption. Though divinely ordained, marriage was directed primarily to human ends, to the fulfilling of civil and spiritual uses in the lives of the individual and of society.

Luther believed there were three orders or “estates” that God uses to sustain the world: marriage (household), church, and government. Oswald Bayer writes, “Marriage is also defined by what God does through it: in this order, The Creator continues to give life to creature and creation, using wives and husbands as his ‘hands,’ ‘channels,’ or ‘masks’ for this purpose.” First and foremost, Luther defines marriage as a vocation, the chief form of discipleship for Christians Faith transforms marriage from a human institution to a divine call, a vocation where God calls us through marriage to love and serve the nearest neighbor, our spouse. “

In our culture we place so much emphasis on the private nature of wedding, that we often forget about the public aspect of marriage. In a social statement of my church, entitled “Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust” these words are found, “The public promises of marriage between a man and a woman, therefore, also protect the community by holding people accountable to their vows. Fidelity to promises blesses all who depend on this trust within and beyond the marriage.”

It also says, “Trust is a critical element that holds together couples and relationships, households and families, social structures and institutions. We normally relate concepts of trust, promise, loyalty, and reliance to individual relationships. These concepts, however, also describe economic life, political arrangements, social policies, and social structures. Contemporary social scientists call attention to these almost invisible bonds of trust and reliance that are necessary for a well-functioning society.

The trust and mutuality afforded by marriage offers one of the most beautiful, abiding, and transformative forms of human relationship. This church understands marriage as a covenant of mutual promises, commitment, and hope authorized legally by the state and blessed by God. “

Bishop Jessica Crist said at our pastor’s convocation on marriage in 2014, “So, in what sense do Lutheran pastors “do” weddings? The parties, in their exchange of promises, bind themselves to one another and create the civil marriage contract. “The proclamation of the word of God and the prayer for God’s blessing on the couple and their household are considered the universal Christian additions to the human process of marriage. By this nuptial blessing, the church acknowledges the union “in Christ” of husband and wife. The church’s essential role in marriage is defined by this blessing. The church, neither marries people, nor determines whether they can be married; these are functions of the state, though often carried out by representatives of the church. The church proclaims God’s unconditional love and faithfulness and asks God to bless the couple in their life together.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which he wills to perpetuate the human race till the end of time. In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love, you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.” (“A Wedding Sermon from Prison”)

I have been so blessed by my marriage to my beautiful wife, Elaine. I’m so thankful to God for the gifts and blessings received in our partnership. Martin Luther has said, “A bride is quickly taken, but to love her a lifetime is quite another matter. “ I am still learning to love and cherish her. May it be so in your marriages as well.