Relationships Talk

There are several things men and ladies look out for when trying to choose who to date. Some ladies prefer the tall, dark and handsome men while some men would rather date a woman who is thick, light-skinned and curvy. It all depends on their preferences.

A young lady identified as Joyie Theseventhstar (@njoyie) on Twitter, on Thursday, January 24, slammed a man on her page for saying he was single. She said the guy is not attractive.

Joyie did not end it there but further disclosed that she would rather date a dirty man who is dark-skinned than be with Mokoloko Twane.

READ ALSO: Nigerian father protests in the middle of the road to save his sick son’s life (photos, video)

Her post reads: “o you are beautiful but I personally like a dirty guy, a ganja mahnnnmn, dark-skinned, a man that never takes pictures. A guy that can hold a gun, … You are not even anywhere near attractive. You look like you cannot even protect yourself from even mere rain. Bye.”

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Legit.ng earlier reported that a woman identified as Moroetsana took to the mirco-blogging platform to cry out for help revealing her husband of one year is emotionally abusive. Moroetsana revealed that although he has physically assaulted her just once, he is constantly emotionally abusive and is a known cheat who lies a lot.

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NAIJ.com (naija.ng) -> Legit.ng We have updated to serve you better

Can a man show his love to a woman without having money? | Legit TV.

Source: Legit.ng

Apple on Sunday launched its first program dedicated to helping women entrepreneurs develop apps.

The Cupertino-based tech giant invited 11 companies run by women to participate in a free two-week entrepreneur camp. The goal: to help women successfully develop their apps.

“We can’t wait to see you and your skills and help you thrive with your apps,” Esther Hare of Apple’s developer relations told the group.

To qualify, a company must be run or founded by a woman or have a woman on the development team.

Elena Krasnoperova of Los Altos said she welcomes advice about ways she can improve the app she designed to help make life easier for divorced parents.

“I feel I won the lotto,” said Krasnoperova, founder and CEO of FamTerra. “Developing is a lot of hard work, and getting mentorship and advice from Apple is like a dream come true.”

For the next two weeks, participants will receive coding help from Apple engineers and attend sessions on design, technology and marketing. Some of the entrepreneurs are developing apps targeted specifically for women.

Renee Olson, for instance, is working on a dating app that will better help women find a good match. She’s hoping the entrepreneur camp will take her app to the next level.

“Helping me implement new features and also just being here to network,” said Olson, founder of Mental Mobile, based in Southern California.

The developers are from all parts of the world, and many are hoping the experience with Apple will also help them get the financial backing they need to get their apps into the market.

Apple plans to offer the camp to 20 female entrepreneurs every quarter.

One Too Many Horrible Dates? Here’s How to Handle Them Like a Pro

The possibilities of what could happen on a first date are endless. Whether you’re complete strangers who’ve been set up by friends, online dating matches, or longtime pals who are giving into that undeniable attraction, you never really know what the relationship will feel like by the night’s end.

Part of a first date’s power comes from how great it feels when it doesn’t end disastrously in one of a seemingly infinite number of ways. While there are lots of scenarios for a successful first date, what about those that don’t go so well? What you hoped would blossom into a  long-term relationship could potentially be a cautionary tale of a nightmarish variety.

What you’ll find below are six common bad date scenarios, along with some advice on how to handle each one like a pro.

1. Your Date Doesn’t Show Up

So, the big date is finally here. You show up acting all cool, dressed up a little (but not too much), and your date’s nowhere to be found. Although you’re killing time with a stiff drink, one minute turns to two, and then to five, 10 and soon enough, 15. You start to get worried.

Are you being ghosted? While this is a pretty embarrassing and self-esteem-crushing situation, there’s actually a silver lining. Think of your would-be date bailing as you saving a bunch of time, money, and heartbreak. You’ve already learned  they’re unreliable at the earliest possible moment, rather than getting strung along.

What to Do: If you’re smart, you told a close friend you were going on a date with a Tinder match so they’d be prepared to contact the authorities in case you went missing. Hit them up with a bunch of frowny-face emojis and ask if they want to hang out so you’re not wallowing in your feelings all night.

2. Your Date Looks Way Different in Person

Say you match with someone who’s really your type physically, and when they show up, they’re looking, well …  different. It could be a full-on catfish situation, or a case of someone using out-of-date photos to cast themselves in a more flattering light. Regardless, you might be in a bit of shock. Do you pretend everything is normal and try to struggle through? Is it worth bringing  up and making things super awkward out of the gate?

What to Do: Sure, no one’s using their ugliest photos on a dating profile, but if there’s a noticeable disparity between what you saw online and what you’re seeing IRL, it is fair to bail on the date straight up.

They’ve essentially announced to you that they have issues around self-confidence and that they deal with them by being dishonest to prospective partners. If it’s not that, they’re just compulsive liars, neither of which bodes well for the possibility of a healthy relationship.

3. Your Date Is Super Rude

Maybe your date ignores everything you say. Maybe some unfortunate xenophobia slips out, they’re rude to the waiter, or they make fun of your hobbies. Whatever it may be, having a long conversation with a relative stranger is often a situation that leads to two people realizing they’re just not a matchr due to conflicting personal beliefs.

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What to Do: It really depends on the severity of their rudeness. In some cases, you just wait out the evening, tell the person you had a great time, but also that you don’t think things are going to work out. In some cases, you might want to point out to them why what they’re doing is inappropriate as they’re doing it,  but only if you’re game for the date to take a hard left. While educating people is a noble goal, your date is more likely to take advice of that nature from a trusted confidant than some random guy on a first date.

4. There’s No Chemistry

Sometimes, the person sitting across the table from you is attractive,  nice, polite, and devoid of weird tics like yelling “9/11 was an inside job!” Even though they’re perfectly nice, there’s just … something else missing. Most of the time, that something is a little thing called “interpersonal chemistry.”

RELATED: How to Flirt Like a Champion

What to Do: Dating can be nerve-wracking! If your date didn’t do anything wrong but just left you feeling a little bored, be as polite as possible about it. A boring date isn’t a lost battle. The two of you are not enemies,  you’re a pair of scared fish in a giant ocean trying to figure things out. Just be clear that you’re not interested, and wish them the best. If you’re the perfect gentleman about it, who knows? Maybe your date has a single friend who’s more your type.

5. You Do Something Embarrassing

Ahh, the nightmare fodder. Whether you  spill your drink all over yourself (or your date), throw up, or severely injure yourself, being hit with a wave of embarrassment on a first date can seem like the end of the world in the moment.

What to Do: This is counterintuitive, but the absolute best way to handle a situation like this is to own it. A person who laughs at their faults will be much more endearing than a person doing their absolute best to hide an embarrassing situation, and who seems  completely unhinged as a result.

Depending on the exact nature of the situation, the date might be beyond saving. If you approach the situation with a sense of humor and a dose of your actual personality, that nightmare first date might just end up being a funny story you tell at your wedding a few years later.

6. Your Date Leaves Early

If you’re an average guy, a mid-date bail is your worst case scenario. It means things went so badly that your date decided they couldn’t stomach another minute of politely smiling at you. Their run for it is so much harsher than a pre-date ghost, since it implies that leaving was a much better option than staying on the date.

RELATED: Things Guys Don’t Realize Creep Women Out

What to Do: Whatever you do, don’t make a big deal about it. The situation is already awkward enough, so don’t compound it by sending angry messages or trying to track your date down “just to talk.” You risk looking like a psycho, and they will tell their friends about you.

It might be tough to swallow, but sometimes, the bad person on the date is … you. It takes a fair amount of self-confidence to recognize that and move on without getting too down. If your date really wants to communicate to you what went wrong, you’ll get a post-mortem message of some sort. If not, take your best guess, or maybe talk it over with some friends,  and get back out there with someone else for next time.

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Animation by Lisa Larson-Walker. Photo by PhotoAlto/Sigrid Olsson/Getty Images.

How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Send your questions for Stoya and Rich to howtodoit@slate.com. Don’t worry, we won’t use names.

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a guy who is single after nearly a decade in a mostly monogamous relationship. I’ve been dating and hooking up a fair bit, “making up for lost time,” etc. Recently, one man who I had dated/slept with a few times reappeared and began pursuing me again. I responded positively at first but found myself not replying to his texts, and eventually he took the hint, but then asked me: “Just curious, why aren’t you interested? I thought we really hit it off.” The truth is, we did. But I have not replied, because I’m embarrassed to have realized the reason is that his dick is smaller than I’m used to. I’ve never thought this would matter that much to me, and I’ve seen so many advice forums reassure smaller guys that anyone who would reject someone for his penis size “is an asshole anyway.” Am I one?

—Sweats the Small Stuff

Dear Sweats the Small Stuff,

I don’t think you’re an asshole, but it does sound like you’re a size queen. The designation exists for a reason. We like what we like, and you happen to like dicks that are at least bigger than this guy’s. It’s not the end of the world, and even if everybody doesn’t take as hard of a line, many can relate. Big dicks are great fun, and I recommend every dick lover hold at least one in their hands at some point in their lives just to understand the marvels of human anatomy. I love a big dick like I love a piece of pizza: I’m not necessarily having either every time I chow down, but I can’t imagine life without them on the menu.

I think the difference between a size queen and an asshole is absolutism. If there is no way that a guy with a fun-size Snickers bar between his legs could ever be your man—regardless of his personality, facial beauty, interests, worldliness, and shit, even bank account—then you might be an asshole. If you could forgive a dick that doesn’t get you going just by thinking about it in light of other positive qualities, you’re not an asshole. Simple.

The optimist in me suspects that regardless of your “hitting it off” while hanging a few times, he just didn’t have enough sparkling qualities to compensate for the weenie. I’ve been there. A big dick can forgive quite a few (though by no means all) shortcomings, and a smaller dick can make an already underwhelming guy seem even less … whelming. Hopefully you’re at least open to the possibility of being swept off your feet by a dude who is hung like a snail. But I can’t make that call for sure from what you’ve given me, and I don’t know if even you can. You’re going to have to look inside yourself, and deeply. If you’re the size queen I think you are, going deep may take a while, and may resemble a spelunking expedition. Wear a headlamp.

Dear How to Do It,

I like to schedule time for sex to make sure it happens and to increase my anticipation so I’m ready and in the mood, but my partner likes to be spontaneous and thinks scheduling sex takes the fun out of it. The problem is, I worry that if/when we don’t schedule time for sex, it doesn’t happen as often, because we’re both so busy with work and are often tired at the end of a long day. Is there a compromise option?

—About Time

Dear About Time,

Pardon me if this is obvious, but there seems to me an extremely logical compromise: Do one week your way, one week your partner’s. Repeat a few times. Take written note of how much you’re banging so that you can compare and contrast the frequency within the different approaches.

It seems that while you are a type-A, data-oriented sort of person, you don’t have firm proof that your way is the right way—you merely fear that your partner’s way will lead to less sex. All you have is time, really, so test your hypothesis. Collect that data and at the end of some period of time—say, a month or two—see whose way yields more sex. This is a low-risk proposition: If your suspicions are, in fact, incorrect, you do not have to reveal that you’ve been creating a relatively elaborate and, let’s face it, kind of insane chart plotting the frequency of your sex. You can sit on the results, and your defeat, in silence, and your partner is none the wiser. And you will have learned something about trusting your partner and the galvanizing effects of spontaneity. Also, you’ll be having more sex than if you did it your way, anyway. Your life will be enriched no matter what.

But keep in mind that being right only goes so far in relationships, and while your concern here is one of quantity, it seems that your partner’s is one of quality. I don’t buy that planning takes all the fun out of sex, but the specific flavor of spontaneous sex is clearly something that your partner craves. Regardless of what your great experiment finds, you’re going to have to feed that craving somehow. I recommend determining your baseline amount of times per week that satisfies you and knock the number down a few, which can be picked up by your partner whenever they choose. Some wild cards, if you will. That way you’re still planning, and your partner gets to have spontaneous sex in a way that doesn’t endanger your precious frequency. You’re still having sex either way, so win-win.

Incidentally, I am a planner as well, so I suspect your way is right. If you are so inclined to take me up on my first suggestion, please write in with the results of your experiment. You can send a Google doc—I would love to see it.

Dear How to Do It,

At drinks with a few friends recently, one friend said she was going on a date with a man who strongly hinted on his online dating profile that he was into exploring BDSM, particularly the B. My friend is fairly sexually experienced but has not dabbled much in that world. She seemed interested in the idea, and this being a happy-hour situation, there were jokes involving Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan. We moved on. In seriousness, she’s a 30-year-old woman, and I don’t see the problem here. But another of our friends who kept quiet during the conversation texted me afterward, “How could you joke about that? Why would [Friend] want to be with someone who wants to hurt her?” I told her this interest is pretty common and to Google it, but she won’t let it go, especially now that a couple of those dates have happened. Am I being too cavalier, like she insists? If not, what is the best way to shut this conversation down?

—Victor Rasuk

Dear Victor Rasuk,

I’m seeing red after reading this question, and it’s not because there’s a blindfold covering my eyes. Your text buddy, Judge Rude-y, is way out of line. She’s conflating consensual play with abuse, and the reason that she’s doing so is that she’s not making any attempt to understand the difference. Her lack of good faith and her intellectual laziness are apparent in the very manner she delivered her message—instead of asking your mutual kink-curious friend about the ethics of submitting sexually then and there, she waited until that friend was out of sight and talked to you about it. It seems that she has her mind made up to the point of not even wanting to entertain why someone would embark on a journey to the bottom of the dungeon in the first place. She is essentially gossiping. If she were so worried about the Anastasia Steele-in-waiting that you both know, surely she would talk to her and not you. Not only does she think she has the answers, but she isn’t even revealing them to the person that could, by her terms, benefit from hearing them.

Most offensive in all of this may be the idea that Judge Rude-y thinks she knows better than Anastasia about Anastasia’s own desires. That’s downright patriarchal. You have established that your friend who’s dipping her toe into BDSM is a grown woman. She seems fun and adventurous and not the type to talk shit about someone who’s trying out a new method of hunting for orgasms. She’s doing it right.

There are few things I find more corrosive than someone who judges others for their ways of pursuing (consensual) pleasure. It always, always, always is more about the judge than the judged. We could tsk at others until our tongues are stubs for doing things that we’re not into, or we could just accept that humanity’s sexual canvas is infinite and will always be regardless of those who try to contain it. We all may as well just take a step back and admire the vastness.

I’m fairly unforgiving about these things. I judge judges quite harshly, so her judgment is, in my opinion, grounds for unfriending. You may have more patience than I do, so if you want to continue having a person in your life who concern-trolls people who are having a good time and expanding their worldviews and capacity for pleasure, you could suggest that she brush up on her Gayle Rubin, specifically the notion of benign sexual variation. Send her a link to Rubin’s Wikipedia page, not that she’ll click it.

Or just don’t engage with this topic when she brings it up. Ignore her texts. You can’t gag her literally—though part of me suspects that she’s so against BDSM because of her own shame over her curiousness about it—so do it metaphorically.

Dear How to Do It,

Perennial but very real question: What should I do if I feel weirded out by my partner’s fetish? I’m willing to try it out, but I think I’m just going to be grossed out and not turned on at all.

—Not Feeling It

Dear Not Feeling It,

In general, I think the fair thing to do is give it the college try with a straight-A student’s attitude. You really shouldn’t go into it thinking that you’re going to be grossed out—you’re setting yourself up for failure. Meditate on this, break it down to the mechanics, and give it a sincere attempt. Make like Corinthians, and let love be your guide.

I’ve been in your situation before, and while I have never absorbed a partner’s fetish per se, when I’ve engaged with one repeatedly—in the case of boyfriends who, at their sexual essence, are just kinky—I’ve taken on a sort of arousal by proxy. That is to say, if some practice or object becomes so integrated into my sex life because of my partner’s interest in it, I’ve found that I may start to associate it with sex myself. And then it becomes as much of a staple in the getting-off process as kissing or oral.

That would be sort of an ideal outcome, and it’s meeting halfway. Of course, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, and if you try it and it just isn’t working for you, it’s fine to say so. Besides, another thing I’ve found is that people with fetishes often like people who have the same fetishes they do, and even if I’m game, I’m not getting it up on feet alone (to use a completely random example that may or may not be plucked from my past). Sometimes your kinky partner wants a partner who gets the same excitement that they do, and you will likely never be that partner. In that case (it’s not always!), for the good of their sexual pleasure, I recommend at least considering opening up the relationship and letting them have their fun. I know this is daunting and advanced and requires much communication and planning, but at the end of the day, sometimes it can be nice to unlatch the gate and let the horny kinksters go out and play.

—Rich