Relationships Talk

Fast rising Ghanaian musician Fouad as seen on Instagram is currently in a hot mess as he is being blasted on Twitter following revelations that he was dating multiple women.

It was gathered that handsome Fouad has incurred the wrath of social media users after reportedly dating two girlfriends at the same time.

On Wednesday, January 23, one of his girlfriends by name Gisela shared a sweet and romantic birthday message with pictures on Twitter to wish her boyfriend a wonderful birthday celebration.

READ ALSO: Actor Seun Ajayi and wife welcome cute baby boy (photos)

However, the event turned out to be a whole mess after another Twitter user who spotted a similar romantic clip on a lady’s WhatsApp status brought it out to question the ‘real’ girlfriend of the young musician.

“You’re PERFECT in every way, thank you for being who you are. still can’t believe you’re mine. I love you more than words can describe. Happy birthday my everything,” Gisela captioned as she shared romantic moments with Fouad.

Then another Twitter user by the name Valentine Luka, also shared a screenshot of Fouad’s alleged second girlfriend by the name Yetunde and asked: “Just saw this on a friend’s status, nigga are you a twin?”

Gisela was quick to defend her boyfriend but Twitter had no mercy on her as she was really trolled. However, General Atopa went hard on Gisela and Fouad.

Kweku also commented.

Nungua Akaline also intimated.

PAY ATTENTION: Get your daily relationship tips and advice on Africa Love Aid group

Going through his InstaStory, some of his fans decided to ask him why he keeps more than one woman and he denied it. It appears that Fouad could no longer hide the fact that he cheated as he apologized to Gisela.

See screenshots below:

Legit.ng earlier reported that on Friday, January 25, controversial male Barbie Bobrisky took to his Instagram handle to call out Yoruba actor, Odunlade Adekola. This came up after the actor shared a video of him addressing cross dressers on social media.

Interesting!

NAIJ.com (naija.ng) -> Legit.ng We have updated to serve you better

Why I ‘burnt’ N1000 note – Orezi | Legit TV.

Source: Legit.ng

Meeting someone new that you genuinely like and who likes you is such a rare thing, it’s almost impossible not to get all giddy when it happens. You know exactly how it goes: You’ve stayed up until 5am drinking prosecco in bed and making each other come multiple times. You’ve both cried while talking about how much you love your dads. You’ve compared birth charts and know each other’s moon signs. And then all of a sudden, you realise you want to be around this person all the damn time. Maybe you’re even being a bit shit at replying to your friends’ WhatsApps. You’re probably planning your entire weekends around seeing/shagging your new partner. No shade – we’ve all been there.

Instinctively, you know this is probably a silly idea. You’ve heard that rushing into things in the early days can fuck everything up. But at the same time, you’ve got *feelings* and don’t want the fun to end. Should you cool it down a little and try and take things slow? Will doing that give your blossoming relationship a higher chance of survival? Or is this just a stupid thing we say to each other, with little thought of whether it’s actually useful advice? I spoke to a relationships counsellor to find out whether taking things slow is actually a good idea.

“It’s common to rush into relationships,” Relate‘s Simone Bose, explains. “In today’s age people get hurt quite quickly because there’s always another option around the corner. People have these experiences [on dating apps] where they get excited and passionate, and then other person moves on quite quickly within a month or two.”

So, if you want to try and avoid that happening, taking it slow may be the answer Simone says. “If it’s important to you to meet somebody with who there could be a potential long-term relationship, I think it can be quite good not to throw all your emotions in all at once – even though it can be quite exciting at the start.”

And, she says it’s sensible to keep your independence because “every time you have a relationship and you throw all of yourself into it, you may lose a little bit of yourself. That’s not necessarily a good thing. If it ends three months down the line, you’re going to be more hurt [than if you’d taken it slow]. As a general rule, if you have a pattern of really throwing yourself into a relationship, maybe think about it take it a little bit slower.”

Getty ImagesJuj Winn

Benefits of taking it slow

You keep your life and your space

“It’s really important to keep your life,” Simone says. “It’s natural to want to spend every second with that person, but just for yourself and self-care, you should give yourself that space.”

It’ll help you get to know the person

You may feel like seeing them all the time will help you get to know them better, but this isn’t the case. “If you want to get to know that person and understand who they are a little bit more, it’s best to talk more and talk slower.”

Getty Images

You can be sure it isn’t just about sex

Whether you have sex with someone right away is totally up to you, and what works in your partnership may be totally different to someone else’s. But, Simone admits sex can complicate things a little bit sometimes. “Sex can sometimes muddy the waters. It can make you not judge the person completely correctly.” If the sex is amazing, you might not be able to look at your partner as a whole person and think, “Is this the right person for me?” And then you could move in with them and only then realise their beliefs and values are really different to yours. “You might realise that because you were so emotionally involved and excited, you forgot about your values and what is important to you in a relationship,” she says.

How to slow it down

First of all, be clear with your partner to avoid upsetting them or making them feel you’re not into it. “Remember, you’re not saying don’t enjoy your relationship,” Simone explains. “Just that you want to slow it down in a way that’s comfortable for you, so that you can keep your judgement, friends, and the balance in your life.”

But how much hanging out is too much at the beginning? “I think you can see each other two or three times a week,” Simone says. “If you really like somebody you’ve got to invest time into them, but it really does depend on the person. Some people are quite detached and very busy with their work, so they need a partner who doesn’t want to see them too much. Dating a person who is similar in that way helps, [because neither] want someone to be too needy, or enmeshed with them – and that works.”

Getty ImagesJuj Winn

What you should look out for, is when your entire social plans fall by the wayside so you can be with this person. “When you make your weeks 80-100 per cent that person, then you’ve got to look at what’s going on,” she says. “Ask yourself: Are you suddenly not seeing your friends? Are you giving things up? Are you cancelling things for the new person in your life?” If so, you could be losing your independence and balance and you need to check yourself.

But don’t go too slow

As Simone says, taking it slow can be beneficial. But you need to be careful not to go too slow and avoid “distancing yourself so much that you’re not even really in the relationship, bonding, or getting to learn about the other person on a deeper level.” Basically, ensure you’re not giving and getting the bare minimum.

“[If you are doing that] ask yourself where’s that coming from,” Simone says. “Is it because you’re scared? Is it because you’ve been through a break up before and been hurt? If that’s the case, be clear with the other person. Say, ‘Look, I’d prefer we only saw each other once a week to start with because I went through this before, and it’s not that I don’t like you I just need to go slower for myself. It’s not that I don’t want to see you.’ Tell them a little bit about why that’s happening and what you’re feeling.”

You also need to remember that although it can be scary, you have to allow yourself to be a little bit vulnerable. “If you’re not, you can never benefit from the relationship – showing vulnerability is the only way to really bond with, and know, somebody.”

Getty ImagesJuj Winn

A stalling technique?

Sometimes though, people may use wanting to take it slow as an excuse to drag out having to make a commitment of any kind. “People get quite scared of relationships when they’re not sure, and they don’t want to get hurt and don’t want to enmesh themselves with somebody too quickly. It could be that they’re keeping their options open for other people as well. And that is the way that things are at the moment – it’s tricky.”

Whether taking it slow in a new relationship actually makes it more likely you’ll last as a couple, Simone is unsure – everyone is different, after all. “I’ve met people who fell in love quite quickly and they are still together 30 years later,” she adds. “I don’t think it’s necessarily the truth [that taking it slow means you’ll stay together]. [With couples like this it worked out] because they were the right fit, and their personalities work. But I do think there are some people who need to take it slower –ultimately, it’s different for every single relationship.”

When should you end a boring relationship?

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by champja/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Welcome to the newest addition to the Dear Prudence lineup: the Friday mini-column. At the end of the workweek, Prudie will answer two more questions from the mailbag. This week: offensive Facebook comments and dating dilemmas.

To get advice from Prudie, send questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.) Join the live chat every Monday at noon. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion. Or call the Dear Prudence podcast voicemail at 401-371-DEAR (3327) to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show.

Dear Prudence,

A not-especially-close friend of mine, “John,” posted a picture on Facebook of an intoxicated woman sitting next to him on an airplane. A few of the comments were alarming, but one stood out in particular. One of John’s friends, “Adam,” told him he should “cop a feel.” Then he added: “Put her legs up on your lap. See how far you can go. If she wakes up, BLAME IT ON HER.” I was so angry. I wrote that if John actually did this it, it would be assault. Adam said I should relax and that he was joking. He also wrote an odd comment about Harvey Weinstein being innocent.

I’ve looked Adam up, and he’s a vice president at an electronics company. He is in a place of power and privilege, and it kills me that he would publicly encourage a man to do that to a woman. I’ve written about the exchange on social media, but beyond that, what should I do? Do I contact his employer? I’m so tired of this. Only one man said anything against him on the post. Every woman I know has a story about sexual assault and harassment.

—Yelling Up the Ladder

Absolutely, you should share your concerns with Adam’s employer; this man publicly told another man to sexually assault an unconscious woman on an airplane and then blame it on her when she woke up, used his full name to do it, and then laughed it off when someone tried to challenge him on it. There’s no reasonable expectation of privacy here. Get in touch with his boss or HR and include screenshots of your conversation. You might also contact John and ask him to explain what exactly he found funny about Adam’s joke. It may be that you want to move him from “friend I’m not especially close with” to “ex-friend.”

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Check out dates and locations for our national tour. Tickets here.

Dear Prudence,

I met a guy on a dating app, and after a few weeks of hooking up, he told me he was developing feelings for me and asked if I’d be interested in a relationship. I was thrilled! I told him yes, and so far it’s been a dream. He’s funny, kind, cuddly, and dependable. But I’m 26, and he’s only 19. He dated only briefly in high school, but I’m his first “adult” relationship. I’m having reservations—if not for his age, I’d be very happy. But I’m worried I’m taking advantage of him. We talked about it, and he reassured me that age is just a number, to him we might as well be the same age (I’m a grad student in a different department; he’s an undergrad in college). But it’s still bothering me, and I know if he were a girl I’d be giving the guy some serious side-eye. Am I overthinking this? I’m otherwise very happy.

—Robbing the Cradle?

Most 19-year-olds are not going to say, “You’re right, I do think I’m too young for this relationship” when asked by their older partner. That’s why the responsibility for not taking advantage of young people is incumbent on older people. It’s also why the “she’s so mature for her age” or “he’s an old soul” line is such a tired cliché; the only people who fall for it are people who haven’t heard it trotted out a hundred times already. You’re not overthinking this. These are important questions you should be asking yourself and frankly should have asked yourself before you hooked up with a teenager. You’ve been 19, and you’ve been 26—do you think of those two ages as being roughly the same? Do you think this 19-year-old in his very first real relationship is going to be able to tell if he’s being taken advantage of? Why did you only start worrying about taking advantage of him after you two had slept together and got into a committed relationship? Are any of the other adults in your life side-eyeing you? Have you told them, or have you kept this relationship a secret? What other things are important to you when you think about how you’d like to conduct your romantic life than simply feeling happy? This doesn’t mean you have to think of yourself as either a good person who happened to stumble into a wonderful relationship with an incidental age gap or as a bad person who’s automatically hurting the guy you’re seeing. But you should be asking the other adults in your life for input, thinking seriously about your values, and interrogating your choices without looking for your 19-year-old boyfriend to reassure you that what you two are doing is awesome.

Catch up on this week’s Prudie.