Relationships Talk

Navigating the complicated world of dating was difficult enough, but now there are apps that match you to nameless people based on a picture and a few sentences they wrote about themselves. How is one to travel on such a road to love? We looked to the stars for answers, and found you these tips for using dating apps, based on your zodiac sign.

Aries: Have patience, child

Aries, the infant of the zodiac, is a red-faced, screaming, and demanding person. You want everything, and you want it NOW. That’s not how dating apps work. You won’t find the right person straight away, so getting frustrated and giving up easily is not going to help.

Taurus: You need to make more effort than saying “hey”

If Taureans were salespeople, they would straight up refuse to try to sell something to someone who doesn’t already want it. So, you’re really passive on dating apps, waiting for prospects to come to you on a silver platter. Face it: you need to do more than send a “hey”.

Gemini: Why are you obsessed with the ONE person who isn’t replying?

Gemini loves trouble. This sign gets bored when everything’s sweet and there’s no drama to stimulate their mind. All in all, Geminis prefer being in an overactive state. So, your profile could be full of potential love interests, but you’ll still be pining for the one who hasn’t replied in weeks. WHY?

Cancer: Go for the reliable and sweet person

Cancer is drawn to emotionally-turbulent people. That’s why Crabs tend to gravitate towards unreliable prospects who seem passionate. How about you go for the seemingly boring yet sweet person this time? Perhaps stability is better for your tender soul than volatile emotions.

Leo: Don’t string along a one-night stand because you love attention

Leos can’t say no when their ego is fed. Despite you normally acing the dating-app game, this is a big flaw. If you’re not interested, don’t keep hanging out with someone, because the attention they lavish on you is too good to pass up. You can really hurt people like this.

Virgo: Dating is about enjoying the ride, not forcing things to go your way

Virgo always has a checklist to live by, and dating is no different. Like clockwork, they go online when there is a purpose to be fulfilled, and they want it done ASAP. This is no fun for anyone, because the romantic, spontaneous parts of dating are missed out on.

Libra: The hottest profile picture is not necessarily the nicest person

Libra, you have an eye for beauty–but this also makes you shallow. You take things at face-value, often refusing to see people for more than their looks. This way you not only miss out on meeting great people, but often land up with unpleasant lovers hiding behind pretty faces.

Scorpio: Try not to start the conversation by sexting

We get it, you’re on this app for some wham, bam, thank you ma’am. However, common courtesy dictates that you at least say hello first. Coming on too strong is not only creepy and likely to turn the other person off, but it also does a disservice to everything you have to offer.

Sagittarius: Instead of party photos, put pictures from your travels on your profile

You’re full of soul, but that philosophical wanderer in you, which is what truly makes you unique, is often hidden away. Instead of trying to show off your “network” with party pictures, fill your profile with photos from your travel. They will speak for you, and convey the right message about what you seek in life.

Capricorn: Let people know you mean business from the beginning

On most dating apps, people don’t expect a person to be online looking for a permanent partner. But since you never waste time on flings, you have different ideas. Just make sure the other person is aware of your elaborate future plans, and is on the same boat!

Aquarius: You have more to offer than your unpredictability

You might think that being quirky and doing unexpected things is how you can get someone to be interested in you. But, it’s not. Pretending not to understand SMS language while texting, showing up in basketball shorts to a French bistro… these things aren’t really funny to most people, and can get annoying.

Pisces: Don’t be flaky if you want to be taken seriously

Inconsistency is not sexy. You can’t be really interested, then disinterested, then call someone again to see if they want to “hang out”, and then disappear into dreamland for a few weeks–only to come back and say that you want to marry them. It’s really confusing. Moreover, no one ever knows what’s going on with you, and unless the flaky behaviour changes, no one will want to.

Let me set this straight: A rental—be it a house, condo, or apartment—doesn’t have to be a holding pattern for your life until one day, maybe, you buy a place. A sofa you love? You should invest in it. A piece of art? Buy it. You’ll have it forever. Regardless of not owning the space, the space should still feel like your own.

This was my mindset when moving into a new rental last September. The small unit outside of New York City had potential, but I needed guidance and the right eye—someone who would know it is possible to transform a space with zero construction—to get there. I went on to try out Decorist, an online interior design service that pairs you with a designer based on your style, which allowed me to redo my living room from my phone. It was as easy (much easier, actually) as online dating: You fill out a questionnaire on your style, budget, and inspiration and then are matched with the best designer for your needs. After being paired with Jessica McCarthy, creative director at Decorist and as it turns out, my blush and brass-loving soulmate, the real fun began.

In working with a designer—which gave me a room I never could have created on my own—I ended up with the retro glam apartment of anyones dreams, and in the process learned six style secrets every renter should know.

Create an accent wall. Which, yes, can be renter friendly.

When it comes to accent walls, Jessica’s rule of thumb is to 1.) always do one and, 2.) make it the main wall in the space, the one you see when walking into the room. When Jessica first asked me my thoughts on wallpaper, my immediate answer was ‘yes’ followed by a, ‘but I live in a rental.’ Her solution here was non-permanent adhesive wallpaper, which has become increasingly popular for clients that are renting, since it easily peels off when ready for removal. I went with a pink floral print from Etsy, and since I don’t trust myself to actually install it (though there are a ton of DIY tutorials online), I hired a TaskRabbit who got it done in around two hours for $150, which was worth it for how it transformed the space.

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Get personal through art.

Nothing makes a space more unique to you than art. I loved this illustration of lips from Chairish, which Jessica suggested I hang on the accent wall above the sofa. And, yes, you can hang art on an accent wall. “This combination works because the art was a large scale graphic compared to the small printed wallpaper, which created balance and a beautiful juxtaposition in shape and pattern,” explains Jessica.

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Invest in practical furniture you love.

If and when you leave your apartment, your furniture can come with you. I told Jessica I wanted a sectional that was as stylish as it was comfortable, so she recommended this microsuede sofa from Bed Bath & Beyond—where mostly all of my furniture is from—and yes, it feels as good as it looks.

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“When figuring out what pieces to invest in, I always recommend looking at the large pieces in your space that you utilize the most,” said Jessica. For me, and many of Jessica’s clients, a sofa is the perfect example of a practical investment. “It’s important, especially if your current home is not your forever home, that the pieces you invest in will be able to fit in future homes that may be bigger or smaller. Don’t buy items in funky shapes or invest in something custom if you can see yourself moving in the near future,” she explains.

Maximize the space by taking advantage of empty walls.

When it comes to designing apartments or small spaces, Jessica never lets a wall go unused. “Because your space didn’t have a proper entryway, I saw this empty wall as a perfect spot to put a bench to set your purse down or take off your shoes, as well as a mirror to give yourself a final look before you leave the house,” she says.

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Style your bar cart with the rule of threes.

No one can pass up a bar cart moment, but especially one that’s styled as well as this. Jessica taught me about balance and more importantly, the golden rule of three. “The human eye is naturally drawn to items in threes, so when styling your bar cart, be sure to place them in sets of three,” she explains. And, alcohol isn’t the only thing to place on your bar cart. “Layer unexpected items to bring life and character to your bar cart. A plant, flowers, a stack of books, a framed art piece or personal photos are all great ways to do this,” says Jessica.

Here, Jessica used three bottles of liquor on the top and bottom of the bar cart.

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With an awkward window ledge, add a dramatic curtain wall.

“Apartments tend to lack architectural elements which add character to spaces. I felt a bit of harshness with the window and large rectangular wall and thought the perfect way to soften and add character was to create a faux wall of curtains,” says Jessica. The final touch in the apartment—and what tied the entire space together—was hanging curtains the entire distance of the wall and almost to the top of the ceiling, which made it hard to tell how big the window actually is and, well, isn’t. “This tricks the eye and adds a dramatic touch to the space that is cost effective and incredibly impactful,” explains Jessica.

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Reminder, this is what the space looked like before:

Danielle Tullo

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GENESEE COUNTY, MI – A donation from an outside source has upped the reward to $4,000 being offered by Crime Stoppers of Flint & Genesee County for information leading to an arrest in an unsolved murder case dating back nearly 20 years.

Anne Paetz, 23, was driving from Saginaw to the Montrose area at around 2 a.m. July 2, 1999 when she went missing.

Her body was found by a jogger around 7:45 a.m. July 2, 1999 on the side of Farrand Road in Thetford Township.

The location was roughly 15 miles from where her 1995 champagne-colored Ford Contour was found on M-57 around 2:40 a.m. the same morning, according to Flint Journal records. It had sustained damage to the right rear quarter panel but was still operational.

DNA of an unknown man was found on Paetz’s ring. Michigan State Police said they believed she punched her attacker in the nose. The DNA from the ring was put into a national database in 2009.

Michigan State Police Lt. David Kaiser previously told MLive-The Flint Journal that dozens of tips have come in her since her death including on Sept. 2, 2016 when a suspect was arrested on homicide and rape charges in connection to Paetz’s death.

However, the suspect’s DNA wound up not being a match and the murder case remains open. Kaiser commented Thursday afternoon he was not aware of any recent tips.

Anyone with information on Paetz’s murder is asked to contact Crime Stoppers at 1-800-422-JAIL (5245) on the P3 Tips app, or at P3Tips.com.

I’m a 32-year-old woman. I’ve always known I had it in me to be sexually and romantically attracted to all genders, but because of severe social pressure I chose/was forced onto the path of least resistance as a teen and ended up only dating cis male people. The social cost of me dating a girl in my country, in my family was just too high, and I didn’t HAVE to do that to find love and have relationships, so there we are. I’ve had one long-term relationship with a man as an adult (six years), and another one after that (eight years), which brings me to the present day. I’ve never had the chance to explore the side of me that’s attracted to female-presenting people, since both the men in these LTR were 100% straight and monogamous.

So now I’m 32 years old and quite experienced with hetero sex and a complete virgin when it comes to sex with any other gender than cis male. I’ve fooled around with women before, kissing and heavy petting and such, but nothing I would describe as sex. It doesn’t help that the lesbian cis women I personally know are… kind of mean about it? Obviously #notalllesbians, but every lesbian woman I’ve been close with has been very irritated by me identifying as bisexual if I haven’t had sex with women. My best friend recently snapped at me that I’m just a fake bisexual for attention if I’ve never acted on it. Another friend told me that being bisexual was a privilege and I had no right to “whine” about the difficult aspects of it to her. The two LGBTQ groups I’ve been part of were dominated by monosexual people who did not have many nice things to say about bisexual women. So while I’m sure this isn’t universal, it’s definitely a pattern for me personally and it hurts a lot.

So now I’m headed down a dark path where I’m becoming actively scared of approaching lesbian women. I’ve tried to find bisexual women through dating apps, but having a profile as a young-ish bisexual woman looking to experiment only seems to attract straight dudes looking for threesomes (which I’m actually open to, but these creeps sure do know how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory!) I guess other bisexual women have the same problem I do, because I can’t find them for the life of me. And I’m afraid monosexual women will be a little cruel about my inexperience and identity. Maybe going out there as a unicorn would help, but I’ve got the same anxiety about that. Like I said, this has been happening since I was a teen. It’s unsettling to be a sexually experienced virgin and I don’t know where to go from here. I’d like to pop my lady-cherry! But I don’t know how to find someone who won’t take my half-virginity as a sign that I’m faking bi for attention. I think I’m coming down with sexual impostor syndrome.

Not Faking

A married-to-a-man bisexual woman desperate for some girl-on-girl action—a woman also struggling with a host of other issues—wrote in a while back. I tried to put both her problem and her odds in perspective…

Most bisexual women aren’t out (bi men too) and most bisexual women are in opposite-sex relationships (bi men too)—and there are more bisexuals than there are gays or lesbians. Some studies have found that there are more bisexuals than gays and lesbians combined.

I suggested to Going Absolutely Insane that might want to seek out other bisexual women like her, since there are way more bi women than lesbian women, and I suggested she look for same-sex bi partners where most same-sexers (monosexual and otherwise) find their same-sex partners:

You’ll have to risk putting yourself out there, most likely online, which is where more than 70% same-sex relationships get their start—no risk, no reward, nothing ventured, nothing gained, no face pics, no response, etc.

But you already did that—you already put yourself out there online—and it didn’t help. You were overwhelmed by responses from creepy guys. Those responses plus the unhelpful/clueless comments of a few shitty/misinformed monosexuals and the sneering judgment of a few scary/insecure lesbians, NF, added up to a bad case of imposter syndrome.

What now? Well, instead of trying to work this one out myself, NF, I tossed your question out to Bisexual Twitter. I asked Bisexual Twitter to skip the obvious—some monosexuals are clueless, you need to get better friends—and share some practical tips. And Bisexual Twitter came through…

1) Set dating/hookup app settings to women only, even if you’re also into men. Drastically cuts down on energy wading thru bullshit.

2) Maybe don’t frame what you’re doing (to yourself or those women) as “experimenting”? You’re bi, you know it, you’re figuring out what it means.
— Rachel Alexander (@rachelwalexande) January 24, 2019

In my experience, viewing dating & sex with women as important things that are fundamental to who I am, and not experimenting (even tho it’s new! and scary!) helped a lot with taking myself seriously and having confidence.

Also, seek out other bi people, esp newly out ones?
— Rachel Alexander (@rachelwalexande) January 24, 2019

Also reading writing (fiction/non) by other bi women about being bi was super validating for me when I had a mental breakdown about all of this shit in my earlier 20s.

Check out Malinda Lo (YA sci-fi/fantasy), various queer lit lists. Surround yourself with bi women positivity.
— Rachel Alexander (@rachelwalexande) January 24, 2019

“Not Faking’s” experiences are sadly so, so common. My advice is she find 1) a bi+ community and support group to empathize w/ & keep her going (social media is actually a great resource to start if she can’t find them IRL)… /1
— Alexandra Bolles (@anorianb) January 24, 2019

& 2) the right person to explore her sexuality with. Apps are def hard for all the reasons she mentioned. Being a “unicorn” might be an overwhelming way to start. Finding someone you feel you can trust & communicate with can help. Consider @_personals_ !
— Alexandra Bolles (@anorianb) January 24, 2019

Also, @BRC_Central has some great resources available online & in person, depending where “Not Faking” lives. Wish she could DM me for more info!
— Alexandra Bolles (@anorianb) January 24, 2019

Having that I’m bi right in the profile cut down on the number of women I had to interact with that share the ‘just faking it view’. Start asking your so called friends if they identified as asexual before they were ever sexually active since experience seems to be the only proof
— Morgan (@byte366) January 24, 2019

Dating sites. It has to be a dating site. The thing is that women in queer communities can be unbelievably cliquey and clannish, so the sweet individuals like you (and I) generally don’t break in. Dating sites are how we find each other. OkCupid can be good.
— ellegaunt (@ellegaunt) January 24, 2019

As a bisexual who came to bisexuality late (I was over 40 the first time I slept with a guy for various reasons) I’d say her best bet is to just not tell people. Most hookup aren’t going to inquire too closely about your sexual history. Don’t volunteer the information
— Trevor Antczak (@TrevorAntczak) January 24, 2019

1) try a dating app focused on lgbt women. I personally use her and while it’s a mixed bag I haven’t had anyone screech at me for being bi/nb. Plus it has a forum on sfw topics which might help ease OP into pursing sex with people who aren’t cismen.
— 💋 (@clownkin_) January 24, 2019

I say that cuz if I had that kind of push back, I’d freak out trying to date or hookup with anyone, so easing into it might be easier long term.
— 💋 (@clownkin_) January 24, 2019

The queer dating pool is a little smaller. It can take a lot of time to find the right person who won’t judge you or box you into a stereotype. Don’t let anyone tell you what you are or aren’t!
— Julie Anton (@julieanton) January 24, 2019

Sounds painfully familiar. Practically, I would suggest looking into a kink scene if possible. I’ve found it far more bi-friendly than nearly every other queer space.
— Guy New York (@Quickiesnewyork) January 24, 2019

She should definitely get better friends. depending on where she lives she may also be able to join bi-only social groups where she can meet other bi women who will prob be more approachable. On dating apps, don’t bring up inexperience immediately, broach it after a few exchanges
— What May Come (@katspawprint) January 24, 2019

And finally, NF, a great thread—some great personalized advice for you—from the folks at Still Bisexual…

Dear Not Faking,

First, you are #StillBisexual if you’ve never had any same-sex experience just like lesbians are still gay when they’ve never had any same-sex experience.
— Still Bisexual (@StillBisexual) January 24, 2019

If you can’t find support for your identity amongst your lesbian friends, turn to your straight friends. They can often be more accepting and open-minded.
— Still Bisexual (@StillBisexual) January 24, 2019

As for dating, please let me know what town you live in and I will try to connect you with local bisexuals. Keep in mind the problem isn’t being a virgin—lots of women would love to be your first—it’s the external biphobia you have to overcome to find a same-sex partner.
— Still Bisexual (@StillBisexual) January 24, 2019

Follow Still Bisexual on Twitter @StillBisexual.

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