Category Archives: Dating Advice
Opinion | Instant come-on an instant turnoff for online dating newbie: Ask Ellie – TheSpec.com
Next, research the various apps for style as well as content, e.g. a one-minute exchange after looking at profile photos is not a conversation, and “likes” based on minimal information don’t make for a connection.
That said, there are people who only want hookups and no emotional intimacy. Fair for them.
But for those hoping to have a real connection with someone, beware the sudden come-on to enter a situation where you have no control in another’s private space.
No, current dating mores haven’t all gone to hookup hell. It was always possible in the modern era for women and men alike to have sex on a date. But now it’s more immediately available through instant-gratification technology.
Yet you still can’t “know” someone until you meet as equals, in a public space, with the freedom to either stay or go at will.
Q: My boyfriend of seven years has two adult children and an ex-wife. They talk often by text and phone.
His kids and I have a wonderful relationship. His wife and I get along very well. My partner gets giddy when she’s around. He recently said that, because a couple of my kids struggle with life, that I must be the problem, my parenting is bad, etc.
He doesn’t want me to associate with his kids anymore as I’m “a bad influence.” It was like a dagger to the heart.
My kids weren’t allowed at our place for Christmas Eve and I went out because his wife would be here with their kids and I’d be watching their family from the outside.
He knew I was upset and how much I love his kids. I’m unsure how to address this without packing and leaving, and NOT RETURNING this time even though I love him so much!
Undecided
A: I appreciate that it’s very hard to consider leaving a man and his children whom you love. But he’s suddenly turned on you in an extremely hurtful way, almost pushing you to leave.
It seems obvious to me that he has some motive — whether a reconnection with his ex, or interest in someone else, or some other reason for this sudden, mean announcement with no discussion beforehand.
Insist that he explain himself further. If he continues to shut you out — and your kids (which is unconscionable!) — see a lawyer or legal aid clinic about your common-law rights regarding financial and legal responsibilities between you two as partners to date.
Ellie’s tip of the day
Don’t let social media and dating app approaches demean who you are and what you want from dating.
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.
Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.
Twitter: @ellieadvice
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Turned Off
Undecided
Twitter: @ellieadvice
Abby: Friend working 3 jobs envies man on easy street – The Detroit News
Dear Abby: I am having issues with a friend who gets handed most everything he wants. I had to grow up when I was very young, pay my own way for things and take care of myself. I work three jobs to pay my rent in a house with four other people while still pursuing my passion.
This friend is unemployed. He lives in an apartment his parents pay for and goes on frequent road trips. I have reached a point where I have become seriously envious, and I’m not sure how to stop feeling frustrated that he has an easier life than I do.
I care about our friendship, but it’s physically painful sometimes when he talks about these luxuries that I can’t afford. Should I cut off the relationship? Is this something I should talk about with him or something I need to work on myself?
Envious in New York
Dear Envious: Why not do both? Tell him how his going on and on about his “luxuries” makes you feel. If that doesn’t increase his sensitivity to the disparity in your situations, you have my permission to end the relationship.
HOWEVER, while you are working on yourself, please understand that your friend’s parents are doing him no favors. “Children” raised without an incentive to succeed are not often successful in life. They don’t have the tools you have. You are independent. He isn’t. Rather than work to build success in a profession, he’s taking road trips. You know the value of hard work, and with each of the jobs you work, you are gaining experience and focus.
From my perspective, if I had to say which of you is richer, it is you. Step back and you will recognize you have nothing to be jealous about, and you’ll be able to change your thinking.
Dear Abby: I have been dating a man for a few months, and we really seem to have hit it off. I recently found out that he has been hiding some information about his home life that isn’t flattering to him. Should I tell him that I’m aware of this information or dismiss it?
Uncertain in Arizona
Dear Uncertain: Do not dismiss it. Talk to him about it, if only to find out if the information you were given was accurate. (It may not be.) However, if he has deliberately misled you, recognize it’s time to end the relationship.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Read or Share this story: https://www.detroitnews.com/story/life/advice/2019/01/09/abby-friend-working-jobs-envies-man-easy-street/38871301/
Why Dating App Bumble’s Astrology Sign Filter Won’t Help You Find Love – Allure Magazine
The dating app Bumble has a new feature that allows you to filter matches based on their zodiac sign. According to Tech Crunch, the idea behind the new filter seems to be as follows: “Remember that horrible Virgo ex of yours? Well, now you never have to deal with another Virgo again by simply filtering them out!”
Another way of looking at it would be to say that people should choose their dates by signs. For example, as a Scorpio, some would say that another water sign (like a Cancer or Pisces) would be the best match for me, so I should use the feature to only match with fellow water signs. However, not only does this demonstrate an outdated understanding of astrology on Bumble’s part, but — speaking as a sex and relationship journalist with a decade of experience, as well as a practicing witch — such a feature is going to make it harder, not easier, for you to find good matches and potential partners. Here’s why you should swipe left on this feature.
This new feature is simply a bad idea, romantically speaking.
It makes sense that Bumble would add this feature to capitalize on the trending interest in the occult, but let’s think about why dating apps exist: to help you meet people, most often with a sexual or romantic interest in mind. Most folks currently using dating apps in the age of #MeToo and Time’s Up can attest to the rampant difficulties in finding someone who piques your interest, who you’re attracted to, who actually makes an effort to set up a date, and who is also a decent person. It’s a numbers game, and this feature does not improve the odds of finding someone you really connect with.
If Bumble had found a way to filter out people with a history of abusive behavior, or who is lying on their profile and actually cheating (and not just in an open relationship), that might make some progress when it comes to protecting all us single folks from harm. However, to cross out all Libras just because you once dated one who left a bad taste in your mouth (pun…intended?) slices away one out of every 12 potential matches for a pretty arbitrary reason. Most of us are in a place where we could use more chances for love, not fewer, so let’s not cancel people based on their sun sign alone.
It’s also a bad idea, astrologically speaking.
There’s nothing wrong with identifying with your sun (star) sign, also known as the answer you give when someone asks, “What’s your sign?” I’m a Scorpio and relate to many Scorpio traits — I admit that sometimes I do come across as the sex and death-obsessed jealous person that we get a bad reputation for. However, I, along with every other human on the planet, am so much more than my sun sign. While this part of the chart serves as a great ice breaker and a fun introduction to astrology, it does not represent an entire person, nor does it represent how well you’ll get along with someone else.
If you want to truly understand your entire self (or your date) astrologically, you need to take into account the entire birth chart. You can learn everything about your natal chart as long as you know your birth date, time, and location. Then, plug the info in on a website such as Astro.com or an app such as TimePassages. While there is knowledge to be found in sun signs, there’s so much more to learn when you become aware of other areas of your chart, such as your moon sign and your rising sign. Your rising sign is “the mask” you wear to the world while your moon sign is your “mushy center” (and it’s huge when it comes to love compatibility).
Different Types of Kisses – 11 Best Kissing Styles and What They Mean – Seventeen.com
Instagram/Getty Images/Margaret Flatley
So maybe you’ve mastered the perfect French kiss at this point and you’re ready for something more. (BTW, if you don’t feel like you’re there quite yet, don’t worry, we got you.) Maybe you’re looking for ways to make your hookup sessions a little more interesting or you’re just getting tired of your standard makeouts. Either way, here are 11 ways to spice up your kisses.
Lip Kiss
A lip kiss might sound pretty basic, but it’s actually a playful and intimate move to leave your partner wanting more. Just kiss your partner’s top lip while they kiss your bottom (or switch it up).
French Kiss
Ah, the tried and true French kiss. A good makeout involves just the right amount of tongue, saliva, and movement. It definitely takes some practice to master, so don’t be afraid to try out different techniques. Just remember: less is more.
Forehead Kiss
Though a simple smooch on the forehead might not be the ~sexiest~ of kisses, it’s an adorable and tender one. A forehead kiss is usually shared with a special someone because of its affectionate and caring nature.
Neck Kiss
If you’re in the middle of a hot and heavy makeout sesh with your bae, you’ll probably want to go in for a few neck kisses. This move is sensual AF, and can totally take things to the next level.
Peck Kiss
If you give someone a peck, you’re leaning in for a simple, light kiss. Make sure your lips are super soft! It might be the least romantic of kisses, but don’t worry, if your crush gives you a quick smooch, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the friend zone.
Retailer
Cheek Kiss
In many cultures, cheek kisses are friendly ways to greet a family, friend or someone new — not just your bae. But it can also be a comforting gesture from your S.O. or a polite way to gauge a romantic interest.
Bite Kiss
If you want to take your French kiss a step further, incorporate a nibble into the kiss. Very gently bite on your partner’s tongue or lip mid-makeout, and see how your boo reacts. Start off slow, since you won’t know for sure if your partner is into it.
Hand Kiss
Simply taking someone’s hand and kissing the top of it might be corny and remind you of a romantic movie scene, but it’s also pretty adorable. Try it with your partner as a way to ease into a more passionate kiss.
Lizard Kiss
This type of kiss is basically the more intense version of a French kiss. To execute a lizard kiss, stick your tongue in and out of your partner’s mouth at a quick pace. It’s certainly not for everyone, but worth trying to add some fun to your kissing session. You never know — your S.O. might love it!
Earlobe Kiss
To get your partner excited, you might start your makeout session with a kiss or nibble on the earlobe. Ears have lots of nerve endings that make them super sensitive to touch, so gently sucking or tugging on the area will drive your bae crazy.
