Category Archives: Dating Advice

Carolyn Hax: Isolated by controlling girlfriend – seattlepi.com

Published

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared on Aug. 8, 2004.

Dear Carolyn:

I love my girlfriend — although she says I never say it enough. I have always been faithful, but occasionally I will get a call from exes with whom I have remained friends. Most of the time, I don’t even pick up the phone. Afterward, my girlfriend lets me have it for allowing them to call. She says they are not respecting her by calling. I have introduced her to a few of these girls. We argue for hours on this.

She has even made comments about my parents calling and bothering us; they would call once a week, but now don’t because they know she doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like my friends to send emails, either. I have told her these people mean nothing to me but friendships, and she is who I want to be with.

— Isolated in Arkansas

So which is it — the bottomless arguing, the jealousy, the lambasting for innocent behavior, or the alienation of everyone else you care about that makes her so lovable?

You aren’t a doting boyfriend, you’re an abuse victim. You can both dress it up as love, devotion, respect or some other romantic gesture so that you’ll feel obliged to comply, but what she’s demanding of you is servitude to her emotional problems.

Your parents can’t call once a week. Wow.

I don’t doubt she can justify each stand she has taken. Maybe your parents aren’t nice to her. Maybe an ex or two flirts. Maybe you spend less time with her than you do online. In any of these cases, a plea for respect would make sense.

But when everyone who touches your life offends your girlfriend, and when every offense brings a demand that you sever an emotional tie, and when so many ties have been severed that she’s the only one you have left, it’s no longer a bunch of trees — it’s a forest. Walk away. Call 800-799-SAFE if you have trouble making it out.

Dear Carolyn:

I am not interested in casual dating and would like to find one great man to date. But I keep meeting people who are interested only in dating multiple people. Is there any way to tell if a man wants a committed relationship without outright asking, which seems desperate? I would just rather not waste my time dating someone who isn’t open to the idea of committing.

— Washington

I was going to say the best way to tell was to casually date multiple people, but now it’ll just sound facetious. And I wouldn’t want that.

Fortunately, there’s no limit to the ways this same point can be made (as I seem bent on proving).
The way to find “one great man to date” is to get to know a bunch of men well enough to see who among them is great. That requires getting to know a bunch of men. Since there’s no one right approach, pick your venue: work, church, bar, volunteer gig, friends’ parties, alumni association, team, commitmentphobe-phobia support group, multiple casual dates.

And if you regard each person you meet, male or female, for whatever purpose, as one stage in a long education, I think (/hope) you’ll stop using “desperate” and “waste of time.”

''Not dating has always made me feel inadequate'' – Boston.com

Dear Meredith,

I am a 23-year-old college graduate who has never been in a relationship. I struggled with mental health issues and making friends in high school and college, but found my way to friendships and health. Now I feel stuck with dating.

I had major crushes on two guys in college and one on someone I met at work. With all of them, things didn’t work out and they were either gay or not interested. Some guys have expressed interest either directly or indirectly and I haven’t been interested in them. I feel like I’ve been unlucky, and I’m fairly late to the game – and not dating has always made me feel inadequate. I feel strongly that I want to meet someone in person and not online, but understand that ultimately online dating is something I’m going to have to try given my desire to connect with someone and the reality that I haven’t been lucky yet. Any practical advice?

– Frustrated Late Bloomer

Online dating isn’t for everyone. We’ve learned from other letter writers that it can make a person feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and more than a little bit confused. That said, there’s something to be said for quantity. When you’re swiping on an app, everything feels a little less “major.” You can have small wins (a match or short conversation) without feeling like it’s all or nothing.

I understand why you see these apps as a last resort, but it’s important that you ditch that attitude. The process might be a little bit fun. Think about signing up in the presence of a friend so it feels more social.

Also, please know that even though you feel like a late bloomer, it’s not helpful to give yourself that label – especially to strangers. Some 23-year-olds have had significant relationships, but many haven’t. Those who’ve been coupled might be insecure about how little time they’ve spent being single. Really, we’re all inexperienced at something. It’s kind of comforting when you think about it.

– Meredith

Readers? Dating tips? Thoughts on meeting people in real life vs. apps? (Made me think of this October letter.)

Know Your Journalist: Six Lessons PR Pros Can Learn From Online Dating – Forbes

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In banking, it’s important to “know your customer” in order to reduce fraud and risk of money laundering and other financial crime. However, in marketing, it’s important for public relations (PR) professionals to “know your journalist” in order to do your job right.

The field of media relations is changing. News is no longer only spread through institutional channels like newspapers and radio. Now, almost anyone with internet access can have their voice heard by the internet population. It’s no secret that print media and traditional news outlets are suffering, maybe even dying.

Believe it or not, PR professionals can learn a lot from the dog-eat-dog world of online dating. It can be a minefield of potential faux pas. Here are some tips to convince that special journalist in your life that you are “the one”:

Know Your Journalist (KYJ)

Online stalking gets a bad rap. If you learn how to strike the right balance, it can be an invaluable tool in relationship-building. Take the time to read journalists’ work. This doesn’t just mean their bylined articles. Instead, delve into their personal blog and website, and uncover their rants and raves on social media.

Forget The Cold Open

Based on my experience, emails that come out of the blue are more likely to be ignored. Find some common ground to establish a virtual relationship so that, when they receive an email from you, they are familiar with your name and more likely to open your email.

Usually, journalists will be open about what channels they want to be contacted through for pitches, and some are not shy about specifying where you should not pitch them. You’re more likely to overstep their boundaries by reaching out to their personal Facebook page or sliding in a direct message on Instagram. Identify their preferred channels, like Twitter or LinkedIn, and engage with care and thoughtfulness. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how, where and when you would like to receive pitches from PR professionals.

Ditch The Spray-And-Pray Strategy

Sending blanket emails with 50 journalists on a bcc list or choosing to “copy and paste” canned pitches won’t get you very far. In the dating world, a screenshot of messages exchanged could ruin someone’s life if shared in a group chat — or worse, make it onto the evening news.

In PR, you can’t afford to be careless or sloppy with your pitch. If you accidentally refer to a journalist by the wrong name or mention the wrong publication, simply because you were messaging multiple journalists with the same pitch, they might shame you online with a screenshot of your pitch, which could potentially damage your online reputation. These are clear indicators of a canned pitch that was sent to dozens or hundreds of journalists.

Instead, do your due diligence and make sure the reporter covers the right beat, that they haven’t already covered your story and that your pitch doesn’t include self-serving rhetoric. Invest time to tailor a custom pitch to demonstrate that you respect their time and have done your homework in advance. And do not — I repeat, do not — send the same email to a bunch of their colleagues. Often, journalists will forward pitches to their colleagues in case it’s better suited for them. So, if they see that you have spammed their entire team, you could be blacklisted forever.

Avoid Too Much Information (TMI)

Journalists are busy, working to meet tight deadlines. The last thing they want to see is an email that contains a sea of text. They just do not have the time to sift through paragraph after paragraph of industry jargon.

Keep your language plain and conversational. There’s no need to show off. Make sure they can get to the heart of the story without having to dig. If they want more information, they will ask you.

LTRs Only 

In the online dating world, LTR stands for long-term relationship. For both sides to get what they need out of it, the collaboration can’t be just a “one and done.”

All relationships — be it personal or professional — require nurturing to strengthen over time. This is done by demonstrating reliability, honesty and respect. Offer to help them, even when it doesn’t directly benefit you. Refer them to other professionals and sources. Engage, share and highlight their content online.

Don’t Let Your Type A Personality Get The Best Of You

Carefully crafting a personalized pitch to a journalist only to get “OK. — Sent from my iPhone” in response can be frustrating. But then again, any response versus no response is a success in my book.

Journalists have a lot on their plates: swathes of PR emails, strict deadlines, a heavy workload and enormous pressure. Patience is the most valuable virtue. You can’t control what a journalist does with their time. You can, however, control the way you respond to it. Avoid coming off as a spurned lover. Your understanding will get you further than anger. If they have a whole folder of unread emails from you that keeps growing, prepare to be ghosted. Let it go, and grow other relationships.

Even a great pitch can fall flat if it lacks the one magic element: heart. We all think our story is the most important story. Stories that resonate, that stand out in publications, matter to people. Before signing off, let the journalist know how this story will impact people’s lives. But maybe leave out the “XOXO.”

Checkout Shah Rukh Khan’s dating advice to daughter Suhana – Newsd.in

Shah Rukh Khan has completed more than 25 years in the film industry. In these 25 years, the superstar has played different characters. He started off his film journey by playing negative roles; however, after Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, his image completely changed and he got termed as the romantic actor of Bollywood. With time and the kind of films he did, SRK got the title of ‘King of Romance’ from the audience.

With films like DDLJ, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Veer-Zaara, Mohabbatein, Dil Se, Dil Toh Pagal Hai and many others, he proved that no one can romance on screen the way he does. He has given people their Rahul and Raj who are the epitome of romantic characters in Hindi films. While the audience loves how Shah Rukh opens his arms and makes one feel special just with one glance through his romantic eyes, the actor feels otherwise.

In an interview with Indian Express, SRK was asked if he behaves the way his characters does in film or if his daughter ever meets a guy like Rahul, what they exactly mean to him.

Khan said, “What is the essence of romance? To make somebody feel it at a particular moment in time. Personally, I’m not like that. If I stood with my arms open and sang a song in front of my wife, probably she’d throw me out of the house. I told my daughter, that if a guy meets you and says, ‘Rahul, naam toh suna hoga’, he’s a stalker. If a boy looks at you across a room at a party and says, ‘Aur paas, aur paas’, go kick him in the shins. But in the film, if I’m able to activate an element of innocence and make it attractive, the role gets reinvented by itself.”

In his recently released film ZERO, Shah Rukh Khan has taken romance to another level. The film also stars Anushka Sharma and Katrina Kaif.