Category Archives: Dating Advice
Councillors go against advice of heritage officers to approve housing plan – Bradford Telegraph and Argus
COUNCILLORS have approved a controversial housing application, despite advice from their own heritage officers.
Cliffe View in Allerton is a cul de sac containing a number of Grade II listed buildings, some dating back to the 1800s.
Plans to build a “modest” single storey house on an area of waste land next to 19 Cliffe View were first granted by Bradford Council in 2009.
Construction recently started, but work was stopped after concerns were raised that the plans were different to what had originally been approved. A planning application was then submitted to increase the size of the previously approved property.
The application, by Iftikhar Ali, attracted a number of objections from neighbours, and was heavily criticised by the Council’s heritage officers, who said the new, larger home would harm the setting of the surrounding listed buildings.
They said: “The proposed dwelling is wholly incompatible with its context. It makes minimal effort to integrate. The impact on the setting of the listed buildings must be the primary planning consideration, and it would be expected that any development would maintain or enhance the setting of the listed buildings.
“There is no apparent public benefit in the proposed scheme to offset the significant harm which it would cause to the setting of the listed buildings.”
The plans went before Bradford Council’s Bradford Area Planning Panel last week, with members advised to refuse the application to protect the heritage of the area. But members went against advice of their own officers, and approved the plans.
At one point during their discussion, when it appeared the committee would unanimously pass the application, the Council’s legal advisor had to remind them that as Councillors that part of their duty was to protect the district’s listed buildings.
The changes include adding first floor accommodation – meaning the size of the property would increase from 3.8 metres to 5.9 metres.
Despite the recommendations, members of the panel said they had no problem with the building’s proposed design, with many saying it was an improvement over the originally approved single storey house. They felt it would not harm the appearance of the area more than the already approved design.
Chair Shabir Hussain (Lab, Manningham), said: “The first design looks atrocious to me, it should never have been passed. I think this design looks a lot better.”
Some members said the only problem they had with the application was the materials used, and asked the developer if stone could be used instead of render.
When it came to the vote three members voted to refuse the plans and three voted to approve them. Chair Cllr Hussain cast the deciding vote, allowing the larger house to be built.
Relationship advice: Heal the wound first, focus on repairing the friendship – Hindustan Times
Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems? Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to something that you can’t find a solution to. From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.
I have a crush on a guy in my class. We keep bumping into each other at least two or three times a day. We were good friends before but we recently had a fight. Now, I don’t know if he still has a crush on me. If no, then how should I impress him? — TS
TS, I once went to a Chinese restaurant in Beijing. But I really struggled to order anything. That’s because the menu was in Mandarin. Finally out of desperation I pointed at a dish on another table. Promptly the dish and the man were brought and seated at my table. Your facts are all very sketchy. You say you were friends, and then you had a fight. But what was the fight about? Was there any name calling? Any hair pulling? And why do you want to impress him if he’s not talking to you? And how would you even do that, by wearing his favourite shirt? By getting him a free subscription to Netflix? By growing 4 inches taller? Let’s focus with the now. Approach him, and find out why he’s upset, specifically. Give him a little attention, try, and, heal the wound first. Let’s repair the friendship. The ‘Crush’ will have to wait.
I am a 29-year-old guy working in a private company. I had undergone heart surgery two years back and I am now living a normal life. However, now, I am afraid to be in a relationship with anyone, as I think that the girl I like might not accept me the way I am. Please help. — RS
Looks like they were treating the wrong organ. It’s not your heart, but your mind that needs help. Don’t you remember that beautiful fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson, where a toad with heart surgery, grows up to be a beautiful swan? (Okay, I may have mixed up 3 separate fairy tales and one story on financial embezzlement from Wall Street as well). But finally yours is a question I can answer. It’s all fairly simple. First and foremost, and the only thing you need to do is, accept yourself the way you are. That is, heart surgery and all. The cliché is true. No one’s perfect. Except may be Aamir Khan. Oh and Roger Federer, also may be Kim Jong Un. But by and large we all carry our own secret surgeries. So love thyself please. Then and only then will girls follow.
I recently met this girl at a friend’s party. We both spoke and had almost instant chemistry. However, I don’t really know if I have started liking her or is this just a passing cloud feeling. We talk to each other almost every day and like each other’s company. What should I do? — VS
VS, Paul Van Muteen, the Dutch agrarialial scientist, was the one who grew a mustard plant in cotton and water. It was he who explained that the most important dynamic in this combination was time. It’s also how the Judge explained to Charles Manson the concept of life imprisonment. In fact ‘time’, is the answer you are looking for, Mr.VS. Also let me stress by ‘Time’, I don’t mean the magazine, but instead I speak of the concept with the same name. Since you talk to each other every day, and enjoy each other’s company, let ‘time’, do its thing. Time will give you your answer. It worked for the mustard seem, it worked for the magazine it’ll also work for you.
I am in love with this senior at my college. However, I am not really sure if he is single. We speak to each other during college hours. I wanted to know how should I get this friendship going so that I could know him better and then confess my feelings. Please help. — KR
KR, the ancient Greek Philosophers, and I mean ancient, (Diogenes would have been 2,178 years old today for instance), had discovered over 645 cues in our body language that hinted at deep feelings. For example, pulling hard at your right earlobe for more than 40 seconds. Blowing air into your palms, and then rubbing the same palms on your face. Pulling your trousers up above your navel. (Oh yes, the ancient Greeks wore trousers). My point, KR, is watch his body language for tell-tale signs that he’s more than interested. And about the ‘single’, part, just ask him. If you want to be indirect, just mention how you love being free and single, he’s bound to counter his position. In cricketing terms, “watch the ball”. The signs are all out there. We just need to read them. Now for a general comment. To all H.T. readers a Merry X’mas, and a Happy New Year. And to non HT readers, “if you are not an HT Reader how come you are reading this”?
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First Published: Dec 26, 2018 12:30 IST
Discerning boyfriend is no Mr. Darcy – Detroit Free Press
Dear Amy: My boyfriend is extremely discerning, and I am not. When he cooks something, it’s after he’s watched 50 YouTube videos and read up on the history of the dish so that he knows the backstory of every aspect of it.
I enjoy cooking, but I keep it simple. Everything “Boyfriend” does has to be the best, the fanciest, the most gourmet, and while he’s never said anything insulting (it is purely in his demeanor), I can feel him look down on the simpler way I do things.
This happens with everything. When we watch a movie, I don’t analyze it as much as he does. When we drink coffee, I can’t taste the difference in acidity as well as he does.
I’m basically OK with things that are … mediocre.
I love this man very much, but I constantly feel out of my league. Sometimes I can let go and just learn from him because he does know so much, but most times it makes me feel inadequate. It seems he’s never admiring or learning from me. It has gotten to the point where I don’t want to share things with him because he overpowers everything.
I’ll cook on my own when he’s not here. I’ll listen to my subpar, repetitive (yes I know!) pop music when I’m driving alone.
His family members are not mean and intentionally condescending, and often I get “enlightened” to better techniques, and I always feel slighted and unnecessary.
What can I do to make the relationship seem more balanced? Am I just out of my league?
– Middlin’
Dear Middlin’: If your guy were only an obsessive cook I’d suggest that you sit back and enjoy his expertise. But, according to you, his demand for “excellence” applies to ALL things.
In some respects, I feel sorry for the guy. He will never know the exquisite joy of a ballpark hotdog, topped with sauerkraut and bright yellow mustard. He will never “get” the steering wheel thumping ecstasy of a great Katy Perry hook.
He’s missing a lot of miracles that even you deride as “mediocre.” Stop stooping to his level. There is beauty in the quotidian. It is exhausting to have to be educated about everything.
Read more:
The key sentence in your question is: “It has gotten to the point where I don’t want to share things with him because he overpowers everything.”
That’s not a middlin’ problem. That’s a big one. Many very successful couples have very different tastes. But until you both stop seeing your taste as “wrong,” I don’t see much long-term hope for this relationship.
Ask him to reflect on his own behavior. Can he laugh about his own obsessiveness? Can your Mr. Darcy learn to truly love you exactly as you are?
You should find out.
Dear Amy: My wife had an affair with a man that began two years after we married and continued (on and off) for the next 20 years (which is when I found out about it).
She said she would not see him again, and she hasn’t.
I have just found out that they have regular phone conversations. Sometimes they talk just once a year on her birthday, other times more frequently.
She says there is nothing wrong since they are now just friends.
I say that a continued relationship with this man is just wrong.
What do you think?
– Troubled
Dear Troubled: I agree. I suppose that – compared to 20 years of infidelity – you’re “supposed” to feel that an annual phone call isn’t so egregious, and yet, you find this hurtful – and on this point, your feelings should carry greater weight than hers.
The classic and best “take” on this is the book, “Not ‘Just Friends’: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity,” by researcher and therapist Shirley P Glass, with Jean Coppock Staeheli (2004, Atria Books).
This would provide valuable insight into your feelings. Share this with your wife.
Dear Amy: In your written response to “Wondering Grand,” you said: “If you sent the check with a note addressed to both HE and his wife …” To HE?
I see and hear the misuse of objective pronouns (“from Bob and I”) every day, but I honestly expected better from someone as articulate as you.
– Upset!
Dear Upset!: I am somewhat flattered by your shock at my mistake. I only wish my error had been caught before publishing.
Many, many readers noticed this and wrote in to gently (or not so gently) correct me. Thank you all!
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamyamydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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How To Get A Girl To Like You By Honing These Dominant Personality Traits | Apollonia Ponti – YourTango
These guys know exactly what to say and do with the ladies.
As a man, you are always wondering why women don’t just come out and tell you what they want in dating and relationships. But, it’s not that easy. If you knew how to attract women, it would become repetitive and boring. Then, you wouldn’t be able to spot that special woman out of the millions that are out there and find true love!
What personality traits do women want in a potential partner?
Typically, as a man, you want to feel as though the woman respects you, honors you, and, sexually desires you. You’re thinking that this whole dating this could be so much easier, so why do women have a hundred other things that they want from a man?
But, the truth is, the secret for how to get a girl to like you and figuring out what women want in relationships is relatively simple: Women just want to see what you’re all about before falling in love with you.
Some men believe dating advice that is completely false. For example, they believe that women won’t be attracted to them if they don’t have money. Does money help a guy’s status? Sure. But if you don’t have a list of other great personal attributes, a well put-together woman isn’t going to put up with you anyway. Money will only keep her around temporarily.
A man who thinks that he has to be rich and buy women things is lacking confidence in himself, but a man with healthy self-esteem and money knows that his value and worth don’t depend on his bank account.
When a man says women are only attracted to money, he usually fits into two categories: He’s been hurt before and just came out of a really bad breakup or divorce, or was played by a woman who was also a gold digger.
Men also believe that in order to attract women, you have to be tall, which is crazy and ridiculous! A woman in her early 20’s might be attracted to a man that’s tall and/or well-off but it’s because she’s finding out a lot about herself. Typically, this is the time and age in which a woman just likes to have fun. She’s exploring new things about herself and her life, and she does not want to settle down yet.
She also knows that this is her prime time, she can basically have any man, and is not worried about settling down, which makes her even more attractive. Women are just intrigued by a man’s height because it does not happen often.
In regards to building a sustainable emotional connection with a man, a mentally-mature woman does not care about your height. It’s about how you view yourself and how you position yourself, which is something we will go over a little further down, is what attracts women!
If you want to know how to get a girl to like you, here are 11 dominant personality traits and characteristics that attract women and make them fall in love.
1. Purposeful
Most relationship advice will tell you that confidence is an irresistible trait. But, it’s hard to have confidence when you are not aligned with your purpose. Having a purpose means having your eye on something that fulfills you and not letting anyone stand in the way of that. The meaning of purpose can be broken down into this: Productive Understanding by Right Picking Of Someone’s Excellence.
This does not mean that you have to quit your 9-5 and start something that fulfills you. No, it means planning and investing time in what fulfills you. What is your passion and how can you start investing time in it? Finding your purpose can take time, but it requires you to be honest with yourself.
2. Honest
Being unapologetically honest shows confidence and also shows a woman that you have a lot of dignity. Having your own opinion shows a woman that you aren’t just trying to impress and please her.
Of course, you want to respect her but you also have to challenge her. When you do this, she understands that you have a sense of pride and are grounded in who you are. When you are open to communication and showing honesty, it builds an emotional connection with a woman.
3. Courteous
It’s very attractive when you have a sense of pride in the way you treat others. In a woman’s mind, this is a direct reflection of your character and future respect for her. So, if both of you are out to dinner and you’re being rude to your waiter, then this is a big red flag for us!
4. Smart
A woman wants to be able to have conversations with a man that she can exchange with and learn from. She wants a man that will be able to share advice, but also some personal things that he has been taught. This builds a connection and shows a sense of strength and stability in a man. Yes, we get this all from being smart and well-educated.
5. Adventurous and spontaneous
A man that can keep us on our toes is very exciting. It keeps the endorphin levels up and makes a woman excited about what’s to come.
Don’t be afraid to plan something where the both of you can get an adrenaline rush together. This also shows a huge sense of pride and confidence. It presents you as a man does not have a timid, insecure mindset and that is so attractive to women. Keep this in mind when you’re wondering how to keep a relationship interesting.
6. Funny
When a man can make us laugh, we start to share a special bond with them, and women always want to be around someone that brings happiness to the table. So if you enjoy some playful banter, have fun, and make sure the both of you participate.
7. Charismatic
There is something so attractive about a man that has positive energy and makes you feel happy and optimistic. It kind of makes a woman think, “I want what he has,” or, “Man I feel so good around him. I believe he could be ‘The One.’”
If you don’t know what energy and charisma look like then, think about the actor Will Smith!
8. Goal and value-oriented
This is huge! A man without goals has no direction. A man without values has no self-discipline.
Women lose attraction when they have to carry the weight of finding out who you are. This isn’t and shouldn’t be her job. So, know this before jumping into any healthy relationship!
9. Intentional
This can create a huge shift in your dating dynamics. When a woman feels like you are not desperate to rush things so that you can be together, then she will honor and respect this and be even more attracted to you.
It’s not to say you’re going to come in with this “player” mentality and say, “I don’t need you; I don’t want you; I’m so cool.” No, it’s about your willingness to take the time to cultivate something good for both of you. By doing this, you become a leader and women are attracted to a man that can lead!
10. Respectful
Men, when it comes to the physical side of love and dating, taking things slow and being respectful in your actions is significant!
If you hold out on having sex with a woman and show that you want to see where this goes emotionally before jumping into the physical elements too quickly, you will score some huge brownie points with her that will win hear heart.
11. Stylish
Everyone attracts different people and they have their own tastes. So choose your own personal style and make sure you present yourself in a way that makes you feel confident. Not everyone is going to want to wear urban chic. You might be a man that likes to ski and do outdoorsy things.
Then keep up to date with your “lumberjack” style. You might be a hippie and not like to wear pointy dress shoes. Well, then make sure you smell great, have clean clothes and keep up with your bohemian style. This is what it means to present yourself well. Own your look and be confident!
The best way to attract women is knowing your individuality as a man and being okay with being alone.
A woman can sense when you are lonely and are seeking outside validation from her or from a relationship in order to feel accepted or loved. A man who feels self-assured on his own is attractive to women, in general. The more you put yourself out there and can handle rejection, then the better your process will become.
If you are a man who has a hard time talking to and flirting with women and holds yourself back because of it, then you won’t get anywhere when it comes to attracting a woman.
So have some determination in dating. It’s hard but having the right mindset will make the situation so much less draining. This comes naturally when you work on understanding how to love yourself, being okay with being alone, and figuring out who you are before anything else.
So many people seek relationships to fill a void and this is why there are so much heartache and so many divorces. You want to stop dating down and start dating up! So having the right conversations and paying attention to a woman being into you is going to be very vital in the moments of attraction.
Understand that not everyone is meant to like you. Just because one woman rejects you does not mean the next one will do the same. If a woman ignores you, then just move on. Sometimes these things happen and if you get set back by this one woman who ignored you, then you won’t have time to focus on you!
Attraction starts to manifest within a man when he shows up for his life’s purpose.
It’s that time when you’re vibing so high that someone comes up to you and says “You seem different” when nothing has changed at all. The change happens with the inner self in terms of how you feel, and this will have a direct correlation with your behavior and your motivation in your daily life.
This creates a significant shift in your presence and women are captivated by a man that knows his worth and carries it with respect and integrity!
Apollonia Ponti is an internationally certified relationship coach who works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and rebuild relationships. Find more of her expert advice by visiting her YouTube Channel, reading her Attract a Woman e-book, or booking a coaching session.
This article was originally published at Apollonia Ponti . Reprinted with permission from the author.
