Relationships Talk

It’s time to meet your new friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, but his name isn’t Peter Parker. There have been three Peter Parkers, so three different Spider-Man origin stories in the past 16 years. That’s a lot of Spider-Man turnover in a relatively short amount of time. Into the Spider-Verse even has two Peter Parkers. Miles Morales is his universe’s Spider-Man, though. There are six universes featuring six different Spider-People in Into the Spider-Verse, it’s ultimately Miles’s story though.

Teenager Miles Morales (voiced by Shameik Moore) is an Afro-Latino kid from Brooklyn who was raised by his mom Rio Morales (Luna Lauren Velez), who is a nurse, and his dad Jefferson Davis (Brian Tyree Henry), who is a cop. At the beginning of the film, he had just transferred to a charter school, which he doesn’t like. He enjoys making graffiti art, which his policeman father obviously doesn’t approve of. Morales looks up to his Uncle Aaron (Mahershala Ali) who gives him dating advice and seems to be involved in some sketchy dealings, but those aren’t made clear.

Everything changes when Morales gets bit by that pesky spider. He ends up pulling half of Gwen Stacy’s (yes, that Gwen Stacy) hair out at school, because he can’t control how his hands are sticking to everything. After a page of a Spider-Man comic book lands on his face, he realizes he’s experiencing what Peter Parker encountered when he turned into Spider-Man.

But Morales isn’t Parker. When Morales goes in search of the spider that bit him, he inadvertently stumbles upon a giant machine that classic Spider-Man villain Kingpin commissioned to open up the Multiverse. Spider-Man is there to stop his evil plan, but everything goes badly. The original Spider-Man aka Peter Parker is killed. He speaks his last words to Morales, telling him that he has to destroy this machine before it’s too late.

That’s the beginning of Morales’s origin story. The problem is that being Spider-Man doesn’t come naturally to Morales. He can’t figure out what his powers are or how to use them. He doesn’t have the same skills as the Spider-People from the other universes, so they don’t really know how to help him. Morales can turn invisible … sometimes, and he can send bursts of electrical energy out … sometimes. The one thing he can for sure do is sling web and jump from great heights.

Morales was first introduced in the comic book Ultimate Fallout #4 in August 2011, so he’s been around for a while in the comic book universe. Just don’t expect him to be like Peter Parker. He’s not. That isn’t a bad thing, though. He’s unique, captivating, and heroic in his own way.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse comes out on December 14.

It’s the app that puts women in control, which means there’s an art to using Bumble if you want a reply. Forget your zillion-swipe scattergun, dreary one-line openers or unsolicited topless shots – women have to send the first message on Bumble, so if you want to stand out you have to change your thinking.

Be real

Your profile should be aspirational but attainable. Luxe holidays and big cars – never pose with your car unless you’re looking to be cast in a documentary about rich virgins – are all very well, but they tell her nothing about you. The places you travel are interesting and relevant and the reason you travel is also worth mentioning. I’m sure one of your favourite dating gurus told you women are only interested in money and status, but while security and confidence are important, if you give off wanker vibes you will not attract the right women. Also, don’t say things like “I love the finer things in life” if you are not an oligarch and thus only talking about buying the most expensive calzone in Pizza Express. Bragging is bad enough; lying is unforgivable.

Nobody cares about your music taste – you’re 30. Look, headphones exist and you can go to gigs with your friends. There’s something rather “cooler than thou” about listing your favourite genre of music in your profile. She’ll either think you’re a saddo or lying.

Oh, and absolutely avoid negativity: a large shopping list of what you don’t want is unattractive. You don’t want to be unattractive, do you? No.

Pics

A good mix of photos is crucial. A full body pic is essential or she’ll think you have something to hide, but keep your clothes on – at least leave her something to unwrap should she wish to. A slew of selfies is pretty suspect – like, can you really not ask someone to take a photo of you? Nobody? A pic with your friends so she can see the kind of people you hang out with – please do not be drunk on this photo and make sure you are the best looking man in it – and candid shots other people have taken of you because you looked nice/it was a great moment etc will do. Even more powerful are pictures with pets (dogs or cats not weird ones like lizards or wasps), or doing something interesting – whether it’s paragliding, rock-climbing, at a festival, on a beach (no muscle poses) or brandishing a cocktail shaker. Please be in all your photos – landscape photos of the majestic Serengeti are not relevant unless you’re standing in shot, gurning in wonder. Overly posed cheesy pics – if you are a writer, please do not pose pensively with a quill to your chin – will not get you the contact you require.

Be inquisitive

Ask a question on your profile; it definitely helps. It can be funny, stupid or serious, as long as it elicits a response. You can either answer the question yourself in your profile or be… I don’t know what you’d call it, cheeky I guess, and say they have to get in touch to know your answer. They key is to get them curious, not send them running them for the hills, so something like, “How many people have you killed by your own hand” won’t go down that well.

You can ask a series of questions based on your own likes if you like (never dislikes, remember, stay positive), or you can use closed questions or give them options if you don’t want them to think too hard. Honestly, people love telling you about themselves – have you been on Instagram recently? Once you’ve made contact, however, keep the questions open so you can cultivate the conversation.

If your match is about to expire and you don’t want to miss out, you can extend it to give her a bump. She’ll receive a notification you’ve done so and this may persuade her you’re very interested. You can only do this once a day unless you upgrade to Bumble Boost to extend matches, but even then you can only extend each match once. It’s only fair, really – if you spend months extending a match and she doesn’t reply, then perhaps you have a slight problem with taking a hint. Bumble Boost unlocks a load of other features to help you entice that match, including a SuperSwipe, which jumps the queue by notifying the other person you really like them without them having to match with you. This can help if you’re struggling for matches, but should be used prudently. And remember, it’s a feature, not a wand – if your profile isn’t up to scratch, no SuperSwipe is going to help you.

Get your friend to check your spelling and grammar

No offence but we’ve all fallen victim to an unfortunate typo and as you’re in competition with lots of other men, your profile will be scrutinised for signs you’re unworthy of a reply. If you know someone who did an English degree, or is a teacher, or still goes on about how they always got ten out of ten in spelling tests, get them to look over your profile to weed out any passion-killers. Also, check your tone – do you sound kind and funny or snarky and critical? Humour is a very personal thing, but if yours tends to be on the dry side and works better in person, try to be a little more “up” on your profile; you can introduce them to the full gallows humour once they’ve got to know you.

Enjoy the freedom

Look at the rule that women must contact men first as a positive thing – at least you know she’s truly interested, plus you’re liberated from having to come up with an opening line for the millionth time. Your patter can be reactive; you can instantly get an idea of what she’s like and might respond to. And if she doesn’t respond at all, don’t take it personally. It’s just a dating app, not judgement day.

Remember, not everyone understands how it works

There’s evidence some women users of Bumble are unaware they have to message the guy first – let’s face it, there are so many dating apps out there you can forgive people for not reading the small print. How to deal with this can be tricky. When a guy extends a match, some women get in touch to ask why they haven’t already sent a message. Some guys write in their profile, “Remember, you have to send the first message; those are the rules” but I’d exercise caution here, as the women who do know the rule will think you’re being a dreary mansplainer. That’s pretty much guaranteed to get you zero responses. Just bear in mind this could be a reason you’re not getting a message.

Time it right

Ideally you want as many options as possible, so swipe between 8 and 10pm – peak matchmaking time on Bumble. Apparently, traffic is highest on Sundays – nothing on TV, everyone’s hungover – and lowest on Fridays, when everyone is out cultivating that future hangover.

Not on Bumble? Don’t worry, pretty much all of this advice applies no matter where you’re swiping. Apply it at your leisure.

Read more:

When to delete Tinder after meeting someone

Tinder tips for the best openers and winning bios

Would you pay someone to get a Tinder date?

Over the last 20 years, Kristi D. Price has worked as a wealth manager, personal trainer, life coach, and even a nationally acclaimed equestrian trainer. She’s used to helping people reach their goals.

For the last six of those years, she’s been one of the top matchmakers in Philadelphia and has honed her craft to the point that other matchmakers can benefit from her experience.

While it can be challenging to start a new business in the growing matchmaking industry, Kristi offers advice to those who believe they have what it takes. First, she recommends that matchmakers view their new venture just like any other small business in the modern world. The key, she said, is to brand your service to capture the attention of your target audience while presenting yourself in the right way.

“What is your passion? And what type of client do you want to work with? You have to know your core values and branding. A lot of matchmakers jump into it, but they don’t have a marketing strategy to reach the type of client they want to work with,” she said.

For instance, Kristi said that if you market your services too broadly, it can be more difficult than working with a targeted clientele.

“I work with active, successful singles. That’s my niche,” she said. “My clients are positive-minded professionals. You need to know who you want to reach, so you can target your marketing effectively.”

That’s why Kristi works with other matchmakers and entrepreneurs to create brands, slogans, and value statements that make it clear why a client would choose them over another service.

As the matchmaking industry has changed through the years, those strategies have become necessary, and Kristi has seen that change in the industry, along with many others, firsthand through her years as a consultant.

More Millennials Turn to Matchmakers as Online Dating Becomes Increasingly Frustrating

A few years ago, the typical matchmaking client was over 40, Kristi said. They were often newly single after a divorce or the end of a long-term relationship and didn’t want to navigate the online dating world. But, since then, the matchmaking demographic has gotten younger.

“In the last year, I’ve seen a lot of millennials and younger professionals getting frustrated with online dating because they’re not getting the results they want. Time is money, and they’d rather spend their time on dates, so they’ll reach out to me as a matchmaker,” Kristi said. “Some also need coaching on how they can meet people organically in their lives rather than sitting online.”

The trend of more clients in their late 20s and early 30s seeking personal help in their dating lives has made many matchmakers rethink their business models to accommodate them.

“Many young singles often don’t know where to meet other singles or how to approach people. Online dating worked well in the past, but now it’s really hard. There is a perception of perfection with online dating. Some people think there is always someone better around the corner so relationships are hard to sustain because they jump out the first sign of imperfection.” — Kristi D. Price, Executive Consultant, Matchmaker, and Dating Coach

“I offer a junior level, so they can afford it. And I know it will be a trend for the future for people who want to meet someone else who’s interested in a monogamous relationship,” Kristi said.

Many of the millennials coming to matchmakers across the country are also showing up without the best communication skills, Kristi said.

That’s especially true for professional singles who spend most of their days and nights in front of the computer. For those in the technology fields, meeting someone in real life can be an intimidating idea. Add in the fact that online dating has become more challenging, and many young singles aren’t sure what to do, Kristi said.

“Many young singles often don’t know where to meet other singles or how to approach people. Online dating worked well in the past, but now it’s really hard,” she said. “There is a perception of perfection with online dating. Some people think there is always someone better around the corner so relationships are hard to sustain because they jump out the first sign of imperfection. The people are who are fed up with the online dating frenzy are now coming to me for date coaching and matchmaking.”

Partnering With Dating Coaches Can Provide More Value

Of course, it’s not just young professionals who are looking for advice on communicating with other people. These communication skills are necessary for anyone who wants to network — professionally or personally.

That’s why matchmakers should consider partnering with dating coaches to help singles with the communication aspects of dating. Coaching isn’t just for singles; it’s also for people who have recently come out of long-term relationships or marriages.

“No matter what age group — whether they’re young, newly single or just got out of a 20-year marriage — they are unsure how to navigate today’s world of dating”, Kristi said. “Are they healed, open and ready for a new relationship, or are they just filling a void? A matchmaker should know that before taking a client on. We need to do our due diligence to make sure the client is ready and not blocking themselves from new relationships by holding onto the hurt from past relationships.”

Dating coaches can help millennials gain the confidence to get out and date again as well as teach them the basics of dating. Some young professional women have found success in the corporate world, but they struggle in the dating world because they’ve shut off their feminine side, Kristi said. That, in effect, can emasculate some of the men who may pursue them. A coach can guide them on how to embrace their feminine side and find more romantic success.

“It’s really what each one needs. Everyone benefits from coaching in addition to matchmaking,” Kristi said. “I think of myself as a personal coach and executive consultant. Tapping into both can help clients receive the information better.”

Kristi Encourages Collaboration Rather Than Competition

In the past, some matchmakers would keep their databases of singles under lock and key, but Kristi said that might not provide the best service for your client. It doesn’t matter how good your database is if you’re unable to make a connection for someone.

“I’ve seen a lot more collaboration in the last couple of years compared to when I started seven years ago. Some matchmakers believed they should only use their own database to make introductions or they felt threatened by other matchmakers possibly so they wouldn’t collaborate,” she said. “I believe in the law of abundance. If you’re doing the right thing for your clients, then you’re going to use all the resources available to find good introductions for them. This includes working with other matchmakers who may have good matches for your clients too. ”

Kristi’s services range from business and image consulting to photo shoots.

That’s why it’s the new trend for members of the matchmaking industry to create a network of professionals with different databases. If a client comes to a matchmaker, but he or she is not within their niche, it would be a service to refer the client to a matchmaker with a more appropriate database, Kristi said.

“I think new matchmakers who want to succeed should attend matchmaking seminars to meet other matchmakers to collaborate and take business classes to learn how to market, brand themselves and get out and effectively network,” she said. “The Matchmaking Alliance and Matchmaking Institute have good getaways and seminars, and those are effective ways to meet other matchmakers and pick their brains. That’s often more valuable than the certifications. Instead of a certification, the first step should be finding a matchmaking mentor and taking classes on how to build a business and learn how to brand yourself to reach your target audience. For matchmakers on a budget, SCORE is a free national organization to support new business owners.”

She also said that matchmakers and dating coaches should focus on growing their client bases and leave other specialized tasks— including website building, graphic design, bookkeeping — that they’re not good at, to the professionals. That way, they can focus on what they do best.

“It’s important to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Focus on your strengths and delegate areas where you aren’t strong. Spreading yourself too thin can detract from giving your existing clients great service, recruiting new clients and building business relationships,” Kristi said.