Category Archives: Dating Advice
How To Change Her Mind If She Thinks You're A Player
Aren’t we just playing the game?
If you’re dating a lot of women, it’s inevitable that one or two of your dates may accuse you of being a “player.” She might do it overtly (“You’re a player!”) or more subtly (“I bet you take all the girls here!”), but either way, it probably won’t be a very fun conversation. It’s also not going to help your chances of being with this particular girl.
When a girl accuses me of being a player, I know that if I don’t turn the conversation around really quickly, she’s a lost cause. Let’s take a look at some great dating advice and things you can do when this situation comes up.
1. Understand why you might be giving off a player vibe.
To be honest, I haven’t been accused of being a player in a while. I’m 33 and I’ve slept with a lot of women, but I work hard not to give off that vibe.
Girls will start to suspect that you’re a player if you give it away in how you present yourself. Remember, on a first date, she’s analyzing your clothing, your speech, the way you interact with her, and the way you interface with the world around you.
When you’re talking to girls, notice your word choice. What were you doing right before she accused you of being a player? Little things, like seeming too familiar with the places you’re taking her and reciting rehearsed speeches, can tip her off. If you’re too practiced, she’ll notice.
I’ve had 8 million different girls that knew I had 8 million different girls. They know they won’t hear from me again after tomorrow. But they don’t care because I’m not acting like some “player.” I’m being natural, we’re having fun, and I’m not putting off any weird vibes.
2. Handle it in the moment.
No matter what I do to try and avoid being told I’m a player, some girls will insist on having this conversation. It’s a way of testing you to see how you’ll handle the confrontation. Here’s how I deal with it in the moment.
In response to her direct comment, “You’re a player,” I’ll respond, “That’s an excellent compliment. I wish people saw me that way but I’m really just this goofy, geeky guy trying to get a nice girl to fall in love with me.”
Then I throw this big grin at her. This is the smile that suggests that despite my genuine speech about being some loser who just wants to pop out kids in suburbia, I’m actually not a total jerk. This will totally screw with her and deflect any confrontation.
Let’s say that she throw out something subtler like, “I bet you bring all your girls here.” I’ll respond with a comment that’s completely preposterous and absurd: “Only five or six of them. Two of them I regret bringing here, but four of them really liked it. To be honest, I need a bigger sample size, which is why I’m waiting to see what you think.”
Exaggerate with absurdity in the situation and she’ll back down.
3. But know what to do if she keeps pushing.
Sometimes a girl won’t let you deflect and she’ll keep pushing to get a response out of you. When this happens and my joking, deflection and exaggerations don’t distract her, I get really somber for a moment.
I’ll respond with, “Listen, here’s the deal. I do go out a lot, because I’m looking for a special person who really cares about me, too. So it makes me feel really uncomfortable that you keep pushing me about this. I think you’re a cool chick and I’d rather just keep having fun if it’s all the same to you.”
The lesson: Handle a girl’s accusations under pressure by deflecting and joking about them. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to get genuine to get her off your back and continue having a good time.
Robbie Kramer is the founder of Inner Confidence and has over a decade of experience guiding men to success in the pursuit of women, social/relationship skills, lifestyle design and achieving an unshakable sense of inner confidence.
How to Be a Good Son at Thanksgiving, According to Our Moms
As you sit in traffic, wait in line at your local TSA checkpoint, or however you idle on your way over the river and through the woods this Thanksgiving to your mother’s house, remember that it’s in everyone’s interest that the day and weekend go as smoothly as possible. That doesn’t mean it’s only up to your parents to make sure the turkey get out of the oven in time. You’re a part of this family, too. And as an adult child there is a different set of expectations your mother might have of you when you’re home for the holidays. How do we know? We asked our moms.
Advertisement – Continue Reading Below
The doyennes of our respective Thanksgivings were all too forthcoming with tips on how to be a good son this week. Employ them at your discretion. She’ll love you, still, no matter what.
FIRST AND FOREMOST
“What does a mom want from her kids at Thanksgiving? To come for Thanksgiving! If the plane tickets weren’t so damn expensive.” –Cathryne Goulet; Harbor Beach, MI (Mother of Matt Goulet; Senior Associate Editor)
THEN, COCKTAILS!
“Make mommy a drink. That’s always a good thing. A strong drink. All holiday weekend. Let’s say you’re coming home. You know that dad is going have the bar set up. And let’s say you have a drink you like to make, like an old-fashioned. So, say, ‘Here I’m gonna make you a an old-fashioned.’ And just give it to me. Why wouldn’t I drink it?”—C.G.
BE THE CHARMER SHE KNOWS YOU ARE
“Be nice to the obscure relative or new-to-town acquaintance that mom invited. Engage them in conversation. Your mom will be so proud and grateful to you.” —Peg Aston; Grapevine, TX (Mother of Ross McCammon; Special Projects Editor)
ON THE BIGGEST BAR NIGHT OF THE YEAR
“I want you to go out on bar night on Wednesday. In fact, I’d like it for your old friends to come by before you went to the bar, just so I could see them. If you’re going to get loaded, that’s fine. Just know that I don’t want you to get sick and I want you to be up to be a part of things. Don’t sleep until 1 o’clock when company’s coming over at 3 o’clock.” –C.G.
LET LITTLE GESTURES DO THE TALKING
“Your mom works hard to make the day special, so show her you appreciate the effort by being punctual and polit. Tell happy stories and help carry dishes. That will let her know you are thankful for her presence in your life.” – Rebecca Schrodt; Miami, FL (Mother of Paul Schrodt, Culture Editor)
Advertisement – Continue Reading Below
DON’T SCREW UP THE DYNAMIC
Just don’t bring home any one awful. What I say, it will take one Yoko Ono to ruin the family. It’s true! Who broke up The Beatles?! It only takes one! –C.G.
COMPLIMENT. EVERY. LAST. DISH.
Make sure you find out who brought what and praise it to that person. They are proud of their version of green bean casserole even if it’s taken from the can of fried onions. Don’t tell them about the one you read that features 3 kinds of wild mushroom and bechamel sauce. And be sure to tell your Mom afterwards that her recipe for the same dish is way better. —P.A.
LIMIT THE TRIPS DOWN MEMORY LANE
“It’s fun to look at old videos, sure. But keep it limited so in-laws don’t think, Well, this is boring. Because I remember going to Grandma and Grandpa’s and looking at slides and…Man, it’d be a snoozefest. Go easy on the photos and the old family videos.” –C.G.
DON’T INCITE AN INCIDENT
“Other people, they get drunk, they start arguing, and they bring out the carving set and they go at each other. Know who you’re with. Maybe you have to avoid political conversations, unless you want to be a real ass and want to get people going.” –C.G.
Carly Pearce went to Kelsea Ballerini, Maren Morris for advice about dating Michael Ray
Before Carly Pearce and Michael Ray became country music’s hottest new couple, the singer was hesitant about dating another musician…so she went right to the source for advice. Carly says she talked to both Kelsea Ballerini and Maren Morris , who are both married to fellow singer-songwriters Morgan Evans and Ryan Hurd , respectively.
“Before [news of my relationship] came out, I actually talked to her and Maren and they were two of the first people that I told, that were in my artist friends circle,” Carly explains. “And they’ve been great and really encouraged me in the beginning.”
Carly says she was “really nervous” about dating a fellow artist, because of the possibility that she might lose your own identity.
“I felt like I could go to them, and I remember when Kelsea was falling in love with Morgan. I remember that whole process and I felt very much like what I watched with her was happening to me,” Carly recalls. “And she was able to look at me and go, ‘Told you that you weren’t in the right thing before, and now you’re understanding where I am.'”
Carly adds, “They just really encouraged me to walk towards that and not be afraid of that and to look at them and say, ‘Yeah, we do the same thing, and look how amazing it is for us.’ So they’ve been really awesome.”
Copyright © 2018, ABC Radio. All rights reserved.
Help! There's Another Woman in My Boyfriend's Life—His Twin Sister.
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus.
Every week, Daniel Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Other woman: I have been dating “Jordan” for about a year. He constantly texts and talks about his relationship with another woman: his twin sister, “Jess.” They talk every other day and plan their social life around seeing each other. All Jordan’s friends are Jess’. There is nothing wrong with Jess—she is great—but sometimes I feel like a random satellite caught in their orbit. Jess has a long-term boyfriend who doesn’t seem to mind this. He advised me to let it go as it was a “twin” thing. I don’t know if this is actually weird or me self-sabotaging. I dated a string of losers before Jordan—addicts, cheaters, and con men. Jordan ticks every box I have—sexy, smart, funny, and kind. And he gets along with his nondysfunctional family. It just makes me pause when I ask my boyfriend about his day and he tells me what is going on with his twin. Help!
A: You’re definitely not going to convince Jordan that he needs to have a different sort of relationship with his twin sister, and I don’t think it will be fun or productive for you to try to get him to demote her to “friendly-but-distant sibling.” You can, I think, ask him to sometimes stick to talking about his day if you want to hear about what’s new with work or something outside of his family circle, but in terms of how large a place Jess occupies in his social life, I don’t think you have—or should have!—a say in that. So the question is: Can you imagine yourself happily accepting, like Jess’ boyfriend, the close nature of their relationship as twins? Do you feel like Jordan pays you enough attention, sets aside sufficient time for the two of you as a couple? Because if not, then you can certainly ask him to set certain limits with her. But if it’s simply the idea of being in a relationship with a guy who’s really close to his twin sister that wigs you out—then you have to ask yourself whether it’s a deal-breaker.
The key is to figure out whether feeling “like a random satellite in their orbit” comes from a sense of actual exclusion or whether that’s something you’re bringing to the table. It’s fine to say, “I love Jess and how close the two of you are, but I also want to set aside some time for the two of us to be alone, or to have conversations that don’t involve her.” It’s OK to want to feel like the center of attention in your own partner’s life from time to time. But if the idea of dating someone long term who sees his twin sister every other day feels really off to you, then Jordan might not be the guy for you. (He may be closer than the string of jerks in your past but not quite it.) If it were me in your situation, and I generally liked Jess, I would try to find a way to appreciate their closeness, while also occasionally asking for some solo time. If there’s a way to make things work with Jordan, I think you should go for it.
