Relationships Talk

You meet someone new and go on a great date. Afterward, you decide to send a text message to say how much fun you had. Unfortunately, you don’t hear back. All kinds of thought are running through your head: Does this person like me? Did my text go through? You ask your friends for relationship advice, but you’re still confused. What should you do when you don’t get a text back?

The Cheat Sheet reached out to April Masini, a relationship expert and founder of relationship advice forum Ask April, for answers. Here’s what she had to say.

The Cheat Sheet: How should you respond when someone you recently started dating doesn’t reply to your text?

April Masini: If you had one date and your partner doesn’t respond to your text, and doesn’t initiate any on his or her own, then they’re just not into you. Accept the rejection and be grateful that you have a sign. You don’t have to waste your energy on someone who’s not in it with you. Move on.

However, if you’ve had a couple of dates already, and if you’ve slept with them, and they don’t respond to your text, assume they didn’t see it. Some people get lots of texts and it’s easy for one to be missed or to accidentally be marked as “read.” So, wait a day or two and try them again. If there’s still nothing, check yourself. They may be doing their best to move on and not have the tools for proper closure—or if you still think it’s an oversight or that they’re sick or out of town, get offline and pick up the phone to give them a call. If you still get nothing, move on. It wasn’t a match.

CS: What are some things you should never do while waiting for a text?

AM: Don’t watch water boil, and don’t keep checking your phone for a response. If you obsess about a text, you’re going transfer that anxious energy to other parts of your life. So, keep busy and keep that text that hasn’t come in yet, in perspective. Try not to bank too much on a response. Keep perspective and try to focus on the flow of life—not on controlling it.

Don’t call all your friends and ask what you should do. I get it. You’re anxious. You want that person to respond. But you’re going to become a drag to your friends. So, use that energy to do something productive. Go to the gym, take a walk, go shopping, cook something—put your energy into another activity. Don’t dwell and dial. It’s going to turn you into ‘the boy who cried wolf’ for when you really do need advice!

CS: How can you keep yourself from becoming obsessed over the response time and watching your phone like a hawk?

AM: This is a matter of discipline. You have to find your balance. If you can discipline yourself not to check your phone obsessively, and have business as usual, great. But if you can’t, distract yourself with other means. A movie, a lunch date, making travel plans—whatever keeps your mind occupied so that you achieve your goal—of not being obsessed.

CS: At what point should you move on and forget about this person?

AM: If you’re dating someone who normally doesn’t respond, then this is just a quirk. But if not, this person is not responding to send you a message that they’re not interested, and not available for you. The second time they don’t respond to your texts is when you should move on.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt at first, because life happens. Who hasn’t missed a text that got lost in the shuffle of the day? I have. But if someone tries you a second time, and you still don’t respond, this isn’t someone who wants to date you or values your time. If he or she is an emergency room surgery, or has a parent in need of constant help, or is on a heli-skiing trip where there is no reception, that’s different. But after two episodes of non-response, take the hint and use your important energy elsewhere.

April Masini is a health and fitness advocate, TV and film producer, author of four books, and has the No.1 relationship advice forum. Masini is also a blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent news outlets.

Read more: Signs Your Partner is Cheating on You

Check out The Cheat Sheet on Facebook!

There’s no denying finding true love is hard, but luckily for you an article on dating advice has resurfaced from the 1950s.

That’s right, ladies. Put down Tinder and cancel your plans for speed dating tonight as the article from a 1958 edition of American magazine McCall’s is doing the rounds on social media, and it’s guaranteed to find you a man.

And don’t worry, there’s not just one tip to follow so you can find a husband – in fact, there’s hundreds of them.

Credit: Facebook/McCall’s

So, where can you find him? McCall’s suggests purchasing a pooch so you accidentally bump into Mr Right while on a dog walk, or you could make your car break down at ‘strategic places’ so he can fix it for you.

If you’re really taking things seriously, the magazine suggests using census reports to find places with the most single men to give yourself the best chance possible.

In the 1950s, Neveda would be your go-to place, but more recent 2016 reports suggest it’s either London, Isles of Scilly, Suffolk or Cumbria.

Credit: Facebook/McCall’s

The magazine even advises analysing the obituaries in the local paper to find a widower as well as being friendly to ugly men as ‘handsome is as handsome does’.

And don’t forget to make sure your mates are attractive as ‘there might be some leftovers’, ladies.

It’s not just where you can find an eligible bachelor either, as there’s also ways you can make yourself noticed, like wearing a band-aid as ‘people always ask what happened’.

Credit: Facebook/McCall’s

Or, cry softly in the corner because your future-husband is bound to come over and ask if you are okay.

McCall’s even suggests attracting his attention by accidentally scattering the contents of your purse across the street (and risk being mugged) so he’ll come to your rescue.

There are a few tips on how to look good to him too.

Credit: Facebook/McCall’s

Credit: Facebook/McCall’s

Take care of your health as men don’t like women who are ill, don’t get sunburn, always order a rare steak, don’t whine, don’t be too fussy, and don’t even think about revealing any allergies.

Once you’ve found him and looked good, you need a way to land him.

Credit: Facebook/McCall’s

Learn to play poker, make your home comfortable for him and make sure you point out that the death rate of single men is twice of a married man.

And when all else fails, you can try a tip from the ‘wild ideas – anything goes’ column.

I’m off to ride to airport bus back and forth while I read the obituaries in the local paper.

Featured Image Credit: Facebook/McCall’s/Pixabay

Listen now:

Listen to the Dear Prudence podcast via Apple Podcasts, Overcast, Spotify, Stitcher, or Google Play.

Prudence is joined this week by Hillary Eason and her brother, Tyler Eason. Hillary works in international development in Washington, and Tyler is a data engineer in the Bay Area. They claim to have another sibling who is arguably better at giving advice, but she was not available.

Together, they tackle letters about accepting a dream job that you’re not allowed to talk about with anyone, whether should you tell your grieving parents that your sister was pregnant when she died in a car accident, what to do when you’ve only had crushes but now wish to enter the world of dating, what to consider when your daughter wants you to financially support her through her unplanned pregnancy, how to handle a woman demanding to know if she is the daughter of your deceased husband, and what actions to take to mend an old broken friendship in light of your kids being in preschool together.

Slate Plus members will hear Prudie, Hillary, and Tyler discuss a letter writer wondering what to do about his wife when she gets upset over his attempts to make plans to see friends or family.

Access to the full Dear Prudence podcast is available exclusively to Slate Plus members. Learn more and listen to previous episodes at Slate.com/PrudiePod.

Got a question for Prudie? Send it to prudence@slate.com. Or leave a voicemail message at 401-371-DEAR (3327), and you may hear your question answered on a future episode of the show.

Read Prudie’s Slate columns here. Production by Phil Surkis.