Category Archives: marriage advice
You've Gotta Read Terrence Howard's Marriage Advice To 'Empire' Co-Star Taraji P. Henson
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Terrence Howard knows Taraji P. Henson well. The two play onscreen husband and wife in Fox’s hit series, Empire, which returns for its fifth season tonight.
But in real life, Henson is engaged to former NFL star Kelvin Hayden, and before she walks down the aisle her onscreen hubby has some advice for her.
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“Never tell him no,” Howard advised Henson Monday night at the New York City premiere of Empire.
Judging by the look the 48-year-old actress gave Howard after his wise words, we’re not sure she’ll be taking his advice.
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Still, fans of Empire can expect their onscreen characters, Cookie and Lucious, to be more on the same page in the fifth season of Empire. The co-stars told ESSENCE that Cookie and Lucious Lyon’s marriage is stronger than ever this time around.
“You can’t mess with true love like that,” Howard said, “[especially] when true love actually makes it’s way back to you. Lucious threw it away for seven years.”
Henson said that in season five, fans can expect to “see how the empire was built in the first place.”
Empire returns Wednesday night at 8 p.m. on Fox.
Amy Dickinson: New aunt wonders how often to see kiddos
Dear Amy: My husband and I are in our 20s. We have been married for two years.
My husband has three siblings. Each sibling has one child under the age of two.
I caught wind from my mother-in-law that one of my sisters-in-law isn’t too happy with us because we don’t see the kids often enough and don’t reach out often enough.
My husband’s family all live relatively close by, but they aren’t in daily contact.
I am an only child and have never had nieces and nephews before. My husband and I are expecting our first child soon and we own a business, so we are very busy during the week, and our weekends are consumed with remodeling the house to get ready for the baby. I just don’t think they realize that I’m not a stay-at-home mom, and we can’t take days off.
How often should we be reaching out to my sisters-in-law to either just check in or to make plans to see our nieces/nephews?
How do we make them understand that we’re not being mean, but we’re just busy? — Confused Only Child
Dear Confused: I’d like to offer a shout-out regarding the special and endearing experience of being an aunt (or uncle). This relationship offers so many opportunities for ancillary parenting: for enjoying, mentoring and loving children who are tangentially your own.
When you are a parent, you will very likely want other family members to develop a close relationship with your child. You should demonstrate toward these other parents and children the level of attention that you might like your child to receive.
And — because you have no experience as a sibling, parent, or aunt — you should fake it ‘til you make it.
If your mother-in-law passes along a critique, you should listen respectfully, glean whatever lesson you can from it and then consider making some changes if you are able.
What you should not do is get defensive, or offer up excuses about how busy you are.
There is no “correct” pattern or way to quantify contact with nearby family members, although you should make every effort to attend special occasions: birthdays, religious or school milestones and holidays (Halloween is a great time to pop by and see the littles in their costumes). Also connect with these parents on social media.
Even if you don’t see these family members very often, when you are with them you should lavish attention upon the child, show interest in the parents and follow up with a text or a call letting them know that their toddler is adorable/interesting/impressive/sweet/charming — and/or loved exactly as they are.
Dear Amy: I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for the last 18 years.
We’ve been married for eight years.
We have both been unfaithful.
My husband has stated that he’s not happy and doesn’t want to be married anymore.
How do I show him that things are different now, and save my marriage? — Desperate
Dear Desperate: You know the saying, “Change starts with you?” Well, if you’re lucky and work hard at it, change stays with you.
Most often, however, we humans make little inroads toward change — but then revert back to our noisy, messy selves.
In 18 years of togetherness, you and your husband have dealt with your humanity (your faults and frailty) by distracting yourselves with affairs. You two could turn things around with therapeutic work and with a mutual guarantee that you will dive in to, versus step out on, your problems.
But he’s done. You should acknowledge and apologize — in person and in writing — for the ways you’ve hurt him (don’t focus on the ways he has hurt you). You should guarantee that things will be different now, because you are different now, and ask him to consider staying with you.
The beauty of you changing is that now you get to be a better version of you, regardless of what your husband chooses to do.
'Ultimate Date Night' in Elmira blends humor, marriage advice
If you want your marriage to last, you shouldn’t spend over a certain amount on your wedding. Buzz60’s Sean Dowling has more. Buzz60
Husband-and-wife comedians Jay and Laura Laffoon will host the event Sunday
Husband-and-wife comedians Jay and Laura Laffoon will host an “Ultimate Date Night” event for couples at 7 p.m. Sunday at Southside Alliance Church (530 Pennsylvania Ave. in Elmira).
As marriage counselors, authors and speakers, the Laffoons have interviewed thousands of couples about marriage and family issues, and they have no qualms about putting their marriage on display — flaws and all — for the good of relationships everywhere.
“Over the course of 30 years, there have been days I can remember when and where I got married, but for the life of me, I can’t remember why,” Laura Laffoon said. “Our show looks at what happens when the ‘Streetcar Named Desire’ collides with the ‘Locomotive Named Reality.’”
Intertwined with their humor, however, is a serious message.
“It takes courage to stay married,” Jay Laffoon said. “We love to golf and one of our favorite golf quotes is from Tommy Armour, who said, ‘If you want to play golf, you’ve got to learn to love the struggle.’”
Learn more at jayandlaura.com.
Tickets are $30 per couple in advance or $35 at the door; purchase at fln.org/tickets or call the Family Life ticket office at 800-927-9083.
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Millennials Are Reducing the Divorce Rate, Study Says
The generation that invented #RelationshipGoals seems to be practicing what it tweets.
The divorce rate in the U.S. is down a whopping 18 percent from 2008 to 2016, reports new data from University of Maryland sociology professor Philip Cohen, and it’s looking like millennials may take the credit. (Yay for the recognition we so desperately seek, right?)
Cohen’s analysis suggests that younger couples—Generation X and especially millennials—are waiting longer to walk down the aisle, and consequently, making more informed choices in their life partners.
“One of the reasons for the decline is that the married population is getting older and more highly educated,” Cohen told Bloomberg. Not to mention that extra time as a singleton allows them to focus on positioning their education status, careers, and financial situation in a better place than that of their 22-year-old selves surviving on Cup O’ Noodles and granola bars. Ideally, this causes them to unload less stress on their partners when they marry and begin to share preexisting personal problems in those categories.
Interesting to note, however, is that the number of people getting married in general is also decreasing. More couples have found contentment just living together—maybe even raising a few kids—but not making anything official on paper.
“Marriage is more and more an achievement of status,” Cohen explains, “rather than something that people do regardless of how they’re doing.”
And while baby boomers have continued to divorce at unusually high rates, all the way into their 60s and 70s, according to Bowling Green’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research, the overall plummet is still expected to continue.
“The change among young people is particularly striking,” Susan Brown, a sociology professor at Bowling Green State University also told Bloomberg. “The characteristics of young married couples today signal a sustained decline [in divorce rates] in the coming years.”
See more: The Best Marriage Advice EVER
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