Relationships Talk

1. “From those who have been successfully married for years”

They will teach you that marriage has seasons. They will demonstrate to you that marriage does work and teach you what it takes to make it work based on their real experience.

2. “From the divorced”

They will teach you how real the problems in marriage are. They will explain to you the pain of losing a marriage and why you shouldn’t go there, warning you of things to look out for so that you protect your marriage.

3. “From children”

Children know more than we give them credit for. They are brutally honest and their love is pure. They will reveal to you how a failed marriage hurts them and a working marriage blesses them. They are the biggest losers when husband and wife fail.

4. “From newly weds”

They will remind you of the promise of love. They are the embodiment of how love should be, love undefiled before the storms of life come in. A couple that has been married for years and their marriage in shambles can look at newly weds and be reminded of the love they had before they let life’s issues divide them.

5. “From a spiritual leader”

A spiritual leader has walked with many couples and is prayerful and wise. This leader will tell you there is nothing new under the sun, that every marriage undergoes similar challenges and those challenges can be worked on.

6. “From the unmarried”

Sometimes people who are married can be so caught up in their mess that it takes someone from outside to open their eyes. Sometimes you need someone outside the marriage institution to show you how you and your spouse are acting childish and foolish, how you are ruining such an important institution on petty things.

7. “From those who grew up in a broken home”

They have witnessed first hand the pain of a toxic marriage, they know how it hurts and will advise you against poisoning and ruining your own marriage.

8. “From those who grew up in a stable home”

They will help you see the benefit of loving your spouse. They will give you evidence why it is in your best interest and that of your children to make your marriage work.

9. “From Scripture”

Marriage is God’s idea. The truths to live by in keeping marriage together are found in Scripture.

10. “From a counselor”

They have seen many marriages thrive and others fail, equipping them with wisdom. They have the gift of looking at the bigger picture, breaking down issues and helping you find a solution.

11. “From a wife who was beaten up and betrayed by her husband”

To the woman, she will teach why it is important to choose the right man and the consequence of giving your life to a man who is dangerous. To the man, she will teach how a man can mess up a woman’s life and show him why he needs to care for his wife.

12. “From a husband who messed up his marriage”

He will teach fellow men why wrecking your own home is not worth it.

13. “From a single parent”

He/she will remind why you should count yourself blessed to have a spouse to love you, to raise children with, to be your companion, to grow old with. Some married people don’t know how good they have it.

Marriage is an institution that affects everyone. So one can learn from so many sources!

By Zoe Jennings

For Dr. Velma Bagby, retirement from a demanding career was the start of a new chapter.

A lot of new chapters, in fact.

The Richmond native and former deputy division chief and employment administrator with the California Employment Development Department recently published her first book, Your Adam is Asleep Until God Opens His Eyes, which provides marriage advice based on Adam and Eve’s Biblical relationship.

After leading over 100 staff and 10 Workforce Services One Stop Centers throughout the state, Dr. Bagby wasn’t about to take it easy in retirement.

In fact, she’s practically held two jobs: one with the state of California, and the other with her Christian faith. Dr. Bagby is an ordained minister who has earned two Masters of Theology and a PhD from Sacramento Theological Seminary Bible College. Along with her husband, Pastor Bruce Bagby, she is a founding pastor of True Foundation Ministries and is a sought-after bible teacher and counselor to singles and married couples.

The “author” part came to be when her daughters asked her about relationships. They loved and valued her advice and encouraged her to write a book.

According to Bagby, Your Adam is Asleep Until God Opens His Eyes “uses the first married couple’s relationship, Adam and Eve, to inform today’s guidelines for marriage.”

In an age when divorce is common even in the Christian church, Dr. Bagby says “we must reconsider what a fulfilling marriage looks like.”

Her first book was released by Xulon Press, a division of Salem Media Group, the world’s largest Christian self-publisher, and is available online through xulonpress.com/bookstore, Amazon.com, and Barnesandnoble.com.

And if you think this will be her only book, think again.

“There are four additional works in progress,” Dr. Bagby said.

Perhaps retirement never happened, after all.

No sooner than the engagement ring goes on, couples are inundated with planning advice, from where to buy the dress and when to reserve the venue to the importance of sending save the dates on time. Opinions are like confetti. But once the wedding cake is in the freezer, and the real work of merging two financial — as well as emotional — lives begins, couples have generally been left to figure it out, until now! We’ve put together an easy to follow timeline with practical advice for savvy spending, saving, and financial communication with your S.O. Read on for tips on getting the best financial start possibly for a happy, financially healthy marriage.

Say hello to Nick, our brand new Wednesday intern for the fall semester.  And that means that Nick will be your new go to guy for all things #secrets.  So let’s kick it off with a #secrets segment that he might look back on later in life.  Today’s theme is “What’s your #secret to a happy marriage?”

What’s your Secret to a Happy Marriage?

• #secrets understanding that there are good days and bad days good months and bad months and you just have to never give up.
• Don’t settle. Finding the right person will ensure you make it through any storm 💕
• never go to bed angry and sleep in your birthday suit nobody ever fights in the birthday suit
• I have my friends I spend time with, he has his friends he does stuff with, and then spending time together. Equal balance otherwise too much time together after 34 years of marriage may not end well.
• #secrets….make sure you still have your own time with friends and doing things you enjoy on your own. Balance time together and time apart wisely, otherwise you start driving each other froggin crazy and will end up like one of those ID shows Connie watches, you could be the next Fatal Vows or Wives With Knives😳😱😂
• #Secrets – my husband and I have never stopped dating. We’ve been together for 15 years (married for 10) and even after a child we continue to make time for just “us” and date nights. Once our daughter moves out I’ll be stuck alone with the guy so I want to make sure I still like him for years to come. 😋
• So I’m not married but my mom always tells me “90% of your life you should share with each other, and the other 10% you should keep in the bathroom” Keep the mystery alive!
• #secrets My secret for a happy marriage is simply to take some time for yourself. Whether it is a weekend away with your girlfriend’s or hanging out with your guy friends or going to get a pedicure or just escaping somewhere by yourself and doing something that you love to do. Basically, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
• My husband and I have found great happiness in our marriage by setting boundaries and abiding by them and also accepting each other’s feelings and allowing each other to express them. We may not always understand each other but accept our differences and often come to a compromising outcome.
• Secrets: remembering nobody is perfect
• Marrying the right person. Everyone is in such a rush to get married and have the parties and the fomo if they aren’t married by a certain age. I married my best friend and there’s NO secrets and we laugh. #12years
• For secrets write them love letters to them to remind them why you fell in love with them
• My secret to my happy marriage is allowing each other to pursue or passions. Also, we make time to connect emotionally every week. (more than just date nights and yes it usually leads to balloon animals 😂).
• Communication trust and for the love of God laugh and have fun together….oh and never go to bed angry at one another
• You HAVE to sleep with your own sheet and blanket. That’s the secret to a happy marriage!
• Secrets, same bed different blankets. You know she’s always cold and you’re always hot.
• Communication, communication, communication. And being intentional about your relationship! ♥️
• Date your man, Communication and balloon animals
• 15 years married, we both had practice marriages prior. We agreed on first match that we were not going to argue. We have never had a fight in a 15 year marriage
  
  I married my husband when I was 17 and November will be married 33 years. I think the key to our success is that we are still best friends. we argue ofte n to get everything out of the way instead of having huge blow up fights and… still having amazing sex!
• #secrets Today is my 20 year wedding Anniversary. If my husband has learned anything it’s, i’m USUALLY right! Oh and communication is key!
• #secrets the key to a happy marriage is to wake up every morning to a blow job ooopppps I mean speaking into the microphone 😉
• We were given a bottle of wine labeled first fight when we first got married, and since then we have yet to find a reason big enough to ever open that bottle. And I hope we never find a reason big enough
• Secret to a great marriage, Fight night!

• My wife and I do something called living apart together. We give each other space, we have our own rooms (mancave and sheshed), our finances are separate and we even have our own beds, but we love and support each other no matter what.
• Best advice to always make sure to compromise in fights and laugh
• Well, let’s see… after 20yrs of marriage, 24 yrs together, and 3 kids. We’ve learned a lot. But my top 2 things are #1 keep each other laughing and #2 genuinely like each other. There is no one in this world that i would rather laugh with, play with and argue with then my hubby. He’s definitely one in a million. Im a lucky lucky girl.
• I must add this…i accidentally sent this to my husband instead of you guys. He responded with this. “Awe i agree sweetie 143. Muah and holding hands”
• SEPARATE BLANKETS!!!!!
• #secrets- have a non monetary regular bet- so any disagreement that may escalate to an argument you can just say ‘bet the regular?’ and drop it- at some point one side or the other will be proven (usually the women is right😜) and she say’s ‘ha you owe me the regular’… let’s say a back rub would b a good ‘regular’- ours can’t be said on the air😉
• Marriage advice. It is not 50-50 if you only put in 50% you will only get back 50% you have to give it a hundred in everything
• My parents said their secret was trust and understanding… she didn’t trust him and he didn’t understand her.
• The key to a good marriage….uninterrupted quality time together and a humility
• I’ll be married in a week, but what has made our relationship so happy and seeing for the past 4.5 years is our communication with each other. #secrets
• Have a sense of humor! Don’t sweat the small stuff. And when you say I forgive you, mean it. No grudge holding, drop it in the sea of forgetfulness. #secrets
• The secret to a happy marriage is knowing that you’re going to have tough times and things are going to get hard but leaving isn’t in the cards. It’s not something to be taken lightly or thrown around jokingly.