Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
NeNe Leakes Gave Eva Marcille This Sage Relationship Advice: It's Ok to Go to Bed Mad, But Beware of THIS – Bravo
Eva Marcille is officially a married woman. And when The Real Housewives of Atlanta rookie tied the knot with attorney Michael Sterling back in October, many of her fellow Atlanta ‘Wives were there to support her. The ladies brought the style; and not only that: NeNe Leakes came armed with some words of wisdom for the bride.
Eva recently told People about the toast that NeNe gave at her wedding, and the advice the comedian offered. “Basically to tune the world out,” she said. “And at the end of the day, after these vows are said, it’s us two for the rest of our lives, and to have each other’s backs. Especially through the bad. The good is fine, but the bad is when you really need to have each other’s back.”
The advice didn’t stop after the last dance, either. Eva added that NeNe has taught her “a few other things” about being a wife, including to roll with the punches. “You know how they say never go to bed mad? No.You’re going to be mad sometimes,” Eva recanted. “But what NeNe says, which is very, very true, is she says don’t go to sleep apart from each other, especially if you’re mad … Stay together, because that frustration will dwindle, but that separation will start creating a wedge … Always stay together, and every night, sleep in the same bed, even if you’re mad.”
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Mom stays close to married son through a tracking app – Brunswick News
Dear Abby:
I have been married to my husband for five years. We live in the same town as my in-laws, and for the most part, we get along great. However, my mother-in-law does something that makes me uneasy. She uses an app to track my husband. She pressured him into installing it right before our wedding and has tracked him ever since.
She’ll often text or call him to ask why he’s going to the store, or what he was doing when he was late to work, etc. Once he tried to remove the app, but she quickly noticed and confronted him. Abby, I have never seen her so angry! My husband caved and reinstalled it. Since then, he says it doesn’t really bother him that she tracks him.
Part of me feels that if he wants to let his mother track him, that’s his business. But another part of me feels this is an invasion of my privacy as well, since we are together much of the time. It also worries me that he’s so quick to cave to his mother’s demands, and that he isn’t bothered by such an obvious invasion of privacy.
Am I wrong to be upset about this? What can I do to get my mother-in-law to give us some privacy?
— Uneasy in
Dear Uneasy: You’re not wrong. Your husband should revoke the location permission on the app on his phone or delete it altogether.
What his mother is doing is sick. She is using the tracker as a substitute for the umbilical cord that should have been severed when her son was born. It’s a huge invasion of your and your husband’s privacy.
He is so used to caving in to his mother that he doesn’t have the strength to assert himself. I do not think you should take your mother-in-law on by yourself. Enlist the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist for suggestions about how to create some separation, because that process may be somewhat complicated.
Dear Abby: My relationship with my boyfriend has been wonderful, except for one issue. He wants us to have a three-way with another woman. Even after I let him know I’m not bisexual, he has suggested it multiple times. Some of my previous partners have suggested this as well, and it has left me feeling as though I will never be enough. I consider it cheating, although they might disagree because I would be involved.
I find this extremely hurtful. I love my boyfriend and don’t want to end the relationship, but I’m afraid I must because I don’t want to be with someone I can never satisfy (he has mentioned he plans to propose).
What do you think? I wish he had never asked me to do this because it feels horrible. If any male readers have insight, I’d love to hear from them as well.
— Not Enough
Dear Not Enough: What your boyfriend has suggested is a common male fantasy. I can only wonder if he would react the same way you have if you suggested a threesome with him and another man.
Because this isn’t your cup of tea, you are right to have refused. What concerns me is what you think is going to happen if the two of you should marry, because this issue will not go away once the “I do’s” are over. As you requested, I will let male readers weigh in on this one, but personally, I think the time has come to resume your search for Mr. Right.
Ending the grocery store battle with controlling wife – Detroit Free Press
Dear Carolyn: My wife and I often grocery shop together. My wife will predictably identify something among my few items and ask that I return it to the shelf. It reminds me of a mother telling a child to put back the Lucky Charms. Yet, she may have a few similar items.
I typically put up some resistance but relent to avoid an in-store argument. These episodes have taken their toll on me.
I have voiced my feelings to my wife in the moment and during therapy. These small issues have become a metaphor for what I feel is belittling me and my role.
I was recently disappointed to see this behavior continue. I can calmly explain again to my wife that this behavior humiliates me and makes me want to avoid shopping together. I am certain, however, she will accuse me of being oversensitive and painting her as a monster, and nothing will change.
Should I simply stand down from shared shopping excursions? Is “giving up” a healthy strategy? I will need to explain why I no longer accompany her.
– Disappointed
A few points before we get to the grocery aisle:
That you’re in counseling says this is a bigger issue involving a lot more than encroachment on your inalienable right to grab a box of Ho Hos. Yes?
That she’s still correcting you after you’ve said your piece about feeling belittled says she (still) believes she has a right to tell you what to do, and therefore will keep doing it.
So you’re married to someone who is controlling and who apparently would rather gaslight you – “she will accuse me of being oversensitive” – than challenge her own behavior.
Read more:
This is the problem in your marriage. Because there’s never a bad time for a 45-year-old movie reference, I’ll let “The Exorcist” speak: “There is only one.”
You can simply stop shopping with her, yes, and tell her why. But that only spares you some cart rage and leaves the problem intact.
Anything shopping-related, in fact, will be a repair on the margins unless you apply it across your relationship, as a matter of both principle and self-preservation.
The response that addresses the problem itself is to decline to be controlled. Calmly, firmly, and without fear of an “in-store argument,” because she knows you fear that and counts on it to silence you.
Tweak your phrasing to reflect the situation, of course – but when you’re told to return an item, a cool and quiet, “I am not your child,” will suffice. Items stay in the cart.
If she responds to this by making a scene – expect it – leave the scene calmly and promptly where practical, and otherwise calmly finish buying food.
Again: Quietly refuse to be controlled. Make this your blueprint for finding the words and actions in the heat of a moment that preserve the right to self-determination due any competent adult. Take this blueprint with you to the store, to the kitchen table, in the car, on vacation. Apply it with a two-part strategy of holding firm and then, as needed, declining to act in her scene.
Quietly refuse to be controlled.
This is your start. Therapy solo is next. That’s how you navigate wherever your marriage goes next.
Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
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When You Should Spend the Holidays with Your Ex — and When You Shouldn't – Bravo
The Real Housewives of Orange County mom Gina Kirschenheiter is going through the process of divorcing her husband, Matt Kirschenheiter, but the two enjoyed a family Thanksgiving together, which she called “amazing.” She even shared a pic of of this year’s very different celebration, which included their three children, Nicholas, 6, Sienna, 4, and Luca, 3, and the fam’s new pup Hilda.
While it’s hard for many former couples who share kids to even be in the same room together, never mind share a holiday meal, Gina and Matt aren’t the norm for a divorcing couple. They truly appear to be warm toward each other, and are doing the best they can for their kids.
But should you force yourself to spend the holidays with your ex for the sake of the kids? Personal Space asked a family and love coach for some advice.
“Spending the holidays together may seem great for the children, but it’s not always great for you,” said Laurie Davis Edwards, founder of The Worthy One. “This is especially true if your marriage ended because it’s toxic for you. Putting that person and their energy back into your life — even for a day — can create emotional upheaval. Whether you intend to or not, you are allowing them into your life, not just your children’s. If you have a healthy relationship, that’s wonderful. But if you don’t, it’s not.”
Edwards said one client she currently works with has been friends with her ex since they split, sharing holidays and dinners, and it’s only created instability for her. “As things change in his life, how she feels in hers shifts — and that often blocks her subconsciously from having clarity in her new relationship,” she said.
Edwards explained that we hear the term “self-care” so often, meaning making time for ourselves to take a bath or get a mani-pedi, but there is another part we need to nurture, too.
“That is self-care — physical self-care — which is important. But what’s also important that we often avoid is emotional self-care — honoring our feelings and putting ourselves first,” she said. “So before you spend time with your ex’s family, ask yourself: Is this what’s best for me? If it’s not, it’s likely to not be what’s best for your children, too.”
If you do have to spend a holiday with your ex, experts say be flexible; holidays don’t have to be celebrated on the exact date the calendar says they land on. Plan ahead, try to be grateful for what you do have, and learn to create new family traditions that suit your new family dynamic.
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