Relationships Talk

Repeat after me: Being a parent isn’t your only identity.

Sometimes, it seems as if being married today is a lot harder than ever. Whether it’s getting caught up in a super-timely project for work, taking care of the kids, or finishing chores, we’re all absorbed with our busy schedules.

We want to spend time with our spouses but things keep coming up and before you know it, “just ten more minutes” becomes a mantra in our marriages. And then we wonder why our relationships are in trouble.

Yes, it’s true that raising a family means putting in serious effort to keep the house tidy, put food on the table, as well as making sure that you take care of your kids’ needs. But as a wife AND a parent, it’s important that you also remember that your marriage is just as important — if not, more so.

After all, you can’t raise happy kids if their core foundation isn’t rock solid; a healthy family is only as strong as the parents.

Relationship ‘Rules’ the Happiest Couples Break On the Reg

What follows are some great points about how you can maintain a great marriage. The good news is that isn’t as hard as you think!

1. Setting a Routine for You and Your Relationship Is a MUST

Whether it means setting up a weekly double date with your best friend or setting aside time for just the two of you, having a routine will motivate you. Getting out of the house for some much needed fresh air is a good first step if you’re not sure where to start.

2. Be Honest About What You’re Feeling

It doesn’t matter how obvious your mommyhood stress is, chances are, your husband doesn’t fully understand what’s going on. Don’t be afraid to let him in.

3. Call in Some Reinforcements

There’s nothing wrong with getting outside help from time to time. Get rid of that mentality RIGHT NOW. Having an extra set of eyes and ears on the situation can make a huge difference.

4. Sometimes, Putting Your Marriage First Is Necessary

Hear us out. Your children are your world, end of story. But sometimes, you get so caught up in being parents that you forget that being a parent isn’t your only identity.

Kimberley Anderson says:

“I think one of the most important things that couples can do is celebrate their identities as husband and wife, rather than just a mother and a father. Parenting [is] very de-eroticizing. I think it’s important [that you] jazz things up by seeing your partner as a man and a woman and not just as the father or the mother of your child.”

How to Support Your Wife’s Body, Mind, & Soul During Your First Pregnancy Together

5. Agree to Disagree

All healthy couples fight. It’s completely natural. How you handle those arguments is what really matters. Remember that fighting isn’t about finding a clear winner, but getting to a point where you both feel heard and understood.

6. PDA Is Totally Healthy!

Showing your kids just how much you love each other will impact the way they see future relationships.

Although these quick tips are guaranteed to improve your relationship with your partner, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Whenever you feel the urge to bury yourself in your work, do yourself a favor and hit that play button again and again.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 6 Easy Tips For Having A Super Happy, Healthy Marriage.

• Pnina Tornai, a designer on TLC show “Say Yes To The Dress” sees 90 to 120 brides a day at Kleinfeld Bridal, a world renowned bridal store in New York City.
• If a bride comes to Tornai and expresses issues with a fiancé, she doesn’t hesitate to tell them to postpone a wedding.
• At a young age, Tornai was in an abusive marriage she has since left. Because of what she went through, Tornai is willing to put aside her wedding dresses to consult brides when needed.

Pnina Tornai, a designer on TLC’s “Say Yes To The Dress” sees 90 to 120 brides a day at Kleinfeld, a world renowned bridal store in New York City.

If a bride discloses to Tornai that they have a rocky relationship, she doesn’t hold back her advice, she said on an episode of Business Insider’s podcast “This Is Success.”

By the age of 23, she was married with child. “It was an abusive marriage,” Tornai said. She has since divorced and remarried, but the experience has given her perspective that she thinks could be useful to other women.

“And you know, if a bride would come in and say to me that she’s going through a very tough time with her fiancé and she’s being disrespected or abused, I would always tell her the truth,” Tornai said. “I would always tell her that these things do not get better, they only get worse, so maybe she should postpone, think about it.”

While married, Tornai was pursuing a career in acting, but her then-husband put a stop to her dream job.

“At the time, I didn’t have the luxury to really think twice whether I was doing the right thing or not. I became a mother at the age of 23, so everything happened in a way where I didn’t think that pursuing my dream at the time was the most important thing,” she said.

Now, if a bride comes to Tornai for a dress and expresses a similar experience with a fiancé, she doesn’t hesitate to share her own story or advise a bride to postpone nuptials.

Read more: ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ designer Pnina Tornai was rejected after flying 12 hours for a meeting, but soon after, she got the phone call that changed her career

“And every bride that would come to me with her story and tell me how she feels, sometimes also her hesitations and her hardships, I would always put aside the dress and make sure that I was giving her the right advice even if it meant to tell my bride to postpone a wedding,” she said.

Still, those experiences with other brides can be triggering for Tornai.

“I remember moments where I heard a bride talking about her own story. I was strong for her, but I would go in the back of the store and burst in tears because it reminded me of my story,” Tornai said.

She continued: “But you know what? Nobody promised us a rose garden, and the beauty in life is that if you are true to yourself and you walk your path, you can create quite a beautiful garden. We all have the abilities to do that.”