An American bride-to-be is at a loss dealing with her crazy future mother-in-law after the older woman demanded that the bride dye her natural red hair to prevent the two from matching on the big day.
The bride was taken aback when her fiancé’s mother texted her about the fall 2019 nuptials, suggesting that she dye her hair prior to the event.
When the bride said she wasn’t interested, her future mother-in-law grew pushier, insisting it would be strange for the two to have the same color hair at the wedding — even though the mother-in-law’s hair isn’t naturally red at all.
Frustrated: A bride-to-be has shared her upset and frustration on Reddit after her future mother-in-law demanded that she dye her natural red hair before the wedding (stock image)
The bride posted about her problem on Reddit this week, seeking advice from others.
She explained that she and her 30-year-old fiancé got engaged within six months of dating and then moved across the country, 1,500 miles away from their families.
Her fiancé’s mother has not been happy about this, and went from being ‘amicable’ to being difficult.
‘Although [her son] was in the military for 10 years and hasn’t lived in the same state as her since he was 18, she always had a dream of him moving back home and raising her grandchildren nearby. She’s now taking it out on both of us for permanently relocating so far away.’
Her latest antics have involved pressuring the bride to completely change her look before her own wedding — and then complaining that she was ‘upset’ the bride wouldn’t do it.
‘MIL texted me this weekend asking what I planned on doing to my hair for our upcoming fall 2019 wedding. I sent her back a few hairstyle photos I had saved from Pinterest as inspiration. Conversation went downhill from there,’ the bride explained, before copying their conversation into the post.
In response to the Pinterest photos, her future MIL wrote back: ‘No I meant the color! What are you going to do about the color of your hair.’
‘Nothing?’ the bride answered. ‘This is my natural color and I’ve never altered it chemically. If I ever desire to do so it certainly won’t be right before the most photographed day of my life.’
‘Don’t you think people will think it’s weird you have the same hair color as [your husband]’s mother? I just don’t want you having to explain it to your family that we match,’ the MIL answered.
According to the bride, in a comment made further down in the thread, her MIL’s hair is hardly the same shade as hers: ‘Think Red from Orange is the New Black… that’s basically her hair color and style.’
‘I don’t think anyone is thinking that,’ the bride replied. ‘My whole family has natural red hair and it’s just coincidence that you have yours dyed a color in the same color family. No worries at all!’
Though the bride clearly tried hard to keep things nice and cordial despite the unreasonable request, her future mother-in-law stewed silently for two days before responding.
‘I’m still upset you’re not listening to me about your hair color. I really don’t want anyone judging us for matching. Please reconsider,’ she texted.
‘Sorry!’ said the bride.
‘It makes me uncomfortable that you’d be willing to keep the same color as me when you’re marrying my son,’ wrote the MIL.
‘I’m sorry about that but I don’t think it’s on anyone’s radar that we match. I wouldn’t overthink it!’ replied the still heroically patient bride.
‘It is because my sister already said it would be hard to tell you and I apart in a family wedding photo. I just don’t want to put [my son] in an uncomfortable position,’ the MIL wrote.
At that, the bride said she was ‘at a loss of how to answer her,’ and posted on Reddit to ask for advice.
‘Is she really implying her son is somehow going to be sexually attracted to her because we have the same hair?’ she asked. ‘Any advice is appreciated!’
While several commenters urged her to tell her fiancé what was going on, the bride said she was trying to avoid it because he has been on furlough during the government shutdown and ‘he’s stressed enough’.
She even noted that he’s been speaking to a therapist daily, so she really doesn’t want to put more on his plate.
‘My gut says it can wait. I will absolutely share with him in the future. Today is not the day,’ she said.
Still, the whole thing has been quite tough for her.
‘Icky is an understatement. I feel like my skin is crawling from this whole encounter and all I want to do is ignore it and not continue talking to her,’ she wrote.
Commenters have chimed in with other advice, too. Quite a few have suggested that she reiterate that no one will have trouble telling them apart — but if the MIL is so worried, she can dye her own hair.
Several have advised her to save screenshots of the texts, and others have said she should make sure to clue in her future husband before her future MIL starts in on him with her own warped version of the truth.
But one of the most persistent warnings from other commenters was that the bride should now be worried that her mother-in-law-to-be will also be wearing white to the wedding.
After reading everyone’s advice, the bride decided to try a few of the suggested tactics all the while still killing her with kindness — and has since updated with the results.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, things got worth, with the MIL trying to play on feelings of guilt over the fact that she is a cancer survivor.
Several hours after the MIL said she didn’t want her son to be in an uncomfortable position’ because they had the same hair color, she wrote to the bride again.
‘I want you to have all the attention you deserve on your big day. I’m looking out for you and don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable that the mother of the groom and bride look alike,’ she wrote.
The bride answered: ‘I’m confident our hair color won’t be on anyone’s mind during the reception. I’m proud to come from a family of all redheads and I think it’s great you blend in with us as well!
‘What did you sister say specifically about us matching?’ she pressed. ‘If you send me her number I’d love to speak to her to clear things up if you’d like!’
The MIL responded: ‘You do not need to talk with her because other family members agreed it’s awkward for everyone that we match.’
‘Hair color is such a small aspect of matching someone,’ the bride texted back. ‘Our outfits will be completely different and I don’t think it’s awkward for anyone! I’m also happy to speak with these other family members if they have any concerns!’
That’s when the MIL moved on to an even more dramatic tactic.
‘I have had this hair color since I survived chemo in 2013,’ she wrote. ‘I am proud to have my red hair because there was a point in my life where I didn’t even know if I was going to be alive for my son’s wedding let alone have hair for it!!
‘You weren’t there for him during his deployments like we were. You don’t understand how big this day is for all of us now that he’s home safe. You’re marrying his family, not him,’ she went on.
‘I will not be told I cannot have red hair at my son’s wedding.’
At this point, the bride said she reread all her texts, making sure she didn’t accidentally say that her MIL couldn’t have red hair. Sure enough, she never did.
She wrote back: ‘I don’t recall ever saying you shouldn’t have red hair at our wedding. Did someone else give you the idea that I want you to dye your hair? I’d love to help you pick out the perfect dress to compliment your red survivor hair that you’re so proud of! I know we both look good in green and blue! ‘
But her mother-in-law said: ‘It was implied that one of us has to dye it but since your [sic] not budging, you think it should be me and I worked so hard for my hair it’s not fair. You can’t do this to me.’
‘The more redheads, the merrier in my opinion!’ answered the bride. ‘Please don’t let anyone tell you that you should change your hair color and I’ll follow the same advice!
‘Us redheads will stick together and probably outnumber the non redheads at the family tables!’ she added. ‘[Your son] and I certainly aren’t worried so I wouldn’t spend another minute of your time worrying either.’
‘Well that’s easy for you to say when you live far away and choose not to be spend time with me or my family anymore but I have to be here and answer to everyone that is upset we have the same hair color,’ wrote her MIL. ‘You don’t understand surviving cancer and being proud of it and your son.’
At this point, the bride was once again at a loss, and went on to complain to Redditors.
‘I don’t even know what the argument is about anymore but she’s still very adamant that she is the center of attention,’ she said.
‘Not putting down any cancer survivor that fought hard for their life, but according to [my fiancé], she had a positive biopsy in her breast and they found very very early stage cancer which was treated with one round of chemo/radiation.
‘Apparently she sent out a last will and testament and told everyone she had minimal time left to live after being told by her medical team that they were almost positive she would have a full recovery with no adverse effects.
‘This also reminded me of her suggestion to have a pink theme to honor her and have wedding favors with the pink ribbon on them in her honor.
‘It’s clear now that everyone was correct about her playing the victim and this is 100% about her needing to be the center of attention. I’m still at a loss for words for a reply but at least I have an entertaining story for [my fiancé] and you all!
