Relationships Talk

If you want to know how to keep your car running, ask a mechanic. If you want the lowdown on caring for your pipes, call your plumber. Why? Because people who deal with things when they’re broken often know the most about how to keep them in good repair. James J. Sexton thinks the same principle applies to divorce lawyers.

In his new book, “If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late,” the 20-year veteran of every kind of divorce imaginable dishes out advice on how to avoid needing his services based on his up-close experience of marital breakdown. It might not be the first place you’d think to look for relationship advice, but when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

And when you read a recent interview with Sexton in Vice it makes even more. In a long chat with Sean Illing, Sexton offers incredible insights into why marriages fail (social media is nearly always involved these days, he reports) and what that says about how to keep them strong. The whole piece is well worth a read in full but much of Sexton’s wisdom can be boiled down to just four insightful words.

We fall out of love ‘very slowly, then all at once’

If you asked people to name common reasons for couples to get divorced you’d probably hear a lot about dramatic conflicts — infidelity, financial disagreements, sexual mismatch, differing visions for the future. And Sexton confirms that these sorts of big, gnarly issues are indeed the immediate reason most people find themselves in his office. But he insists they aren’t the real reason marriages break down.

“From my perspective, these big reasons have their origins in a succession of smaller choices that people make that take them further and further away from each other,” Sexton says, adding:

“In Tom Wolfe’s ‘Bonfire of the Vanities’ one of the characters is talking about how he went financially bankrupt and one of the other characters says, ‘Tim, how did you go bankrupt?’ He said, ‘Well, I went bankrupt the way that everyone does, very slowly and then all at once.’ I think that’s how marriages end. Very slowly and then all at once. There are lots of little things that happen and then the flood comes.”

What sort of “little things” does he mean? “That annoyed look on your face, that time you ignored your partner when they needed you, all those times you couldn’t bother to give that person your full attention. These are the small things that become big things over time,” he offers later in the interview.

‘Love is a verb’

This is a beautiful description of how relationships work that accords with how so many big changes in life really happen. Success doesn’t happen overnight, neither does physical fitness, and neither does relationship breakdown. Nearly all big goals come from weathering small setbacks and making steady forward progress over days and months and years. And then there’s often one big breakthrough. Outsiders only see the dramatic final stages of the process, but the roots are generally deep.

The best part of Sexton’s interview isn’t his explanation of how marriages decay, however. It’s the solution he offers couples. It’s only four words long, so no one has any excuse for forgetting it: “Love is a verb.”

“I’m a romantic, but I don’t believe in fairy tales. I think that we sell people a bill of goods about what love is supposed to look like. Love is a verb,” he insists. “Falling out of love is very slow. It’s a very gradual process. You put on weight slowly…. You don’t just wake up one day and you’ve gained 20 pounds. You very slowly gain weight, but sure enough, it happens. It’s the same thing with love.”

And not falling out of love, like not gaining weight, isn’t about dramatic gestures or heroic acts. It’s about a relentless daily commitment to small actions. It’s about doing things — not clamming up to avoid the fight, not complaining about how the towels are folded, reaching out a hand in a tense conversation. It’s, in other words, a verb.

“If you want to keep your love alive, you have to be attentive to all the little things that go wrong along the way, and constantly course-correct. If you can do that, you’ll never set foot in my office,” Sexton concludes.

The right ‘shot spot’

It’d be no lie to say that lovely Alberta, Canada (or any nearby region of the beautiful country, for that matter) is home to a fine shooting location for an outdoor wedding photographer, even for the winter season. And the location must be the first thing that is determined. In other words, the “spot for the shot”, or “shot spot”, will set the firmament for all else, so choose some great spots, considering the lighting amount offered, weather conditions, surrounding environments and much more.

Why camera specs can be so crucial to capturing the right shots

• The megapixel count is the first spec to consider when finding and using the right camera that will capture a beautiful, inspiring marriage photo. And having more megapixels within the camera allows the photographer to do even more, such as printing much bigger ‘croppable’ pictures and even enhancing smaller corners of shots.
• In addition, one ought to note the shutter lag when reading camera product labels or browsing them online. Shutter lag can make or break a shot altogether, slowing it down at even the most inconvenient of moments.
• Furthermore, 4x or greater zoom lens is likewise to be factored into account as it will imply the amount and scope of minimum lens setting that can be enhanced while angling and honing in on a certain region.
• On that note, “digital zoom” is not to be considered as much since it’s just a factor that relates to magnifying an already captured image.
• “Optimal zoom”, however, is of greater relevance when zooming for the right shot. Optical zoom allows for honing in before capturing, projecting light rays and other sensory aspects beforehand.

Brands – types of cameras that a quality photographer will work with 

Some of the top names in photography products include the following, so check them out when considering the next great purchase:

1. Canon
2. Olympus
3. Sony
4. Nikon
5. Panasonic
6. Pentax
7. Fuji

Further ideas that can make a great photo  

• When both people in the shot are comfortable, the shot will look more natural.
• To get both participants on the same page, make them feel “at home” with you as the photographer, somewhat relaxed in the surrounding environment, and no less engaged with each other.
• Do this by telling a joke or speaking in a soft, calm tone of voice as you tell them which pose to fall into next, giving a “carefree” appearance, which they should emulate. This’ll lead to a quality captured shot as well.

 Concluding thoughts

The right shot begins at the right spot. Remember that. But don’t forget that the right kind of lens on the camera, as well as the ideal ISO range, and the right camera as a well, can make all the difference, too. And remember to consider the tone and mood of the couple and their surrounding environment, making them feel as naturally relaxed as possible. Care-free is the key to quality in any pose.

Vaastu Shastra is an integral aspect of a happy married life. Many people are following the Vasstu Shastra and have seen positive changes in their lives. While some believe it to be fake, it has worked for people who follow it. Lets take a look into various reasons for a happy married life.

VASTU FRIENDLY BEDROOM LOCATION

A Bedroom should always be in south-west or north-west direction. This will spark love and understanding between the partners. Northeast and south-east sides of the house should be avoided at all costs.

SLEEPING DIRECTION AS PER VASTU

The couple should always keep their heads towards the south. This way the positive magnetic energy that flows from the north can easily enter their body, without disrupting the flow of blood or affecting sleep.

MATERIAL OF THE BED

The bed should never be a metal or a wrought iron one. Preferably, use a wooden bed to ease any tension between partners. Also, the bed should always be of a regular shape.

WHICH SIDE OF THE BED?

The wife should always sleep on the left side of the bed and the husband should take the right side. This will ensure a smooth and loving relationship.