Category Archives: Relationships
Crowdsourced: What's the right way to tell someone you don't like their holiday gift? – NBC News
Get the Better newsletter.
By NBC News
We’re trying a new video advice series around everyday dilemmas: friendship, dating, relationships and more. We’re calling it Crowdsourced. But instead of your typical advice column, we want you to ask the questions and answer them. Hear directly from people around the country who are going through the same thing you are.
So, here’s a question for you:
Tis the season for giving and sometimes, well, it gets awkward. What do you say (or how do you react) when you get something you really hate – like, it’s so awful you’re offended.
Send your advice (your best facial expressions welcome!) as a video message to crowdsourced@nbcuni.com or share your thoughts as a written message in the form below.
Ladies, he’s not your man. This meme is funny because it’s sad and true. – The Washington Post
Ladies, if he: is funny but formulaic; seeks attention; and goes viral after a tweet about our 19th president …
He’s not your man. He’s the new meme that’s taking over the Internet.
Most of us have stayed in at least one relationship past the point it was far too obvious the other person wasn’t in it with us. Which is why the latest Twitter joke — “He’s not your man,” a Mad Libs bait-and-switch that starts out as essentially a 2018 version of “He’s just not that into you” — is resonating.
The punchline is in the pivot: He’s not your man. He’s economist Adam Smith. He’s not your man. He’s Watergate source Deep Throat. He’s not your man. He’s a raccoon.
It’s a goofy meme, but there’s also deeper meaning in the laughter. Ever fallen for someone who wasn’t worth your time or whose interest in you was merely an illusion? Ever held on to false hope and then felt like a doofus once you realize the object of your affection has more in common with a raccoon than a soul mate? We’ve all lived some version of this situation. And the meme thrives on that familiarity.
According to Know Your Meme, this Twitter joke was (shocker!) started by a man. Last week @KylePlantEmoji tweeted:
As of Wednesday, that original tweet has almost 21,000 retweets, and hundreds of others have joined in.
There are versions about refrigerators, books, synonyms, raccoons, manatees, the New York subway. If he “interjects with unsolicited advice,” “reads your personal documents” and “constantly tries to help you format paragraphs” — he’s not your man, journalist Rachel Zarrell tweeted. He’s Clippy, the Microsoft Word Office assistant.
The Bard chimed in with a Shakespearean twist: “‘Tis not thy man. ‘Tis all men.”
Even dating apps themselves — where you’ll find plenty of men who will ignore your texts! — have gotten in on the joke.
Yes, Rutherford B. Hayes and animated paper clips have little to do with your dating life or gender relations. But there’s a reason it’s “He’s not your man.” I doubt a “She’s not your woman” formula would have taken off in quite the same way. Dating advice is most often directed at women — and women are trained to tolerate and explain away a partner’s inattention, entitlement and mistreatment when we should really be saying, “Thank u, next.”
Women have aired their pain on social media a lot in the past year — with devastating #MeToo stories highlighting the prevalence of sexual assault and harassment and #WhyIDidntReport explanations of how rarely such accounts are believed, taken seriously and fairly prosecuted.
The time was ripe for some way of finding comedy in a similar kind of pain. The joke’s setup hinges on a power differential that can occur in heterosexual relationships. Traditionally, women are judged more severely for being single than men are, so she might excuse bad behavior longer than she should. If a woman has less earning power, she might stay in a bad relationship for economic reasons. She might work hard to keep her partner happy, even if he is not matching her efforts. From a young age, women are told that it’s better to be with a man than lacking one, that it’s better to go along with things than to fight back.
Just as women are increasingly aware of these problems, this meme has a way of implying: Keep your standards high, and don’t be a fool who mistakes a man for a manatee.
READ MORE:
My eHarmony match said all the right things. Was he too good to be true?
I never wanted to sacrifice my career for a relationship. Then I realized something had to change.
‘Why was I crying so much?’ This couple explains how they fell in love on Vietnam’s ‘The Bachelor’
How to Stop Being Single and Get Ready to Mingle: The takeaway from rom-coms – UConn Daily Campus
Romantic comedies (rom-coms) can sometimes feel like hour-and-a-half-long emotional journeys. They get you sucked in and attached to the characters to the point of having to pause the movie when a huge romantic gesture happens in order to collect yourself. And while they can be great to watch with your date or with your fellow single friends, some say they impress their viewers with something more than the “aww” factor, and this something isn’t always good.
Anne Kennedy Brady’s article “4 Lies Rom-Coms Tell You About Love That You Need to Ignore” claimed rom-coms create misconceptions about romance. Using “50 First Dates” as an example, Brady said rom-coms can present heterosexual relationships as something that must be maintained and sparked by the man alone. She argued that real life relationships need to be worked on by both parties. She also said love is something that usually takes time to build. Most people don’t fall as hard and fast as the pair in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” People also can’t just jump from relationship to relationship, it isn’t healthy to cover up a broken heart with a new relationship like the girl from “The Holiday.” But most of all, the guy you love won’t always show up when you need him. No one is Mark from “Bridget Jones’ Diary.” The person you’re dating is human too.
Seija Rankin’s article “The Psychology of Romantic Comedies: What Are These Movies Doing to Our Love Lives?” featured studies done by Tinder on what girls want in a man. Tinder’s on-staff sociologist Dr. Jess Carbino found “people refer to their desired relationships in the context of popular films.” She also found women can sometimes be unwilling to compromise on the ideal partner they see on the big screen. Consistent to what Brady noted about women relying on men to spark relationships in rom-coms, Carbino said women tend to wait for men to talk to them first on the app. Julia Lippman, post-doctoral fellow in the University of Michigan’s department of communication studies, said younger people who have little experience in love are easily molded by the ideas they see in rom-coms. It’s no wonder then that the young, college-aged students using Tinder lean on rom-com norms.
Interestingly enough, The Idle Man’s article “4 Reasons Guys Should Watch Rom Coms” claimed rom-coms could have great effects on men. The Idle Man said rom-coms could help men develop their romantic side because it shows them what women want. According to them, this meant boyfriends that understand small things matter too and usually actions speak louder than words. They also said playing rom-coms is romantic in itself, since it will make your date think you have a bigger romantic side than you might actually possess. They also claimed it could teach men “life (girl) lessons,” which seems to include the concept of don’t judge a book by its cover and women want Hugh Grant, not the guys from “Die Hard.” They also found rom-coms can actually be funny.
“It may not be your obvious ‘Jack Ass’ funny, but it’s relatable funny,” The Idle Man article said.
This sort of relatable humor appeared to be a plus for the guys at The Idle Man, since the relatable can help them understand how to approach problems, like being friend zoned, in real life.
So maybe the best takeaway from rom-coms is that, unless you’re a man who doesn’t know basic life lessons or what women want, they should be watched, but not taken to heart.
If you have any questions or need any dating advice, feel free to contact me at rebecca.l.maher@uconn.edu. I’m positive other people are facing the same romantic problems as you, and would love to hear an answer.
All the Single Ladies: 'How can I make the first date a success?' – 9Honey
“What are your first date dos and don’ts? I never seem to get a second date when I like the guy, and I wondered if I am doing something wrong to put people off?”
Firstly, I wouldn’t say you’re doing anything wrong as such—I really disagree with dating experts who tell devastated women they’re single because they’re making mistakes.
Instead, consider the fact you simply need to learn how to put yourself across better. Here are my 10 top tips to have a first date that leads to a second (if you want it to).
Get out of work mode
You probably head to meet a date straight from work, but it’s important you take off your business head and put on your romantic one.
Dating expert Sami Wunder recommends getting into your ‘feminine’ energy aka your softer side as you leave the office. You could pop on a new outfit or simple wear some more flamboyant jewellery—anything that helps you signify this shift.
Let him choose the venue
Wunder also recommends letting the guy choose the venue, but get him make the effort to meet you somewhere convenient for you, rather than agreeing to trek to his side of town.
If he doesn’t know your area, suggest a few places and let him choose from those. It gives him the chance to flex his masculinity by providing for us, apparently and allows us to embrace the feminine energy men like.
These 10 steps could help you bag a second date. (iStock)
Don’t be afraid to ditch him
Psychologist Gemma Cribb, who has penned a new book called Doing Single Well, was shocked when I told her about one of my worst dates, which was with a guy who swore more than Ozzy Osbourne. I gritted my teeth and drank my drink until it was polite to leave Mr Potty Mouth.
I should have upped and left without hesitation, she said. It made me realise there’s nothing heroic about enduring a bad date.
Embrace your weirdness
Being ‘vulnerable’ is a big buzzword when it comes to dating advice. It took me ages to figure out what that really meant and how to implement it.
I deduced it means sharing your thoughts and feelings in their full, imperfect entirety. On a first date, for example, if you love musicals (like me) don’t pretend to like the indie bands he’s talking about, but own what you’re into—however naff.
Dating coach Matthew Hussey also advises don’t be yourself, but be the best version of yourself.
Ditch your phone and mirror
Monitoring Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, text and Twitter while on a date is rude, in case you have forgotten—as is checking your appearance in your mirror.
If you really need to, do both in the loo. Blokes notice these things.
WATCH: Married at First Sight relationship expert Mel Schilling explains the benefits of dating a lot of people. (Post continues.)
Watch his chat
We’ve all been there; he’s rambled on to you about his whole life, from who is best friend was at primary school to how he likes his steak, but he hasn’t even asked what you do.
Over the years I’ve been interviewing experts I’ve had mixed advice on what to do in this situation.
While some say you should outright ask the guy “So, is there anything you want to ask me?”, I’d generally choose the easy option of going with the flow—but noting his lack of interest, which could be down to first date nerves or could indicate he’s a self-centred loser.
The only way you can really find out is on a second date.
Don’t be afraid of silence
One of my favourite dating coaches, Wendy Newman, advises embracing the silence after a man stops talking, rather than immediately piping up. Blokes take more time to gather their thoughts than we do, and it’ll mean you might get more of an insight into him.
Keep it short-ish and sweet
We’ve all heard of the couple who spent the whole weekend on their first date and now have four kids together, but I’d say the optimal time for a first date is about 90 minutes—less if you’re unsure.
Plan something afterwards if you’re worried you won’t be able to get away so you’re forced to leave. Hopefully the date leaves you both wanting more.
‘Never do dinner on a first date.’ (iStock)
Do send a thank you text
Want to see him again? Ease some of the ‘will he or won’t he ask me out again?’ pain by sending a simple thank you message once you get home, or the next day.
You could even pick out something you enjoyed or mention something you chatted about. Don’t ask to see him again, though—leave it up to him to ask. And if you don’t get a reply? You’re allowed to send ONE more text before deleting his number and moving on.
Yes, it sucks if you liked him, but it’s for the best.
Drinks only
Finally, I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: never do dinner on a first date. Coffee, a drink or two, but never a five-course degustation dinner, no matter how great he seems. It’s just not worth the risk.
