Two weeks ago, I was in New York City having dinner with my friend, Tom. Over drinks and some of the best ramen I’ve ever tasted, the conversation naturally turned to dating.
As a single guy in his early thirties, Tom has a lot going for him. He has a graduate degree from an Ivy League school and a high-paying job in finance. He’s also a good friend and possesses a highly developed palette when it comes to food and wine. But, when it comes to matters of the heart, he’s the first to admit that he’s a bit lost.
“There’s this guy in my office,” Tom explains as he twirls noodles around his fork. “He’s amazing at talking to women. He’s average looking and makes a fraction of my salary, but the women I work with love him. I don’t get it. What does he have that I don’t have?”
I often get asked by my male friends for tips on how to flirt with women, but I’m never sure what to say. I know what I respond to (eye contact, friendliness, witty banter), but trying to explain these nuances feels a bit like trying describe what makes chocolate so delicious. To get some insight, I decided to turn to an expert.
Known as “The Man Whisperer,” Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz is a personal development coach who aims to get to the heart of any man’s issues, whether it be learning to become more confident romantically or navigating a mid-life crisis.
Want to become better at flirting? Here’s a few simple things you can do:
Make eye contact
“This is a great way to connect with someone, even if they are on the other side of the room. Once your eyes connect, hold the gaze for a second, smile and then look away,“ says Mammarella-D’Cruz. Direct eye contact is a great way to show you’re interested in the other person, but don’t get creepy. As Mammarella-D’Cruz reminds us, “remember to break it every now and again to keep things from getting too intense.”
Don’t get too deep
If you think Rhonda from accounting is cute, don’t lead with a question about her recent hernia surgery. Instead, keep things light and fun. “Chat about your hobbies and things you enjoy as this could be a great way to find common ground. Be playful and try not to take yourself too seriously,” says Mammarella-D’Cruz.
Use open body language
Some of the most effective communication is through nonverbal channels. Body language can often say more about how you feel than what you’re actually saying. “Stand up straight, keep your stance open, and turn your body toward the other person to seem inviting. Avoid crossing your arms as this can signal that you want to be alone,” says Mammarella-D’Cruz.
Don’t be too eager
As Destiny’s Child highlighted in their song of the same name, don’t be a “bug a boo.” While it’s easy to get a little excited when you like someone, Mammarella-D’Cruz says, “try to keep your interactions short and sweet as this will leave them wanting more. Don’t allow conversations to drag on and don’t overdo it with the compliments as this can come across as desperate and be off-putting.” You want to cultivate a mysterious edge, not a restraining order.
Ask for a date
Be bold and be straightforward. People aren’t mind readers. “If you like someone, ask for their number and ask them if they would like to see you again. This shows that you are interested, and it also shows you are confident which is an attractive trait,” says Mammarella-D’Cruz.
