Relationships Talk

Online dating can be a pathway for successful unions, according to University of Indianapolis Associate Professor of Sociology Amanda Miller. She co-authored an article with Cornell University Professor of Policy Analysis Sharon Sassler, which discussed modern ways of dating on apps and how they affect people. Miller said that the article, “Winning the Game of Online Dating” included information about online dating and finding love on the internet in a smart way.

Online dating has gained popularity in younger generations as apps like Tinder and Bumble have surfaced and been marketed to young people, according to Miller. She said that as dating and other aspects of peoples lives have moved more toward digital, people interact and date differently than they have ever before.

Miller found in other research that women’s outcomes in the online dating world peak at age 18, while men’s did not peak until age 50. She said that from this information, she concluded that women are more desirable at a younger age than males. According to Miller, she found that in recent years, both women and men with a college degrees were more likely to find a partner, while in the past, educated women were less likely. Miller said she and Sassler were curious about the differences, which led to them researching why these trends were appearing. Miller said that she and Sassler wanted to offer advice for those interested in online dating as it is a new phenomenon that has changed these relationships. The article concludes that there is possible success in online dating.

Before publishing this article, Miller co-authored a book with Sassler titled, “Cohabitation Nation: Gender, Class and the Remaking of Relationships” which examined how cohabitation is contributing to the growing levels of inequality. This was the first time the pair had written together. According to Miller, Psychology Today approached them to write the article on their blog. Miller said that in working with Sassler on this article was different than the work they did on their book.

“These are very short pieces, so it’s a little less collaborative,” Miller said. “One of us will start something and the other will finish it. This process is a little different than writing something such as academic journal or something of that sort, just because it is shorter.”

Miller said that she originally wanted to be a marriage and family therapist and has always been interested in the topic of dating. New trends in dating and attraction drove her to want to help people navigate this way of dating that people had never been exposed to before.

“I wanted to know about all the bigger social level trends,” Miller said. “That is why sociology was the right fit for me. I could still study couples experiences, but just got to look at it as more of a detached perspective.”

Senior nursing major Keaton Fainter said he has experience with online dating and has used different forms of apps that he said are common in the college age group. He said though he has matched and met people off of these apps, overall he does not consider it a serious form of dating.

“Any advice I would give on online dating would be to not take it too seriously,” Fainter said.

Miller says that in order to make online dating successful, know what you are looking for and find somebody you already share an interest with even if it  is through an online site, or an app such as Tinder.

“Do not be discouraged by an online dating experience and do not be discouraged by a bad in person dating experience,” Miller said. “It is not a failure, just something that you have learned about what you are looking for. Online dating is a numbers game. It is just finding the right person at the right time.”

FINDING love online can be fraught at the best of times but with more and more of us turning to the internet to met ‘the one’ your profile really needs to stand out from the pack.

But fear not, we have a few simple changes you can make that could really boost your chances of getting to know that special someone via an app.

Making the right moves on your dating profile could land you the person of your dreams

With just three simple changes, the dating experts at eHarmony say you could find love in no time

Change your profile picture

We’ve all done it, swiped left when someone’s profile picture doesn’t instantly grab your attention.

Well, there’s a lesson to be learned from that.

eHarmony revealed that women who wear SUNGLASSES tend to see a rather significant rise in interest to their profiles – so get those shades on.

Getty – Contributor

Women who post pictures with sunglasses having increased interest to their dating profiles

When it comes to men – expressing themselves romantically scores major points.

Millionaire Matchmaker, Louanne Ward has shared some of her top picture tips with FEMAIL and revealed that when it comes to pictures, the more the merrier.

She said that using all the photo spaces is important, and “The more photos you use, the more likely you are to get results, irrespective of what it is you’re looking for.”

We should all know by now that group shots are a complete no-no when it comes to dating apps.

Louanne said: “This is just annoying and won’t do you any favours.”

It makes it hard to identify the potential partner, and people lose interest quickly on apps nowadays.

Getty – Contributor

Pictures by yourself should be the only way when it comes to dating apps

Be chatty in your profile

You know the one, that super short bio with just an Instagram handle and an emoji in it – and it doesn’t get a second glance.

Those who don’t make the most of however many characters they’re given are missing out on an opportunity to draw in potential love interests who could have similar interests or things in common.

eHarmony’s dating experts have said that size really does matter – as 47 per cent of men and 36 per cent of women have profile bios of 25 words or less – a big no-no.

And the love boffins over at Match.com advise making sure you write about your interests.

They added: “Try to avoid cliches and overused phrases like ‘easy going’. Instead, consider what makes you different from everybody else.”

Humour is also important as many people are looking for someone who can make them laugh, says Marie Clare.

And the last thing, make sure you check your spelling and grammar as these can be a big turn off.

Getty – Contributor

Not making the most of your character allowance on your profile could result in a missed opportunity to connect with someone who has similar interests

Be more forward

A simple ‘hey’ or ‘how are you’ is nice enough when you’re speaking to someone in person for the first time – but when you’re only one person in a sea of matches, a simple ‘hello’ just doesn’t cut it.

It takes effort for a conversation to lift off the ground when it’s started with a single word, so being forward works wonders if you want to stand out succeed in landing yourself a date.

eHarmony revealed that a short opening message leads to a 35 per cent drop in replies – the statistics don’t lie.

If you pay attention to your match’s profile, comment on something going on in one of their pictures or ask some questions about their interests, you’re more likely to get a reply.

And Match.com advises using an intriguing opening line, and make sure it’s personal.

Using a potential date’s name is also a winner but keep the first message short and sweet, about 100 words is just perfect.

And one final tip from Match: “Check the time you send your message.

“You might say you’re busy and leading a fun, full life but if you’re sending messages at 9pm on Saturday, how busy can you be?”

Dust off some of those old chat-up lines… it won’t hurt!

Ghosting has had its time, and now ‘curving’ is the newest cruel dating trend to watch out for.

Are you dating a narcissist? Here are some of the main signs you need to look out for.

And this Take Me Out contestant who used to work in a BURGER VAN is now dating a multi millionaire oil baron who recognised her from her time on the dating show.

In 2004, Chris Manak believed online dating and chatting with women in bars were two of the only options open to him. He lacked the confidence to approach women in other situations, but he longed for more freedom in finding dates. Tired of the limitations, Chris took it upon himself to break out of his shell.

“I wanted to give myself the confidence I never really had. Eventually, I approached girls — and I was doing it for myself,” he said.

As it turned out, women enjoyed talking with Chris, which gave him more confidence than he’d ever experienced before. He had so much success approaching women, in fact, that other guys who struggled with confidence began asking him for advice. By 2008, so many people were interested in his methods that he decided to become a dating coach.

Most of Chris’ clients can be described as successful professional men mostly in their early 30s who simply feel like they’re out of dating options.

“There’s a cliché that my clients must be lovable losers, but I’ve coached everyone from actors to multimillionaires,” Chris said.

Chris’ own dating history is relatable to men who struggle to approach — and date — women who pique their interest. He’s an impactful figure because he’s open about his own challenges.

“I always tell my guys, ‘Fifteen years ago, I was exactly where you are now.’ I want them to discount stuff that’s not right for them and find their own way,” he said.

Chris, who is based in Melbourne, Australia, has gained a devoted following that can get to know him in a variety of ways. Men are often introduced to Chris through his website or book and, for some, these tools are enough to improve their lives.

But others need more individualized attention. That’s why, when Chris takes on a new client, he fully commits to them. He coaches men around the world remotely, via Skype and text message, or in person through one-on-one coaching and day and night workshops.

How to Become a Happier, More Satisfied Version of Yourself

Most of Chris’ clients are like he once was: unhappy meeting women through online dating or by picking them up in bars. Many are surprised that meeting a woman somewhere they often spend time is even possible.

“Most of my clients, 70% or 80%, are not aware of the dating coaching industry,” Chris said. “They say, ‘What do you mean I can approach a girl in a supermarket? Or a bookstore?’ That’s such a foreign concept.”

But that’s the beauty of Chris’ methods: You don’t need a specific situation or location to use them. They work anywhere and at any time.

“If a girl doesn’t want to talk to you, you’ll know right away,” Chris said.

Other clients have confidence issues and don’t always believe that women they meet would be interested in them. For those men, strategies for meeting women aren’t enough. Instead, they need to work on self-image issues first.

“I’ve coached guys with really serious dating anxiety. When a guy talks to a girl, so much anxiety comes up,” he said.

Chris understands that enabling these daters to change their lives — and their self-perceptions — is his most important role. Helping a man value himself more, and recognize why he might be desirable to a woman, is Chris’ primary goal.

Sometimes, this kind of self-reflection helps men recognize that they want to change their lives.

“Sometimes, I have clients who suddenly quit their jobs. It took going out with me on weekends to realize how much they needed change,” Chris said.

Some clients sign up to learn how to meet women, but they end up with a new outlook on life.

Learn to Move Past a “Pick-Up Artist” Mentality

Chris calls himself a dating coach, not a “pick-up artist.” While his services might seem similar to those offered by others in the industry, Chris preaches authenticity. While Chris does help men meet women, he doesn’t encourage the same behavior he sees from other coaches, including asking daters to be coy, or even nasty, in their interactions with women.

“My biggest contributor to the dating coaching field is to make sure each guy approaches dating in his own way,” Chris said.

Chris is so set against pick-up artist strategies that he has written a book that encourages men to forget about what they’ve learned. His book “Approach: The Ultimate Guide to Meeting Women and Developing Confidence in Dating” actively aims to deprogram the strategies daters have learned from pick-up artists. After all, most women are looking for the same things as men.

Chris tries to reprogram guys who have learned methods from pick-up artists.

“The book lets my guys know it’s okay to tell a girl you like her,” he says. “Quit with all the games. Ask her out. Get her phone number. It’s refreshing to get advice that isn’t this usual pick-up artist approach.”

“Approach” came from Chris’ interest in creating a video course for his clients. While working on the videos, he started writing down his ideas. Those ideas transformed into a step-by-step guide that served as a standalone book.

Chris’ straightforward approach and adaptable strategies separate him from other dating coaches, especially those who help men meet women in everyday situations. Chris’ strategy is focused on authenticity.

Chris Manak: Tailoring Dating Strategies to Your Needs

A coaching relationship with Chris may begin with a Skype session in which Chris listens to concerns about meeting women and dating. He’ll ask what’s holding the would-be dater back, and, together, they’ll come up with a plan to boost success.

But Skype coaching isn’t the only way he interacts with clients. Chris also provides phone-based support — whether it’s text or call — and workshops for men trying to meet women in the real world. He offers clients the tools to approach women in any situation in which they find themselves.

“I have day and night sessions in which I’m out with a client and helping them see the opportunities that are right in front of them — in a bar or a supermarket,” Chris said.

Chris offers day or night sessions and workshops to help men learn how to be confident.

With a clientele spread around the world, Chris strives to develop more resources for the men with whom he can’t connect in person. He plans to produce more YouTube video guides, as well as engage clients with more remote coaching.

Chris also works with men in person through a five-week course called The Mega Workshop. This course is designed for Melbourne-area men, or those willing to travel. Each weekend of the workshop, Chris and course participants will have day and evening sessions where they head out together aiming to meet women. The course includes a fashion consultation, a discussion of Chris’ theory behind meeting women, and a breakdown of participants’ conversation skills so they can make a better impression

Many daters have said they find Chris’ methods useful because they’re accessible and individualized. They also learn that they don’t have to play games or pretend to be someone they’re not. Chris stands out from the pick-up artist pack as a dating coach who helps men stay true to themselves while gaining the confidence to approach women anywhere.

‘IDOLS SA’ is over. A record 140 million votes were cast. The youngest top 10 contender won: 17-year-old Yanga Sebetwa. The fan wars are tapering out… Nothing like starting the week on a high note!

#IdolsSA

@Ndinear: Well deserved win for Yanga. She has been consistent and the biggest improvement.

@Iam_Kardas: Congratulations to Yanga! This is the most deserving winner ever.

@Onhwa86: The goosebumps I get whenever #Yanga performs I have never experienced before…

@AuntyBae1: Literally heartbroken! Thank you, @ThatoMakape, for a wonderful showdown! The gods have ordained your journey. It’s straight to the top from here on! Best of luck!

@RaletMaN: IdolsSA is not jika majika… it’s either you sing or you jump.

@OfficialBongile: Yanga’s rendition of ‘Not Yet Uhuru’ better be on her debut album.

@MoPhat_ : “Perfection is overrated, passion speaks to the soul…” – Yanga

@_Hybreed_: Next week, ‘Date My Family’…

You Know!

@IamCatchvibe: The smell of KFC when you are broke and when you have money is not the same. Or is it just me?

Political Takes

@nombonisogasa: South Africa, alive with possibilities. A politician bankrupts a province with corruption. And then fashions himself as an anti-corruption crusader.

@EWAEmily: Rake America Great Again.

Overheard

@RawStory: ‘God will not bless America’: Texas pastor curses nation after ‘Godless’ Democrats win midterms. <<< RT @rezaaslan: Next thing you know we will have presidents f*cking porn stars and locking children in cages!

@Annely98: Children wake up so early, then they make a noise for us to wake up too. <<< RT
@ShayelaNepando: We call them ‘house alarms’.

@2leepurplefairy: Wuuu, this mboga is so delicious. <<< RT
@crazynellz: Fax!

@Brrittneyy_: What’s your best dating advice? <<< RT @NthabiWabi: Stay at home, bruh.

Passing Shots

@ktbonz: My cousin met her husband five years ago on Tinder and is now married with kids but she still has him in her phone as ‘Tom Tinder’.

@HTuuda: Where’s your boyfriend who tracks your period cycle? Can he also track your Aweh and come through, please?

@danielmarven: I wonder how atheists moan during sex? They be like “oh scientific method”…

– Compiled by Jean Sutherlandfrom twitter.com; follow me at @JeanNamibian