Category Archives: Relationships
Hilary Barry dishes out dating advice
Don’t go looking for love, but make time to do the things you love – that’s the message Hilary Barry had for Brodie Kane and Caitlin Marett as she joined them for a candid chat during this week’s Girls on Top podcast.
In a discussion sparked after Caitlin asked how the broadcaster “found” her husband, Barry said any thought of finding a relationship should take a backseat to feeling “happy and whole the way you are, on your own”.
“You know that line in Jerry Maguire, ‘You complete me’? No! You’re complete before that other person came along … there is no void in your life. You are, a fabulous woman … you are complete,” she said.
Caitlin admitted she’d tried a number of avenues in her search for love, even spending a day planting trees on Waiheke in the hope she’d meet a kindred spirit.
“I literally, planted trees with my sister and my brother-in-law, thinking I would find a husband …”
“Stop there,” Barry interjected. “This thinking I will find a husband … you should do activities that you really love, that you love just for doing, but don’t set out to meet people … you’ve gotta let that side of it go.”
“So, just stop, like trying?” Caitlin queried.
“Yup,” said Barry, “but you’re trying in that you’re out there, so you’re joining these groups, you’re planting trees, you’re … joining a choir, joining a painting group …”
When Brodie and Caitlin argued they had busy lives and couldn’t commit the time to extracurricular activities, Barry was blunt: “Yeah, well you need to find time – definitely!”
In a hilarious segment, Barry also revealed that it took months for sparks to fly between herself and her now-husband after they were introduced by a mutual friend in 1996.
In fact, she was initially so unwilling to meet her future love that her friend offered her $100 just to come for one drink with his mate.
“I thought ‘oh, this is beyond tragic’,” she remembered, as she detailed how she and her “wing woman” left the cab waiting outside the bar while they showed up for precisely one drink, before leaving again.
“Mike Barry seemed very handsome and very suave but I just thought … he looked like trouble. He looked too handsome,” she said, laughing.
Thankfully for Barry, her friend didn’t give up on playing match-maker and the couple eventually became an item.
Listen to the full episode below! Girls On Top talk about the challenges facing women in the workplace, dating and body confidence.
Risky Tips [With Kate Quigley]: My Girlfriend Is Suffocating Me
This week on “Risky Tips,” comedian Kate Quigley has some suggestions for a man who seems to get too much attention from his suffocating girlfriend. Poor bastard. Join us for the latest edition of frisky dating advice with our favorite podcast personality. When you’re done here, check out the latest episode of #DateFails at the bottom.
Whattup KQ!
My girlfriend is kind of needy. She wants to be with me all the time, but I like alone time. Can you please help?
Thanks for the laughs,
Loner Boyfriend
Hey there, Loner BF!
This is an especially interesting question for me because I have definitely been “that girl” at times. It’s usually before they’re my boyfriend though. Guys seem to be more “needy,” as you call it, right at the beginning when they’re trying to win you over. I’m sure you’ve been that guy once or twice.
Even if you love alone time, I have found that most guys, when they’re really into a girl, tend to try and make sure there are no other men competing. Whether they do it with a little over-texting or asking what you’re up to every night, men definitely can get a bit clingy when they’re trying to claim their stake. Some women do this early on as well, but most of my girlfriends tend to be much more chill until we actually hold the “girlfriend” title.
That seems to be the turning point where most men want more space, and most women want to leave a toothbrush, tampons and a toolbox of makeup at your house. How the hell do you navigate this mess? It’s a tricky one, but fortunately, I have quite a bit of experience in this department.
Most of the time, when a woman wants to be around you constantly, it’s not really because she’s so insanely in love with you that she just can’t get enough. No one wants to be around the same person all the time. We all need breaks from everyone, but if she insists on being around you 24/7, I would suggest it’s because somewhere, deep inside, she has a fear of losing you. Or a fear of what will happen if she’s not there.
This may not be your fault in any way. It may be her issue completely, and it’s certainly not healthy, but it is common. It may even be something she could use therapy for. Perhaps someone cheated on her, or maybe her father left when she was young, or someone died or ghosted on her unexpectedly, and she has been left with massive abandonment issues! Not that I’m speaking from experience here at all (clears throat). Any of this could lead to her being a bit clingy, possibly even trying to control your actions (again, totally not speaking from experience).
I have a few suggestions for you…
Give Her An All-Access Pass
Give her a key (if she doesn’t have one already). OK now, hear me out: an open invite to come by whenever she wants (not move in). Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. “Isn’t this the exact opposite of more space?” Well, yes and no.
The school of thought is, if you let your kid have an occasional beer, it shows them that drinking isn’t that exciting. Then they will drink less recklessly when party time comes. Same theory here. If she can see you any time, it shows that you’re not going anywhere or doing anything behind her back that you’re worried about her seeing. So then, hopefully, she feels less need to be around you constantly. The more you make it completely apparent that you want to be with her, the more relaxed she should become with you taking space.
This kind of full transparency in relationships has always really worked for me. But everyone is different.
Let’s Play: Make A Deal
I wish I knew more about your relationship. Are you living together? Do you ever want to live together? If you’re not, and you know you never want to, this would be a great time to have a talk about wanting different things and either slowing down or breaking up. Sounds like she’s going to want to live with you eventually if she’s already trying to be with you 24/7.
If you do live together, make a deal. There’s something she loves that she would wish you would do more of. What could that be? Does she love when you shop with her? Does she love a foot massage? Think of something she really enjoys, but she knows you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t love her (and going down on her doesn’t count, but helps!).
If you give her something she wants, like a foot rub, especially when she knows you hate feet, she’s more likely to be open-minded with you when it comes to something you want. During said foot rub, you could maybe put in a request of your own, say, more “me time” for yourself. Functioning relationships are all about quid pro quos. Both of you have to put out a little, even if you don’t always want to.
In my opinion, if you ask her for this and she can’t agree to it, you have every right to find someone who can. Alone time is massively important. It helps you recharge the way vacation does for work.
Buy Her Off: Gifts to Get Her Out of the House
This is slightly conniving, but it is Risky Tips, after all. If you’re positive you want to stay with her, the negotiating and all-access pass didn’t work, and you happen to have a little disposable income, then just keep buying her gift (trips to the spa, concert tickets, maybe go bold with a weekend getaway for her and a girlfriend). She’ll see you as generous and you get what you want, even if it is a little manipulative.
If you love this third option, and it’s still not working for you, (full transparency) I’m currently single, and you should dump her and date me (just kidding, unless you’re into it).
Best of luck! Please let me know what happens!
Kate
Follow Kate on Instagram and subscribe to her YouTube.
Camila Cabello is dating someone new and they might just be the most random couple ever
It turns out the speculation is true.
There has been a lot of talk in recent months that Camila Cabello is in a relationship with British dating coach, Matthew Hussey and the rumours are surprisingly correct.
They might just be one of the best looking couples we’ve ever seen too!
The twenty-one-year-old Havana singer confirmed her romance with Matthew, who is ten years her senior, in a recent Marie Claire interview.
Chatting to the publication, Camila opened up about her relationship for the first time. She seems besotted with Matthew saying:
“He’s so similar to me. In person, we’re just weird and silly and stupid together. He makes me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”
She also revealed that although the pair have been together for a significant period of time she still gets butterflies around him:
“It’s annoying, because we’ve been together for kind of like a long time now, but every time, I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I have to talk now.’”
Matthew is best known for his appearance on the MTV show, Plain Jane and for his YouTube channel, in which he offers subscribers dating and life advice.
Camilla shot to fame on the X Factor USA over five years ago when she was put into the band, Fifth Harmony, a band that was intended to be the female rival of One Direction.
She left the band over a year ago and has since become an award-winning female solo artist, with Havana being one of Spotify’s most-streamed songs by a solo female artist in its history, with more than a billion streams.
Camila is currently supporting Taylor Swift on tour while also embarking on a solo tour of her self-titled album, Camila.
It’s definitely a random match, but you can’t deny they’re both babes.
He broke up with his girlfriend at 19, but is now a dating and life coach in Singapore
Just before entering National Service in Singapore, Marcus Neo, then 19, broke up with his girlfriend, whom he was in a serious relationship with. This incident left him heartbroken and his self-confidence hit rock bottom.
Since he came from a martial arts background, he had a 9am to 5pm job as a self-defence instructor in the military during his national service. So he had a lot of free time. He decided to use this free time to read tons of books — on dating.
“For a typical Asian kid, sex, dating and relationships are important things in life. However, most of these things revolve around luck and fate. This is when I decided to learn how dating really works,” he tells me.
At the military, Neo had only one objective in mind — to impress and fall in love with good-looking girls. So during his breaks, he would go out and meet with different girls. He would study them and apply the tips he got from the books to impress them.
He would spend a lot of time getting numbers from girls then read and analyse their text messages to improve his communication skills.
Also Read: How a lazy student who caught and sold spiders transformed himself into a successful founder
“So for the next few years, I invested most of my time in acquiring various social skills, and I successfully did. I thought to myself that if I could change my luck with girls, I could change my luck with anything — including my finances,” says Neo.
This is how MarcusNeo was born in 2017. MarcusNeo is a platform that publishes practical life and dating advice grounded in psychology. For paying customers, Neo offers live coaching programme.
The childhood
The son of a fishmonger father and clerk mother, Neo aspired to become an entrepreneur from an early age — not because he wanted to become a millionaire but because he wanted financial freedom. As a teenager, he grew up watching parents struggle to make a living. When he was just 12-13 years, his family went bankrupt.
“Problems back home affected my studies,” he shares his story. “Although I got decent grades in school, I started losing interest in academics. At one point in time, I became least interested in what was taught in the school. It never made sense for me to memorise periodic tables in chemistry classes.”
However, a Summer Programme at the University of Berkeley changed his destiny. “This was when I was 23 years. I borrowed some money from my parents, who were recovering from the financial challenges, to go and attend this programme. I opted for music and psychology. This changed my attitude toward academics. Since psychology was my favourite subject, I decided to continue my studies in this discipline.”
So, after obtaining a Diploma in Economics (distant programme) from the University of London, Neo went on to pursue a Bachelor Degree in Psychology at the Singapore University of Social Sciences (SUSS). After graduation, as recommended by a mentor, he went on to consult a professional psychologist to help him manage his finances, relationships and all other areas of life.
“I have experienced failures in school, business and relationships, and have lost money in the stock market. I realise all these failures are rooted in one common denominator — psychology and behaviour. So this intrigued me. I furthered my knowledge and read more books on psychology and human behaviour. And then I went on to launch MarcusNeo,” he adds.
Neo, now 25, works with clients for six months for a price of S$4,000 (US$2,900).
Neo claims that his business gets one to two big-ticket customers per month from organic traffic of search engine optimisation. At present, he has more than 10 paid customers.
In his view, most people tend to sign up for expensive self-help seminars, paying hefty sums and then go home and then come back a year later with nothing much to show in their lives.
“Frankly, knowledge isn’t enough. You need to dig deep into your own psychology so that you can overcome your invisible scripts. A lot of people attempting to fix different areas of their lives that haunted them repeatedly — whether be it a strict upbringing or past trauma — aren’t looking at psychological roots. We at MarcusNeo are helping people do this,” he shares.
According to Neo, while online dating apps are quite popular in Singapore, the industry as a whole is facing some challenges. “It is hard to convince people in a conservative culture like Singapore that dating is learnable like a skillset. Trying to discuss and improve your dating life is not something you normally talk to your friends in the Singapore culture. So, instead of trying to convince people that learning social skillsets is a positive thing, I’m trying to put my product in front of people.”
He says it is easy to promise someone that by attending his coaching programme, one would be able to get a girlfriend. “Instead of trying to market the short-term results (get a girlfriend or get over ex-girlfriend), I’d like to change up the marketing message: you’ll need time and effort the get results. Yes, the immediate objective is to get a girlfriend, but the long-term goal is actually social competence and personality development. You are fixing the root of the problem, as opposed aone-offf quick fix,” he concludes.
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