Category Archives: Relationships
Defining cheating, a husband in leggings, travelling, dating a co-worker, pics of the ex – it's Dear Fifi
I told you I’d be here for you no matter what! I’m writing this from a distinctly dingy room in Chiang Mai in the north part of Thailand as it buckets rain outside. On Thursday I’ll be flying to Myanmar, where you can bet your ass I’ll still be answering questions for you.
Here’s where to do it – it’s completely anonymous.
If you start dating a few women at once, at what point does it become cheating?
How long is a piece of string? It’s different for every situation – I mean, someone you only see occasionally but over a long space of time may not expect exclusivity from you, but then again someone you meet twice and have an intense connection with very well might.
A general rule of thumb is to be honest (yet tactful) from the off. You know yourself when something is beginning to solidify as a “thing”. If you feel like you’re being sketchy, you probably are. When in doubt, don’t. Treat other people as you’d like to be treated. All that good stuff. Cliches are cliche for a reason!
My husband is insisting on wearing leggings. At first he was wearing them around the house which I didn’t really mind. Now he is wearing them out in public. I don’t know what to do or say to him. He looks ridiculous.
For something relatively trivial, this is actually quite a tricky one to navigate. Basically, it’s not ideal to ever dictate what our partners wear simply because we don’t like it if they’re completely comfortable. How you deal with this will be in line with how you deal with anything slightly weird/embarrassing but necessary in a relationship – only you will understand how to get a message across to him gently and without bruising his dignity. Imagine yourself with the shoe on the other foot. What if he hated your makeup or something? Or thought something you wore was faintly ridiculous? What I’m saying is be kind when you broach it.If it really bugs you, open up the conversation with “Look love, those leggings… What about those jeans you have? I love how they look on you.” Figure out why he’s wearing them, why he likes them, and then try to get on board or have a chat about it together. Maybe even find a pair online that aren’t so heinous and give them as a gift. At the end of the day, the hill you want to die on probably isn’t leggings, right?
(It also might be worth having a ponder why exactly him wearing leggings bothers you, if you want to get deeper into this.)
Fifi, I have a pretty big crush on a guy at work. We have excellent banter and there’s definitely chemistry between us that others have noticed but I’m not sure how to progress past this and move into romance/dating. Any advice?
Usually, my advice would be not to shit where you eat. That said, if you really want to shoot your shot, I think it’s worth figuring out what you envisage yourself getting out of it first so you go into it with your eyes open. If you reckon you’re definitely happy enough to embark on a workplace romance (and all the risk that entails in terms of daily contact and potential awkward breakups etc) then go for it. Just make sure you’ve thought it all through.
In that case, choose a mutual interest – type of food, band, movie, activity, event, whatever – and mention that it’s on and you’re really excited about going. Ask him if he’s going and suggest going together. Then he can tactfully say no if he wants or tag along if he’s into it. Keep it casual. Easy, breezy, beautiful. When you’re both at the thing together, it’ll be much easier for this vibe to progress.
I’m really envious of your holiday, but can’t shake the feeling that if I tried to do something similar I’d be bored, get quite depressed, and likely bail early and go home. How rational is it to be this daunted by such prospects?
(For those uninitiated in my personal life, which I’m gonna guess is most of you, I quit my day job recently to travel extensively in South East Asia, hence the basis for this question.)
I was getting a blood test a few weeks before heading off and the doctor asked me how I felt about going. I said, “Nervous and scared, but that’s normal right?” She replied, “It wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t feel that way.” And as for going home early? The last thing my mother said to me was a firm: “Come home if you’re not happy.” It’s okay to feel daunted and it’s okay to try and see, then find it’s not for you. Those are all normal concerns.
The way I look at things that states of being are generally comfortable, but it’s the transition between them that is often challenging. And lookit, we’re all different. For some people, the type of travel I am doing – moving rapidly between cities and countries in a relatively short space of time – would be a nightmare. Others thrive on it. It’s easy to say you don’t know before you try, but there’s truth in that. It’s good to confound your expectations and test out if how you see yourself and the world has any basis in reality every once in a while. Travel is good for that, but so are plenty of other things. Trying new things is absolutely vital, I believe, but that doesn’t have to be something as major as what I’m doing.
I’m surprised you link boredom with the experience of a new culture. Why is that? Have a think. Why do you see yourself this way?
Fifi, what should I do with pictures that I had taken with my ex? Keeping them all in a big folder on my computer feels weird because it was a pretty toxic relationship, but I feel like I’ll regret erasing memories of two years of my life.
Put them on an external harddrive and put that in a shoebox in your room. Delete the folder then. Consider it like a digital memory box, like how you might have kept cinema ticket stubs and cards in the past. Put it in the attic of your mind. You’ll probably be ready to chuck that harddrive in a few years.
Want to talk?
Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always.
'We needed a week': UA coach Kevin Sumlin said Wildcats used bye to rest, recover
No team in the Pac-12 needed a bye week more than Arizona — even if the Wildcats entered last weekend’s break as one of the league’s hottest teams.
The UA — and quarterback Khalil Tate — are finally healthy as it heads into Saturday’s game at No. 8 Washington State.
Tate suffered an ankle injury during the season opener against BYU, and the ailment lingered throughout the season. As recently as four weeks ago, Tate was kept out of a game against UCLA.
It wasn’t just Tate who needed the break. Running back J.J. Taylor rushed a career-high 40 times against Colorado, six days after posting 30 carries in Arizona’s 44-15 win over Oregon. Taylor ranks fourth in FBS in rushing with 1,221 yards; he trails ASU’s Eno Benjamin (1,295), Memphis’ Darrell Henderson (1,446) and Wisconsin’s Jonathan Taylor (1,548).
Arizona’s late bye was a first for coach Kevin Sumlin. Washington State, by comparison, had its bye the second week of October.
“I know we’re one of few teams to play 10 weeks in a row. From that standpoint and just from physical and mental health with the combination of travel and late games 10 weeks in a row, we needed a week,” Sumlin said Monday. “I don’t think there’s been a time in my coaching career in 30 years that we’ve gone to the schedule and played 10 straight weeks in a row.”
What did the UA accomplish during the week off? The Wildcats practiced three times and sought treatment for injuries. Sumlin and his staff dispersed to California, Kansas, Texas, Georgia, Florida and parts of Arizona to recruit. Sumlin said Monday he attended a junior college football game, but didn’t specify which one.
Several players also traveled back to their hometowns for the first time since June, when preseason camp began.
Familiarity with WSU’s Leach
Saturday marks the first time Sumlin and Washington State’s Mike Leach will coach against each other in the Pac-12, but the two have a long history dating to their time in the Big 12 Conference.
Sumlin was the tight ends coach and co-offensive coordinator at Oklahoma from 2003-07. Leach, himself a former Sooners offensive coordinator, was the head coach at Texas Tech from 2000-09.
The coaches have “shared ideas, we’ve visited with each other and we’ve just known each other for a long time,” Sumlin said.
Leach’s quirky personality is part of his charm, whether he’s providing dating advice, referring to slot wide receivers as “elves” or making his picks for which Pac-12 mascots would win if they came to life.
Sumlin said he has plenty of stories about Leach — just none he can repeat.
“Not one that I could share,” he said. “I’ve got plenty of good ones though.”
Minshew’s Cougs chew clock
Washington State quarterback Gardner Minshew is now college football’s top passer with 3,852 yards. Some could even make a case that he’s entered the Heisman Trophy discussion.
Minshew is averaging 385.2 yards per game and completing 69.6 percent of his passes. How does that compare to Tate? Well, Arizona’s quarterback threw for a career-high 350 yards two weeks ago against Colorado. Minshew’s worst statistical performance was a 41-19 road win over Wyoming, in which he passed for 319 yards.
“He has gotten more and more confident throughout the year as he’s played,” Sumlin said of Minshew. “He’s a leader, a competitor, and you see that in games.”
Washington State’s offense is pass-first, but the Cougars have worn down defenses with short passes that serve as runs. The Cougars lead the Pac-12 in time of possession, averaging 32 minutes 54 seconds per game.
WSU ranks 12th nationally in time of possession. Arizona holds the ball for an average of 28:37 per game, the 93rd-best mark in the country.
TV exposure helping Arizona on the recruiting trail
Saturday will mark Arizona’s seventh game (out of 11) this season on ESPN. Next week’s Territorial Cup game against ASU will be televised on Fox Sports 1, marking the Wildcats’ third time on that network this season. Ten of Arizona’s 12 games this season will be played on national television, which Sumlin says has helped the Wildcats in recruiting.
“We’ve been on national TV just about every week, so from a lot of people’s perspective, they’ve seen us,” he said. “That’s been good for us just from brand recognition and people seeing who’s playing and what’s going on. That has helped us.”
Extra points
- Sumlin on Arizona having another kickoff time past 7 p.m. local time: “I don’t control that. It’s my first year in the league, I’ll assess all of that at the end.” Nine of UA’s 11 games this season have had late-night kickoff times, which include this week’s 8:30 p.m. start at Washington State.
- Sumlin shied away from talking about the division race, even though Arizona can win the Pac-12 South if Colorado upsets Utah on Saturday and if the Wildcats win out.
“We’re a better team when we focus on one thing at a time,” Sumlin said.
- Sumlin said he “internally disciplined” freshmen Jamarye Joiner, Dayven Coleman and Darrius Smith after the three were cited for trespassing in the early morning of Oct. 23. According to the Daily Wildcat, which broke the story, Coleman was charged with possession of marijuana and marijuana paraphernalia.
TI's Wise Words On Dating, Money & Treating Women Rounded Up In One Video
If you’ve been feeling the recent T.I. & Tiny’s Family Hustle recaps we’ve been posting, then you’ll be into this round-up of all the loving fatherly advice Tip has given his six children. From money advice to dating must-knows, Clifford Joseph Harris Jr. is a fountain of inspiration for his children as they navigate their way through life.
“Do you know how much work goes into making this much money,” T.I. asks his kids in the video below, as he holds a stack of $17K. “Do you know that there are certain people who don’t make this much money in a year?” After he tells his son that it only took him two hours to make that cash, he explains how it took him years to get to that point. “It took years to put myself in a position to where it only took me an hour or two to get this money. You have to work your way up to that position and it takes hard work, dedication, and sacrifice.”
Check out the full round-up of advice courtesy od Tips.
People Are Horrified By This 1958 Magazine Article Listing ‘129 Ways To Get A Husband’ – LittleThings
Can you believe the 1950s were almost 70 years ago? Time flies, and things have changed a lot over the years — particularly when it comes to dating. If you’re at all in doubt about that fact, just take a look at this article full of dating tips from 1958.
Kim Marx-Kuczynski of Madison, Wisconsin, shared photos of an article called “129 Ways to Get a Husband” on Facebook. She found the article in an old 1958 issue of McCall’s.
“My boyfriend John Bascynski spotted it at a rummage sale and pointed it out. I bought it for a dollar,” Kim told Bored Panda.
After realizing how fascinating and hilarious the article was, Kim took photos of the text and posted them online. Her post now has over 2,700 comments, and when you see these dating tips, you’ll understand exactly why.
“In the United States today there are sixteen million women over the age of seventeen who are not married,” the article begins. “Presumably the vast majority of them would like to be.”
Then there’s a list of 129 dating tips, many of which are, frankly, absurd. Some highlights include crying softly in a corner, carrying a hatbox, and stowing away on a battleship. Single women, take notes.
