A first date can range from fun to mildly terrifying, depending on how nervous you are and whether you’re coming armed with a mental list of appropriate questions to ask. Plus, with so much dating advice out there, it’s easy to get so bogged down with worries about what you should do, that you forget you’re supposed to enjoy yourself.
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The staff members of Channel 4’s First Dates know this better than anyone, I mean, they’ve witnessed hundreds of daters argue, storm off, form friendships and even fall in love. Cosmopolitan UK spoke to Fred, Cici, Sam, Austin, Merlin and Laura, who shared what they’ve learned about what makes a good date. Because they’re pretty much pros by now.
Fred Siriex, Maitre d’ (and professional smooth-talker)
Remember the basics
“It’s about remembering the basics and being true to yourself. Be clear [in] your vision and what you want in the end – what do you want from this date? Do you want to have fun? You may have the ultimate goal of being with that person for the rest of your life and having children, but to do that you have to be able to enjoy the present moment.”
Make a good first impression
“First impressions are important. It’s very difficult because some people don’t know whether to give you a nice hug, whether to shake your hand, is it two kisses, three kisses, one? Some people are less socially capable than others at making a connection, but [don’t write them off] just because they are shy. Once you get to know them, they’re often the people you can relate to and connect with.”
Be positive
“Being confident and positive is very important. I think people have to remember to be open and that we are all the same. When Sarah met David in First Dates Hotel, she wasn’t put with with a guy who on paper [seemed like a match]. But they’re still together.”
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Cici Coleman, waiting staff
Stay calm
“The calmer they are, the better the date is. When you get someone coming in nervous and sweating, it makes everybody really tense. They can’t get their words out or say what they want to say, because they’re too nervous. They’re worrying, ‘What do I look like? Are they going to fancy me?’ and when they get in their own head like that, the date doesn’t start as smoothly as you’d want it to. What I’ve learned – not that I’ve put it into practice myself – is to stay calm.”
Be respectful
“Everyone knows people are nervous, so they should be respectful and give them a chance. We’re all so judgemental. What’s the point of going on a date if you’re going to sit there and judge someone? It’s really hard to put your best foot forward in that kind of environment. Dating’s hard enough as it is.”
Give genuine compliments
“Compliments calm people down and make them feel like their date fancies them. When you’ve got got one person being open [like that], it removes a barrier and allows their date to be open back. When I see a guy giving a girl a compliment I think, ‘Well done mate’. You can see the other person’s reaction and it’s really cute. I used to think it was a bit cheesy, but it’s nice.”
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Sam Conrad, waiting staff
Be present
“I guess I’ve been the fly on the wall, watching what’s good and bad. And it’s simple things like just being in the room. Don’t be on your phone! If you are going on a date, your phone needs to be in your coat, and your coat needs to be in the cloakroom. You need to be present and in the moment. That’s one thing I’ve really noticed about a lot of dates, people use their phones as a way of escaping from the situation.”
Go with it
“Be yourself. The good dates aren’t necessarily the confident people, but the people that go with the flow. Try not to put yourself under too much pressure and just be nice. I know it’s quite cliché, but what will be, will be. Either it will work out, or it’ll crash and burn. You’ll still get a laugh out of it, even if it goes really badly.”
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Austin Ventour , waiting staff
Don’t flirt with other people
“Definitely the worst thing I’ve seen people do on dates is flirt with me. Openly giving me the eye, or being over-talkative with me in a flirty manner. And they do it in front of their date! Not only is that bad manners, it’s rude to their date as well.”
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Be relaxed and completely yourself
“There was this one couple, who are my favourite that I’ve had so far. The guy was really nervous, but we seemed to get on from the start. We had an agreement that we’d get tequila shots ready for when his date arrived. That was really cool, and went really well. Then, out of nowhere, he pulled out a guitar and he started serenading her out on the patio. They actually got together! His schmoozing, and him just being himself, meant he could be more relaxed.”
Merlin Griffiths, bartender
Prepare
“I think the main thing is to be prepared. You’re feeling fresh, you’re looking your best and you’re there to show off the best elements of your personality. Be prepared to listen, to accept a compliment and give a compliment. If they go into it open-hearted and open-minded, and embrace the whole experience, they tend to be the ones that have the most success.”
Don’t be fake
“Don’t fake it. Be real and be yourself. That really is the best thing you can do. Always be true to yourself.”
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Laura Tott, waiting staff
Don’t talk about your ex too much
“I’ve seen people talk about exes on dates quite a lot, and that’s obviously not the best thing to be talking about. A lot of people switch off, and I can tell because we’re good at reading people’s facial expressions now. It’s awkward. I think if you’re bringing up an ex on a date, it does kind of imply you’re not over them. If you’re happy and you’ve moved on, and are talking about a fond memory, then that’s fine. But repetitive chat about your ex must make people think, ‘I don’t think this person is quite over it.”
Giving presents really works
“Whenever I envisioned what I would love on a first date, I always thought that getting a gift was quite tacky. Now, I’ve watched it in the restaurant and some of the people that do it end up being some of the best first dates. Nowadays, you just don’t get that because it’s all dating apps and there’s no romance. It melts my heart when they bring some flowers or make something for their date. It took me quite a few series to think that, but now, when someone brings a present and I’m like, ‘Yes!” It shows someone’s put thought into it, which, for a blind date is quite a big risk.”
Series 10 of First Dates starts April 4 at 10pm on Channel 4.
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