Relationships Talk

A Dash of Love

(Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

‘Does it bring you joy?’

The phrase, uttered by Emily Gilmore in Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, as she rummaged through her belongings in an effort to declutter her life, was our first taster of the KonMari method.

Made famous by Marie Kondo, who this month launched the series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix, the technique can be summed up as follows: ‘tidy your space, transform your life’.

But what if the messiest part of existence isn’t about badly folded clothes and a lack of plastic storage boxes, but about decluttering the area that bring so many of us, so much grief?

We are of course talking about dating.

Imagine this: you’re standing in front of a sock drawer, but instead of footwear in various colours and patterns, you’ve got categories of all kinds of partners, neatly organised in a row.

Depending on your personal experience, there’ll be platonic relationships and besties, followed by f*** boys, occasional hook-ups, a whole load of dating apps (and conversations that are stuck in an endless loop of ‘how’s your day been’), exes and f*** buddies (the same category for some), crushes, casual-with-potential dates and current partners.

Getting your dating life in order isn’t as easy as folding socks, but we’ve consulted with a few experts to provide some top tips on how to do dating, Marie Kondo style.

‘Marie Kondo is a genius in term of how she simplifies life right down to what matters most – joy,’ relationship expert, Kate Mansfield, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘I help women in a similar way to really let go of what is not working in their love lives and to do this I include a decluttering process in a 12-week course by insisting on spending one month not dating, or taking a break from their current relationship and doing a thorough detox of behaviours, beliefs and activities that don’t bring joy, love and romance into their lives.

‘So often we get used to what is familiar and accept not just a lack of joy, but much worse than this, we often accept behaviour and relationships that destroy and rob us of joy in the rest of our lives, because of how it makes us feel about ourselves.’

Telling your significant other that you want a 30-day break might cause some friction, so here are a few practical tips on how you can work together to reboot your relationship.

If you’re single, we feel your pain. Navigating the fragile dating landscape can be difficult, stressful and disappointing. You can’t change how others behave, but you can improve your own methods.

Maybe you’re overloading on dating apps, flicking through four or five different ones at the same time, but not really investing your time in any conversations. Or, perhaps you’re committing your time to people who aren’t emotionally available and don’t treat you the way you deserve?

Martina Mercer, sex and relationships expert at Sunday Woman, tells Metro.co.uk her best tips for how singles can boost their love lives.

First up is the obvious – saying goodbye to exes and removing the evidence of past love.

She said: ‘When we’re single, we tend to keep a tentative hold onto our ex partners, just to remind us that someone loved us and to ensure there’s someone for a booty call.

‘This contact could be holding you back. Unless there’s a strong chance you will try again, delete their number, cut contact and perform closure on the relationship.

‘Decluttering your memories is not as easy as it once was, with Facebook, email and various social networks reminding you of what you’ve lost. It may take some time but delete those emails that you read after a glass of wine, clean up your Facebook memories, tidy up your Insta feed and remove traces of the past.

‘If you’re dating via the internet, you’ll have a lot of potential suitors. Using the decluttering method, decide if they give you joy or happiness.

‘If they leave you uncertain, cut contact and try not to keep a “just in case I’m desperate” pile of dates. You’ll never need them once you move forward.’

Before you go deleting dating apps and phone numbers, or redefining your entire relationship with your partner, sit down and go through what’s lacking (if anything) in your love life.

Decluttering to a drastic degree can be a regretful practice, if you suddenly start stripping out pieces that you later find you actually wanted to keep.

And sadly, replacing love isn’t as easy as picking up a new pair of socks.

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Whatever the problem, count on eternal besties Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King to dole out solid advice on how to solve it. That’s exactly what happened when Winfrey and King appeared in Oprah Magazine’s The OG Chronicles this week and answered questions from fans that touched on a variety of relationship issues.

In the six-minute video of what will surely be the first of many in the OG Chronicles (“OG” = Oprah and Gayle) series, Winfrey and King chortle and counsel their way through questions that touch on everything from keeping a relationship sexy and fresh to advising a writer on whether its OK to give up a phone pass code to deciding once and for all whether it’s OK to sleep with someone on the first date. It’s not only a rare treat to see these BFFs together, but it’s a serious delight to see them trading dating advice and anecdotes from their own experiences, allowing viewers rare insight into their personal lives.

First up: advising empty nesters on how to keep their marriage sexy and exciting. Winfrey, who draws on her long-term relationship with Stedman Graham and recounts the hilarious and unexpected reaction she got from him when she wore lingerie, recommended the writer ask their partner what they want. King agreed, recalling her own misfortunes when she tried to surprise her ex by revealing a sexy outfit hidden under a trench coat (it apparently didn’t go over well).

When it comes to handing over the phone pass code to a significant other, Winfrey says no but King is all for it. Sleeping together on a first date? Winfrey and King gave fervent nos, but laughingly questioned whether they were just too old to even comment on that. Handling a boyfriend who is lying about having a job? Winfrey gives solid advice on that, telling the writer to tell their boyfriend “Boy, bye!” for his lie.

The entire video is just a treat, with Winfrey and King laughing their way through the advice-giving and teasing one another for their dating histories. And bonus: They really do dole out solid dating advice, so why not listen to them?