Relationships Talk

When it comes to online dating, Elie Seidman knows what makes people swipe right. As CEO of Tinder, the innovative digital matchmaking app, he has helped thousands of people make a connection and, for better or worse, reinvented the dating world along the way. After taking over the company from founder Sean Rad in January 2018, Seidman, who previously ran dating site OkCupid, has helped grow Tinder into a global brand and digital innovation leader.

Here, he reveals his tips and tools for getting the most out of every day.

[Photo: Marble Rye Photography, courtesy of Blue Bottle Coffee]What’s your on switch?

Having kids has made me an early riser. My day begins at 5 a.m. On a good morning, I’ll go to Equinox and do a core workout inspired by training I took at David Kirsch‘s gym when I lived in New York. Then I’ll swim. I’m a coffee aficionado, and when I get home, I’ll make Blue Bottle pour-over coffee while listening to NPR.

Before heading into the office, I like to put together priorities for the day: the things that must be done today, and work out how they ladder up into the rest of the week/month/year’s priorities. Doing this ensures that my schedule doesn’t control me, because I’m mindful of the big picture.

What’s your off switch? 

Since I’m an early riser, I also tend to end the day on the early side. Many mornings, I’m out of the house before my wife and kids are up, so I make a point of getting home for dinner most nights of the week, and I’ll put my kids to bed. My wife and I will catch up over a Cabernet. My mother is French, so my appreciation of wine started early.

I watch very little television and end all screen time a few hours before going to sleep. I love books and like to read fiction to wind down. A great book pulls my mind somewhere else.

What books are on your nightstand? 

Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

This book is ultimately about the role of luck in life. It made me think about the magic of randomness and reminds me to be appreciative and grateful. We often attribute too much control over our own destiny, when in fact so much is related to luck. Correlation is frequently mistaken for causation.

The Score Takes Care of Itself: My Philosophy by Bill Walsh

This is, in my opinion, the best book on leadership by far. It’s by a football coach, but it’s not actually about football. The core idea is the results are symptoms and you need to manage the process. If you are successful in managing the process, the symptom (or result) takes care of itself. For so much of what we do, it’s how good the team is and how well it works together. The results are a symptom of that team cohesion.

The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit: A Jewish Family’s Exodus from Old Cairo to the New World by Lucette Lagnado

My mother grew up in France, but she was born in Egypt. This book is about the world her parents lived in. It’s a beautiful and sad story about the joys of living. It’s about the beauty of day-to-day life. This book has deeply impacted me. It reminds me to be present every day. I spend very little time thinking about what my life will be in 5, 10, or 15 years. Your life is essentially your days; so if you want a good life, focus on having good days.

[Photo: courtesy of IWC]What classic product do you still use because you believe nobody’s ever improved on it?

I love gadgets. Honestly, there are so many things I could talk about here. I have an analog IWC Big Pilot watch. I’ve had it for 15 years, and I don’t see a need to get anything else. The 1987 Toyota FJ60 Land Cruiser. It’s a classic for a reason. The 1980s Mercedes 300 TD is an indestructible car with an engine known for easily going a million miles. A headphone amp with vacuum tubes. The sound produced from vacuum tubes is entirely unique. And paper and pen. Nothing will ever improve upon it.

When it comes to online dating, Elie Seidman knows what makes people swipe right. As CEO of Tinder, the innovative digital matchmaking app, he has helped thousands of people make a connection and, for better or worse, reinvented the dating world along the way. After taking over the company from founder Sean Rad in January 2018, Seidman, who previously ran dating site OkCupid, has helped grow Tinder into a global brand and digital innovation leader.

Here, he reveals his tips and tools for getting the most out of every day.

[Photo: Marble Rye Photography, courtesy of Blue Bottle Coffee]What’s your on switch?

Having kids has made me an early riser. My day begins at 5 a.m. On a good morning, I’ll go to Equinox and do a core workout inspired by training I took at David Kirsch‘s gym when I lived in New York. Then I’ll swim. I’m a coffee aficionado, and when I get home, I’ll make Blue Bottle pour-over coffee while listening to NPR.

Before heading into the office, I like to put together priorities for the day: the things that must be done today, and work out how they ladder up into the rest of the week/month/year’s priorities. Doing this ensures that my schedule doesn’t control me, because I’m mindful of the big picture.

What’s your off switch? 

Since I’m an early riser, I also tend to end the day on the early side. Many mornings, I’m out of the house before my wife and kids are up, so I make a point of getting home for dinner most nights of the week, and I’ll put my kids to bed. My wife and I will catch up over a Cabernet. My mother is French, so my appreciation of wine started early.

I watch very little television and end all screen time a few hours before going to sleep. I love books and like to read fiction to wind down. A great book pulls my mind somewhere else.

What books are on your nightstand? 

Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

This book is ultimately about the role of luck in life. It made me think about the magic of randomness and reminds me to be appreciative and grateful. We often attribute too much control over our own destiny, when in fact so much is related to luck. Correlation is frequently mistaken for causation.

The Score Takes Care of Itself: My Philosophy by Bill Walsh

This is, in my opinion, the best book on leadership by far. It’s by a football coach, but it’s not actually about football. The core idea is the results are symptoms and you need to manage the process. If you are successful in managing the process, the symptom (or result) takes care of itself. For so much of what we do, it’s how good the team is and how well it works together. The results are a symptom of that team cohesion.

The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit: A Jewish Family’s Exodus from Old Cairo to the New World by Lucette Lagnado

My mother grew up in France, but she was born in Egypt. This book is about the world her parents lived in. It’s a beautiful and sad story about the joys of living. It’s about the beauty of day-to-day life. This book has deeply impacted me. It reminds me to be present every day. I spend very little time thinking about what my life will be in 5, 10, or 15 years. Your life is essentially your days; so if you want a good life, focus on having good days.

[Photo: courtesy of IWC]What classic product do you still use because you believe nobody’s ever improved on it?

I love gadgets. Honestly, there are so many things I could talk about here. I have an analog IWC Big Pilot watch. I’ve had it for 15 years, and I don’t see a need to get anything else. The 1987 Toyota FJ60 Land Cruiser. It’s a classic for a reason. The 1980s Mercedes 300 TD is an indestructible car with an engine known for easily going a million miles. A headphone amp with vacuum tubes. The sound produced from vacuum tubes is entirely unique. And paper and pen. Nothing will ever improve upon it.

8th Jan 19 | Lifestyle

As a French author says women in their 50s are too old for him to date, Jenny Stallard talks to those who disagree – and gets their advice.

Dating is a minefield, there’s no two ways about it. From ghosting to first date nerves, there isn’t a single person out there who doesn’t have a horror story. So it’s not that helpful when people make comments that add to the melee that is single life.

But French writer Yann Moix has done just that, saying in an interview with Marie Claire magazine that he found women over 50 ‘too old’ to love. While he also offered the caveat that many women wouldn’t want him either (Moix, a novelist and film director, is 50), he said: “The body of a 25-year-old woman is extraordinary. The body of a woman of 50 is not extraordinary at all.”

I’m really shocked by #YannMoix’s comments….particularly in this day and age when 50 year olds can look like 25 year olds. Needless to say….Love should never be based on looks alone 😌 #quelidiot!

— Jennifer L Cahill (@JLCAuthor) January 8, 2019

But it just isn’t true, say experts. Dennie Smith is 57 and runs dating agency Old Style Dating. She says: “That’s really rude and just not true. [In many cases] older women are looking after their bodies more than younger women.”

Smith added that she has many clients who are 50 and over, the majority of whom are “all having good sex”. But if you want to date and you’re over 50, how to start? Smith and others share their advice…

Give it a go

“I can understand it’s scary, and the first time for some, but if you don’t try, you don’t know,” says Smith. “Yes we are independent in our 50s, but you still want company.”

Find a decent agency or app

Sorry @MrYannMoix we completely disagree. Women over 50 are not invisible. They are not ‘unloveable’. In fact they are bloody sexy. 💛💛💛 pic.twitter.com/rZg2zNWi7C

— Lumen (@Lumenapp) January 8, 2019

“If you go with a respectful agency, you should be able to avoid getting rude pictures,” says Smith. “Yes, there are lots of free apps, but you’re exposed to all sorts of things…” There are many to choose from, including Smith’s agency, but you could also try Lumen, an app aimed at those over 50.

Ezgi Ceren, dating expert at Once says: “Do not be afraid to trust in technology that is available to make your dating life easier. Don’t invest your time in dates that are not going to go anywhere – be honest and upfront with your date about what you are looking for, and if they have other ideas, do not be afraid to move on.

“It’s important to take your time finding someone who is right for you, so that you enter a meaningful relationship that is much more likely to stand the test of time.”

Ghosting is a no-no at any age

(Thinkstock/PA)

It’s something you might associate with time-poor phone-addicted 20-somethings, but ghosting is common at any age when you’re dating, and is the biggest no-no, says Smith. “The rules apply at any age – it’s polite to reply if you’re sent a message. Be honest with your photo, and completely be yourself on your profile,” she advises.

Compromise is key

The irony to this story is this guy has no idea of how many young guys (early 20’s) message women over 50 on dating sites/apps. #toooldover50 #GMB

— Jacqui (@awrightdisaster) January 8, 2019

Jacqui Wright is in her 60s, and through experience has become something of an expert in dating for those over 50. She says: “Don’t take it too seriously, and you have to realise the goal posts have changed. Be prepared to compromise on some level.”

Watch out for scammers

“It’s easy to get scammed as an older dater. Many scammers use profiles that say they’re peace keepers in Syria, army generals or doctors, [and usually say they are] widowed with a young child and looking to relocate to England,” advises Wright.

Know that one person’s opinion isn’t everyone’s

I’ve dated many beautiful women in their fifties and in my opinion, given my experience, you don’t know what you’re talking about #YannMoix

— Mark Dawson (@mfinancedawson) January 7, 2019

Yes, Moix is entitled to his opinion, but a quick look at the response on Twitter, and it’s certain that not everyone agrees with. Take heart, and don’t place his views into the mouths of the other 50-somethings you might date.

© Press Association 2019