Category Archives: Relationships
Ex who never believed in marriage is getting married – Detroit Free Press
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Hi, Carolyn: I’m finding myself in one of those surreal stories where I invested years (six of them) in a relationship with someone who insisted he did not believe in marriage and finally ended things with me so he didn’t deprive me of what I wanted, only to wind up engaged to someone else about 10 seconds later. I found out through the grapevine – small town – and he contacted me shortly after that, knowing I would have heard, to ask if I wanted to meet up and talk over the circumstances behind his engagement.
Do I? Yes, I am burning with curiosity about how someone who found something negative to say about every marriage on earth is now willingly entering one of his own. But I am also afraid of how it will feel to hear itemized every reason I don’t measure up to Future Mrs. Ex.
Do I take him up on this offer, or let it lie?
– Sad
Let it lie. What he did is terribly painful. It also was very likely unintentional. Unwitting, too.
People who don’t want to do something find ways not to. When they think they should want to do it, or even wish they wanted to, they often start to rationalize. So, a person in a relationship with someone he doesn’t want to marry often will rationalize a bunch of reasons that Marriage: The Institution! is wrong for him.
It sounds kinder, too, to say to someone you love. “Marriage isn’t for me” – soft – vs. “You aren’t for me,” ouch. (Yes, we can love people we don’t want to marry.)
Read more:
Should she date an old flame even if he’s still married?
Then, whaddaya know, he meets someone he does want to marry. And only then sees all the prior reasons as merely conjured up to explain what he couldn’t otherwise explain, because he never really understood it himself.
This is actually pretty common. Plus, it’s way better than pushing doubts aside and marrying anyway – since that eventually unravels anyway, only later and more painfully.
I know this is not going to be persuasive in the least right now, but maybe it’ll feel right to you down the road: It’s not even about you, really, or whether you “measure up.” It’s not about worthiness at all. It’s about fit. And you two, for whatever reason, didn’t fit.
You don’t need lunch to say this goodbye.
Hi, Carolyn: I was cooking and my phone was upstairs charging, and I missed several calls from my boyfriend. His car was towed. I didn’t notice the calls, and he got a friend to help.
He now says I’m not there for him, cannot be depended on, and that it’s a relationship red flag. I’m always present and usually answer his calls immediately – I’m not sure how to respond, and surprised he’s turning this one event into a symptom and symbol of our whole relationship. What to do?
– There for Him
“If innocently missing a call means I’m not dependable, then you’re right. My ability to ‘be there’ for anyone will always be imperfect and subject to random obstacles. I’ll miss you but you want something I can’t give, so breaking up is for the best.”
He’s being punitive and irrational. So, green flag: Hit the gas and go.
Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
Read or Share this story: https://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2019/01/07/marriage-dating-advice/2472712002/
Drake kissed a 17-year-old girl onstage in 2010 – The Daily Dot
An unearthed video of Drake kissing, touching, and hitting on a 17-year-old fan is gaining lots of attention in the wake of Surviving R. Kelly, which documents numerous allegations of Kelly’s sexual abuse against minors.
The clip is from a Colorado show in May 2010, according to TMZ.
He welcomes the young fan on stage and starts by slow dancing with her. That’s not unusual; other performers often bring fans up on stage for a little dance moment.
Then he spins her and gets close to her, then smells her hair. He asks her about her shampoo; that’s where it starts to get a little more intimate—and upsetting.
But the clip gets really alarming when kisses the back of her neck. The crowd erupts in cheers.
“Y’all gonna have me get carried away again,” he says in the video. “I get in trouble for shit like this; how old are you?”
She tells him she’s 17.
“Seventeen? How do you look like that? You thick. Look at all this,” he responds.
Knowing her age didn’t seem to make him back off, though.
Before he sends her off stage he kisses her cheeks, forehead and then plants one right on her lips.
He tells her “I had fun.” and “I like the way your breasts felt against my chest.”
It’s important to note that at the time of this video recording, Drake was 23 and the age of consent in Colorado is 17. Colorado makes exemptions for 15- and 16-year-olds, too; they can consent to sex with someone up to ten years older.
But the video reignites suspicion around the rapper; after the video surfaced, Twitter users called Drake out for his behavior with younger women.
so… again…
and honestly this isn’t just about drake. people are not asking questions that should be asked. And it’s real easy to watch #SurvivingRKelly and say “why didn’t anyone xyz…” but there’s a lot of folks hooting & hollering in this video.https://t.co/SU93YdIamY
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) January 5, 2019
Me watching drake grope a 17y/o pic.twitter.com/YcO9EQJZyO
— keezy beats (@thegodofcanada) January 6, 2019
That vid of Drake w that 17 year old makes me cringe & want to throw up 🤢
— Beth 🦢 (@Bethany01219696) January 6, 2019
Drake’s a predator too. Even if they are 17/18.
— Rocky Bakari (@RockyBakari) January 6, 2019
That video of Drake and the 17yo is DISGUSTING! “You’re 17? Why you look like that?” UMM BITCH WTF, that’s HER body why can’t YOU keep your hands to yourself? AND he still mentions he likes her breasts and goes on to kiss her…🙄
— 🍷 (@zulemaaaaaa_) January 6, 2019
During a red carpet interview at the 2018 Emmys, Millie Bobby Brown, the 14-year-old Stranger Things actress, told a reporter that she and Drake text.
“He’s a great friend and a great role model,” she told Access Hollywood. “We just texted each other the other day. He was like, ‘I miss you so much,’ I was like, ‘I miss you more,’ he’s great.”
She explained that the rapper gives great dating advice.
But despite Brown’s insistence that their relationship is innocent, the news still raised eyebrows online.
when we found out drake, 31, is texting millie bobby brown, 14, talking bout “i miss you so much” pic.twitter.com/YkPdIdg4EK
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) September 18, 2018
And there was speculation Drake was dating 18-year-old model Bella Harris over the summer of 2018. While legal, the pair seems to have been close since Bella was 16.
Both have denied any sort of romantic relationship.
H/T TMZ
The secret to nailing the biggest online dating day of the year: wear sneakers – Well+Good
If dating apps had a Super Bowl, or an Oscars, or a Mardi Gras … today is that day. According to the data scientists at Hinge, Bumble, OKCupid, and more, Sunday is always the busiest online dating day of the week. (As you try to make sure that next weekend is better than the one you just had?) But Sunday, January 6, is predicted to be the biggest of the year.
And it’s based on math, from the past two years. According to Hinge data, on the first Sunday after New Year’s Day, you’re likely to get a 20 percent bump in conversations and a 36 percent higher response to messages.
“It’s the perfect trifecta,” Julie Spira, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, told USA Today. “You have people recovering from a breakup or who were down during the holidays, you have all those New Year’s resolutions, and you have the clock ticking down to Valentine’s Day.”
But hey, do we really need to be so fear-based about it? Here’s a better way to count down the clock to Valentine’s Day: being all about the (self-)love, with daily restorative yoga sessions, followed by a hot bath with your rose quartz crystals. Now that’s a good time.
Women are 166 percent more likely to get “likes” on a photo where they’re playing sports. (For men, it’s only 45 percent.)
But! If you’re working that app game, today is the day when your efforts will reach the biggest audience. (If you’re going to do it, do it right…right? Optional: Blast “All I Do Is Win” while you swipe.)
So, besides the importance of January 6 in pretty much every single person’s social life, what else have the dating experts uncovered as they dug into the data?
First of all, let’s talk about selfies. They are 40 percent less likely to receive a “like”—and bathroom selfies are 90 percent less likely to get one, according to Hinge data. Same for Snapchat filters: They shoot down your chance of getting a reaction by 90 percent.
Black and white photos, though? They’re twice as likely to get a reaction than color pics. For women particularly, these are the go-to engagement boosters: smiling with teeth (up 76 percent), looking away from the camera (up 74 percent), and standing alone (up 69 percent). So, here’s your best excuse to do a moody black-and-white photo shoot while you look wistfully into the distance (AKA the dream!). Just don’t wear sunglasses—or you’ll see “likes” plummet 41 percent.
Speaking of living the dream, this data point was by far the most interesting from the Hinge deep dive: Women are 166 percent more likely to get “likes” on photos where they’re playing sports. (For men, it’s only 45 percent.) And yes, that means out of everything in your closet, the one thing you should wear in your profile pics is the thing you want to wear all the time, anyway: your sneakers.
There’s so much depressing news about dating—case in point: rebating, orbiting, and of course ghosting—that this feels like a major breakthrough. If we’re now living in a world where posting an action shot from a tennis match, in all your sweaty, sneaker-clad glory, gets you more dates than the old heels-and-a-nice-dress approach, then maybe the future really is female. And hey, you might as well set expectations early—because you’ll probably be wearing sneakers on your first date, anyway.
