Category Archives: Relationships
Online dating explained – what’s the difference between Tinder, Bumble, Grindr and how do the dating apps wor – The Sun
MORE and more people are turning to apps in a bid to find love as the stresses of daily life seemingly leave little time to find someone in real life.
But apps are also a handy way to suss out the competition, and can provide an outlet for spontaneous fun or just an interesting rummage through who’s available.
Having a dating app on your phone is as normal as having social media
Tinder
Tinder is one of the most well-known dating apps with users in 196 countries, and boasts 1.6 billion swipes per day and more than 20 billion matches per week.
Launched in 2012 the free app remains a heavyweight in the dating game, with a high chance you have either been on there yourself or know someone who is.
When signing up, you give personal info such as your name and age.
You can share a little or a lot of information about yourself, but you’re more likely to get a match the more you share.
Alamy
Tinder is the most popular dating app of the moment
There’s room for photos and you pick one to be your main image.
You have a bio to fill out, your likes are listed and if you link to Facebook it will reveal if you and a potential date have interests or friends in common.
You select who you’re interested in and an age and distance range, then you’re ready to swipe.
Clicking on someone’s picture will bring up their full profile, and Tinder has added new features such as “superlikes”, although the number of free ones are limited per day.
If someone superlikes you, you will get a notification even if you have never seen their profile, and you can choose to respond.
For others, if you’ve liked a person or they’ve liked you, once the other party presses like as well you get a match.
You will both be notified and then you can strike up a conversation.
Bumble
Founded in 2014, Bumble is a female-focused app where women make the first move and it is taking the world by storm.
Similarly to Tinder, you have a profile with photos, your name, age and likes.
Describing itself as “a movement”, they have tips on how to make a profile stand out.
They suggest making sure your first photo is your best, keep the highlight reel real, ensure to include lots of information, flaunt your ‘most special and specific self’, and ask a guy mate to give it the once over.
Alamy
Bumble aims to put women in control
On Bumble, when a man and woman match – only the woman can send the first message.
For LGBT+ users, either can make the first move within 24 hours.
The app is designed to shake up old-fashioned power dynamics by putting women in control.
But there is a time limit of 24 hours, so if no message is sent the match disappears.
For a man, they too have a 24-hour time limit to respond to a message or the match will vanish.
Grindr
Alamy
Grindr is predominantly for for gay, bi trans and queer people
Grindr advertises itself as the “world’s largest social networking app for gay, bi trans and queer people”.
Pre-dating Tinder, Grindr launched back in 2009 and has a location feature allowing people to see who’s online and nearby, and also connect with people anywhere in the world.
People can customise what type of person they’re looking for, and like Bumble and Tinder they have a swipe feature.
You can chat and share photos for free, but if you want more you can upgrade to XTRA to six times as many profiles ad-free.
How do the dating apps work?
The apps are like speed dating and a lonely hearts ad combined.
By being on there, you’re advertising that you’re looking for fun, love or a relationship, while being able to swipe through so many potentials brings in the speed dating element, trying to meet as many people at once.
Most are free but have a premium version where users can pay extra for some benefits.
After matching on the apps, conversation usually follows, but this is not always the case.
But if a chat goes well, this usually leads to a face-to-face meet-up, and potentially more dates.
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CLOSE SHAVE
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BARGAIN BUY
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WARDS AWAY
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NO LOVE LOST
Students who went on blind date go viral with VERY different thoughts on night
CLASS ACTS
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In many cases love blossoms, and these apps now credit themselves with being behind weddings and children.
If you’re meeting up with someone for the first time make sure you stay safe as it still is a blind date.
Tell people where you are going and try to meet in a public place.
Bumble bride Sarah Edwards and husband Pau talk about their wedding in Las Vegas on Christmas Day, after they met on a dating app
6 tips to go from first swipe to first date in 7 days – ABC News
Bela Gandhi is the founder and president of the Smart Dating Academy, a coaching agency that helps clients “make dating fun, inspiring and focused” in their pursuit of a meaningful relationship. You can follow her and Smart Dating Academy on Instagram.
Online dating and first dates — the mere mention of these phrases can put butterflies or knots in our stomach. First, take a deep breath and realize that most people feel this way and that the purpose of dating is to have fun and relax. Second, tell yourself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, so that you set your expectations the right way.
We want instant gratification in everything we do nowadays, so tell yourself that it may take 10, 25, 50 or 100 dates to find someone you connect with. And, most importantly, it’s easier than you might think to get from messaging on an app to a bona fide date in a week or less.
Here are six ways to do it:
The first step after seeing someone you’ve liked or matched with is to message him/her proactively. In today’s age, it’s fine for either the man or woman to initiate contact, so fire away. Don’t overthink the message — you don’t need to be Shakespeare or an “SNL” comedian. Just look for things in the person’s profile that are interesting or things that you have in common. And, you can use lots of things as clues, including their photos, profile text, interests, etc. If there is nothing you can connect on (which is unusual), start with a fun icebreaker, like “Peanut butter: smooth or crunchy?” Or “Love dogs or cats?” Remember, the goal is to get from the site to an actual date, so don’t get caught up in overtexting.
A great way to gauge if someone is interested is thinking about a tennis match. One person serves the ball, the other person hits it back, then you hit it back and so on. Good messages have a frequent cadence and a good exchange of information and fun banter. Keep in mind if someone seems fairly unresponsive or answers your thoughtful questions with a “yes” or “no” repetitively, take this as a sign that you should move on. Online dating is a game that moves fast and you want to spend time on people who actually want to meet up versus having a pen pal.
When we feel that we are talking with someone highly desirable, we often overlook obvious red flags because the person is super hot, successful, funny, etc. Always trust your gut. If the person you’re talking with seems too sexual for your liking, negative, angry or controlling, trust your gut and stop communicating with them.
After several good exchanges, the next step is to take it to the phone. Talking on the phone does two things: screens out “crazies” who can’t keep their crazy in the closet for more than 10 minutes and builds connection. It’s way less awkward to meet someone you’ve even briefly chatted with than meeting someone cold. You know what to expect and can even build some chemistry on the call. It shouldn’t be long, anywhere from 10-20 minutes. Even if you’ve got a great connection, don’t spend hours on the phone. You want to leave something to talk about on the date.
One note: just because someone might be shy or not great on the phone, that’s not always a good reason to eliminate them. Often, people feel weird about talking on the phone and will be better in person. One of my clients was talking to a guy for the first time. He was from Spain and quickly said, “I’m much better in person than I am on the phone. Would you be open to meeting me for coffee today?” They are now engaged to be married this year.
Once you’ve chatted and think the person is a good fit, ask for the date. Great first dates are short and sweet — no more than two hours. Getting active is always fun: go for a walk, a hike or a bike ride. Don’t offer or commit to an “epic” first date like a sports game or a concert and dinner, because you’ll potentially be trapped for hours. A great way to set boundaries for the date is to say, “Could we meet for a drink from 6-7:30 p.m.? I’ve got dinner plans at 8 and would love to meet you beforehand.” This gives you a smooth way to exit and, even if the date is going wonderfully, feel free to leave on time — and leave them wanting more!
Dating is a long game that could take months or years for most of us. Finding the right partner is the most important thing you’ll ever do, so staying patient, positive and perseverant are everything in this endeavor. Tell yourself that “love will definitely come to me and I’m in it for as long as it takes,” and strap in for a fun ride.
Happy dating!
Risky Tips [With Kate Quigley]: The Dating Detox Challenge – Mandatory
A New Years resolution comes and goes faster than a Whac-A-Mole, but if you’re going to give up something that’s keeping you down, it might be time for a dating detox. Tune in for this week’s Risky Tips with our favorite female comedian, Kate Quigley.
I called it No-Dick November.
It happened by accident at first. I was in love with a musician. He, of course, was in love with drugs. After telling me I was the perfect woman, he ghosted without explanation. I later found out the truth. He needed rehab, and I needed it to be over. I was devastated and frustrated. Not only with him, but equally as much with myself. Here I was again. Same pattern. I meet a guy who I think is different, ignore all red flags and fall hopelessly in love. Then it when it ended in a blink.
I spent the next months making my friends listen to the same sob story where I’m the victim of another lying f*ckboy, all the while self-medicating with sex & attention. I was feeling like something drastic needed to change, but I had no idea how. I read a million self-help books, talked to a therapist, you name it. They all said the same thing:
Learn to love yourself.
This always bothered me, because I thought I did. I believed I was a great catch. Funny, cute, into sports, low maintenance. I didn’t understand that loving yourself, truly meant being comfortable by yourself. You have to know that you don’t need anyone else to make you happy. That feeling was something I had never truly mastered. So I chose to try something new…
[Enter: No-Dick November]
I decided I would go one month without men (and that didn’t just mean sex). This included texting, sexting, dates, or any other drama that stems from or leads to romance. And you know what? It changed my life. That may sound insane. I know a month isn’t long, but it only takes a few days to break a pattern. Here’s why you have to do it…
You’ve forgotten how to have fun alone.
It’s not until you’re truly alone (not lonely, just alone) that you have to parent yourself into doing things to keep yourself alive and entertained. Like holy shit, I used to play guitar! How is it possible I completely forgot I played guitar?! Oh, that’s right, because I was spending all my time and energy trying to playing the dating game.
From the moment we discover the opposite sex, we spend so much of our lives chasing it around, analyzing it. Girls get together for cocktails or lunch, and every moment is spent trying to figure out what his text meant, how to get the guy to commit, how long to wait to let him in our pants. Guys get together to watch sports or play video games. Lucky bastards!
Imagine if you just took this whole topic off the table for a month. For the first few days, it’s tricky. At least for me, it was. My habit was to flirt, text guys, scroll through dating apps, but now suddenly that wasn’t an option. One night, shortly into my “dick detox,” I started reading a book. I used to read all the time. I don’t even know when I stopped. Before I knew it, I had read three. And started playing guitar again, watched a documentary on Nelson Mandela, showered most of the days of the week.
This was all just in the first two weeks! Now it’s been 6 weeks. I haven’t even gone back to dating yet, or even flirty texting guys. I’m having much more fun being myself, doing things I love and not stressing over dudes.
You can actually get shit done (for once).
This is obvious. You think you’ll be more productive, but I’m talking light-years. There is nothing distracting me. I don’t have to leave time for a boyfriend or sex. I don’t have to worry about getting let down or letting anyone down because I’m behind on work. Even if you have time to date with your current workload, you could probably start a whole new project or business with the time you invest in your relationship.
Imagine if you took a dating detox for just six months. In that time, you could write a screenplay or a book, brainstorm cancer cures or come up with a plan for retirement!
Save yourself some money while you’re at it.
Dating is expensive. That alone sounds like reason enough, but if you break it down, it’s ridiculous. With the amount of time I spend taking hot selfies in the mirror to send to guys I sleep with, I could drive an Uber and actually afford to live comfortably in LA.
If you spend $50 each week on a single date, that’s $200 a month (and that’s a cheap date!) God knows how much single guys spend! We may not pay for as many dates, but time spent getting ready alone is at least two hours per date. Not to mention makeup, nails, blowouts, perfume, outfits, etc. Take note: If you took three months off from dating, that’s easily a round trip ticket to Hawaii, a road trip across the country, hell a weekend in Paris. That seems like a great place to fly off to when you’re back in the game & ready to spark some new romance. I’d be willing to learn the language for my own personal Picasso (probably a bad example).
People want what they can’t have.
This one I didn’t see coming, but it happened. The minute I stopped looking for a man, it practically rained peen from the sky. I’m hardly joking, only because it never rains in LA. I may have announced my dating detox, but I don’t even think you’d have to. As soon as I stopped giving guys any hope that they had a shot, they all wanted one twice as bad. So when you’re ready to come back, you may get your pick of a very big litter.
I’ve never had more quality men chasing after me in my life, and I was doing absolutely nothing different, other than seeming completely uninterested. My replies got shorter and blunter. I straight up started telling men, “I’m really not interested in spending time with anyone but myself right now.”
It’s true: People want what they can’t have. And the more independent you are, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex. That goes both ways (that’s what she said). When a man seems like he’s completely confident and happy with himself, it’s a huge turn on. When we see that you are single, not because you want to sleep around, but because you truly want someone who’s worth adding to your already amazing life, it makes you ten times hotter. And if we can win you over, we must be really special.
I didn’t expect this to happen, but I learned how much power there is in being truly happy with no one. It makes everyone want to be a part of your energy, and it adds a bit of mystery to you.
But I promise you this: When it’s time to retox, you guys better be ready.
Boyfriend couldn't live up to girlfriend’s married ex – Detroit Free Press
Dear Carolyn: What is it about single women and “dating” married men? I just broke up with my girlfriend of two years because I could not live up to her past married “boyfriend.” I was not as funny, charming or fun as he was. Funny thing, they never did anything except have secret meetings at her apartment when he was available. What was the attraction?
– Anonymous
What is it about angry men and blaming women for one woman’s behavior?
I said that for effect but, seriously. Stop.
It does sound as if your ex made several bad choices: being a married person’s side piece; dating you while still hung up on someone else; failing to connect the dots between secret trysts and unrealistic romantic expectations … so, yeah, you put two years on a bad bet. That alone is a painful thing to behold as you reflect on recent events, and you’ll need some time to recover.
Read more:
Now please let that be enough: It didn’t work, period. Not because she dated a married guy but because you and she didn’t fit.
And it hurts, period. Don’t use your spillover pain as license to throw judgments and stereotypes around or point fingers or try to draw any grander conclusions.
Even with the justified anger, go easy – we’re all flawed. She is, obviously; her lover was presumably more so. Though arguably on the victim end of this transaction, you have your moments, too. You chose her, after all, and missed a bunch of signs, and are now pointing those aforesaid fingers.
So, focus. You gave two years to someone who wasn’t as invested in you as you were in her. That’s the business end of this breakup, and that’s what you learn from now: When was the lopsided-investment problem apparent? What did you miss or choose to ignore?
That’s also the wisdom you carry with you now as you start meeting new people again: knowing the signs so you’ll be wiser sooner if you’re ever on this path again.
Dear Carolyn: Is it acceptable to go to a large, formal, annual event when you strongly dislike the host? Host is a gossip and toxic person, and most of the guests have the same dislike. Is it disingenuous to attend or no? It feels weird.
– Party Pooper
It should feel weird to accept the hospitality of someone you loathe because, yes, it is disingenuous.
Unless you have a family connection or a professional obligation, that is. In those cases your attendance would reasonably be part of a commitment to something bigger than yourself and your own amusement.
But if this is strictly social, then it’s hard to see how you all aren’t openly using this person – so send regrets. If you’re ostracized for it, your integrity can keep you warm.
Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
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