Relationships Talk

Six Pro Tips for (Finally) Finding a Relationship This Year

A new year is an exciting opportunity — a clean slate, a fresh start, a blank page. Sure, it’s just the same life you’d been leading before with a different number on the calendar, but the starting over that it suggests is symbolic: You can take it as an opportunity to approach things with a new mindset. 

Many people tackle a new year looking to achieve concrete goals that’ll make them happier — losing weight, drinking or smoking less, going new places, completing personal projects. And those are all well and good, but they’re things that are more or less within a person’s control. That’s why you tend not to see many people resolving to, say, get in a relationship in 2019.

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Since starting a romance involves the (enthusiastically!) consenting participation of another person, it’s not wholly under your control. But it’s also worth considering the many ways in which getting into a relationship is under your control. That is to say, there are things you can do that will affect how easy it is for you to find a romantic partner. If you’ve been struggling with that lately, well, read on. With the right attitude, 2019 could be your year.

1. Work on Yourself

This could mean taking your physical fitness more seriously, working on your wardrobe and grooming routine, cultivating your talents and interests, or (stay with me here) going to therapy. Whatever it is that you do, if you’re working on making yourself the best version of yourself, you’ll build confidence and people will start to notice you more and think of you differently. 

It’s true that not everyone has charm, money, good looks, or the other stereotypical qualities many men think they need in order to find someone, but it’s also true that if you’re feeling unlovable, unattractive or simply undateable, it’s important to remember that the you you are now isn’t a permanent state and that everyone’s tastes are different.

Whatever angle you choose to work on (and you can choose several), there’s not much that’s more attractive than a guy with the humility to recognize his faults and the ambition to improve himself.

2. Think About How You Approach Women

If you’re not interested in dating women, you can probably skip this section, but for the many guys out there who are, this is crucial info: A lot of women find men who don’t respect them to be a huge turnoff. 

If you put in some work to check — and maybe change — your perception of women and treat them as fellow humans who deserve equal rights and to be taken seriously, you’d be surprised at how much easier it’ll be to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Try talking to women you know or are close to about their experiences with sexism and misogynistic men. Try reading books or online advice about how to be a better feminist, and put into practice what you learn. You’ll be grateful — and so will the women you go on dates with.  

3. Sign Up for a Dating Site or App

This might be a gimme, but seriously, if you’re not signed up for an online dating site or app of any kind, you’re doing your chances of finding a relationship an immense disservice. 

Over the past decade or two, online dating has skyrocketed in terms of popularity, and these days you’re much more likely to find a date through digital means than by, say, asking the cutie you ran into at the grocery store out for dinner. 

If you’re genuinely looking for a relationship in 2019, sign up for at least one online dating option. If you’re wary of hookup-oriented apps such as Tinder or Grindr, there are a lot of sites tailored for basically every interest, demographic category, and niche subculture out there. 

4. Put Yourself Out There

If you’re shy when it comes to dating, set a goal and do your darnedest to hit it. Whether it’s swiping right on more people, messaging more people, or asking people out more, you should be shooting to reach out more. 

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Opportunities to be in relationships stem from making connections, and if you’re not doing the basic stuff like saying, “Hey, let’s go see a movie” or “Want to grab drinks?” you might never end up at a point where you have the “Let’s be exclusive” conversation. 

5. Be Honest About Your Feelings

Maybe the thing holding you back from success is that you haven’t tried. This is a long shot, but if you have a crush who you’re too scared to ask out, it might be time to give it a try and be honest about your feelings. 

It’s easy to find yourself trapped in a cycle of “Now’s not the right time to bring it up,” but the truth is that if you really want to make something happen with someone, it’s better to shoot your shot. 

RELATED: The Secret Benefits of the Friend Zone Most Guys Don’t Know About

Make 2019 the year you find out if your crush likes you back. It’s a win/win — either they do (win) or they don’t, but you’re no longer trapped in a state of emotional suspended animation (also win) and you can start to move on and find someone new. 

6. Don’t Fear Failure

At its core, struggling to find a relationship often involves the fear of failure. If you skipped through all the above advice (no judgment), take this to heart: Try your best not to let fear of failure prevent you from seeking happiness. 

A lot of people are content to go through life without pursuing their dreams because they fear trying and failing more than never trying at all. If your goal in life is to never share any beautiful moments of love and passion, then that’s fine! You do you. 

But if you’re pretending you’re OK with being alone because it’s easier than trying to find someone and getting shot down, you’re doing yourself an immense disservice. Whatever it takes, remember and repeat to yourself: “2019 is the year I try to find a relationship.” Sure, you might fail. You might find yourself reading an article just like this one a year from now. But it won’t be for lack of trying.

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I’ve never been a fan of wasting time. And I mean that with respect to all aspects of my life. Even when I was single, my biggest issue with dating apps was wasting my time swiping on dudes who barely ever even checked the apps. Well, I’m in a relationship now, so the whole swiping thing is out of the question these days but, boy oh boy, would I have saved some time if I only knew the best day to log on. You see, the best day in 2019 to swipe on Tinder was just released by the people over at their headquarters so now you can digitally date more efficiently than ever!

The big day, otherwise known as Dating Sunday, actually falls on this coming Sunday, Jan. 6. And set a recurring reminder on your calendars, my friends, because this isn’t just a 2019 thing. No, actually the people over at Tinder found that the first Sunday of the year is annually when people start swiping on Tinder more than ever.

If you’re more of a numbers person, allow me to back this whole thing up with some cold hard stats for you: Back in 2018, Dating Sunday fell on Jan. 7. On that very day, Tinder found a 26 percent increase in matches made globally. That’s over a quarter! So, yeah, no matter where you are across the planet, if you’re feeling like you’re not quite getting enough matches whenever you use Tinder, Dating Sunday could be the answer to your problems.

In fact, no matter what your problems are with dating apps, logging on during Dating Sunday could be a solution. For example, if you feel like you haven’t really been seeing people you’re interested on Tinder or if it’s the same people over and over again, take this little factoid into account: The amount of people downloading the app grew by almost half last year. In other words, you’ve got a ton of new potential matches to choose from.

Finally, if your issue with the apps isn’t necessarily a lack of matches or good potential matches but, instead, a lack of real conversations, Dating Sunday is a great day for you as well! In fact, there was a 27 percent global increase of conversations started on the app back in 2018.

So… yeah, I think it’s safe to say that you should be pretty gung-ho about Dating Sunday. It’s the one day of the year during which it’s literally mathematically proven that your chances for finding love are higher than ever.

Oh, and, if you’re feeling like your game is a little rusty, don’t fret! Tinder created a list of Dos and Don’ts for your profile based on real stats they gathered.

Now, of course, I’m going to have to advise you to take their advice with a grain of salt. Sure, a lot of them are backed up by statistics, but — at the end of the day — you want to find a match who’s interested in the real you. Not the you who was falsely created just to make sure more people swipe right on your profile.

Here’s a funny way to start the year: read comedian and debut author Blythe Roberson’s How to Date Men When You Hate Men, out next Tuesday from Flatiron Books. You may know Roberson from “KILL ME NOW,”  her web series about two millennial roommates, or from her many satirical pieces published in The New Yorker. Her new book is a natural extension of her comic work — not only hilarious but also surprisingly thought-provoking and invitingly introspective. Tapping into the feminist ambivalence and righteous anger of our age, Roberson parses the conflicting emotions of being attracted to the very people who oppress her. Her witty, engaging essays draw on her personal life as an outspoken woman, a good date, and an unabashedly big fan of One Direction. Vulture spoke with her recently about her new book.

Hi Blythe! How are you feeling about the book?
My main feeling is that everyone at work keeps apologizing for not having read my book yet, and I have to keep on saying that it’s not out yet so it’s fine.

Well, I’ve read it! You begin by describing it as “a comedy philosophy book about what dating and loving is like now, in an era that we thought was the end of patriarchy (but we now know is at least five hundred years away from that) and at the beginning of an age where robots do all our dating for us.” So we’ll start with an easy question: How do we dismantle the patriarchy?
[Laughs] Oh my God. I mean, much smarter people than I have written much longer books on this issue. I think a good starting point is addressing the wage gap, which disproportionately affects women of color. So, like, raising the minimum wage. Providing universal childcare. Abortion on demand. Although, I am one of those who thinks there can be no true feminism under capitalism. Is this good book marketing strategy?

Yeah I’m sold. You worry in the book about the stereotype of women writing only about “dating and their anxiety disorders.” Did you get over that fear? Do you feel newly empowered?
After thinking really hard about dating and romance for nine months, I did come out on the other end feeling like it isn’t a frivolous thing to write about at all. I don’t know if I would say I feel “empowered,” because that’s become something I feel like we’re supposed to think comes from, like, getting laser facials or some shit. But writing this book made me really aware of how dating is informed by how women are socialized, how society expects women and men to act, how capitalism is served by women fixating on finding a partner. I feel like I haven’t misused my time or let myself down. I’ve had women telling me that the book was really personally meaningful for them. I’m never going to be president and legally force all men to give all women they know $20,000, so writing this book feels like, hopefully, a worthwhile thing I can do for the world.

Did the book clarify anything about dating for you personally?
Oh, everything! One of the pleasures of writing it was figuring out my views — nebulous concepts or patterns I had observed, but never thought about until forced to sit alone, staring at my computer, crying while trying to get my thoughts in a straight line. I’ve now become a horrible nightmare person who is constantly having conversations where I’m like, “Oh! I … actually … wrote about this in my book.”

I know this isn’t a self-help guide, but is there any handy advice for the dating reader?
Hmm … being mean isn’t flirting. Be honest and communicative with your partners. Try to find joy in dating if possible.

I hate when people are mean when they flirt! I can’t be horny when my feelings are hurt!
Obviously I didn’t invent any of this and in fact barely ever practice it. Honestly the moral of my book is that I should be in therapy, and that is probably the best dating advice any of us could ever get.

Speaking of which, can you give us a peek into your own dating life? 
Recently I did acid and was like “I need to put into the universe two things: I want to know more about volcanoes and I should be dating Nick Kroll.”

Do you think your dating life will change after this book gets published? One person in my life read my book and, noticing that I had a joke about wishing men would break up with me if they have giant gross beards, trimmed his beard. While I wasn’t at all intending to roast him with that joke, it was very appreciated! So that’s already change enough.

Was there anything you wanted to include that you sadly had to delete?
There were some things I said about Woody Allen that we had to take out for legal reasons.

Do all the men you mention in the book know about it, or are they in for a surprise?
I don’t mention any men by name and I’m pretty vague on identifying details. So, most men know and the others, I assume, will either not read it or not realize I’m talking about them.

The man mentioned most often and by name is the young love your life, Timothée Chalamet. What would be your dream meet cute?
When we are casting the role of Timothée Chalamet in the How to Date Men When You Hate Men TV show. Although in that scenario it would not be cool to hit on him! I will keep our relationship very professional. Wishing all the best to Timo and Lily-Rose Depp, love is beautiful!

Who’s your target audience for the book?
It is my understanding that only women read books, because men, presumably, are illiterate. But I hope anybody and everybody reads this book.

What if you had to pick one specific person?
Emma Thompson, who is my idol and everything I want to be in this life: a brilliant, funny, generous, middle-aged British woman.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

Off the market! Nikki Bella is moving on after ending her engagement and six-year relationship with John Cena in April 2018. Bella is dating her former Dancing With the Stars partner Artem Chigvintsev, multiple sources exclusively reveal to Us Weekly.

Nikki Bella and Artem Chigvintsev attend “Dancing with the Stars” season 25 at CBS Televison City on September 18, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. David Livingston/Getty Images

The professional wrestler, 35, and the ballroom dancer, 36, have been seeing each other “for a while,” the insider tells Us.

Bella appeared on the dance competition’s 25th season in 2017 and Cena, 41, also became close with Chigvintsev at the time. In fact, the Trainwreck actor once thought that the ABC star would choreograph his first dance with Bella.

“As far as dancing, I think he’s probably gonna teach me my first dance,” Cena told E! News in November 2017. “So hopefully I’ll be able to take those tips from him there.”

Nikki Bella and Artem Chigvintsev

Bella supported Chigvintsev during Dancing With the Stars: Juniors tapings during the summer of 2018 and the pair have been spending a lot of time together since amid their busy schedules. The Russia native is currently on a national Dancing With the Stars: Live tour, but he was spotted with Bella at the farmer’s market in Studio City, California, over Christmas weekend during time off.

The new couple will also document their relationship on the upcoming fourth season of Total Bellas and the trailer, which aired on Thursday, January 3, showcases some of their dates. However, fans previously believed that the WWE star would pursue a relationship with The Bachelorette alum Peter Kraus, who she will also go on a date with in the new season.

Bella opened up to Us in December about dating again following her tumultuous split from Cena. “It’s hard being a single girl. Over the holidays, I’m really looking forward to wandering into some bars and being a single girl,” she said at the time.

Cena, for his part, exclusively told Us later that month that he is “grateful” for  everything he’s learned through his breakup from the E! personality, including the “good times and bad times.”

With reporting by Brody Brown.

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