Relationships Talk

Falling in love is part fate, part hard work.

When it’s all said and done, there is only so much we can actually do to find true love. It’s not something that can be taught. Choosing the right person can only be learned through personal experience and the more you put yourself out there, the closer you’ll get to it.

Present society makes us feel like there’s a perfect type of person when it comes to dating. All these books and articles about dating and relationships convince us that it must be performed in a certain way, otherwise, it’s doomed to fail.

There are thousands of articles out there revealing the red flags in dating but if you read enough of these, the only conclusion you’ll come to is that everything is a red flag. However, what’s a red flag to one person may not be a red flag to someone else. Therefore, you might as well save yourself the stress and not worry about it at all. Moreover, dating apps give us so many options that we start to take everyone for granted.

In the midst of all this crap (yes, most relationship and dating advice is crap because when it comes down to it, people will just act based on how they feel) we forget that we’re human. We forget that the point of a relationship is to learn, develop and connect with another soul. We forget that we have a heart that is stronger than our brain when it comes to bigger life decisions.

Ultimately, we forget that humans are imperfect, and it’s not about finding the perfect person. It’s about finding the imperfect person who’s perfect for us.

RELATED: What It Really Means When People Talk About Finding ‘True Love’

Frankly, I believe that the abundance of information and choices out there actually scare the heck out of us.

We’re afraid to commit because we’re constantly thinking about other options or possibilities. We’re afraid to be ourselves because some article somewhere said that we’re a red flag. Finally, we’re afraid to pursue happiness because of all the sad stories we read about traumatic endings, breakups, and heartbreaks.

In the midst of all this fear, overthinking and frustration, life passes us by. We spent a whole year avoiding significant individuals because we read articles that give us excuses to avoid them. Or we missed out on an amazing person trying to chase other leads on tinder or wherever else. 

Too much information and options lead to overthinking and we really shouldn’t overthink because while we’re living in our abstractions, real life is passing us by.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, here are the steps you can take to stop overthinking love and maintain your individuality in dating. (Oh and by the way, don’t overthink these either, take it for exactly what it says. (We’re trying to simplify life here.)

RELATED: Why True Love Is Hard To Find, According To Your Zodiac Sign

1. Ignore all the stuff about red flags.

Mostly, they are overly judgmental and diminish peoples individuality and uniqueness. Plus, everyone’s experiences are unique, so what works for them may not work for you — don’t take advice too seriously.

2. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt.

What’s the worst that can happen? Sadness? No big deal. It’s only temporary. It’s not going to last forever, and the experience will be worth the pain.

3. Trust your heart to choose the right person for you at this point in your life.

It’s better to get hurt following your heart than to have a mediocre experience following your brain. Do you want an average life experience or do you want something great?

4. Lower your barriers.

Don’t repel people from getting to know you. As far as it goes, there are no negative consequences to being vulnerable. It may be scary, but everything you want is waiting for you on the opposite side of fear.

5. Don’t hold back your true feelings.

Life’s too short to sit around and wonder if the person you’re interested in is right for you. Life’s too short to not make your move. So, shoot your shot while you can.

RELATED: Ladies, This Is The Real Reason You Can’t Find A Good Man

Aaron Zhu is a writer who believes life is all about transforming your negatives into positives. Read more of his writing on Medium and follow him on Instagram.

This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.

It’s a big world out there these days, yet things are moving so fast it’s hard for any of us to nail down meaningful relationships through our immediate social circles.

Dating apps were supposed to be a way to alleviate that problem. Popular online dating platforms such as eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Tinder, and Grindr have become commonplace.

But with such relatively easy access to such dating sources, police are warning people how criminals have now found ways to con or harm users who go in searching for love online.

These romance scams have costed some people thousands—and sometimes even tens of thousands—of dollars.

“Many dating scams work by setting up fake dating profiles. The offender will try to keep you invested by continually sending you emails filled with talks of love and a desire to build a future with you. After they have sent you a few messages you will be asked to send money to help them out,” the police say.

Here are some initial warning signs that a scam may be brewing. Be wary if the other person:

• Says they love you after a short period of time, despite never having met you.

• Lives in a foreign country and wants financial assistance to come see you.

• Asks for money and presents emergency or urgent reasons (such as a family illness) for needing it.

• Wants you to make large money transfers to countries in Africa, Asia or Eastern Europe.

• Makes promises of large sums of money you will receive if you pay taxes or a wiring fee.

Through all the apps previously described, there’s always some messaging function that allows you to communicate directly with specific prospects. Here are some tips when it comes to online messaging:

• Check website addresses carefully as criminals often set up fake websites with very similar addresses to legitimate dating sites.

• Never send money or give credit card details to anyone you don’t know and trust.

• Limit the personal information you give out.

• Make sure you only use reputable dating sites.

• Beware of someone you’ve never met who wants you to wire money to a place outside of Canada.

And finally, when do you succeed in setting up a face to face encounter, here are six safety tips for meeting your online date in the flesh:

• Tell someone where you’re going, who with and when you should be back home.

• Avoid giving out your address, and don’t meet at your residence for the first time.

• Don’t get in a stranger’s vehicle; meet them at a public place (like a coffee shop or a restaurant) and arrange for your own ride to and from the date.

• Stay sober and aware. If you do drink, never leave your drink unattended, not even with your date.

• Move beyond messaging through the website and/or app. Know the person’s cell or home phone number, know the person’s real full name (not just their first name or username), and talk to them by phone to arrange the date.

• Be aware that the person you’re meeting may not be the person they said they were in their profile (most of us know this as ‘Catfishing‘).

As a new year dawns, some of us may be looking to start fresh and meet someone new. But it’s always a helpful reminder to stay safe and know what you’re getting yourself into when the time comes.

December 27, 2018 – 09:35 GMT

Sharnaz Shahid

Loose Women panellist Coleen Nolan has opened up about her relationship with ex-husband Ray Fensome. The former couple spent Christmas day together…

Coleen Nolan has revealed there are no bad feelings between herself and her ex-husband Ray Fensome, with the former couple spending Christmas day together. In a new interview with The Mirror, the Loose Women panellist confessed she hopes her ex – whom she split up with in February – finds love again in the New Year. “I am now at the stage when I hope Ray meets someone,” she said. “People might think it is strange, but that side of it isn’t there for me anymore.”

Coleen Nolan and Ray Fensome split at the start of the year

The former coupe were married in 2007, and share 17-year-old daughter Ciara together. Opening up about their decision to spend the festive period with one another, Coleen added: “Obviously it is sad, but there is also a massive sense of relief. People might think it is strange spending Christmas with my ex, but I have to focus on the good times we shared.” She continued: “Ray stayed over – in the spare room of course. We all opened our presents together before me and Ray cooked the dinner.”

MORE: Loose Women’s Coleen Nolan reveals son has given her dating advice

At the start of the year, Coleen announced the end of her marriage to Ray. At the time, she told the Loose Women audience: “It’s been really hard and it’s still really fresh, we’ve only just filed (for divorce) really. He’s only just moved out. I said at the beginning of last year we were having issues but hoped we were going to sort them, and we have really, really tried… But it just gets to a point where you think, you know what, it’s not working, and we can’t get it back together. For the sake of both of our future happiness, and for our kids, especially [daughter] Ciara, it gets to a point…” Coleen is also a mum to sons Shane Jr and Jake with ex-husband Shane Richie.

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Dating someone who is ever quiet can prove to be tricky.  

There are times you will be expected to compromise with different things.  

A quiet person needs someone who understands him or her. 

Some things can make you differ with him or her. 

Here are three tips for dating a quiet person:

1. Maintain communication

Proper communication is important if you want your relationship to work. 

Make sure you maintain constant communication with him or her. 

A quiet partner wants his or her better half to initiate most of the things in their love life. 

Take it upon yourself to ensure there is a strong relationship between the two of you in the love life.

2. Start conversations

Do not sit back and wait for him or her to start conversations. 

Learn to start communication if you want things to work in the relationship. 

Start the talk, and your partner will make his or her point. 

Through the conversations, you will understand the needs of your partner.

3. Tell them your needs

 Do not be reluctant to share your feelings with him or her. 

Share with your partner your needs in the relationship. 

A listening partner will not ignore your plight. 

Remain positive minded when sharing your needs with him or her.

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