Category Archives: Relationships
Discerning boyfriend is no Mr. Darcy – Detroit Free Press
Dear Amy: My boyfriend is extremely discerning, and I am not. When he cooks something, it’s after he’s watched 50 YouTube videos and read up on the history of the dish so that he knows the backstory of every aspect of it.
I enjoy cooking, but I keep it simple. Everything “Boyfriend” does has to be the best, the fanciest, the most gourmet, and while he’s never said anything insulting (it is purely in his demeanor), I can feel him look down on the simpler way I do things.
This happens with everything. When we watch a movie, I don’t analyze it as much as he does. When we drink coffee, I can’t taste the difference in acidity as well as he does.
I’m basically OK with things that are … mediocre.
I love this man very much, but I constantly feel out of my league. Sometimes I can let go and just learn from him because he does know so much, but most times it makes me feel inadequate. It seems he’s never admiring or learning from me. It has gotten to the point where I don’t want to share things with him because he overpowers everything.
I’ll cook on my own when he’s not here. I’ll listen to my subpar, repetitive (yes I know!) pop music when I’m driving alone.
His family members are not mean and intentionally condescending, and often I get “enlightened” to better techniques, and I always feel slighted and unnecessary.
What can I do to make the relationship seem more balanced? Am I just out of my league?
– Middlin’
Dear Middlin’: If your guy were only an obsessive cook I’d suggest that you sit back and enjoy his expertise. But, according to you, his demand for “excellence” applies to ALL things.
In some respects, I feel sorry for the guy. He will never know the exquisite joy of a ballpark hotdog, topped with sauerkraut and bright yellow mustard. He will never “get” the steering wheel thumping ecstasy of a great Katy Perry hook.
He’s missing a lot of miracles that even you deride as “mediocre.” Stop stooping to his level. There is beauty in the quotidian. It is exhausting to have to be educated about everything.
Read more:
The key sentence in your question is: “It has gotten to the point where I don’t want to share things with him because he overpowers everything.”
That’s not a middlin’ problem. That’s a big one. Many very successful couples have very different tastes. But until you both stop seeing your taste as “wrong,” I don’t see much long-term hope for this relationship.
Ask him to reflect on his own behavior. Can he laugh about his own obsessiveness? Can your Mr. Darcy learn to truly love you exactly as you are?
You should find out.
Dear Amy: My wife had an affair with a man that began two years after we married and continued (on and off) for the next 20 years (which is when I found out about it).
She said she would not see him again, and she hasn’t.
I have just found out that they have regular phone conversations. Sometimes they talk just once a year on her birthday, other times more frequently.
She says there is nothing wrong since they are now just friends.
I say that a continued relationship with this man is just wrong.
What do you think?
– Troubled
Dear Troubled: I agree. I suppose that – compared to 20 years of infidelity – you’re “supposed” to feel that an annual phone call isn’t so egregious, and yet, you find this hurtful – and on this point, your feelings should carry greater weight than hers.
The classic and best “take” on this is the book, “Not ‘Just Friends’: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity,” by researcher and therapist Shirley P Glass, with Jean Coppock Staeheli (2004, Atria Books).
This would provide valuable insight into your feelings. Share this with your wife.
Dear Amy: In your written response to “Wondering Grand,” you said: “If you sent the check with a note addressed to both HE and his wife …” To HE?
I see and hear the misuse of objective pronouns (“from Bob and I”) every day, but I honestly expected better from someone as articulate as you.
– Upset!
Dear Upset!: I am somewhat flattered by your shock at my mistake. I only wish my error had been caught before publishing.
Many, many readers noticed this and wrote in to gently (or not so gently) correct me. Thank you all!
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamyamydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
Read or Share this story: https://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2018/12/26/dating-boyfriend-advice/2304361002/
How To Get A Girl To Like You By Honing These Dominant Personality Traits | Apollonia Ponti – YourTango
These guys know exactly what to say and do with the ladies.
As a man, you are always wondering why women don’t just come out and tell you what they want in dating and relationships. But, it’s not that easy. If you knew how to attract women, it would become repetitive and boring. Then, you wouldn’t be able to spot that special woman out of the millions that are out there and find true love!
What personality traits do women want in a potential partner?
Typically, as a man, you want to feel as though the woman respects you, honors you, and, sexually desires you. You’re thinking that this whole dating this could be so much easier, so why do women have a hundred other things that they want from a man?
But, the truth is, the secret for how to get a girl to like you and figuring out what women want in relationships is relatively simple: Women just want to see what you’re all about before falling in love with you.
Some men believe dating advice that is completely false. For example, they believe that women won’t be attracted to them if they don’t have money. Does money help a guy’s status? Sure. But if you don’t have a list of other great personal attributes, a well put-together woman isn’t going to put up with you anyway. Money will only keep her around temporarily.
A man who thinks that he has to be rich and buy women things is lacking confidence in himself, but a man with healthy self-esteem and money knows that his value and worth don’t depend on his bank account.
When a man says women are only attracted to money, he usually fits into two categories: He’s been hurt before and just came out of a really bad breakup or divorce, or was played by a woman who was also a gold digger.
Men also believe that in order to attract women, you have to be tall, which is crazy and ridiculous! A woman in her early 20’s might be attracted to a man that’s tall and/or well-off but it’s because she’s finding out a lot about herself. Typically, this is the time and age in which a woman just likes to have fun. She’s exploring new things about herself and her life, and she does not want to settle down yet.
She also knows that this is her prime time, she can basically have any man, and is not worried about settling down, which makes her even more attractive. Women are just intrigued by a man’s height because it does not happen often.
In regards to building a sustainable emotional connection with a man, a mentally-mature woman does not care about your height. It’s about how you view yourself and how you position yourself, which is something we will go over a little further down, is what attracts women!
If you want to know how to get a girl to like you, here are 11 dominant personality traits and characteristics that attract women and make them fall in love.
1. Purposeful
Most relationship advice will tell you that confidence is an irresistible trait. But, it’s hard to have confidence when you are not aligned with your purpose. Having a purpose means having your eye on something that fulfills you and not letting anyone stand in the way of that. The meaning of purpose can be broken down into this: Productive Understanding by Right Picking Of Someone’s Excellence.
This does not mean that you have to quit your 9-5 and start something that fulfills you. No, it means planning and investing time in what fulfills you. What is your passion and how can you start investing time in it? Finding your purpose can take time, but it requires you to be honest with yourself.
2. Honest
Being unapologetically honest shows confidence and also shows a woman that you have a lot of dignity. Having your own opinion shows a woman that you aren’t just trying to impress and please her.
Of course, you want to respect her but you also have to challenge her. When you do this, she understands that you have a sense of pride and are grounded in who you are. When you are open to communication and showing honesty, it builds an emotional connection with a woman.
3. Courteous
It’s very attractive when you have a sense of pride in the way you treat others. In a woman’s mind, this is a direct reflection of your character and future respect for her. So, if both of you are out to dinner and you’re being rude to your waiter, then this is a big red flag for us!
4. Smart
A woman wants to be able to have conversations with a man that she can exchange with and learn from. She wants a man that will be able to share advice, but also some personal things that he has been taught. This builds a connection and shows a sense of strength and stability in a man. Yes, we get this all from being smart and well-educated.
5. Adventurous and spontaneous
A man that can keep us on our toes is very exciting. It keeps the endorphin levels up and makes a woman excited about what’s to come.
Don’t be afraid to plan something where the both of you can get an adrenaline rush together. This also shows a huge sense of pride and confidence. It presents you as a man does not have a timid, insecure mindset and that is so attractive to women. Keep this in mind when you’re wondering how to keep a relationship interesting.
6. Funny
When a man can make us laugh, we start to share a special bond with them, and women always want to be around someone that brings happiness to the table. So if you enjoy some playful banter, have fun, and make sure the both of you participate.
7. Charismatic
There is something so attractive about a man that has positive energy and makes you feel happy and optimistic. It kind of makes a woman think, “I want what he has,” or, “Man I feel so good around him. I believe he could be ‘The One.’”
If you don’t know what energy and charisma look like then, think about the actor Will Smith!
8. Goal and value-oriented
This is huge! A man without goals has no direction. A man without values has no self-discipline.
Women lose attraction when they have to carry the weight of finding out who you are. This isn’t and shouldn’t be her job. So, know this before jumping into any healthy relationship!
9. Intentional
This can create a huge shift in your dating dynamics. When a woman feels like you are not desperate to rush things so that you can be together, then she will honor and respect this and be even more attracted to you.
It’s not to say you’re going to come in with this “player” mentality and say, “I don’t need you; I don’t want you; I’m so cool.” No, it’s about your willingness to take the time to cultivate something good for both of you. By doing this, you become a leader and women are attracted to a man that can lead!
10. Respectful
Men, when it comes to the physical side of love and dating, taking things slow and being respectful in your actions is significant!
If you hold out on having sex with a woman and show that you want to see where this goes emotionally before jumping into the physical elements too quickly, you will score some huge brownie points with her that will win hear heart.
11. Stylish
Everyone attracts different people and they have their own tastes. So choose your own personal style and make sure you present yourself in a way that makes you feel confident. Not everyone is going to want to wear urban chic. You might be a man that likes to ski and do outdoorsy things.
Then keep up to date with your “lumberjack” style. You might be a hippie and not like to wear pointy dress shoes. Well, then make sure you smell great, have clean clothes and keep up with your bohemian style. This is what it means to present yourself well. Own your look and be confident!
The best way to attract women is knowing your individuality as a man and being okay with being alone.
A woman can sense when you are lonely and are seeking outside validation from her or from a relationship in order to feel accepted or loved. A man who feels self-assured on his own is attractive to women, in general. The more you put yourself out there and can handle rejection, then the better your process will become.
If you are a man who has a hard time talking to and flirting with women and holds yourself back because of it, then you won’t get anywhere when it comes to attracting a woman.
So have some determination in dating. It’s hard but having the right mindset will make the situation so much less draining. This comes naturally when you work on understanding how to love yourself, being okay with being alone, and figuring out who you are before anything else.
So many people seek relationships to fill a void and this is why there are so much heartache and so many divorces. You want to stop dating down and start dating up! So having the right conversations and paying attention to a woman being into you is going to be very vital in the moments of attraction.
Understand that not everyone is meant to like you. Just because one woman rejects you does not mean the next one will do the same. If a woman ignores you, then just move on. Sometimes these things happen and if you get set back by this one woman who ignored you, then you won’t have time to focus on you!
Attraction starts to manifest within a man when he shows up for his life’s purpose.
It’s that time when you’re vibing so high that someone comes up to you and says “You seem different” when nothing has changed at all. The change happens with the inner self in terms of how you feel, and this will have a direct correlation with your behavior and your motivation in your daily life.
This creates a significant shift in your presence and women are captivated by a man that knows his worth and carries it with respect and integrity!
Apollonia Ponti is an internationally certified relationship coach who works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and rebuild relationships. Find more of her expert advice by visiting her YouTube Channel, reading her Attract a Woman e-book, or booking a coaching session.
This article was originally published at Apollonia Ponti . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Warren Buffett: Improve your communication skills to be successful – Business Insider
Warren Buffett is like that old EF Hutton commercial (and I’m dating myself here) — when he talks, people listen. And they listen because he talks and writes quite well. Which brings us to his latest gem of advice.
Recently, he was with a young entrepreneur who asked him to share one piece of advice for 21- to 22-year-olds who just graduated. Buffett answered:
“Invest in yourself. One easy way to become worth 50 percent more than you are now at least is to hone your communication skills. If you can’t communicate, it’s like winking at a girl in the dark: Nothing happens. You can have all the brainpower in the world, but you’ve got to be able to transmit it.”
It’s almost as if Buffett consulted me first before answering (which I can assure you he did not). In my more than 25 years of corporate experience, without question, the most common trait I saw among those leaders who performed the best and rose the fastest through the ranks was that they had superior communication skills.
Buffett has even said that he doesn’t hang his college or graduate school diplomas on his office walls, but he hangs his certificate from when he completed the Dale Carnegie communication course — because it changed his life. Before overtly working on his communication skills, Buffett said, “I was terrified of public speaking when I was in high school and college. I couldn’t do it. I mean I would throw up and everything.”
So how can you be included in the group of fast-rising, non-vomitous leaders?
In case you’re not ready to sign up for a full-on course, here are two powerful ways you can get started immediately:
Make ‘clear and concise’ your mantra
When I was doing research for my first book, “Make It Matter,” a survey of more than 1,000 executives revealed the No. 1 problem in communication is a lack of clarity and precision. I offer an acronym to help you cut to the chase and keep your communications SHARP:
- Start by thinking, not talking. “I think out loud” is the enemy of clear and concise.
- Home in on the main idea quickly. Don’t wander, or your audience will wonder what your point is.
- Add details sparingly. Don’t over-explain. Give just as much context as is necessary.
- Relate to the audience. Think through who you are talking to and why, and tailor your approach accordingly.
- Prepare. “Winging it” and clarity are like the snake and the mongoose (mortal enemies).
Be a nonverbal ninja
So much of our communication is unspoken. It’s critical to be tuned into nonverbal communication — which you can practice. I use this reminder to keep nonverbal cues top of mind and avoid letting poor nonverbal skills FESTER:
- Facial expressions — watch for them.
- Eye contact — maintain it (without being creepy).
- Space — keep the appropriate amount between yourself and others.
- Tones — listen carefully for the tone in someone’s voice.
- Expressive motions — be alert for cues like fist pounding or fingers excitedly wagging.
- Real frame of mind — as seen in their posture.
So whether your goal is to raise your net worth or just your relatability, make 2019 the year you brought your communication skills to the next level. Maybe eye level. Like the diplomas on my office wall.
5 life-saving dating tips for highly allergic people – Health24
Here’s the scene: A great first date is winding down, and all of a sudden you’re swapping spit. A few minutes later, you’re on the way to the ER. Definitely a night to remember!
For people with severe allergies, this is a real-life possibility, says Jan Hanson, a food allergy expert. Peanut residue, for example, can last in the mouth hours after someone eats it – and this can trigger a serious reaction in people who suffer from severe allergies, says Hanson.
Symptoms can show up fast, too. In a study conducted by the University of California, Davis, 5.3% of people with food allergies reported instant reactions from kissing, says Hanson. Think: Everything from hives to swollen lips – or even something more serious like anaphylaxis, a potentially life-threatening reaction.
Of course, while food is one of the most common allergies, dating can bring you into contact with insect stings (nice walk in the park, anyone?) and latex (hello, condoms), too – which are both other big allergens.
“There are about 60 million Americans who may be allergic to latex,” says Hanson. Furthermore, there’s a relative lack of education on the allergy, which results in what Hanson refers to as a “level of socially subscribed skepticism” – or people not really taking it as seriously as they should.
Have an allergy – or getting cosy with someone who does? Make sure you’re safe in the bedroom, on a date and everywhere in between.
1. Speak up!
“It’s important to be able to communicate your allergy,” says Hanson. After all, having someone nearby who is aware of your condition and can call an ambulance in a moment of need can be the difference between life and death. So before you head out, stick to a single line – something like: “I just want to be up front with you that I have a severe allergy to [insert allergy here].” Also let them know if you carry an epinephrine shot and if there are any measures that should be taken if something were to go south.
2. About that epinephrine shot…
Hanson notes the importance of these injections, which can reverse low blood pressure, hives and additional side effects of an allergic reaction in a scary moment. But if you’re facing a reaction, you also want to head to the ER – even if you’ve injected. Anaphylaxis can be life-threatening – and always requires emergency medical attention, she says.
3. Know the symptoms
Allergic reactions tend to look the same on TV: Hives, rashes and swelling. And those are real symptoms, says Hanson. But signs can range from trouble breathing or tightness in your throat to decreased blood pressure, light-headedness and fainting. So stay on top of any out-of-the-blue changes that could signal a problem.
4. Remember: Some allergens are airborne
In general, it’s important to understand that allergens can be passed through the air, not just via physical contact. For example, it’s possible that powder released from the packaging of a condom could be enough to trigger some sort of reaction, says Hanson. Of course, if you have a severe allergy, you should always consult your doctor to ID the specifics of that allergy, she says.
5. Consider other forms of birth control
Latex allergies don’t need to kill your sex life. Just consider alternative forms of contraception. For one, non-latex condoms are an option, but so are hormonal forms of birth control, like the Pill or an IUD. Not sure what’s best for you? Ask your doc – and make sure to be honest with your partner. “Even if it seems like an uncomfortable conversation, it’s preferable to a life-threatening reaction,” says Hanson.
This article was originally published on www.womenshealthsa.co.za
Image credit: iStock
