Category Archives: Relationships
Abby: Sparks fail to fly for mom dating perfect match – The Detroit News
Dear Abby: I have a close friend who is in her mid-30s. She’s a wonderful, divorced, hardworking Christian mother of four who has finally ventured back to the dating scene. She’s currently seeing a guy who in all respects is perfect for her, she says. Unfortunately, when it comes to romance, for some reason she can’t seem to get aroused, and it’s now at a point where she avoids his kiss if possible.
She really likes him and would love for this to work and feels conflicted because she doesn’t know how to “light her fire” and find him intimately attractive. She’s afraid she’ll eventually push him away even though she wants the exact opposite. Any advice I can pass along?
Needing A Friend
In The Southwest
Dear Needing: Your friend needs to understand why she’s having a problem “getting her fire lit.” Could it be related to her divorce? Her feelings about premarital intimacy? Has she seen her doctor to rule out a physical cause? Or could it be that although he looks good on paper, there’s simply no chemistry?
Because intimacy is an important part of marriage, she needs to be honest with herself about why she’s reacting the way she is. If this isn’t the only man this has happened with, and she can’t find the answers within herself, some sessions with a licensed mental health professional may be in order.
Dear Abby: My husband invited his good friend (an artist) to stay with us for two nights because he is coming to our city to give a speech. He accepted.
We tried to contact him two weeks ago, one week ago, three days ago, yesterday and this morning to find out what time he’ll arrive so we can plan our schedule and prepare the food. He still hasn’t gotten back to us. I had planned to go to church and a concert afterward. My husband doesn’t want me to leave.
I am very frustrated about the man’s lack of consideration. My husband considers him a good friend, but after the way we are being treated, I’m not convinced.
Still Waiting in California
Dear Still Waiting: I don’t blame you for being miffed. Good friends don’t treat each other so rudely. They answer their messages and show up when they’re expected. Unless the man was in the hospital, solitary confinement or dead, there’s no excuse for his poor manners. Because your husband considers him a good friend, he should have stayed home to welcome “the artist” and let you off the hook.
Dear Abby: My son and daughter-in-law are “horrified” that we refer to our 3-year-old grandson’s penis using the correct terminology. Should we relent and refer to that part of his body as something else?
Unsure In The South
Dear Unsure: Not in my opinion. Children should be taught the correct terms for their body parts as soon as they are aware enough to identify — and pronounce — them. To do this will prevent confusion and possibly embarrassment later.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Virgo Man Personality Traits, Love Compatibility, and Dating Advice – Cosmopolitan.com
Virgo
Birthday: August 23-September 22
Type: Mutable earth sign
Key words: Dedicated, attentive, high-strung, helpful, hardworking
Love anthem: “goodnight n go” — Ariana Grande
Famous Virgo men: Nick Jonas, Freddie Mercury, Michael Jackson, Idris Elba, Keanu Reeves, Lil Xan
Best Matches:
Fellow earth sign Taurus is a great match for a Virgo. You both respect each other’s forwardness and work ethic. Water sign Cancer is another great match for a Virgo. Where Virgo takes care of practical matters and shows affection by helping with IRL stuff, Cancer is an emotional water sign and creates an intimate and loving connection.
Virgo is number six of 12 on the Zodiac wheel, and is the only mutable earth sign, meaning he’s resourceful and flexible, and as an earth sign he’s logical, stubborn, and only concerned with what’s tangible. He’s a shy, sensitive dude, but as a sign ruled by Mercury, he’s also pretty clever and ambitious. His sign is the most associated with servitude–he wants to take care of his S.O. above anything else, and shows affection in practical ways like helping you with a project, doing the dishes, or just neatening parts of your life to make it easier. His preferred relationship is quiet and private, where most the action happens at home, but he still wants to show you off to everyone he knows!
He’s pretty low-key and isn’t a super flirtatious dude, and as a smart Mercury-ruled sign, his brain works at 100 miles a minute to make sure everything is just right. He does a lot of behind the scenes work for you, and sometimes you might not even notice everything he does for the relationship. His sign is ruled by Mercury, planet of intelligence. He’s effective at communicating, but can be a bit cut-and-dry, so he’s more aligned with Mercury’s intellectual side. He’s also witty as hell, so he’s sure to make you laugh. He wants to listen and learn everywhere he goes, and he especially wants to know as much about you as possible!
Being the perfectionist that he is, Virgo wants nothing less than the best of the best. That’s how you know he likes you—he wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t think you were the closest thing to perfection out there. The key words there are “closest thing” to perfection. He wants to be with someone who looks and plays the role of the best relationship partner one could wish for, so he’s always taking time out of his own busy schedule to help you out. The best part is that he doesn’t expect the same in return! All you have to do is thank him–and be sincere about it–and he’s overjoyed.
Since he’s primarily concerned with your needs above his own, life in the bedroom is up in the air until you set the rhythm. Once he gets the hang of what you like and don’t like, he’ll take your idea of pleasure to a whole new level! As a mutable sign, he’s quick on his feet and can keep up with your tempo after a couple rounds in bed. He’s ridiculously attentive both inside and outside of the bedroom, and is the type of guy who takes you out for dinner, stacks the dishes for the waiter, and can’t wait to kiss you goodbye!
His need for perfection can be a blessing and a curse. He’s fussy and needlessly particular over literally everything. Even though he’s ruled by the planet of communication, his way of conveying his point isn’t the nicest. It all comes from a good place, sure, but every day you’re left wondering if he’ll ever give it a rest and just take that stick out of his ass for once! During the best of times, you find that your relationship is operating efficiently and beautifully, but on the bad days, you want to rip your hair out!
Your Virgo man can be a pretty big hypocrite, too. His home is a pig sty, but he rolls his eyes if you have a single dirty dish in your sink. And if he feels like it’s been too long since he’s felt appreciated, watch out. Next time he does your laundry or takes out your trash, there’s a passive aggressive comment he mutters under his breath. On top of being critical, he’s pretty sensitive too! He’s easily terrified to be anything less than 100 percent perfect. His next thought is that you’ll leave him, so he can get pretty clingy, too. But nine times out of ten, you can keep everything relaxed and stable by just reassuring him of your affection.
The key to making the whole relationship work is BE DIRECT. His ruling planet is all about communication, so he knows how to listen and can vocalize his thoughts easily. He’ll tell you if he has a problem in a split second, and you should do the same! Open communication is never a bad thing, and with Virgos, it’s an expectation. Also, lift him up when you can. He’ll dedicate a lot of time to you, your job, your social life, pretty much everything. Show interest in his hobbies, ask his opinion, and be proactive about making him feel not only noticed, but appreciated. If you can do that, it’ll be smooth sailing!
Follow Jake on Instagram.
Leo Man Personality Traits, Love Compatibility, and Dating Advice – Cosmopolitan.com
Leo
Birthday: July 23-August 22
Type: Fixed fire sign
Key words: Loyal, brave, creative, dramatic, charismatic
Love Anthem: “I Like It” – Cardi B, Bad Bunny & J Balvin
Famous Leo men: Barack Obama, Shawn Mendes, Chris Hemsworth, Jason Momoa, Dylan Sprouse, Cole Sprouse, Andy Samberg
Best matches:
Leos love being coddled and having their egos stroked, so flirtatious, romantic Libra is a great match! Kingly Leo is attracted to someone who’s just as vibrant and unique as they are, so Aries is a wonderful match, too. They’re both bold and brash, and their fire sign compatibility is out of this world!
Leo is the most dazzling, expressive sign in the Zodiac—it’s no surprise he’s ruled by the Sun, the biggest, brightest, object in the sky and the center of the solar system. This fixed fire sign is a constant source of warmth and affection for you, like a benevolent king is loyal to his subjects. He demands to be treated like royalty, but reciprocates right back. The better he feels, the better everyone else feels. Keep him happy, and you’ll feel as extravagant and luxurious as he does!
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This frisky, playful guy is downright cat-like. He lives life on his own terms, and confidently so, following no one’s rules or timeline but his own. Your Leo lover is very assured in his convictions, and you can tell by his demeanor that he knows he’s the shit–absolutely no one can tell him otherwise. Sure, this can come off as cocky, but done right, it’s also kind of hot. He has so much vitality coursing through him and an inferno of ideas that he has to express, it’s rare for him not to be an artist or athlete of some sort. Even on his very worst days, his vibe is warm and vibrant.
This lion is ruled by his heart, first and foremost. He goes for what he wants, as soon as he wants it, because he is convinced he can conquer any challenge. He doesn’t try to grab everyone’s attention 24/7 but he always does anyway. He takes care of his appearance, is a master at the art of conversation, and has a wild sense of humor—what’s not to love? Although he likes the steady affection from all his thirsty followers, he’s a fixed sign, which means he takes commitment very seriously. Despite showboating himself sometimes, he genuinely has a lot to offer and wants someone like him—loyal and undeniably original. He can sniff out dishonesty from a mile away, and nothing turns him off more than phoniness from others.
Men born under the Leo constellation are hopeless romantics, through and through. He’s the guy that wants to be a part of an Instagram couple, and he loves PDA. He’ll wine and dine you, buy you flowers, and take cute pics together, never shy to show off how great you are together. Natural performer that he is, everything becomes a show in your relationship. Even when you’re spending one-on-one time with him, the way he holds your hand and looks in your eyes before kissing you could win an Oscar!
Which is why if you want to date someone low-key, a Leo is probs not for you. He has one hell of a fragile ego and needs constant doting and affection to make things work. Again, you’ll be rewarded with epically romantic gestures on his end, but if you never care for that kind of stuff anyway, it might not be worth the effort of dealing with his moods and need for validation.
Like the Sun, everything revolves around him, and you have to stay in his orbit too! Getting him to see things from your perspective is work, and it can feel like it’s his way or the highway, with his being a fixed, stubborn sign and all. Call him out for his flaws, and you’ll be met with defensiveness and excuses as to why he didn’t do anything wrong. There’s also a part of him that is a shit-stirrer and lives for the drama, so if that sounds like a nightmare to you, approach this relationship carefully.
But if you’re smitten with a Leo, play along with his games, even if you roll your eyes while doing so, and let him feel like a royal. When you’re together, he knows that you know he’s not actually center of the universe, but is too proud to ever admit it. Humoring him goes a long way, whether it’s with his need to be top priority, or by going along with his cheesy, romantic ways of acting around you. He has an inflated ego, yes, but he also has the biggest heart. He’s huge on trust and commitment and love, and if you can secure a relationship with him, he’ll shower you in more affection than you know what to do with.
Follow Jake on Instagram.
‘My Boss Wants Help With Her Dating App Profile!’ – The Cut
Dear Boss,
My new boss started here in January. My co-workers and I are upset and concerned over her complete lack of boundaries. It hasn’t gotten better as time goes on. I could write you a novel about all the stuff she does, but here are just a few examples to show what I mean:
1) My boss told us she’s trying to lose weight, and her goal is to lose over half her weight. She says my co-workers and I have to keep her accountable and make sure she stays on track. One time she was upset with the five of us for not “calling her out” when she had a doughnut with her lunch. If she strays away from her diet, she expects us to say something to her — but when one of my co-workers saw her eating a chocolate bar and reminded her about her diet, she got upset with him. None of us are comfortable with this because we can’t win, whether we say something or not.
2) Related to her diet, she told my co-worker Jane to write down everything she (Jane) eats and what she does at the gym because my boss wants to weigh the same as Jane does. Jane isn’t a dietician or personal trainer, and she has no experience with this kind of thing. Jane told us she doesn’t want to do this, that she thinks it’s off-putting and invasive, but our boss won’t take no for an answer. She has mentioned she wants everyone to shop for clothes together after she loses weight.
3) Our boss had a meeting with all of us because she wanted help with her online dating profiles, and she asked the men on our team what she could do to be more appealing. She has asked us about this more than once.
4) Our boss, my co-workers, and I all live alone. None of us have any children or dependents. All of us are single except one of my co-workers, Mark, who is moving in with his girlfriend next month. When our boss found out, she hid in her office for the rest of the day. At one of the mandatory after-hours bar trips she puts on for us, she cried and said Mark was breaking up our “single people’s club” and said over and over that she didn’t know his relationship was serious. She talks all the time about wanting marriage and kids.
5) She has all of our personal phone numbers and calls us at home after work and on weekends.
She should know better because she’s the director of HR. I could make a list of all the ways she crosses the line. If anyone says anything to her or doesn’t do what she wants, she gets upset.
She calls us her family and as you can see from the examples above, she gets way too personal with everyone. It is way over the line. No one is sure about going over her head to her boss because she reports to our VP of Operations. I have talked to my co-workers and no one wants to get fired for standing up to her or saying no to her requests. She doesn’t like it when we don’t go along with her.
Your boss is a nightmare.
You can’t make your co-workers assert themselves in the face of all this boundary-crossing, but you can set your own boundaries and stick to them.
That means:
1) When she asks you to “keep her accountable to her diet,” say something like, “Oh, I could never do that” or “I wouldn’t feel comfortable commenting on someone else’s food” or “I try not to think about dieting like that so I can’t help, sorry!” Say it in a brisk, matter-of-fact tone like of course she’ll accept that because any reasonable person would, and then change the subject. (She’s not reasonable, but using that tone can be surprisingly effective.)
2) If she asks you for help with her online dating profile or for dating advice, say, “Oh gosh, I wouldn’t have the first idea. But I wanted to ask you about [work-related topic].” If she pushes, then say, “To be honest, I prefer to keep that stuff outside of work. Thanks for understanding!”
3) If she hides in her office and cries because someone has a significant other, ignore it.
4) If she talks about your “single’s people’s club,” ignore it.
5) If she talks about wanting marriage and kids, make vague noises like “mmm hmmm” and then change the subject.
6) If she calls you at home after work or on the weekend, don’t answer. Consider blocking her number or labeling it “don’t answer” in your phone. If she asks you about it later, say you often turn your phone off at night and over the weekend.
Ideally in this situation you’d be able to have a conversation with her, where you explain the boundaries you prefer to have at work. You could possibly do that here, but so far all signs point to her being an emotional child who won’t be able to handle that, or someone who will cry and sulk if you say something. Frankly, it might be fine for her to cry and sulk as long as she eventually pulls it together, but she sounds so juvenile that I worry if you’re the only one who calls her out, she’ll take her displeasure out on you in ways that will be bad for you professionally.
In fact, I’m concerned about her retaliating against the actions I just advised you to do as well, except you have far less of a choice there — it’s not a tenable solution to write her online dating profile and shop for clothes with her and take her evening phone calls, so you’ve got to put up those boundaries now. It just may not make sense to have the Big Conversation about boundaries as well, as opposed to being matter-of-fact about how you will not get involved, and just going about your business.
I do think you should consider talking to her boss, if you know her boss to be a generally reasonable person. A decent manager would be horrified to hear what your boss is doing and would intervene. You said no one wants to get her fired, but companies don’t usually fire managers on the spot for this kind of behavior — it’s far more likely that her boss will just talk to her and tell her to cut it out (and then she’ll probably sulk for a while and act terribly hurt, which is fine; you can ignore that).
But ultimately there’s no magic wand here. You’ve got to decide if you’re willing to set boundaries (on your own, if your co-workers won’t join you). If you’re not comfortable with confronting her, please know there’s no shame in that — sometimes with a boss who’s this out of her mind, it’s easier to just roll your eyes but not push back too much. You’re allowed to choose that path if it seems like the best one for you. But if you do want to try to push back, this has the most chance of success.
Order Alison Green’s book, Ask a Manager: Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work, here. Got a question for her? Email askaboss@nymag.com. Her advice column appears here every Tuesday.
