Category Archives: Relationships

TINA WEAVER: Egg freezing could end the anguish of women dating to find a dad – Daily Mail

TINA WEAVER: Egg freezing could end the anguish of women dating to find a dad

Tina Weaver For The Mail On Sunday

Sophie swipes left. And left again. She’s on Tinder. She’s not looking for just a date, but someone to father her child. Sophie is 41, successful, but in a panic. She’s been single for 18 months after splitting from her long-term partner.

He graciously informed her – after nine years of living together – that he wasn’t quite ready for babies and settling down ‘after all’.

Now Sophie fears she will never have children – and she’s far from alone.

In just one generation, the number of childless women has doubled. One in five of us are now without children by the time we turn 45 – and that figure is rising.

In just one generation, the number of childless women has doubled. Egg-freezing is a chance for today¿s young women to reserve their right to have children (file picture)

In just one generation, the number of childless women has doubled. Egg-freezing is a chance for today’s young women to reserve their right to have children (file picture)

Sophie is a good friend who says bleakly that she had always assumed motherhood would be part of her future.

She hasn’t ‘selfishly delayed parenting because of her career’, as women are often harshly accused of, but is the victim of cruel circumstance.

Now the men she meets are either in relationships or simply not right. She feels pressured and punished for being childless. And she talks openly of ‘panic partnering’ – hence those Tinder dates.

Yet there is hope for future generations of Sophies. Controversial, clinical, but real.

Egg-freezing is a chance for today’s young women to reserve their right to have children. To future-proof their fertility.

PC adverts can’t change our nature 

Advertising watchdogs have banned negative gender stereotyping in commercials because it’s ‘harmful’. A review found it stops people fulfilling their potential, as well as causing pay inequality and mental health problems.

So gone are men failing at household chores and women clearing up a mess around male family members.

Anything reinforcing ideas that boys are daring and girls are caring is also off the menu.

But as the mother of two sons, this defies common sense. Like most of their testosterone-fuelled friends, from a young age they played rough and tumble games. The moment someone gave them a toy gun one Christmas, they wouldn’t put it down. Meanwhile, my nieces would rather play quietly with colourful beads.

Much of our behaviour is down to the way we are wired by nature, rather than the way we are brought up. And no amount of politically correct rules is going to change that.

New successful methods of fast freezing – called vitrification – can be a game-changer for women, says Stuart Lavery, a consultant gynaecologist at Hammersmith Hospital in London.

‘Hundreds of times I have the difficult conversation with clever and successful women trying to get pregnant around the age of 40,’ says Mr Lavery.

‘If they had had this option ten years ago, they would have taken it.’

It’s a new frontier with little data complied, but early figures show pregnancy rates from the frozen eggs of young women to be good.

The fertility regulator, the HFEA, now recognises it as a ‘viable clinical technique to preserve fertility’. Experts stress that success rates very much depend on the age women undergo the procedure. It should ideally be before you are 36, so that you can produce enough good-quality eggs to allow for only a small percentage that will thaw, fertilise and lead to a baby.

In the United States, where companies such as Spotify and Apple offer the process as a staff perk, clinics are actively targeting young women.

But if egg-freezing is an insurance policy, it’s far from the complete panacea.

Outdated UK laws mean eggs can be stored for only ten years. So a woman preserving her eggs at 28 faces the same dilemma at 38, if still single, when legally the eggs have to be destroyed.

It’s perverse that the official advice is to freeze your eggs young, but regulation dictates that they are disposed of before you can use them.

The Government needs to keep up with science and change this law urgently.

UK laws mean eggs can be stored for only ten years. So a woman preserving her eggs at 28 faces the same dilemma at 38, if still single, when the eggs have to be destroyed (file picture)

UK laws mean eggs can be stored for only ten years. So a woman preserving her eggs at 28 faces the same dilemma at 38, if still single, when the eggs have to be destroyed (file picture)

UK laws mean eggs can be stored for only ten years. So a woman preserving her eggs at 28 faces the same dilemma at 38, if still single, when the eggs have to be destroyed (file picture)

AND we need to educate our children better at school. Lessons focusing on how NOT to get pregnant have successfully driven down teenage pregnancy numbers. ‘We need to teach both girls and boys about diminishing fertility,’ says Professor Geeta Nargund, of St George’s Hospital, London. ‘And we should enable young women to freeze their eggs and take this time pressure off them.’

Of course, there is expense too – typically more than £3,000, plus ongoing storage costs. Some women might need more than one round to harvest adequate eggs.

However, it’s still cheaper than the often futile and soul-destroying repeated rounds of IVF in our 40s.

Pop star Rita Ora, 28, has already frozen her eggs. X Men actress Olivia Munn, now 38, has done it too, saying: ‘I think that every girl should… you don’t have to race the clock any more.’

And if I had a daughter in her 20s, I’d be urging her to do the same, too.

In a year of Royal weddings, details of the grand nuptials of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert will be revealed in a BBC documentary this week.

There was a 10ft-wide wedding cake, and courtiers had to trawl the country to find 12 aristocratic young ladies whose families were, erm, untarnished by scandal to act as bridesmaids.

The wedding night of the young couple, whose romance is often described as the greatest Royal love story, was fraught. Victoria vomited and complained of a headache – now thought to have been a migraine. Albert seems to have drowned his sorrows in response because, according to Victoria’s diary, he was ‘poorly’ in the morning and had ‘to remain quiet’ in his room. The first officially documented Royal hangover. 

European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker flipped the hair of a female official at the EC headquarters entrance in Brussels

European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker flipped the hair of a female official at the EC headquarters entrance in Brussels

European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker flipped the hair of a female official at the EC headquarters entrance in Brussels

How DOES creepy Juncker get away with doing this? 

Like a lascivious, sozzled old lech, Jean-Claude Juncker, leers towards his prey. His droopy wet lips gaping.

‘Oh, oh,’ he chunters, before fluffing and lifting up the woman’s hair. 

He pulls her in roughly for a kiss, then homes in on another blonde for an unreciprocated slobber. 

The first woman turns to camera. Her face says it all: Mortified. Humiliated. Violated. 

But this sex pest is the esteemed – or steaming – head of the EU, so I must accept his harassment.

Lesser offences have fired up Times Up and Me Too in the US. If Juncker was Trump, there would be a law suit filed. But the man shaping OUR destiny casually commits ‘hair rape’ and staggers on…

Wonderful Widders! 

Strictly’s Christmas Day Cinderella special will be a must-watch. Not least because Ann Widdecombe – dubbed ‘The Dalek in drag’ by naughty Bruno Tonioli – is back after eight years. 

Widders, now 71 and reunited with her Prince Charming Anton du Beke, has no problem being cast as an Ugly Sister. 

‘I know I’m the entertainment on the show,’ says Ann, sportingly. As the row rumbles on over Ashley and Faye’s ‘professional training’, Widders with her clunky, graceless twirls, reminds us just why we fell in love with Strictly in the first place. 

Which bright spark at Tory Party HQ thought it was a great idea to set their Channel 4 political broadcast in a butcher’s shop? Dead meat is perhaps not the right message – in this week of all weeks.

Officials in Cadiz, Spain, are capturing and relocating 5,000 ‘nuisance’ pigeons to a town 400 miles away. Presumably each one will be given a little blindfold to stop them flying right back again?

Huw Edwards has shed three stone and acquired a dewy, wrinkle-free complexion and a slicked-back hairdo. In fact, he seems a shoo-in to replace Robbie Williams in Take That. Could it be magic?  

Huw Edwards (left) has shed three stone and acquired a dewy, wrinkle-free complexion

Huw Edwards (left) has shed three stone and acquired a dewy, wrinkle-free complexion

Huw Edwards (left) has shed three stone and acquired a dewy, wrinkle-free complexion

Huw Edwards could be a shoo-in to replace Robbie Williams, pictured at the X Factor show launch in July, in Take That

Huw Edwards could be a shoo-in to replace Robbie Williams, pictured at the X Factor show launch in July, in Take That

Huw Edwards could be a shoo-in to replace Robbie Williams, pictured at the X Factor show launch in July, in Take That

While most of us just drop our children at school and don’t see them until pick-up, helicopter parents in the US are insisting on having lunch with their little ones. 

The problem has become so bad that frustrated teachers have banned parent-pupil lunches altogether in one Connecticut district because of ‘overcrowding and disruption’. 

Apparently pupils whose parents didn’t show up felt neglected. And those whose parents did, threw tantrums when it was time to go. I’m clearly doing something wrong. My kids would rather eat a plate of raw broccoli than have me turn up in the school dining room.  

Michelle Obama revealed she suffered from Imposter Syndrome and was plagued by self-doubt. 

J-Lo – still courageously championing gender stereotyping – arrived at the premiere of her film Second Act in an enormous explosion of pink net, suffering from what I can only think must be Princess Syndrome. 

J-Lo  arrived at the premiere of her film Second Act in an enormous explosion of pink net

J-Lo  arrived at the premiere of her film Second Act in an enormous explosion of pink net

J-Lo arrived at the premiere of her film Second Act in an enormous explosion of pink net

'I tried picking up men by negging them. Here’s exactly what happened.' – Mamamia

So-called male ‘pickup artists’ have been doing it for decades now. So, why couldn’t I?

“I went on a date with a real-life Hitch,” she shouted in my ear, splashing champagne on my dress. “I totally fell for him but then found out what he did for a job. I felt like the biggest idiot!” We were at on the dance floor and 11/10 drunk.

“Dude, you went out with a dating guru? GIVE ME HIS DEETS!” I shouted back. And she did, by way of Insta handle.

The following morning I Insta-druced myself as “Lisa’s friend who needs your dating advice.”

What for? I like to partake in dating experiments and the night Lisa spilled champagne on me, I’d decided I wanted to try Negative Dating.

What’s Negative Dating?

Negative dating, ‘negging’ or The Neg – is a form of emotional manipulation that uses backhanded compliments to put women on the back foot, make her feel unwanted thus fuelling her to seek The Neggers approval. Eg:

“You’re pretty, for an Asian.”

“You remind me of my little sister, cool.”

“Shame that dress shrunk, it’s really nice.”

It sounded mean, extremely immature, and in truth, really unattractive. So why does it work on us? According to Austrian psychiatrist Alfred Adler (friend of Freud), the main motives of human behaviour is superiority and power, partly in compensation for a feeling of inferiority. Aka we just want people believe we are great, and also tell us.

Thanks to Neil Strauss’s book The Game (when he infiltrated a group of pick-up artists and exposed their dating techniques), there was loads on the topic: how to neg a woman, what you can say, how to bring her down a notch with just a few phrases… but, I couldn’t see any by women on how to neg men. Would it work if I put my thing down, flipped it and reversed it?

Watch: Modern Dating: Translated. Post continues…

Video by MMC

The expert’s advice

Lisa’s ex Madison had been working for four years as a consultant for Real Social Dynamics – the international ‘leaders’ in dating advice for men. Charging up to $2000 for IRL sessions, and coaching over ten thousand guys, he was technically a dating expert. But one technique he didn’t advise on was negging.

“It’s a very old and basic technique, no one really does it anymore,” he said to me over the phone. “But it’s still effective emotionally. Essentially it is playing hard to get, a seduction idea that has been around forever, preying on low self-esteem.”

I needed to know from Madison the key things men think about before they go on a date aka a weakness I could hone in on. His advice:

  • Presentation – their hair, clothes, body, style aka is he attractive?
  • Situation – ability to organise a cool date and afford the night out aka can he provide?
  • Social hierarchy – where he ranks in his group aka men are all primates still.

His final tip: “Use the words ‘real man’. If you throw something about what a ‘real man’ would do in a situation, or that your ex was a ‘real man’, he will freak.”

So, now I knew where to aim, I was ready to neg.

Putting it into practice

To be honest I wasn’t expecting great results from The Negative Dating Experiment. Males always seem more sensitive than females, particularly when it comes to poking at their self-esteem. At best I thought I would be snubbed and ignored but YOLO and don’t hate the player hate the game, guys.

Dating a comedian is a joke – Daily Monitor

By Isaac Ssejjombwe

What kind of comedy do you do?
I do storytelling, comparison and analysis.
Why those specific ones?
I do those styles because they describe who I am and also the fact that I have a Nigerian character, comparison suits me.
Speaking of that, most of us thought you are Nigerian?
Well, I am a Mukiga. Emeka was given to me by a Nigerian family whose daughter was my best friend.

Tell us more about yourself?
I am a first born of two boys and one girl. My dad is the late Lt Col James Magezi. My family never believed in my career as a comedian until they actually saw me on TV and flying out of the country for gigs. I studied Mass Communication at St Lawrence University.
How many girlfriends have you had in your life?
I have had quite a number. There are women I dated for a short while, (the unserious ones). There are those I had through school, those who washed my clothes and copied for me notes and then there were those I was serious about but things did not work out as we expected. The ones in the latter category are only three.

What qualities do you look out for in a woman?
She must be God-fearing, light skinned, beautiful, loving, caring, supportive, understanding, one who is ready to accept me the way I am not what I have. A woman of positive energy.

Who is your ideal woman?
Well, my ideal woman is a light skinned woman with the right moral values and intelligence. For me Queen Elizabeth of England has all these qualities and more. Also she was a very beautiful woman, if you have doubts check out her pictures when she was still young.
Would you date a fellow comedian?
Hell no. Never.

Why?
I feel as if we would always be competing since we are in the same industry. Also comedians are notoriously unserious, so I feel if I dated a comedian, our love would be a joke.
Who is your best comedian in Uganda?
Napoleon Emma and Daniel Omara. They are always available to give useful advice but most importantly they are so passionate about comedy that they make you want to be part of it.

How do Ugandan comedians compare with the rest of Africa?
Comedy here is really big and as Ugandan comedians, we are always respected outside there because of the foundation our predecessors have set, kudos to Anne Kansiime, Salvador, Teacher Mpamiire and Pablo among others. I learnt that after my performance just recently in Zambia were I had a very successful show, a group of people came to me and told me, “We are really impressed with Ugandan comedians, you guys are good.” That is how much we are valued outside Uganda.

What would you be if you were not a comedian?
I would be a manager and resurrect Ziza Bafana’s music career.

EMEKA’S BIGGEST SHOW
It was the ZED Laugh festival that happened in November this year in Lusaka Zambia. That was my biggest audience ever as I performed for close to 5000 people. It was so huge for me.

Will I Ever Find True Love? The Best Dating Advice On How To Get A Girlfriend Or A Boyfriend | Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford – YourTango

True love at last.

What does it mean to date with purpose? If you haven’t heard of this or do not have your own purpose for dating, you are probably “just dating” or “hanging out”.

Unfortunately, many people who want to know how to get a girlfriend or boyfriend still date with the hope of turning their casual relationship into a long-term committed one — without ever expressing those needs and desires to the person they’re seeing.

Some people date unconsciously, content to enter a relationship with whoever comes along, shows interest, provides an adequate distraction from their everyday life, or fulfill their desire to have their sexual needs met.

However, if you’re looking to find true love, the cards are heavily stacked against you when you attempt to turn a “friends with benefits” situation into a committed, long-term relationship or marriage.

RELATED: The Geek’s Guide For How To Get A (Real-Life) Girlfriend

When you seek something more substantial than “hanging out” and want something more committed and monogamous, then you are dating “with a purpose”.

When you are dating with purpose, you approach your search for true love from a higher consciousness. You look for solid qualities in a potential partner, qualities that are more in line with your moral beliefs and values.

Once you have made a conscious decision to seek a mate with the desired qualities, you typically create a very defined approach to sealing the deal. That means that meeting someone that you haven’t “vetted” or asked about long-term goals, future planning, and long-term partner/spouse material is not the person you will enter a committed relationship with.

Dating to find real love requires strategy, preparation, and goal setting in order to get the results you want.

People who are dating with a purpose of falling in love must be “purposeful” with how they approach potential partners and the manner in which they lay the groundwork for the relationship they want.

For the love of pizza, I know they say 50 is the new 40, 40 is the new 30, and 30 is the new 20, but, do not approach a potential partner with the thoughts “whatever comes will come” if you want a long-term committed relationship. If you approach a relationship from that angle you will get exactly what you have been waiting for “nothing”.

Nothing will come because you have not expressed your desires, interests, or expectations for the relationship. While you may be hoping for something committed, the person you are dating does not know that. They may assume you are “fine” with the way things are. Therefore, while dating you, they may be exploring long-term options elsewhere.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people in their 40’s or 50’s recounting their dating failures with, “I really like him, but I don’t want to put pressure on him. He works a lot, so I want him to be relaxed when he sees me, I want it to be fun. When we spend time together, we usually stay in all day, we Netflix and chill, like the kids say.”

Red flag alert: if you are in your 40’s or 50’s, you are not a child.

You want a committed relationship, but you are afraid to ask. The example above is not exclusive to women. Men have often entered a casual relationship, assuming a potential partner will see how great they are and want a commitment with them only to be disappointed.

When someone is seeing you and the only thing you have going on is sex, then it is hard to see you outside of that role. As unfair as it may seem, most daters would like to start “fresh” with someone else than turning a sexual relationship into a committed relationship.

Knowing this, if you’re done with leaving your love life up to chance, dating with purpose is the way to go.

RELATED: 5 Things Guys Really Wish Girls Would Do On Dating Apps (As Told By A Guy)

Here are 11 of the best pieces of dating advice on how to get a girlfriend or a boyfriend when you’re tired of casual dating.

1. Get to know yourself better and what you want in life, in your future.

2. Identify what you want (i.e. causal dating, friends with benefits, or long-term committed relationship.)

3. Identify what you want in a partner.

4. Devise a plan or strategy to secure the relationship you want.

5. Avoid dating multiple people and trying to “weed out” the person you don’t want. This creates hurt feelings and influences how you see your potentials and how your potentials see you.

6. Identify what type partner you are interested in (i.e. types of qualities he/she needs to possess, are you looking for the same things in a partner you had in the past, or are you looking for something else, etc.).

7. Express your needs upfront.

8. Try not to ruminate on what hasn’t worked in the past, and learn from those experiences instead.

9. Maintain a positive attitude and outlook.

10. Don’t assume the person you meet or have chemistry with will be “the one.” Know you will have to date a little to find you’re the right person for you

11. Don’t settle, as tempting as it may be to settle for less than what you want, you must go after what you want. By focusing on what you want in a relationship and a partner you are bound to find it.

Dating can be tricky, but finding true love is totally possible, whether you are looking for a long-term committed relationship or marriage.

The possibilities are endless so don’t be discouraged when you thought you found the “perfect” person but they are not interested in a long-term committed relationship.

Maybe that was not the “perfect” person for you, consider it this way there are other potential suitors out there, waiting for the opportunity to be with you.

RELATED: 6 Women Reveal What A Guy Did To REALLY Make Them Fall In Love

Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status, and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.

This article was originally published at Love, Lust, & Fantasies. Reprinted with permission from the author.