Category Archives: Relationships
How To Get A Guy To Like You On Dating Sites & Apps, Based On Advice From Men – YourTango
Hey, if they work, why not??
By Lisa Holden
Frankly, I’ve been starting to wonder if my old tried-and-true dating advice and tips have gotten stale lately.
So I decided to take a break from my own online dating experiments and waxing poetic about dating sites and apps to listen in on what gentlemen have to say about what works — and what doesn’t — when it comes to figuring out how to get a guy to like you.
Here is some honest dating advice from men for single women navigating the world of love and relationships online.
1. Give good app
My roommate’s boyfriend, who asked to be referred to by his stage name, “Bruschetta Veuve Clicquot,” insisted that it’s all about engagement on the apps, and that you shouldn’t be afraid to get weird.
Clicquot explained, “Any content can be made funny or personal. Compulsively make jokes until they’re so bought in, they have to go on a date. By the time you bring it up, they’re having such a good time, they’ve already said yes in their head.”
Perhaps he’s onto something; it worked on my roommate.
In that same vein, put something unique in your profile that the other person can work with. If you love your friends and family, that’s great, but what’s the other person supposed to say to that? Something about you that is just a little weird provides excellent fodder for conversation.
Stuff like, “I go crazy for a good sunset” or “I still watch Boy Meets World reruns” are just nerdy enough to also be endearing and excellent conversation starters, according to a guy I recently went on a handful of dates with — whose actual best move, by the way, is to take a lady to wine country for the day. Bravo, sir.
2. Have a good follow-up plan
When it comes to back-and-forth exchanges, there are many reasons you might fall off someone’s radar. The good news is, according to data collected by the folks at Hinge, sending a second message can re-engage that person more often than not.
Here are a few of the highest-quality examples of reengaging texts I’ve come across from guys:
- “This is so us, me doing all the talking and you just sitting there looking cute.” Flattery. If it doesn’t work, at the very least the recipient of this will smile.
- “Whoa weird autocorrect! I meant, ‘Would you like to get a drink on Thursday?'” Whatever question you asked or topic you raised didn’t land, so throw a Hail Mary; what have you got to lose?
- “I think I just saw you. Are you in my neighborhood right now?” Make them wonder if they almost just met you IRL.
3. Gather data
“Gather as much data as you can right away,” said an economist I used to work with.
This brilliant advice came when I was debating bringing a new guy I was dating to my work Christmas party.
“It’s a waste of time to wait and see how someone interacts with your friends, family, coworkers etc.,” he explained over lunch. “As soon as you know you like someone, find out how they are in fancy situations, in nature, in dive bars, and anywhere else you like to go. Data collection should happen fast so you don’t string someone along longer than you need to.”
My friend Ryan likes to do this to the extreme by getting into the nitty-gritty topics like politics, religion, and sexuality on first dates.
“Off limits? More like required discussion,” Ryan said. “On a first date, I liked to bring up typically taboo subjects like religion, politics, mental illness, toilet humor, racism, drug use, periods, etc. to see how they react. Sometimes it scares women off, but sometimes you have a better connection with someone who’s willing to get into things right away.”
To be clear, this would never, ever work with me, but it did for Ryan. He’s currently dating someone who was willing to talk about poop with a stranger.
4. Get creative with your date ideas
“Do something crazy like fly fishing,” said a guy I went on three dates with who asked to be referred to as “no comment.” (Not everyone is comfortable dating a writer.)
His point was that you should pick something totally crazy that you like to do and see if there’s a stranger out there willing to do it with you. Everyone can go out for a cocktail, but suggesting something you like to do will at least ensure one of you has a good time.
“Best third date ever is finger-painting,” according to someone on my trivia team.
After you’ve done a first date drinks and second date dinner, mix it up with something that’s fun, tactile, and, most important, unexpected.
Apparently, this move is a good one to repeat regularly because at worst it’s a fairly inexpensive way to fill your home with original art and at best it could lead to a fourth date.
Long-distance dating? Find something you can do together that you can work on separately.
“My boyfriend and I trained for a half marathon together when we lived in different cities,” said a longtime cohort of mine.
It gave them something to talk about on the phone and a shared goal they could feel great about completing together. When it came time for the race, I won’t share who beat whom, but let’s just say the boyfriend-now-husband likes to gloat about this dating tip all the time.
5. Be better
You’d be surprised how low the bar is. When I asked guys for their most creative tips, it took longer than expected to gather what I just shared. When I realized it would be tough, I asked the ladies in my circle about the best things guys had ever done on dates, and the responses were bleak.
Here’s a brief list of what the incredibly smart and talented women I surround myself with recalled as some of the “best” things men have done on dates:
- “Made plans and stuck to them.” That’s right, the best thing a guy has ever done is show up).
- “Asked me about me instead of babbling about himself all night.” Also known as human decency.
- “A subtle touch when things were going well. A brush against a shoulder after a joke or a light stroke on the hand can go a long way.” Note: that’s desired physical contact.
- “Remembered something random I mentioned offhand and then turned that into a date.” So … he listened.
- “I’m drawing a blank.” Exactly.
The main dating tip takeaway from this section is: realize how low the bar is and be man enough to rise far above it.
In general, dating isn’t about trying to get as many guys to like you finding as possible, it’s about finding the one with whom the interest is the most mutual.
With that said, don’t be afraid to be a little quirky and communicative right off the bat. And don’t forget your manners.
Raise that bar, and good luck out there.
Lisa Holden lives in San Francisco, California and has been on more than 100 first dates. A branding and communications professional by day, she pulls from this knowledge to help her friends and readers determine how to behave before, during and after a date.
This article was originally published at Popsugar. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Tina Tessina: Practical Techniques to Reinforce Healthy Relationships – DatingNews
Tina B. Tessina’s journey to become a counselor started over 45 years ago with an awful marriage. She and her husband were so unhappy that they could barely talk to one another without it blowing up into a fight. They went to couples counseling to try to fix things, and the counselor broke them up into individual sessions after the first meeting.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Long Beach.
Tina stuck with the solo sessions, her husband did not, and they decided to get divorced. Tina continued going to therapy to figure out why she had chosen a poor relationship partner and how she could make better choices in the future. With the blessing of her therapist, she went back to school and began studying psychology.
“Like so many counselors, I got into it because of my own issues,” she said. She started out with questions, and found answers. Tina is now a celebrated psychotherapist, author, and dating expert with offices in Long Beach. She has been happily remarried to Richard Sharrard since 1982.
When Tina opened her private practice in the 1970s, she was one of five counselors in Long Beach. Today, she said she’s the only one of the five still in business. She attributes her longevity to her positive attitude, compassionate techniques, and overall resilience.
“I don’t burn out because I focus on what’s changing and what’s possible,” she said. “I always enjoy watching them change and go from a dysfunctional relationship to a healthy relationship that lasts and makes them both happy.”
Working With Gay & Straight Singles & Couples
Tina described her counseling methods as “extremely practical.” She doesn’t waste time on trivialities, and she doesn’t point out issues without offering solutions. Tina partners with her clients to do the deep psychological work it takes to make a lasting change in life. She has a full toolkit of therapy techniques she can use to get to the root of any personal issue.
“It’s a client-led process,” she told us. “I look at what the client wants to do, and we work on it together.”
Tina helps her clients overcome past issues and mental blocks, so they can cultivate healthy relationships.
Individuals and couples of all ages, backgrounds, and sexual orientations turn to Tina for guidance. She only saw clientele in her hometown of Long Beach at first, but video counseling tools have now allowed her to reach people all around the world.
Some clients choose to schedule weekly sessions, while others just check in once in a while or during crisis situations. Tina allows her clients to decide what works best for them, and she is flexible enough to meet with them in person, over the phone, or through Skype.
While they work closely together, Tina tends to develop friendships with her clients, and she said she feels invested in seeing them succeed.
“I don’t think you can heal others without caring about them,” she said. “I get close to my clients, we build a relationship, and that works for me very well.”
Her Romance Guide Promotes the Get-a-Life Dating Method
Throughout her career, Tina has published multiple books on the topic of love and relationships. She has counseled couples on how to form happy relationships, and she has inspired singles to enjoy their independence and regain confidence in themselves. Her books take on major life issues — including dating, money, sex, and children — and address them with positivity and psychological insights.
Tina’s new book prepares online daters to create real-life romantic connections.
Tina recently published “Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today” to tackle issues she has seen in the online dating world. This self-help book walks singles through the challenge and adventure posed by a dating site and teaches them how to create their happily ever afters.
This romance guide walks singles through the online dating process from identifying mental blocks to making a real-life connection. Tina pulls back the veneer and reveals the common traps online daters fall prey to — including misjudging someone based on a dating profile.
“I see a lot of people struggle with online dating,” she said. “It’s not reality-based. It’s like advertising yourself over text and email. Once you meet in person, that’s when reality begins.”
Tina pointed out that dating profiles can be misleading, and it’s not until you meet in person that you know if you have chemistry or relationship potential.
“I call my dating method the Get a Life method because it’s important to get out and meet people in person,” she said. “My book is based on making dating successful, safe, and fun.”
Over 200 Blog Articles are Available for Free Online
In addition to writing books, Tina has also written advice articles where she can share her wisdom with a broader audience.
Tina has published an impressive library of over 200 articles available for free on the Dr. Romance Blog. This blog offers singles and couples the reassurance and knowledge they need to move forward and handle a variety of personal issues. Some of her articles discuss dating issues and others discuss relationship issues, but they all provide calm, clear advice based on years of experience.
Many of these articles use real-life scenarios to illustrate a point and deliver sage guidance. Sometimes she answers a question from a reader’s Dear Dr. Romance letter, and sometimes she draws from her own experiences and professional knowledge to encourage readers to never give up hope.
“Hope is what keeps us going, gives us the courage to pursue our dreams, and draws us into creating the future.” — Tina B. Tessina
Readers can also find inspiration from her Happiness Tips, a monthly column where Tina looks on the bright side and reminds people of the importance of self-care, relationship resilience, family, friendship, and basically enjoying life.
Tina approaches love and life with an empathetic frame of mind, and her kindness comes through on every page.
“My whole focus is on how to have a happy life,” she said. “The thing that leads to a happy life is generosity and caring. It’s all about kindness and learning how to take care of yourself so you’re not just giving and not getting anything back.”
Tina Cares About Helping & Healing Others
Over 45 years ago, Tina didn’t know how to sort out her own relationship, much less anyone else’s, but years of studying psychology and working with couples have helped her understand the ins and outs of the dating world. Now she has the strength, knowledge, and passion to cheer on every client who visits her office.
Tina is a compassionate guide for singles and couples facing personal issues. She delivers thoughtful advice in one-on-one sessions, self-help books, and free online articles to help people around the world improve the quality of their relationships.
Although she has been at this a long time, Tina said that every day at her therapy practice is different, and she sees every client’s challenges as an opportunity to inspire growth and happiness.
“Every person is unique, and every situation is unique,” she said. “Every relationship is a brand new thing, and you have to work it out from scratch. There’s no template. People think there’s one right way to do, but there’s not. There’s just what works for you.”
Forget Love. I’m Looking for Great Soup Dumplings. – The New York Times
When Daniela Castillo was planning a recent vacation to Mexico City, she opened up her Tinder app. But she wasn’t looking for a romantic date at Chapultepec Castle, or even a quick hookup while in town.
She wanted travel advice.
Like other solo travelers, Ms. Castillo, 27, who writes a travel blog, has increasingly found dating apps like Tinder and Bumble a convenient way to meet locals, see the sights and get recommendations on where to eat and where to go when visiting an unfamiliar destination.
But there are the obvious risks. “You need to make very clear from the beginning what you are looking for,” she said. “Most people do want the romantic aspect, so it is hard and takes a bit of time to find the profile of someone who is O.K. being friends.”
Dating apps can be an interesting way to learn about local culture, said Craig Johnson, who works for a real estate company in Seattle. “You’re looking at the city through the lens of its dating pool and how people describe themselves.” He uses Tinder and Bumble when he travels abroad. Mr. Johnson said he was interested in connecting with people from other countries, “and there’s always the excitement that it might turn into a romantic encounter.”
Link Salas, the creative director for a small technology company in New York, said he used Grindr, a social networking app for gay, bisexual, and transgender men, to learn about the places he’s traveling to and to meet men there. “I change my profile to say I am in town and looking for someone to show me around,” he said. “Some guys suggest a gay neighborhood to check out or a club,” he said. Some offer to meet in person. “The way you phrase your paragraph affects the responses you get,” he said.
The gay dating app Scruff also recently started a new service for its users, Scruff Venture, in which travelers can search more than 500 destinations, and then contact local “venture ambassadors” for advice on where to go and what to do.
And while many solo travelers may indeed be single, and thus potentially open to romantic encounters, still others are on their own because their spouses or partners are back at home, unable to make this trip.
That’s one factor that in 2016 led the dating site Bumble to expand its offerings to friendship (Bumble BFF) and, in 2017, to work-related connections (Bumble Bizz). Jess Carbino, a sociologist working for Bumble, said the company’s research showed that more of its users were using the app to meet local residents when traveling solo. “People in their 20s and 30s are in different places in their lives, so it can be hard to find someone to travel with,” she said.
Of course, personal safety is always a concern for solo vacationers. “When you don’t know the area and don’t have friends there, it’s even more important to be cautious,” Ms. Castillo said. She said she always shares with a close friend the name and phone number of the person she is going to meet, where they are going and when she expects to be back at her hotel.
Other dating app users say they stay safe when meeting strangers abroad by only meeting during daylight hours, in busy parts of town, or in places that do not serve alcohol. And they state clearly that their intent is platonic. If someone tries to push past these parameters online or in person, they advise cutting off the interaction. Sharing your location with a friend is another precaution. (The Grindr, Bumble and Tinder apps also supply advice on staying safe when meeting strangers.)
To dissuade people from creating false identities that could be used for nefarious purposes, Bumble moderators ask people setting up new accounts to follow a set of prompts on camera, to ensure they are submitting an authentic photo for their profile and not copying an image from the internet. Emily Wright, a company spokeswoman, said reports of inappropriate actions are dealt with “swiftly and seriously,” and users who break the code of conduct can be banned from the app.
While some travelers may not be looking for romance, sometimes it just happens. In 2016, Ms. Castillo met a man through Tinder while she was traveling through Europe and ended up in an 18-month relationship with him. “I guess it’s not the most romantic app in the world,” she said, “but it does bring you some interesting possibilities and the opportunity to meet people you would have never met otherwise.”
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