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While being famous arguably involves allowing fans to know details about your life, Joe Alwyn wants you to know his relationship with Taylor Swift is private – and he wants it to stay that way. Fair enough.

Despite previously sharing a few details about their relationship, including whether they meant to go Instagram official at the same time, Joe was very quick to shut down further questioning about their romance in an interview with Esquire.

They asked him whether he had sought out advice on dating Taylor. The answer is no. “I didn’t seek out advice on that because I know what I feel about it,” he said, before firmly stating that he doesn’t want to talk about his girlfriend.

“I think there’s a very clear line as to what somebody should share, or feel like they have to share, and what they don’t want to and shouldn’t have to.”

It’s not the first time Joe has been adamant that his private life stays that way, telling British Vogue in September that while he understands people’s interest in their relationship, he doesn’t want to talk about it. “I’m aware people want to know about that side of things, [but] I think we have been successfully very private and that has now sunk in for people…but I really prefer to talk about work.”

Getty Images

He echoed this sentiment again with GQ in November, adding that “someone’s private life is, by definition, private. No one is obliged to share their personal life.”

You do you, Joe.

Joe Alwyn was nearly in Love Actually

Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn’s relationship timeline

CHICAGO –– A front-row seat in a crash course on app-based dating was the perfect place for JoAnn Thissen.

Online dating takes a lot of nerve, and the 68-year-old retired marine geologist was working up her courage. She’s dabbled on dating websites and apps, and even asked for a subscription to dating site Match for Christmas. She hasn’t had any luck yet, but she’s still determined.

That’s why she was there, sitting in a Loop hotel among dozens of other attendees interested in crafting the perfect online dating profile. There were men and women, millennials and baby boomers, singles and people in relationships.

The holidays are peak dating season, and the love lives of tens of thousands of Chicagoans hinge on how algorithms behind popular dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Match piece together their data. Even a decade ago, 1 in 3 marriages started online, one study suggested, and dependence on dating apps has increased. Some users fret over creating the perfect profile to rope in the ideal mate. Others work to outsmart the algorithms behind the services they use.

“There’s a lot (about) meeting another person that can’t be determined by an algorithm,” Thissen said. “They take your info and they crunch the numbers and they come up with something. How do you get them to uncrunch the numbers?”

That’s where Bela Gandhi and Smart Dating Academy come in. The date-coaching company, which Gandhi founded in 2009, hosted the dating-app workshop Thissen attended this fall as part of Chicago Ideas Week.

The changing nature of the dating scene has caused Smart Dating Academy to change how it teaches people to approach online dating.

The increasingly digital world has changed expectations, Gandhi said. In the past, she made sure clients’ hopes weren’t built around Hollywood romances. Now she must preach that online dating isn’t quite the same as online shopping.

“Our brains are wired,” Gandhi said. “It’s like, ‘I sent an email to this guy, I want him personally to arrive to my doorstep with a dozen roses tonight.’ It’s like an Amazon Prime mentality to mate search.”

Flitting attention spans make app dating a delicate dance, Gandhi told the crowd at her crash course.

You have “about 3 milliseconds” to make a first impression online, Gandhi said. No pressure.

One attendee, Kelli Murphy, 35, said she has noticed how quickly people lose interest in potential matches. She’s not expecting instantaneous results — she’s been using dating apps long enough to know that’s not realistic — but she has crafted her approach based on other users’ actions.

“It’s best to plan a date within a couple of days or else people will forget about you,” Murphy said.

Still, Gandhi loves dating sites and apps. More than one-third of marriages between 2005 and 2012 started online, according to a University of Chicago study commissioned by online dating site eHarmony. Gandhi said that will only increase.

Almost half of Americans are single. Prospects are good for digital daters, especially this time of year.

Dating season peaks between Dec. 26 and Valentine’s Day, according to data from online dating company Match Group, which owns Match, Tinder and OkCupid, among others. More than 60 million messages are sent on the Match app during that time, and more than 750,000 dates occur.

Match named the first Sunday of the new year “Dating Sunday” and predicts there will be a 69 percent increase in new singles coming to the app. People resolve to find love in the new year, Gandhi said.

Meanwhile, all those people clicking and swiping in search of a potential partner are good for the bottom line.

For example, Tinder’s third-quarter revenues were double what they were the previous year, according to parent company Match’s most recent earnings report. That increase was driven in part by Tinder Gold, a premium service to which 60 percent of Tinder’s 4.1 million users subscribe. Match also bought a 51 percent stake in Hinge earlier this year. Facebook is looking to cash in too, rolling out a dating service in some countries.

But there certainly is an underbelly to the technology, Gandhi said. For better or worse, people expect to be able to plug exactly who they want into an algorithm and have that person in no time.

“The problem is, people think they know what they want, but they don’t know what they actually need,” Gandhi said.

In the beginning, online dating was not built on algorithms. Match got its start in 1995 with online personal ads. Singles searched through the site’s active profiles to find matches.

Then came the matchmaking era in the 2000s. Psychologists and self-help gurus got behind big online dating services. “Dr. Phil” McGraw dished out dating advice through Match.com, and psychologist Neil Clark Warren founded eHarmony, where users answered a list of questions in search of a soul mate.

“The idea was: ‘You don’t know what you want; you have no idea. You’re going to marry the wrong person. Let us solve that for you,’ ” said Sam Yagan, the Chicago-based co-founder of OkCupid. “Thus begins algorithmic dating.”

OkCupid used data differently when it launched in 2004, Yagan said. Its approach was less about narrowing it down to one soulmate and more about making sure dates weren’t a waste of time.

How the algorithms work can be a mystery to users, and they can change at any time. New York-based Hinge, for example, got its start pairing users with friends of Facebook friends, but last summer it ditched the requirement to log in with Facebook accounts.

Match introduced a rating system for users in 2010 that gathers data on customers that the app’s algorithm can learn from, said Dushyant Saraph, vice president of product at Match Group.

“We aren’t trying to solve for marriages or predicting who is going to fall in love with whom,” Saraph said in an email. “But putting two people in front of each other that will strike up a conversation on the app is something we can clearly measure.”

Algorithms learn from users’ preferences. They gather data on users and how they interact, and calculate which profiles will appear in feeds or as matches. If a user tends not to engage with people with tattoos, the app may stop showing that person people with tattoos, for example.

That worries some users, like Thissen from the app dating crash course. What if they miss someone special because of how an algorithm processed their data?

Yagan, who is also a Match Group board member, believes people generally know what they want, and apps do a good job satisfying those desires. And if they don’t, people will just try a different dating app.

“Ultimately, you have to be happy with the product,” he said.

Lilah Jones and Dani Martinez are getting married. They’re still deciding on the date — summer 2019 or 2020 — but they’re sure it’ll be in Spain, Martinez’s home country.

The two went on their first date in January 2016, and Jones proposed in August after the couple scaled Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. They met through Match, but Jones had to dig a little.

Jones, a Smart Dating Academy client, initially trusted the algorithms to do most of the matchmaking. She works at Google and has seen artificial intelligence and algorithms work well. Then she noticed a trend among the people popping up in her Match feed.

“I tended to be matched with people of the same color, people who were professional just like me, who live in certain areas,” the Old Irving Park neighborhood resident said. “It was a lot of kind of the same. The person who I ended up with did not come up in my feed.”

She ventured beyond the feed, played around with her filters and searched Match profiles on her own to find Martinez, 37. She noticed his photos first. He looked fun, and his profile was positive. The two have vastly different backgrounds, are of different races and grew up in different countries, but they hit it off, said Jones, 43. They each have a child, and their kids get along well too.

People have come to depend too much on dating apps’ algorithms to find love for them, Jones said. Sometimes it takes a little work to find the right match.

“You’re expecting this algorithm to find your next husband or find your next boyfriend or find your next hookup,” Jones said. “This is life, and you get out of life the effort you put into it.”

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©2018 Chicago Tribune

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Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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PHOTOS (for help with images, contact 312-222-4194): ALGORITHIM DATING

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems? Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to something that you can’t find a solution to. From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

There is a boy in my class, who has a secret crush on me. He keeps staring at me most of the time. I have mixed feelings for him. He is my brother’s friend. My family is against all this ‘love stuff’. Because of all these things, I can’t even study. I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to him or just ignore and move on? – AK

AK, how can it be a secret ‘crush’, if he stares at you all the time. What’s the ‘secret’ here? A secret is, like say your Pan Card Number which no else knows. Or who’s going to rule Telangana? Or Madonna’s real age? Or who is in charge of Pakistan. AK, I hope you get my drift there’s no secret. He likes you. Now don’t get confused with all the family stuff as yet. You are not going to marry him next Tuesday, are you? (By the way, now that would be a secret). First thing first. Do you like him? Mixed feelings is a positive sign. Only no feelings, is a negative sign. So first figure out your feelings, as his ‘secret’ is extremely open. The family and their opinion, should remain a secret for now. First deal with yourself, and your apparently ‘secret’ feelings towards to him.

There is a girl in my college and we both happen to make eye contacts quite a lot of times I don’t know if she is interested in me or is it just by chance that we happen to look at each other. How do I start a conversation with her? Also, she doesn’t speak a word with anyone else in the class. What do I do? — VE

Well VE, you could join the special ‘Eye Contact’ coaching classes available at Kedar’s Coaching Classes in Andheri West, or Bhola’s Classes in Vasant Vihar, New Delhi. Or since those classes don’t exist, and never will, you can search your body with both hands, until you find some courage. That courage is important, it’s like petrol for your car. Only courage is much cheaper. Just as obvious, as night following day, is the idea of dialogue following shared glances. Since, she appears shy, and not very talkative, you, have to start the conversation. You refer to 47% of my answers, which all contain the same answer, but with different spellings. Just, start with a simple greeting. A hello. A hello back means progress. Normal conversation about class room culture will follow.

There is a girl in my apartment, who is slightly elder to me. We have been good friends for now, but I somehow have developed feelings for her. The only thing I am sure is that she is single. I don’t want to lose out on a good friend by proposing to her. What should I do? — NT

A girl in your apartment, NT? Where do you live, in a working women’s hostel? Okay, ignore that. Remember Emperor Comodius of Rome? He fell in love with Rhinoceros, but wasn’t sure of the Rhino’s feelings for him. To be certain he had the Rhino brought three feet from him. History records that the wound to his Glutus muscle from the agitated Rhino’s horn never healed fully. Sadly, the girl in your apartment is hot a rhinoceros, so its tough to get such a clear picture. First and foremost stop treating her like a Rhino. Do not propose to her. Keep the good friend technique on for a while. Your next step is to ask her out for coffee. A date which is not a date. Slowly but surely get her to go out with you. If she does, you have your answer without even proposing. Forget Everest’s peak. Just climb the damn mountain, stop behaving like a Rhino!

I am a teenager and I seem to have been very interested in the concept of Polyamory. However, I am in a relationship with someone at present and I don’t know how to tell her that I want to explore this side of my personality too. Please help. — KR

KR, you have my full permission. And that word permission is the answer to your question. You want multiple partners? It’s all good as long as all partners give consent. No building contract binds you to monogamy. Polyamory can be explained through a simple political metaphor. The Multi party system. It can be practiced. But very often leads to chaos. Please check with your partner if she shares your interest in polyamory. Now if she prefers monogamy, your experiment with polyamory will lead to you being hit repeatedly on the head with a hot frying pan, until you give up your liberal views. So, I give you a thumbs-up and I’m sending you my friend Dr .Rustom Modi’s number.

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First Published: Dec 11, 2018 12:26 IST