Category Archives: Relationships
Kiwi woman launches 'safe dating' forum for women – Newshub
WATCH: Dating can be hard at the best of times. Credits: Image – Getty; Video – The Project.
An Auckland woman has created a website for Kiwi women to share red flags or safety concerns about men when dating.
Zoe Garrett created a Squarespace blog entitled ‘Date Safe’ this week following the death of young British backpacker Grace Millane.
“I discovered a friend had been on a date with the alleged [killer] a year ago and had had concerns, a friend of a friend was in the same position, another friend almost went on a date with him,” she tells Newshub.
Garrett, 29, says she and many of her friends have had unsavoury experiences while dating, including bad vibes and feeling unsafe.
Her hope is that Date Safe will allow women to share those experiences, as a vetting procedure for dating sites like Tinder.
“I’m still figuring out the legalities in sharing details and names and what extent I can go to,” she says. She’s hoping by women sharing first names, descriptions of pick-up lines and first date spots, they can create awareness without breaching any laws.
“I know overseas sex workers have as similar way of sharing the details dodgy clients, and use it to keep themselves safe,” she says. “That’s kind of what gave me the idea.”
Garrett says she hopes the public ‘outing’ might make men think twice over less than savoury behaviour.
“When people are held accountable they might think twice about exhibiting these kinds of strange behaviours,” she says.
Since the shocking death of Grace Millane in Auckland, a former flatmate of Millane’s alleged murderer has come forward to describe him as “aggressive”.
The woman lived with the accused in Auckland, telling RadioLIVE that at first the man, who has name suppression, was “chatty” and “reasonably easy to live”. But it wasn’t long before alarm bells began to ring.
Garrett says she hopes Date Safe will be a place for women to voice those alarm bells.
“I’ve met my last two boyfriends on Tinder and Bumble, but you do have to really sift through and be careful about who you meet,” she says.
“It makes you quite resentful sometimes if you have to run your behaviours around what other people do.”
Garrett also says she would appreciate any feedback or advice on how to run the site. You can contact her through the Sqaurespace page.
“It would be great to get the conversation flowing,” she says.
Newshub.
Dating Advice For Women Who Have Had No Luck In Love – YourTango
Your approach may need a makeover.
Too often, I see women devastated by their dating experiences. Despite their best efforts, men never treat them the way they deserve to be treated.
Their lack of success in dating has very little to do with the men they date. Rather, they become too emotionally entrenched in the experience too quickly and fail to see how they create problematic dating dynamics.
You see, I used to make these same mistakes until I took dating advice to heart, recognized my part in the process, and began dating and eventually married a man who treats me the way I deserve to be treated.
For women looking for how to find love, here are some rules you should always follow if you want success.
1. Get off the pity train.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Let go of the self-defeating thoughts holding you back. How fun is it to hang out with someone who only puts themselves down?
Think about how people are drawn to someone with confidence. A person with confidence seems to love life. They don’t complain about themselves. It is a much more pleasant experience. If you don’t feel confident, fake it until you do. You will probably see a difference in how people interact with you.
2. Never cry about a boy.
I mean it. Never cry about a boy — they aren’t worth it. Sure, there are some jerks out there. Don’t give them your power by allowing yourself to feel bad.
We train people how to treat us. If you can work on your assertiveness and confidence, you will find a relationship with someone who respects you. Until then, it will just be the same guy with a different name.
3. Keep an air of mystery.
This is a big one. We all have baggage. Over the course of a relationship, your significant other will learn more about you. Until that point, don’t over-share.
This especially applies to telling a man how you feel about him. If you have been dating for two weeks and think he might be the one, don’t tell him! Although, if after two weeks you do start fantasizing about marriage and children, we need to talk.
Slow yourself down and find a distraction. There is no way you know enough about him that quickly to make a life-long commitment. If that is where your mind is, you are missing some key data.
4. Only put in a 30 percent effort.
This sounds harsh, but it is true. The feminists are going to hate me on this one, but I think “I am woman, hear me roar” has done us a disservice in the dating department. Think about it in mathematical terms: if you put in 100 percent effort, how much is left for him to give?
Honestly, when it comes to dating, less is more. The less effort you put in, the more he has to come forward. This becomes diagnostic of how invested he is in you. If he doesn’t come forward, run, do not walk. If he is putting so little effort into your dating relationship, what will happen once he gets comfortable?
5. Make him come to you.
This is especially true for the first few dates. If you go to his house on the first date instead of him coming to pick you up, I have two words for you: booty call. If he isn’t willing to invest the energy to at least come pick you up and have something planned for the evening, just say no. If he asks you to come to him and has no game plan, he is just looking to hook up.
A man who genuinely wants to spend time getting to know you will put in the effort.
6. Never see him with less than a seven days’ notice.
This doesn’t have to be hard and fast, but the point is that you should not accept a date on Wednesday or Thursday for that weekend. You are a busy woman. He needs to plan ahead if he wants your time.
Men are by the thrill of the chase. A woman who has nothing going on and is always at their beck and call is not desirable for a relationship. She is desirable for hooking up. So, let me ask you: do you want to be an afterthought or do you want to be respected?
7. Never call him unless returning a call.
Don’t be clingy. I can’t emphasize this enough. Men will easily get turned off by a woman who calls or texts too much. It is overwhelming and can end a relationship before it starts. Again, you are a busy woman. You have so many people and activities competing for your time and attention. You don’t have time to call him.
Let him call you at least for the first couple of months. Again, this becomes diagnostic of how much energy he wants to invest. After your relationship is more established, call him but still limit how much you do call. He is not a girlfriend with whom you should spend hours on the phone. If he has hours to spend on the phone, he can use the effort to see you.
8. Never return a call or text immediately.
Remember, you are busy, busy, busy. Don’t sit by the phone waiting for a call or text. If this is anxiety provoking, find some other way to spend your time. You can bet he isn’t sitting by the phone waiting for you to call. Meanwhile, your life is passing you by. Get out there and live it.
9. Do not get physical.
Hopefully, by this point, this goes without saying. For the first couple of months, you should limit your physical intimacy. Remember, men like a challenge. This, however, is not to say that they like a tease.
Don’t expect, like one unfortunate woman I know, a man to be okay with sleeping over in your bed without having sex. This kind of mind game is disrespectful on your part. You cannot expect anyone to be okay with you sending mixed messages.
If he is pushing for more intimacy, let him know that you don’t feel comfortable with that until you know each other better. You need to respect your body.
10. Let go of the outcome.
This is no indication of your worth as a person. So many women are devastated when a first date does not become a relationship. They think it is because they are not pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough or fun enough. They don’t even stop to consider whether or not they even like the guy.
Date like a man. Show up, have fun and if it works out, great. If not, on to the next one. Will following these rules help you get married or learn how to find love? Maybe, maybe not. But by following this dating advice, you will quickly be able to weed out people who are not worth your time and energy.
It may seem like adhering to these rules would be “playing games.” It isn’t a game. It’s about showing someone you are worthy of their respect.
The bottom line is that if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will either. Just like interviewing for a job, you need to make sure the man is someone you want, not just concern yourself with whether or not he wants you.
Michelle Lewis is a wellness counselor. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter (@LewisCounseling) for more information.
This Relationship Expert Suggests How Scheana Shay Can Find the Right Guy – Bravo
Vanderpump Rules SURver Scheana Shay may appear too love hungry, but give her a break, she just wants to find true love like the rest of us. After divorcing her ex-husband, Mike Shay, she quickly moved on with Rob Valletta, who broke up with her after the season ended, as she revealed at the Season 6 reunion.
That left her starting off Season 7 single, which for Scheana is a good place to start. Jax Taylor agrees. He discussed her ever-evolving love life on The Daily Dish podcast, calling her a “hopeless romatic” who should maybe take a step back from dating for a quick sec.
“I think Scheana’s just in a place right now where she’s just — and I love Scheana, this is nothing against her at all, she’s a great friend and she’s very sweet — I think she’s just a hopeless romantic, maybe co-dependent, just wants to be in a relationship, she jumps from relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship and it’s just kind of like, dude, chill, take a moment, you know,” Jax said. “I feel bad because these guys I feel like are not in it for the right reasons and she just wants to settle down, she’ll just take whatever… and it’s sad to see, because you want to see her be happy, but she keeps finding the wrong guys… I mean, I don’t know how many she’s going to have to run through to figure it out.”
In the time it took to type this, there’s even been an off-camera update on Scheana’s love life. She’s been hanging out with fellow SURver Adam Spott, who she tried to set Brittany Cartwright up with in the wake of Jax’s cheating scandal last season. Is your head spinning yet?
About the two, Scheana recently told Us Weekly: “We’re always together. He’s my favorite person to be with. I don’t even know if we know … We’re hanging out. Yeah, but he’s still my best friend.”
OK, let’s back it up. Personal Space called in a relationship expert to explain that not every guy is the guy — and what we can do to slow down a bit and recognize when the right one does come along.
Relationship expert April Masini has seen this behavior before — hopping from relationship to relationship without even stopping to think what it is you truly want or need. She gives Scheana (and all single girls) some advice:
1. Be careful with the L word
“Don’t say it too soon,” Masini said. “Scheana seems to have a habit of being free and easy when it comes to expressing her feelings. And that’s normally great. But the L word carries special weight. It implies commitment, and it also begs a response. When you say, ‘I love you,’ to someone and they don’t say it back, there is no greater awkward moment. Likewise, if someone says it to you, and you’re just not feeling it, they’ve created a burden for you because they’re awaiting a positive response — and you just don’t have it for them. So, wait until you’ve been dating long enough to know there is a commitment, before using that four letter word.”
2. Don’t bend friendship
“Friends don’t sleep together. And while it’s common to refer to a boyfriend or girlfriend as a best friend, for many people, like Scheana, this is a trap. If you’re sleeping with someone and calling the relationship ‘friendship,’ you’re pulling the wool over your own eyes. The problem with bending friendship by adding sex, is that many people do this to leverage a romantic relationship. They think that sex means love — and it doesn’t. It just means sex. If Scheana can separate friendship from sex, she won’t confuse herself by thinking that a friend she is sleeping with is actually a romantic partner.”
3. No sex just yet
“Early hookups are not the road to long-term relationships. Spontaneity is awesome, but if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, hooking up is not the way to start one. Hookups are easy. They’re fun. But they don’t resonate serious relationship. They’re for people who are not looking into the future. If you want a serious relationship, date like you are. Get to know someone before jumping into bed with them. This sends a message to your partner — and yourself — that you’re not here for the sex, you’re here for the long run. Early hookups are confusing to everyone involved.”
4. Know what you’re looking for
“Beyond someone cute and available,” Masini continued. “This is especially true if you have a divorce under your belt. Own the mistakes you made in the relationship that failed, and be clear about what will work for you, and what you have to offer. Don’t marry a non-working actor and expect them to be a breadwinner. Don’t marry someone who wants kids when you don’t, hoping they’ll change. Know yourself, and know what you want in a partner. And don’t date people who you know are cute and hot — but not right for you, if you want a long-term relationship.”
5. Look into their lives
“Get to know your partner’s friends and family before you get too serious. They are going to be indicators of who this person is — beyond what you already know from dating. Do your homework. If your partner doesn’t speak to his or her parents, and the reasons seem random, beware. If your partner has a history of relationships that crash and burn in flames, beware. And if your partner’s friends have poor character or are not people you can see yourself being friends with, beware.”
Personal Space is Bravo’s home for all things “relationships,” from romance to friendships to family to co-workers. Ready for a commitment? Then Like us on Facebook to stay connected to our daily updates.
How To Tell If Your Interview Went Well And If You're Likely To Receive A Job Offer – Forbes
Interviewing is similar to dating, as both activities involve trying to find out if the other person likes you and the interest is mutual. You fantasize whether or not this new opportunity has the potential to turn into a committed relationship. On a date, you’re on your best behavior and struggle to read the signs to see if the other person views you as an attractive partner. After the date, countless hours will be spent nervously obsessing over analyzing every detail and asking friends their opinions based upon your interpretation of the date.
I’m sorry that I won’t be much help with dating advice, as I’ve been married for over 20 years and have the home, two kids, dogs and cats. On the positive side, I will gladly assist you with interpreting all the signs, language and actions to determine if the interviewer likes you and is inclined to offer you the job.
When it comes to interviewing, there are a number of buy signals that indicate the hiring manager is into you and seriously considering you for the job. Here are some important signs to watch out for to figure out if you did well in the interview and are likely to receive an offer.
People tend to make a snap judgement when you first meet them. This holds true in our personal and professional lives. You can notice right from the start if the interviewer likes you. Hiring managers are regular people. They’re not trained in interviewing techniques and aren’t great at hiding their feelings.The way the interviewer initially looks at you, the handshake and the initial small talk are all clues. Do you feel genuine warmth or is the person cold and impersonal? Are they gracious and offer an engaging smile or do they come off as this is just a matter of business? If you get the vibe that the interviewer has an immediate bond, that is a good first signal.
Once the interview starts, if you notice a fluid transition into a casual conversation that veers away from the traditional uptight back and forth, then it is a sign that the hiring manager is interested and warming up to you. If you start finishing each other’s sentences and view things in the same light, it reflects that the relationship is heading in the right direction. If the interviewer stops asking traditional questions (such as, “Tell me about your responsibilities? Why are you looking for a job? How did you come across our opening and what made you apply?”) and starts selling the virtues of working at their company, then it is going well. The more the interviewer talks, the better it is for you. This demonstrates their desire to get you excited about the position. If they talk about the benefits that the company has to offer, including a gym membership, 401k, health care, vacation policies and other amenities, it indicates that they’re trying to get you interested in working for their company.
If the interview was set for 30 minutes and you notice that it’s already 45 minutes into the conversation and there is no sense of them trying to wrap up the meeting, that means that the interviewer feels comfortable with you and wants to keep the discussions going to learn even more about you. “Do you have some more time?”, the interviewer will ask. “I’d like for you to speak with so-and-so.” Before you can even answer, they either pop out of the office to get so-and-so or pick up the phone to call them—this is a big buy sign. The interviewer is showing their cards, indicating that they like you, is highly interested and wants to get another opinion before you leave.
Listen closely for their choice of words. If it seems that the interviewer is using language describing what it would be like to work at the company such as, “You will be involved with X,Y and Z and work with Judy, who is super nice,” you are heading in a very good direction. When the manager segues into offering inside information about the people, problems and politics of the company, it reflects that they are bringing you into their confidence and trust that this might move forward.
“When could you start? How much notice do you have to give? Do you have any other interviews pending that you are close with? What are you looking for with respect to compensation?” and similar questions indicate that you have turned the corner and they are now feeling out the logistics of structuring an offer, ascertaining if there are other competitors seeking to hire you and what it will take to bring you aboard.
At this juncture, it is important to listen to how the interviewer starts closing out the meeting. If they offer a perfunctory “It was a pleasure meeting you and we’ll be in touch” without any accompanying specific time frame, it is not a good sign. However, if they show you around the office, point out people by name, describes what they do, offer a little color about them and shows where you would work, that is a big positive. If the office tour is followed by them saying, “Allow me to show you out” and walks out with you instead of just pointing to the “Exit” sign, it’s looking very good. If they offer to ride down with you, then they’re almost there.
You also want to hear them talk in specifics about the next steps. Interviews for mid-to-senior level professionals will last two-six months and require an applicant to meet with three to ten people. The odds of getting an offer on the spot is negligible, so don’t let it discourage you if you leave without one. What’s important to know is the next steps. If the hiring manager tells you, “It was great meeting with you. I really enjoyed our conversation and believe you would be a great fit,” followed by, “I would love for you to come back and meet with so-and-so,” and they continue to reference a bunch of people with important titles in different groups that you immediately forget, then things are looking good. Hopefully, it is followed by, “Christine in human resources will follow up with you to set up the meetings.” An extra plus is: “Here is my business card. Please feel free to call me if you have any questions or don’t hear back from Christine in a few days”.
After this first interview, there will be others. The following meetings will be with people from other groups that you may interact with, human resources and miscellaneous bodies thrown into the mix. These interviews are mainly conducted to validate the hiring manager’s initial decision to want to hire the person. If you come across as a smart, motivated, team oriented, non-confrontational and you can tell that they believe you, most likely they’ll give their okay to hire you.
If you experienced most of these signs then it is highly likely that the interview went very well and you stand a great chance of receiving a job offer.
