Category Archives: Relationships
Nicole DiRocco Helps Executive Women Find Success in Love – DatingNews
For 25 years, Nicole DiRocco worked as a human resources executive. During her time in the corporate world, her strength and leadership were admired and rewarded. However, while Nicole made it to the top of her profession, she wasn’t having the same success with relationships.
She was unknowingly taking away a man’s motivation to pursue her. She’d go out on dates and never hear from the men again.
That’s when Nicole started seeing a dating and relationship coach and began the process of self-discovery to understand how she was showing up in relationship to men. After investing in relationship courses and countless books she had an epiphany.
Nicole DiRocco went from working in the corporate world to coaching executives, especially women, on dating and relationships.
“I didn’t understand it at the time, but my feminine side had been squelched. I did a lot of digging and learned what it meant to be vulnerable. I also didn’t understand men and their language,” she said. “Once I started implementing the shifts I needed to make, I started attracting and dating incredible quality men. My old self couldn’t imagine that possibility.”
Simultaneously, she considered coaching as a way to realize her purpose to be of service to others. That epiphany inspired Nicole to leave corporate life behind. She enrolled in classes and earned a graduate certificate in executive and professional coaching from the University of Texas at Dallas and sat for the International Coach Federation credentialing exam. Initially, she focused on leadership coaching, but when many of her clients complained of lackluster love lives, she knew it was time to share her knowledge on the subject.
That’s when Nicole narrowed the focus of her coaching to dating and relationships and founded Dating With Grace.
“I have a lot of compassion for my clients because I’ve been there. I’ve walked in their shoes,” she said. “There’s no judgment when someone comes to coaching. Everyone has their own pace. Things come up, and we deal with what the client needs in that moment.”
Dating With Grace™ is Designed for Busy Singles Over 40
Nicole said she decided to focus on top female industry leaders — age 40 and up — because she speaks their language. She understands the unique challenges of navigating a male-dominated work environment and how the professional demeanor women settle into can transfer over to their personal lives.
“I ask my clients what happens if they don’t find the relationship they’re looking for, and nine times out of 10, they say, ‘Oh, I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.’ And then I ask ‘What would your feminine side say?’” she said. “That stops them in their tracks because they’re speaking from their masculine side.”
Her training allows her to pick up on a client’s tone and determine what is — or isn’t — being said.
As a coach, she helps women through the self-discovery process with fact-based research. She presents concepts that help her clients challenge deeply ingrained concepts that often stop people from being open to the kind of partner that’s best for them.
Nicole offers different coaching packages and strategies through her website, DatingWithGrace.me.
For example, Nicole said that many mature women will say that they don’t want to go on a date with a man who has never been married. To them, that says something about their character. However, Nicole shares research that shows a record share of Americans have never been married. One in 5 people over the age of 25 in the U.S. have never been married, compared with 1 in 10 unmarrieds in that demographic in 1960.
When women recognize that it makes sense to change some of their preconceived notions about men, relationships, and themselves, they can approach dating and love quite differently.
“I put the facts out there, and then I reframe it. My clients often have to take a step back because they have views that are not founded,” Nicole said. “Add in self limiting beliefs and a willingness to do the work, the ingredients for coaching are made.”
Dating With Grace visitors can also get a free copy of Nicole’s ebook, “3 Hot Tips To Successful Dating In The 21st Century,” by signing up for her newsletter.
Available to Global Clients Through Phone Calls and Emails
Nicole works with women (and, a few brave men) around the world, from North America to New Zealand.
She offers a tailor-made program for clients who seek exclusive coaching. With a boutique practice, Nicole approaches every client’s situation as unique and deserving of a one-of-a-kind coaching experience. Before taking on a new client, she determines if the client is ready to get back into dating — especially if they’ve recently been through a divorce or ended a meaningful relationship.
“All of my clients are excited about moving forward, but they do need to do that first-level work in therapy if there is still grief or anger associated with the end of a long relationship,” she said. “I’m ethically obligated to do that. I’ve had to say, ‘What I’m offering and what you need are not a match.’ And then they come back to me after they do that work.”
“I show my clients strategies for effectively attracting the kind of man they’re interested in. When I use words like strategy, that resonates with executive women.” — Nicole DiRocco, Founder of Dating With Grace
Nicole works with clients over the phone and she’s also available via email in between coaching sessions. She helps clients focus on self-care, finding happiness from within, and how to diversify their dating portfolio including rewriting their online dating profiles and provides pre- and post-date support. Her support spans from what to wear on a first date to complex ideas about understanding men and how to handle specific situations.
“I show my clients strategies for effectively attracting the kind of man they’re interested in,” she said. “When I use words like strategy, that resonates with executive women. I also do an online values inventory and we talk about what kind of life they want to create. As well, I focus on upskilling their flirting abilities and to how to make their date feel like a million bucks.”
Nicole DiRocco Focuses on Authenticity in Life and Love
Nicole said she has helped so many executive women — and men — maintain their professional focus while opening their hearts.
“When we do the work, they never have to change who they are at their core — it’s tweaking their behavior and reframing beliefs they’ve held about themselves and men,” she said. “I want them to realize that they’re perfect as they are and the most attractive thing to a man is a woman’s authenticity and her confidence.”
When women become more connected to themselves and more comfortable with intimacy, they can learn how to respond to a man’s pursuit, she said.
One of Nicole’s clients, a prominent coach herself, had just come out of a 10-year relationship and had no idea how to meet a man because her last relationship was with her next-door neighbor. Nicole helped the woman learn how to navigate online dating, as well as how to meet men offline, and now she’s dating a great guy.
Nicole helps clients learn how to be authentic and attract compatible matches.
Another client, a successful entrepreneur, in her early 60s and divorced, was intent on finding someone with whom to spend the rest of her life. But when she started working with Nicole, she complained that she was doing all the work. That’s because, after approaching dating with the same attitude she used in her business life, she was attracting the quintessential beta men.
“Today, she is with a man she met on Match.com. We wrote her profile together, and he quotes her profile, that’s how much of an impact her profile had on him,” Nicole said. “They are now engaged and she’s happier than she’s ever been. He is the leader for which she was looking.”
Those results make Nicole proud to be a coach, and she plans to continue reaching out to executive women through speaking engagements, writing for various publications, online Master Classes and attending events — including the Texas Conference for Women.
“Coaching helps people realize their full potential. Unlike therapy, coaching is solution oriented. It’s humbling, and I get a great feeling of giving back,” she said. “I’m grateful for the opportunity to serve my clients. Their success is my success, and it’s very rewarding.”
My 15-Year-Old Daughter Told Me She’s Pansexual and Dating a Transgender Boy. I’m Struggling. – The New York Times
Dear Sugars,
I’m the mother of an amazing teenage daughter. Our relationship is close, but recently things have gotten complicated. She came out to us as pansexual when she was 11. I was concerned about her labeling herself at such a young age and being bullied. She met a transgender child in summer camp, then a few others, and helped them through some tough times. I was proud of her for her compassion and did not restrict her friendships, though she wasn’t allowed to sleep over at anyone’s house.
Fast forward to age 15. After several heterosexual relationships and a few girl crushes, she wants to date a transgender boy. My older Latina mother, who lives with us, disapproves. I also feel uncomfortable. She goes to a small private school where she would be labeled by some, although there are friends who would understand. I’ve told her we need to meet the person and if her behavior starts to be affected adversely we would react accordingly. Our daughter feels it’s unfair that she has more restrictions placed on her dating than her brother.
I know it’s her life, but I don’t like her hanging out with these kids, some of whom don’t go to her school. A few are really odd in appearance and seem to focus very narrowly on gender issues. I worry that I’m being shallow and judgmental but want to do what’s best. How much of this is experimental teenage stuff and how much is who she is? What should I do to support her? My mother thinks I am crazy to “allow” her new relationship, but I don’t want to lose my daughter’s trust.
Mother of a Free Spirit
Steve Almond: You’re concerned that your daughter wants to date a transgender boy, and that she’s socializing with children from the L.B.G.T.Q. community. But it sounds like your underlying anxiety is that your daughter has a sexual identity and desires that aren’t heteronormative. It’s hard enough to move through a world fraught with bigotry as a young Latino woman. It becomes that much harder when you identify as pansexual and have a transgender partner. You worry that she’ll be bullied or ostracized, or that she’ll define her identity too narrowly. That doesn’t make you shallow. But it’s also true that there’s an undercurrent of anxiety around her social and sexual independence. The best way to support your daughter is to sort out how much of your anxiety arises from threats to her happiness and safety versus threats to your own idea of what’s “normal.”
The central questions I’d be asking are not about who she’s hanging out with, but about her. Is she happy? Is she doing well in school? Is she kind to those around her? Your daughter is still a minor, so officially you get to make the rules around the house. But it’s only natural that she’d object to a double standard predicated on gender rather than character or circumstance. It’s going to be hard for your daughter to trust you if she senses that you don’t trust her.
Cheryl Strayed: Nothing you write about your daughter’s choice of friends and potential dating partners gives me pause, Mother of a Free Spirit. Your discomfort doesn’t appear to stem from any peril to your daughter, but rather from your own biases. I encourage you to examine the ways that negative assumptions you’ve made about L.G.B.T.Q. people have needlessly stoked your fears.
You state that you’ve told your daughter that you need to meet the trans boy she wants to date and that you’ll “react accordingly” if her behavior changes while dating him. Wouldn’t you do that regardless of whom she was dating? Why do you put her current romantic interest in a special category because he’s trans? Because our transphobic society has told most of us that trans people are in a special category, that’s why. But they aren’t. They’re just people. Everything that may happen between your daughter and the trans boy who’s attracted her interest is everything that may happen between your daughter and anyone she may date, their gender identity notwithstanding. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to wrap your mind around that.
SA: To that end, it’s worth asking what you mean when you write that you don’t like your daughter “hanging out with these kids.” You mean kids who happen to be L.G.B.T.Q.? Your own daughter is part of that community and has been for several years. So what you’re saying, on some level, is that you don’t want your daughter hanging out with kids like … your daughter. Can you see how this would breed mistrust?
We’re living in a cultural moment in which kids like your daughter are suddenly free to think more openly about who they are and whom they might choose to love. That can be unsettling for those of us who grew up without those freedoms, and within systems of bigotry that assailed those freedoms as unnatural or sinful. But in the end, the heart desires what it desires. That’s the natural order of things. Your daughter appears to have recognized that early on. She’s now offering you the opportunity to reckon with that truth. Bless her. And bless you for being the kind of mother willing to bear the risks of self-examination. The world needs more people like you.
CS: Your sincere effort to do right by your free-spirited daughter is commendable. You aren’t alone in feeling afraid and uncertain at various points along the way as you watch your daughter explore things that are foreign to you. Your question about what part of her interest in gender identity is “experimental teenage stuff” and what part is “who she is” can be rightly answered two ways: In choosing the friends, romantic partners and interests she has, your daughter is showing you precisely who she is, and also, with the passage of time, who she is will change. Both her current and her future self will do better if she has you by her side — loving her, trusting her and accepting her through it all.
5 Ways To Get A Guy To 'DTR' & Become Your Boyfriend (Without Making The First Move) – YourTango
How to have “the talk” about where your relationship is going.
When you’re dating someone, the “Where is this relationship going?” question is a biggie. Some women blow this DTR (define the relationship) talk by coming off needy, clingy, or demanding in their quest to lock down a guy and figure out how to get a boyfriend.
Figuring out how to attract men and how to get a guy to like you in the first place isn’t the hard part. But getting the guy you’re dating to make a commitment to you and thank his lucky stars that you are his girlfriend is a whole different story.
To get him to DTR, you have to be fully in tune with yourself and what you want. You also need to be ready to walk if you aren’t getting it.
This doesn’t mean acting like a diva or playing games. It’s all about knowing your value and not compromising your needs. You have permission to make “you” the most important person in your relationship.
When you know your worth, you will walk away like it’s no big deal if you aren’t feeling valued, no matter who you’re with.
Here are the 5 steps for how to get a guy to like you so much that he wants to DTR (define the relationship) by becoming your boyfriend.
1. Don’t initiate “the talk.”
Whoever brings up the DTR talk first is the one sweating the relationship. You aren’t sweating it. You know what you want, and you haven’t locked it down with him until he proves himself worthy of what you want.
You are done being that girl. Let him be the one to bring up “the talk.” That means he’s worried about it, and you don’t come off demanding when you state your needs.
You know your needs: commitment, calls instead of texts, exclusivity, and time spent with you. He will genuinely hear you if you aren’t the girl chasing him for the DTR talk and instead let him initiate it.
2. Take your time.
Don’t agree to anything exclusive, or rush into anything exclusive either, until you have seen whether or not this man is going to back up what he has to say with his actions and treat you well.
You aren’t going to see the real person until your first fight at the 3-month “make it or break” stage.
Don’t get in too deep yet with your heart until you see the real him.
3. Don’t let him mistreat you and stick around.
Don’t tolerate his lateness, lack of phone calls, or any other behavior that is deemed not desirable in your book. That doesn’t mean you complain about it. Just don’t give him the time of day if he doesn’t respect you or your time.
His behavior and actions speak volumes. If this is what is going on, you will want to have the talk, but refrain. There is nothing to talk about or define. You hear what he’s saying loud and clear, which is why you should be ready to date other guys by this point.
4. Date other people if he hasn’t mentioned exclusivity.
Yes, you heard it. You might make the mistake of cutting off your options way too soon. When he has to work to earn your time and affection — not just him but anyone — you will appeal more because guys are competitive.
Don’t let him know this, but a little flirting with some other dating options will do wonders for your self-esteem. He will feel you are just a little aloof — and you should be until someone bothers to meet your needs and lock you down with a commitment!
Once again, keep him sweating it. This isn’t a game.
5. Always be honest.
Be honest no matter how vulnerable you feel. It doesn’t mean throw the fact that you’re dating other guys in his face, but it does mean you don’t need to be harsh about it. Put your heart out there.
Remember, you have other options. Say what you want when he brings up the DTR talk and asks what you what you are looking for, but let him know you don’t know if he is that person yet. You are still observing to see if it’s right for both of you.
When he brings it up, if you know in your gut this is the right thing to do after observing and clearly stating your needs, go for it. This is important.
You will know for sure. There will be no doubts. Ninety percent of communications is non-verbal, so this just means his actions have lined up with his words and this is a good place to be.
Susan Trombetti is a matchmaker and the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. Don’t forget to tune into her weekly LoveTalk with Susan webinar series on Monday at 8:00 pm, EST. Also, if you need a little dating advice, sign up for a session.
This article was originally published at Exclusive Matchmaking. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Dating someone who is extremely online, macking on a shy person and climate change anxiety – it's Dear Fifi – DailyEdge.ie
Back in Yangon! I think I may be heading towards Cambodia next. My free bit of advice for this week? Never take a 27 hour bus journey involving three buses. Especially if it involves sleeping across metal seats at 3am in a bus station in Pyay. And the next one breaks down three times in the mountains. Sigh.
Need advice that’s a little more applicable to everyday life? Get at me right here.
I have recently started going out with a guy that I had met through some friends. I always thought he was really funny on Twitter and really enjoyed hanging out with him. There is a bit of distance between us so I don’t get to see him that often and we mostly chat through Whatsapp.
The problem is, since we started dating I find him so boring. I realise now he is TOO online. Everything we talk about he has already shared on Twitter, everything he does is on Twitter, everything he eats, every thought he has. Even when we are together he is tweeting about it rather than talking to me. I have tried to talk him about it but he just tells me that’s how he is. As you are someone who is unapologetically online, what do I do? Do I have a right to be annoyed?
Yes, for sure. He’s being rude! You’re right that I’m online a lot – I love Twitter, both reading and sharing. It makes me laugh, teaches me things, it’s gotten me lots of jobs and it’s made me plenty of good friends. But there’s being “extremely online” as you put it, and there’s being downright rude.
There’s a line between checking your notifications once an hour or so and being glued to the thing to the detriment of IRL conversation and engagement. And look: we all walk the line sometimes. I know I do, anyway.
We have instant validation machines in our pockets that have trained us to check them every couple of minutes. It’s becoming hard-wired into how we operate on a daily basis. But when you’ve also got a flesh and blood romantic prospect in front of you, it’s a huge red flag to wilfully ignore them when they outright ask for a bit of basic attention. And it’s a red flag at an early stage, too. It’s not the Twitter use, really – it’s his poor response to being asked to slightly modify his behaviour towards you.
In the past, I’ve been asked by people to put my phone away. Admittedly, it’s my mother 99% of the time, but it has been exes too. And I always do it when asked, and I try really hard not to grumble. I either set it face down, across the room, or somehow else hide it from myself. Being disagreeable when someone asks something simple and doable of you like that is just rude. It’s disrespectful. For people who don’t use their phones as much, it reads as “I don’t find you as interesting as what is on this screen”. Once I’m told the person I’m with feels this way, I take steps to act and make sure they know I do find them interesting and care about their company. That’s the difference here, I think.
He’s not listening to you. Or else you’re just not that compatible. But worse still? You find him boring. That’s not good, no matter the reason. Might be better to cut this one loose and go back to faving his tweets from the safe distance of the timeline.
I really like a guy and have been dropping subtle hints but he just doesn’t seem to get it. I want to tell how how I feel but he’s really shy so I’m afraid of scaring him off. What should I do?
In this situation, I’m afraid it’s no risk/no reward. Asking people out is nerve-wracking at the best of times, but it’s tricky if you think this person is particularly skittish. The important thing to remember is that people aren’t mind-readers. One person’s subtle hints is another person’s pleasant, innocuous chit-chat. I think it’s time to dispense with the hints – clearly they aren’t working.
Be direct, but tactful. It’s always good to give people a little wiggle room to politely decline any sort of invitation. I think a simple, straightforward message asking him out is the ideal approach – nothing too vague that makes it difficult for a shy person to craft a response to. Then, depending on what he says, err on the side of caution and back right off if he doesn’t pick up what you’re putting down.
Remember that most if not all people will just be flattered to be asked out, even if it’s not the right date for them right now. Just go for it. Ask him to something you know he has an interest in, to show a bit of consideration. A gig, an exhibition, a type of restaurant, a movie, an arcade. Something that suits.
I think one mistake people make with date offers is not being specific enough on times and dates. That’s the dreaded vagueness I mentioned. Being clear allows the recipient a tactful refusal, and crucially it also ensures the invitation stage isn’t dragged out and more awkward than it needs to be. Ask him if he wants to go do this thing next Saturday and you’d love to spend some time together/get to know one another better/enjoy this shared interest together. (A shy person will find it easier to respond to than an anxiety-inducing aimless “Wanna hang out sometime?”) Then let go and let god.
Godspeed in getting your hole, my friend.
Climate change is going to destroy everything we hold dear, a lot of it in your lifetime, if you’re under 40. We’re pretty much locked in. Okay, there’s a chance we can fix it, but it requires a speedy level of social and personal change, on a global scale that is so unprecedented, it’s practically impossible. There’s no hope, realistically. Human civilisation, in all likelihood, will not survive the current century. I’m finding it hard to comprehend that, never mind accept it. What should I do?
I am a worrier by nature, so I get where you’re coming from here, but you need to take a breath and stop.
Two things. One, something my Dad said to me earlier on this year when I was catastrophising about something I feared was coming for me – something beyond my control, something bad, something in a chain of things that would happen that I could foresee, or so I believed.
Unleashing all this on him, he somewhat wearily replied: “Fiona, you can only worry about what’s in front of you.” That’s very true. Take life one obstacle at a time. Tackle it bit by bit and don’t get drawn into apocalyptic thinking.
Second – and apologies in advance for another truism you might roll your eyes at – but I found this Dalai Lama quote about worrying helpful too:
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
Essentially, worrying is fucking useless. Do what you can but don’t fret on things you cannot possibly predict or control. It’s a greatly liberating thing in life to realise that what’ll change our lives will be something unexpected, not what we’ve been worrying about. (By that, I don’t mean switch to obsessing over antibiotic resistance or some other doomsday topic, I mean just learn to let go.)
Do what you can. Let go of what you cannot control. Remember to breathe.
Want to talk?
Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always.
