Dear Annie: What's past is past
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Dear Annie: I have been divorced for many years. I was married to the same man for 25 years. I put a lot into the marriage, including helping raise and support stepchildren and his grandchildren. No one knows what went on behind closed doors to cause the marriage to end but he and I. We live in the same community. We respect each other and remain cordial when we see each other.
However, when the marriage ended, I informed mutual friends and family that I would like to keep my past in the past and move on with my life — that I had no desire to keep up with what is going on in his life and I would appreciate their not sharing information about what is happening in mine. When someone begins to give me updates on his life, I say, “I don’t really care. I wish him the best, but his business is none of my business. We have both moved on.”
What is the purpose? It is really annoying and disrespectful.
If anyone reading this is guilty of this infringement of privacy, please stop. You don’t know what pain or memories you might be stirring up. The past is the past for a reason. It’s not your business to be a busybody.
— Mind Our Own
Dear Mind Our Own: The problem you speak of is at least 2,400 years old. Plato once said, “Justice means minding one’s own business and not meddling with other men’s concerns.” Knowing humans, I’d guess we’ve been talking about one another’s lives for as long as we could talk.
So though I agree that people shouldn’t continue giving you updates on your ex-husband’s life after you asked them not to, there’s really not much you can do aside from what you’re already doing. Try to shake it off. Keep focusing on yourself. Stay too busy to be bothered by busybodies.
