Never Turn Down A Cup Of Tea And Other Marriage Advice For Meghan Markle

  Marriage & Divorce, marriage advice
Click Here for the Post https://www.forbes.com/sites/valeriedenny/2018/05/31/always-accept-a-cup-of-tea-and-other-marriage-advice-for-meghan-markle/

TOPSHOT – Britain’s Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex (GARETH FULLER/AFP/Getty Images)

As Harry and Meghan settle into married life, a few Anglo-American couples based in London share their wisdom on the mutual attraction between Brits and Yanks, how to deal with the in-laws and why you should never turn down a cup of tea. 

Kiley, 33, from Indianapolis married to Nath, 36, from Burley-in-Wharfdale, West Yorkshire

Anna, 34, from Los Gatos, CA married to Luke, 25, from Milton Keynes, UK

Merilee Bridger, 42, from Columbus, OH married to Richard, 32, from Cambridge, UK

How did you meet your partner?

Kiley: “He was on holiday in DC where I was living at the time, and he got snowed in at my house when he was attending a party I was having.”

Anna: “Through a theatre company.”

Merilee: “On a group cycle ride in our triathlon club.”

What did you find attractive about your partner? Why do you think American women are attracted to English men and vice versa?

Kiley: “He’s super handsome and has a different sort of style, but also his quiet and polite demeanour…but the accent didn’t hurt either! I’ve always enjoyed the mystery of a foreign man.”

Anna: “We pretty much just clicked, so that’s a must for me. He was a lot of fun to hang out with and made me laugh. I found British men are more attracted to me than American, but I’m not sure why. Possibly because I’m ‘exotic.’ To one another we are both different but familiar — I’ve lived in three other countries besides the UK, and it is most familiar culture-wise. I find that Americans and Brits are generally obsessed with each other’s cultures, so it’s almost a natural fit. Living in Holland, France and Hungary, people were not necessarily excited to talk about America with me when they learned I was American, nor do Americans necessarily adore their cultures.”

Richard: “I wrote a whole wedding speech about this! But in short, the major things that attracted me to Merilee were: 1. Her optimism 2. Her energy 3. Her intelligence 4. Her good looks

The relationship started out kinda funny because we hadn’t meant to start dating. We just started cycling together, enjoying each other’s company, and then it grew and grew and grew. For whatever reason I’ve often dated foreign women — I think they’re more open and authentic than a lot of English women, and Merilee is definitely open and authentic. So there was just this naturalness to the relationship that I hadn’t experienced before, and I decided to follow it all the way to getting married to her.”

Merilee: “I never thought I would fall for an English guy. I’d lived in the UK for more than 10 years and always dated people from other countries. But I didn’t set out to date Richard, it just sort of happened. The biggest things that attracted me to Richard were: 1. His sense of humor 2. He was up for anything 3. His intelligence 4. His good looks….. I think American women love the intelligence and sarcastic sense of humor of English guys. Their wittiness and banter sort of hooks you in and then their dashing good looks sort of make up the whole package.”

Kiley: “Long distance sucked. Also, once I was over here we had different views on expressing emotion, but we get each other now. Mostly.”

Anna: “The biggest challenge for me personally is that both our parents are ageing and only one of us can live near our family at a time. That’s definitely a choice I made, and it makes sense for our situation, I just wish teleportation were easier. As I’d lived abroad a lot before moving to England, it wasn’t too difficult to adjust to life here as it is more familiar than other places I’ve lived. However, Luke and I have somehow both adopted slang from each other’s country. He now talks about buying diapers for his nephew and taking out the trash, whereas I say I need to borrow a few quid and take the dog on walkies on his lead. The only funny story that comes to mind is the time Luke asked me to make him a tea and I gave him 11 low-calorie sweetening tablets because I’d never seen them before. For some reason, at the time, it made sense to have so many because they didn’t seem very sweet!”

Richard: “I also wrote a wedding speech about this. Whoever quipped that Americans and English are two nations divided by a common language had it exactly right. English and Americans literally say things differently but they also mean to say things differently. If Merilee thinks something is awesome, I would say it’s ‘quite good’. If she would say something is super awesome, I would say it was ‘quite good.’

But more than that, Merilee always wants to be the outward champion of people (which is very American) whereas I’ll be the skeptical one (which is very British). And where she would always look to engage people, I would look not to.

Merilee makes friends on holidays whereas in the past I wouldn’t have dared speak to them as it’s almost an invasion of their privacy (Actually it isn’t – most people love it). She will also frequently be the loudest in any given location unaware that she is being  that American, but as a Brit trained in the subtle arts of reading people’s facial expressions, I cringe and then tell her to be quiet.

The difference is really in the small things. She wants a utility room and doesn’t understand why washing machines live in the kitchen in England. I can’t believe that cars in the US are so big and everyone is so loud (even if it’s often nice loud). Merilee has drunk more cups of tea since dating me for 3 years than she had in the previous 30. And I now describe things as awesome.
As for funny stories… well, Merilee was the first person who ever hugged my parents. She came round the house, had lunch, then as we were about to go gave them both a big hug. They both froze — neither had expected it nor knew what to do. And I didn’t know what to do either — I hadn’t hugged my parents since I was about 5, but here was my girlfriend of the time giving them giant hugs. So i stood there like a lemon and just nodded my head and said “Bye then!’. I’m pleased to say that I do now hug them goodbye, but it’s still very English and awkward.”

Kiley: “Expect the unexpected.”

Anna: “Meghan needs to learn how to make British milky tea. I was never a tea person before I got over here, and still am not, but the stereotype is real. Tea isn’t just for chilly mornings, when you have a cold and bedtime. It’s for every occasion, multiple times a day.”

Merilee: “The best advice we can give is to keep doing what they’re doing. They seem to recognize that they both have quite different backgrounds and experiences, and they’re fusing them. Never try to make one side give up — mix, match, merge, and create something new.”

Kiley: “Learn to accept the clouds and the cold. It will make the sunny days even brighter!”

Anna: “Generally expect things to take longer, however this is more of a bureaucratic thing that she might not have to face being a royal. But honestly, the only big “issue” I’ve had living in the UK is that it seems that many things can never just be done quickly the way they can in the US. There is always some process for everything.

Also, Brits will often put politeness ahead of everything. I remember once, I tried on a new mascara while I was home alone. It wasn’t a very good one, as by the time I was in the shops, I had it rolling down my face. I noticed lots of people were giving me funny looks, but since no one knew me personally, no one was brave enough to tell me I had mascara down my face. It seems like most Brits would only do that if they know you. Meghan better make sure her ‘people’ check her over, because no one is going to say, ‘Darling, you have lipstick on your teeth’ here.”
Merilee: “Stay positive and continue to engage with people. Brits can seem a bit cold or standoffish at the start, but once they realise you are sincere, they are incredibly warm people. Always accept a cup of tea — and do it with enthusiasm — even if you don’t really want it. If you really want to impress people, learn how to make one.”