Relationships Talk

Meanwhile, the desired ex-boyfriend needs to give credible assurance that he’s ready to marry, or the situation is back where it started.

However, though it seems there’s no question about the love felt for him, the mention of “rekindling” the relationship is worrying.

If the wild emotions are mostly on one side, this woman needs to give herself a time-out for counselling.

If she’s locked into personal deadlines about being married and getting pregnant, she may be rushing into the wind… no more certain that her “soulmate” is any better at commitment than he was in the past.

Q: Recently, a woman, age 26, who works where I do, told me about her “wonderful boyfriend” whose early Christmas gift was booking both for a week’s vacation in Mexico.

She confided that she sometimes follows a website that trashes people and found that another woman had written about her guy that he was a cheater and a liar. She’d also received an email from an unknown woman claiming to have had sex with her boyfriend.

She told me, “I just can’t see him doing that. He loves me and is always buying me expensive gifts.”

She sounded so trusting of him that I had no idea how to respond. As a more experienced woman (late 40s), should I have warned her to look more closely at this guy, and also get tested for sexually transmitted infections in case he IS sleeping around?

What’s the Right Response?

A: Young women need guidance and support from those who’ve had more life experience. This woman’s being so dazzled by her boyfriend’s gifts, that she’s not seeing the realistic possibility of deception.

While it’s hard to believe posts on a website that exists solely to trash people, the direct email to her makes it harder to dismiss. Certainly, someone wants her to believe that the guy’s a player.

As for suggesting that she get an STI check, that’s a solid way to tell her that, if it’s even possible that he’s seeing other women, it can have a direct, unpleasant, and even lasting effect on her health.

The fact that she opened up to you was the clue that she needs and wants your wiser opinion.

Ellie’s tip of the day

An emotional frenzy is a poor foundation for any major decision, especially one that involves marriage.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.

Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.

Follow @ellieadvice.

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Emotional Dilemma

What’s the Right Response?

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.

Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.

Follow @ellieadvice.