Relationships Talk

Dating gets more complicated when you’re an introverted person. Looking to meet people in bars, bookstores, classes, and other spots is tough when you’re not comfortable approaching strangers and starting conversations. Dating apps are meant to facilitate this, and they normally do, but they also demand for you to be proactive and to reach out to people who you’re interested in dating.

The following apps compiled by Mashable try to be as flexible as users want them to be, allowing them to avoid bars and loud places to hang out, initial awkward conversations, and providing them with the ability to meet someone that shares similar interests. Check out 5 of our favorites:

This app is one of the most efficient than most dating apps out there, being less of a social media experience and more of a get your results as soon as possible sort of thing. Coffee Meets Bagel doesn’t allow you to swipe or browse, instead, the app sends you a match every day at noon based on your personal characteristics such as religion, height, ethnicity, and more.

Once a connection is made, the app allows you to chat and provides you with a few icebreakers, making everything much more simple. While CMB is a little business-like, it’s also an app that’s there to provide results and dating opportunities without making you go through the nerve wrecking experience of not knowing if someone is into you or not.

By filling out a Relationship Questionnaire, eharmony hopes to pair up singles who are looking for long term relationships based on their personality traits. Eharmony has very good security measures that erase all possibilities of catfishing, and it also has a system that allows you profile to be viewed only by people who are a good match for you, eliminating the process of discarding users because they’re not what you’re interested in.

This site is also a good option for introverts because it provides several ways of smoothing over the first interaction, such as providing ice breakers, free dating advice and other resources to make your dating process as smooth as possible.

This site is exclusively for those who are interested in serious relationships, looking for users who are over 30 years old, educated, and relatively affluent. The app works by sending you 3 to 7 matches a day based on your results from a questionnaire that measures your level of introversion, neuroticism, and more, hoping to match you up with people who are similar to you.

Match.com is one of the oldest dating services around, attracting all sorts of users from all ages and backgrounds. It’s also pretty relaxed, allowing people to use the site and connect with others as many times as they want to. Match.com is a good option for introverts because it allows them to browse through profiles incognito, not letting others know that they’re viewing their profile, and it also hosts meet up events where matches can meet in a much more relaxed environment.

This app reminds me of the old internet, when people were wary of giving out their personal information and interacted with others anonymously. Animo is very different than most dating sites, allowing users to get a feel for others without revealing their private information.

At first, you’ll start off with an Avatar that resembles you and all your personal information will be blocked. You can play games and chat with users until you feel comfortable enough to reveal yourself and allow them to look at your profile. This app focuses more on casual friendships and hang outs than in long term relationships, but it’s one of the best options for users who are shy and value their privacy.

One way our intuition speaks to us is through our ability to read others’ body language. When you’re on a date with someone, pay attention to the nonverbal cues they’re sending. “If their arms are crossed when with you, they are blocking you from their energy,” Graham says. “Always touch the person — hand, shoulder, and/or arm. You should be able to feel cold (their ego blocking you) or warmth (a connection) just from the touch.” And make sure to look into their eyes. “If they are constantly looking left or right, or over you — their energy is not connecting with you,” Graham says.

“Energy travels,” Graham says. “If you sit still, be calm, and focus on the person, you can feel their spirit speak to you. You can become really in tune with your intuition and the psychic language between you and another person. You don’t need words to determine if a connection exists.”

Tapping into your intuition certainly isn’t always easy in dating, but being able to understand — and listen — to your gut feelings can transform the way you approach your love life. By setting intentions, paying attention to signs from the person you’re dating, and staying focused, you’ll be off to an excellent start.

A friend of mine recently burst through my front door and declared he was having a crisis: love was a false concept, Tinder was rigged and he was destined to die alone.

Before I even had the chance to say, “how did you know I was home?”, he flopped onto the lounge and continued the world’s saddest monologue.

“Seriously man, everyone told me to get on Tinder, so I did. I chose the photos, wrote the witty profile, but now it’s been months and… nothing.”

I nodded in agreement. I’d had daily text updates about his Tinder-failures, each one written like a breaking news bulletin for the broken-hearted.

READ MORE:
* Why you didn’t get a second date
* 9 pieces of advice for online dating
* Man creates fake Tinder profile to see what dating is like for women

“THIS JUST IN: Chat with red-headed Sandra Sully lookalike has stalled despite the fact she was keen as yesterday. So weird, honestly doing my head in.”

I felt for him and was a bit surprised that he appeared to be misfiring more than he was matching. He was a good guy, with strong banter, a great jawline and a fun job (something about tech startups… I don’t know, he plays a lot of ping pong). Anyway, it was all there.

I’ve seen him in action with the opposite sex and he’s comfortable, charismatic, magnetic even. So what was happening when he fired up his Tinder app?

As he solemnly handed his phone over, I began a forensic investigation into his account and it didn’t take long for his rookie errors to reveal themselves. It appeared his Tinder tactics were far removed from how he flirted in the flesh, a real Jekyll and Hyde situation.

1. Excruciating pickup lines

“I’d hit you with a cheesy pickup line but your bio says you’re lactose intolerant.”

That’s an actual thing this friend of mine said to a girl on Tinder. Day to day, he’s a normal human man, who can chat to people, but when it comes to digital dating he turns into the worse version of himself. Now I love cheese as much as the next person, but that is just inexcusable. He wouldn’t be caught dead saying these words out loud, so why type them?

2. One-size-fits-all approach

Imagine walking into a bar, strolling up to every person inside and saying the same thing to all of them… then expecting one of those people to fall in love with you?

A quick look through his inbox proved my friend had taken the copy and paste approach to courting on Tinder. Worst still his line of choice was…

“So you decided to swipe right, best decision you’ve made all night.”

Oh wow, a rhyming couplet – take me now! Outside of the fact this is cringe-worthy (maybe even worse than the cheese line), it’s also lazy, at best, and insulting, at worst. Put a little effort in.

3. Shoehorning sex into every chat

I believe it was famous philosophers, Salt N Pepa, who once wrote: “let’s talk about sex baby”. And while they were certainly onto something, talking about sex isn’t the only way to stimulate conversation.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve seen my friend talking to strangers in bars and he’s like a young Andrew Denton – inquisitive, interested, bespectacled. But his Tinder talk was dotted with heavy-handed innuendo that reeked of high school. I had to press him on this one.

ME: Why are you trying so hard (scuse the pun), to work sex into every chat? It’s weird man.

HIM: It’s weird, I agree, but because you don’t know each other, you tend to joke around a lot. And then depending on the two people, joking in that Tinder context can lead to being suggestive. And before you know it you’re saying things you wouldn’t say. And it goes both ways.

I knew what he meant and looking at his chat history, it was even – for every peach emoji, there was an eggplant to match it. But still, replying to every second message with a wink makes it seem like you have a one-track mind.

4. Pretending to have lots of hobbies

Dating often involves a lot of pretending. You pretend to like a certain band, food or film in order to make the other person feel comfortable. Half the time both parties are pretending, not really sure what the other person is thinking.

That’s what leads couples to hire those floating pedal boats in parks – one honest conversation could’ve saved a whole afternoon of fake fun.

My point is pretending is OK – sometimes – but my pals’ Tinder was a hotbed of hobby lies.

According to his bio, he’s into horse riding, origami, making his own sushi and military history. His theory was that the more you’re into, the more chance someone else is into that too. But while having things in common is good, sometimes people will like you for what you aren’t.

It’s also a short-sighted theory because when you finally do meet face to face and your date expects you to whip up a California Roll, you’re in deep trouble.

If the chat has gone cold, it’s time to move on – no-one likes a loiterer.

5. Loitering like a weirdo

This was perhaps the hardest one for my friend to hear because no one wants to be told they’re a loiterer.

In the real world, I’ve seen him get shut down and do the normal thing – walk away politely. This is because loitering is weird and there are literally signs on the street that tell you not to do it. But some kind of disconnect occurs on Tinder, which tells him it’s OK to keep pursuing someone who is clearly not interested.

If the chat has gone cold and it’s been more than a couple of weeks, chalk it up as a loss and move on.

Avoid these five mistakes and you’re destined not to die alone. Or don’t and my door is always open – I really need to get that fixed.

 – Sydney Morning Herald