Relationships Talk

A decade ago, when Mandy Ginsberg asked couples how they met, some would give a fictitious answer: “Oh, we met through friends.” When she then revealed she worked at an online dating company, their answers shifted: “Oh, we actually met through Match,” they told her.

In her nearly 13 years at Match Group Inc., where she became chief executive in January, Ms. Ginsberg has watched the stigma of online dating fade almost entirely. Today, many people even proudly pursue a multiapp dating strategy.

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Dear Pastor,

Good day to you. First, I must congratulate you on the wonderful work that you are doing. I am having a problem, and I hope that you will be able to give me some advice. This is my first letter to you. I am writing to you from the United Kingdom.

My partner and I are British. He was raised in Jamaica and returned to the UK a few years ago. He has a son who was born in Jamaica when he was in his 30s.

Last year around summer, a young lady and her friends went to Jamaica on holiday and met his son. She then went back to Jamaica in March of this year. My fiancE met this young lady for the first time at the train station in Manchester. He told me that she had three suitcases and told him that she was doing research at the university for the 10 years she has been living in London. She said that when she is finished with university, she will go back to Jamaica to do business and open a laboratory. She also wants him to get his son to the UK. My partner asked her what would happen if he gets his son here and he did not go back home. He did not hear from her until in August when she called him and told him that she was going to Jamaica, and by accident, she told him that she was also five months pregnant for his son.

She told him that he should bring a copy of his passport because she wants it to take to Jamaica and to sort out a new birth certificate for his son. His name is not on his son’s birth certificate. I told him not to give this lady his passport details as we don’t know the lady’s correct name and address. She also said that she is working at a lab. My partner gave her a copy of his passport. She also asked him to sign his signature at the back. I could not believe that he did such a stupid thing.

We haven’t heard anything from her since. I thought that what if she took his details to sell someone to get them a British passport. I don’t trust this woman. I think she is a ‘con’ and a liar.

The young man in Jamaica will be heartbroken. I do not believe who she claims she is and what she is studying at university. How did she support herself throughout the years if she is not working?

She is currently in Jamaica and she said that she was in the hospital for more than three months and started a new job. Which employer would give their employee three to four weeks holiday in August? Very strange.

CAN’T TAKE THE STRESS

I told my fiancE that this woman is a scammer. He is stressing me out with their problems. I have a heart problem, and I can’t take on too much stress. I told him that this woman is messing up his son’s head. I told him that when she comes back to the UK, he needs to find out who she truly is. I don’t even think she is living in London. How is she going to cope as a single mother? London is very expensive.

I was praying and I asked the Lord to tell me about this lady. In my dream, I saw her lying on the floor and was late in her pregnancy. I went to speak to her and then I found myself pulling out a cushion from under her dress and she was not pregnant. She was faking. Then I started to rebuke her in the dream. She was very angry when she found out that I exposed her. She also told the young man in Jamaica and his family that she travels the world and does research.

I was shocked that during her travelling she could not find a wealthy or an educated man. I told my fiancE that in order for her to get the young man as a permanent resident here, she should return to Jamaica and marry him. She has to be earning PS18,600 to get him into the UK. God knows what she has up her sleeve when she returns to the UK. Pastor, I will keep you up to date.

May God bless and keep you, Pastor.

B.B.

Dear B.B,

Your man should not have given this woman any information about his son. I will be glad to hear more of your story next time. But don’t allow what she has done to get you ill. Be prepared to tell the authorities the truth if you suspect that this woman is indeed a con.

Pastor

The year may be nearly over but there’s still time for dating. In fact, these next few weeks are ideal for meeting new people, whether you’re after a life partner or just a date. There are lots of parties, most people have been at the mulled wine and are full of the spirit of Love Actually — and, more recently, the Love Island Christmas special. Work should be easing off too — that means more time for perusing dating apps or even offline dating, which has been on the rise this year. 

There’s a new practice called Scrooging, where people break up before Christmas to avoid spending money on presents — which if true should mean more single people to choose from. So in that spirit, here is your guide to festive dating. 

Checkmate

Forget tipsy Trivial Pursuit with distant relatives — “gaming” this festive season is all about finding love. And with game-playing being at the heart of dating, what better way to find love than over chess? Dating app Mates, which is owned by the people behind hook-up app Pure, uses dating technology to help find “a chess-playing partner near you”. Conversation is limited to an hour, forcing users to meet up and play. 

Think of the tension as you’re pitted against each other over those pawns. And if they’re confident enough to make the first move on the board… just wait until you get them in the bedroom.

Some of the Love Island 2018 girls (ITV)

Game it

Long gone are the days of awkwardly hot-footing it from table to table brandishing a name badge in a bid to find “the one” through small talk with strangers. London’s speed-dating scene has had a makeover, so expect motorbike rides and gaming to ease the tension of meeting your potential spouse. 

Dirty Scrabble Dating mixes drinking with spitting out rude words, but if talking isn’t the way to your heart, Shhh Dating events are silent affairs that rely on body language to find that spark. 

Gamers should try Jenga or Connect 4 dating while the capital’s Beyoncés  should head to Color Me Badd Dates, where singles take the mic to LOL about their worst dates.

Holiday romance

If you feel like you’re a better version of yourself on holiday, try a dating staycation. It’s a stealthy way to expand your pool of possible matches while giving you the chance to practise your dating skills with nothing to lose. 

If it’s practice you’re going for, create a persona. Perhaps you’re a top executive at a bank. Whatever path you choose, let your lowered inhibitions and different surroundings act as a confidence-booster. As soon as you clock a fabulous stranger, ask them if they want a drink. If they turn out to be boring, don’t worry — chances are you’ll never see them again. 

Some of the Love Island 2018 boys (ITV)

Bag a fittie

They say if you can’t accept someone at their worst then you don’t deserve them at their best. Think of that when you see someone you fancy while you are beetroot-faced on the treadmill. But working out releases endorphins, so despite not feeling your best physically, mentally you’re on cloud nine. 

Fancy switching the pints for pull-ups ahead of the food and booze binge? Send yourself into a spin at Psycle or go hunting for singles at 1Rebel. They are even hosting parties at Frame over Christmas to encourage social exercise, which could lead anywhere.

Get straight to the point

If you want to cut straight to the point, try a sex party. Don’t be shocked. If you’re up for it, Torture Garden is a good starter event. As one of the most original, professional and established adult parties out there, you are invited to participate, dictate or just simply watch — you never know who, or what, you might bump into. 

For girls who like their women fit, Skirt Club is where it’s at. Advice? Turn up in your sexiest lingerie and get ready for a whole new world of sexual exploration underground.  

And if you’re an A-list kinda boy or gal, head for Killing Kittens. With 45,000 members, the club has built its reputation as the adult party “for the world’s sexual elite”. In other words, it’s a good opportunity to walk out starkers with a Hollywood star (fingers crossed). All you have to do is send in a selfie to join the club.  

Jack and Dani found love on this year’s Love Island (ITV)

Animal magic

If Pongo and Perdy can find love in the bushes, you can too. And there are doggy speed-dating events to help. But why waste your money paying to meet pups and their humans when you can just find them walking through one of London’s fine green spots for free? 

Of course there’s your local acre or two, but if you really want to strike it lucky, head for Kensington Gardens. There you’ll find all sorts of attractions: jogging fitties training with their alsatians and, if you’re lucky, a man in uniform walking his sausage — that’s true love in our books. Good talkers, too. 

○ A Chinese digital television provider cooperated with African partners to produce a dating show

○ To respect local cultural sensitivities, the Chinese teams stuck to technical advice

○ The show has become a hit and is being produced in a growing number of countries

A woman and a man find their match in the show Hello Mr Right in Kenya. Photo: courtesy of StarTimes

Deiz Nandako, a 21-year-old student at University of Nairobi, and Godfred Wafula, a 25-year-old restaurant waiter, had never imagined they could be shot by Cupid’s arrow during the filming of Hello Mr Right, a blind dating TV program in Kenya produced by a Chinese company. This couple, among many other prospective lovebirds, recently found partners on the show.

Hello Mr Right was created by Chinese digital television provider TopStar, a subsidiary of StarTimes. The Beijing-based company is now a media group with 10 million subscribers across 30 countries in Africa.

The company has a large base of young viewers and media networks across Africa. The company gave technical support for filming and production. This is the first time a Chinese company cooperated with African local television stations to create a dating program.

A show for Africans

The show follows a simple format. Eight women stand in an arc, each behind a podium. A single man comes on the stage. A video clip introduces his background such as his occupation, interests, job, what he is looking for in a mate, and dating history.

Specially designed for Africa, men and women are given an opportunity both in the auditions and shooting to show off their talents with a dance or a song to warm things up. Women can decide if the man is “date-worthy’ by keeping a light on or turning it off. The man makes a selection from the women with their lights on. After giving his final questions, he then makes a decision by taking the winner’s hand, or departs alone.

The program will premiere in Kenya soon, after successful runs in Zambia. The Kenya version’s female host is Vera Sidika, one of the most influential celebrities on social media. She recently hinted on social media that Hello Mr Right will be all about the fun and challenges of relationships in its first season.

The hosts, content planning team and male and female guests are all from Africa. “We hope it to be a show grown in African, and for Africans,” Zhao Chengxu, the producer of the Chinese production team, told the Global Times.

Talking about potential concerns about production in culturally conservative Africa, Zhao acknowledges that religious and cultural differences had to be taken into account. For this reason, “The Chinese production team provided support and guidance only at the technical level, leaving the local partners space to develop the content.”

The design of the show’s interactions and selection criteria during the auditions was all left to local television partners. The program uses both English and Kiswahili.

“We can only give suggestions such as ‘simplify the program format,’ because an overly complex process makes it harder for the audience to understand in the very first season,” said Zhao.

“Love knows no borders. It is an eternal theme, and a studio dating show is a good format. We found local dating shows in Africa were lacking. As it happens, the broadcasting channel developed by TopStar in Africa is a drama channel with love as the main theme. I thought our target audience might be interested if we opened a new blind dating show,” said Zhao.

Thanks for the chance 

“Hello TopStar thank you for posting my video, I was really curious to watch it,” commented Emmanuel. He felt excited to see a short clip featuring his dancing uploaded onto the official social media account of Hello Mr Right. This 20-year-old young African man is a recent participant on the show in Zambia.

In the comments section of the social media account, one person after another showed their curiosity and enthusiasm amid comments about Emmanuel’s short video.

“What should I do if I want to participate?”

“How can I compete… Or be part of the show… I really want to find my dream girl… My Miss Right.”

The show, in cooperation with the Zambia National Broadcasting Corporation (ZNBC), was launched in Zambia earlier this year. A total of 25 male and 40 female guests from Lusaka, Livingston, Ndola, and Kitway participated, with a dream of finding their true love. Participants with great talent result in huge climaxes during the love competition, explained Zhao.

Deiz Nandako and Godfred Wafula are now happy together, since they met up on the program in Kenya. Nandako was full of anxiety and skepticism before the show.

“When I went there, there were so many beautiful ladies. I thought there is no chance for me. But at the end of the day, I was the one who was chosen, and I just thank God for that,” Nandako told the Global Times. She is 21 now. She believes it would be awful if she did not have a boyfriend by 24. She did not sound very confident in a telephone interview.

Wafula, her partner, who works as a waiter and an actor, quickly interrupted during the phone interview to reassure her.

“Yes I saw a lot of beautiful ladies as she said, but one thing caught my attention, her appreciation for what I do,” he said.

Nandako said almost all of her friends advised her against joining the show, because of their doubts about its authenticity.

“They thought the show was fabricated, the guys were fake, and I was coming here to find a fake thing. They want something real for me, not just for having fun but for a serious thing. Now I can prove them wrong because I have already found my perfect match,” she said, sounding satisfied at the other end of the line.

“African people are normally real and unsophisticated, so we don’t usually preset templates or over-glorify participants’ backgrounds in the programs. We want to give them a real, pure show,” Zhao told the Global Times.

“Africans fall in love and get married at a younger age than Chinese. Many young people in their early 20s participated in the auditions. The show is a new way for them to make friends and find potential dates. In Zambia, many students aged under 18 applied for the auditions. This is very novel for students, but we have to set an age limit,” she added.

Chinese contestants

Three Chinese appeared on the program in Zambia. They are all employees of Chinese companies based in Africa. Oscar, 28, came to work in Zambia in 2016. This Chinese man was looking forward to meeting some suitable African girls, or more new friends, to explore Zambian culture together.

“For Chinese people, being unmarried at 28 will worry their parents,” he told the Global Times. Like many Chinese employees in Africa, Oscar can only return home once or twice each year, leaving no chance for a long-distance love. His work in Africa was so intense it restrained him from getting to know more African women after work. He heard about the blind date show, and knew it was time for him to find love.

He fired up the audience in the program with a performance of a Chinese Peking Opera selection. “I am not good at singing or dancing like other participants, I just wish to show my own characteristics,” he said.

“Many were fascinated by the Chinese opera. They left messages for me, showing their curiosity and desire to know more about Chinese culture. That made me feel proud and satisfied, though I failed to find a girl on the show.”

“I feel very natural about marriage between Chinese and Africans. More and more Africans are willing to consider marrying Chinese people. And the program host treated me as an ordinary male guest throughout without deliberately magnifying my identity as a ‘Chinese guy,'” said Oscar. 

Cooperation and challenges

The cooperation between production teams from China and Africa sparked opportunities and also challenges.

Brian Mulamba, the host of Hello Mr Right in Zambia, appreciates the bringing in of many Chinese advanced techniques and resources. “China’s media and broadcasting industries are more mature than Zambia’s, so this helps us to know the latest changes and trends for broadcasting and television,” he told the Global Times.

Jack Kafukilwa, the leading engineer of ZBNC, expects that such cooperation will continue. He hopes that his crew can be invited to see programs produced by TopStar elsewhere.

“The difference between China and African teams in working rhythm is actually a small challenge. For instance, Chinese team tends to quicken the process if it is rainy during the outdoor shooting, while the African cameramen still move the camera leisurely while humming a tune. They can enjoy the process more than us, and we should get used to their rhythm,” Zhao told the Global Times.

Since its debut in Zambia, the show has set a new record for the channel’s best ratings. It received 3.11 percent of the audience in Uganda and 2.58 percent in Nigeria. The show was well received on social media in both countries.

Newspaper headline: Hello Mr Right