Relationships Talk

Taurus

Birthday: April 20-May 20

Type: Fixed earth sign

Key words: Reliable, relaxed, pragmatic, sensual, romantic

Love anthem: “Drunk in Love” by Beyoncé

Famous Taurus men: Noah Centineo, Travis Scott, Rami Malek, George Clooney, Robert Pattinson, David Beckham

Best matches:

Virgo and Capricorn will love Taurus for how dependable, practical, and hardworking he is, and his prowess in the bedroom is a major plus! Being like-minded earth elements, physical sensations and real-world displays of affection mean a lot to these signs.

Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac, and, being a fixed earth sign, he’s typically more introverted, stubborn, and realistic compared to the other signs. Life with this type is low-key and laid back–don’t expect much PDA or gushy emotions, either. But the flip side is Taurus is one of the most loyal signs–he really has your back, and reassures you of his affection through actions, not words. He’s not one for surprises, but he more than makes up for it with his remarkable reliability!

His sign’s fixed nature means he lives life slow and steady—you won’t get far with Taurus unless he’s seriously into you, and he knows you feel the same towards him. Because he wants a relationship with lasting value, it might be months of texting back and forth before he finally asks to be exclusive, but when that commitment is made, he’s fully in it.

His tendency to be so unchanging comes from being ruled by Venus, which is all about union and harmony. Taurus’ behavior honors this by never pushing his agenda onto you. This sort of gentle, easygoing personality contributes to why Taurus is so soothing to be around. He hates to disturb the status-quo of your relationship, so you never have to worry about any unexpected upsets coming from your Taurus man!

The combo of an earth sign being ruled by the planet of romance and pleasure means he cares less about the ideas of love or beauty and more about tangible sensations and displays of affection. He is ruled by his senses–he’s going to look good, smell nice, speak calmly, and have great taste. Everything about him is pleasant, and there’s a certain softness that Taurus men have about them, thanks to their Venusian sensibilities, that you won’t get from any other sign.

When it comes to the physical side of the relationship, you’re in for a treat. Because Taurus is so naturally sensual and slow-paced, you can expect a LOT of foreplay. Sex is always a long process with him, but you’re never left bored or unsatisfied. His tendency to be particular and love routines means you might have the same go-to moves in bed, but because of his commitment to getting you both off, you don’t mind the predictability of a guaranteed orgasm.

Here Are Your Sign’s Three Best Romantic Matches

Now for the catch: Because Taurus is so passive and gentle, his reluctance to step on anyone’s toes mean that the relationship can sometimes feel stagnant. He’s content to take the backseat and let you steer things in the direction you want, but that means you have to make most of the plans, which can easily translate into doing most of the work in the relationship. If it were all up to him, the two of you would spend every night together watching Netflix and going to bed by 10 PM.

His legendary stubbornness is also a huge problem. Nine times out of 10, he’ll follow you to whatever restaurant or party you picked, but as soon as you ask him to budge a single centimeter outside of his comfort zone, watch out! Honoring his Venusian gentleness, he will resist and refuse with all of his might in the most frustratingly passive-aggressive ways possible. He rarely throws a fit, but you’ll end up wishing for that sometimes just to get more directness from him.

If you want to make it work with a Taurus, you have to KISS: Keep it simple, stupid! He needs things to be orderly and easy to process. If you have a commitment with him, don’t forget about it—he highly prioritizes his schedule, so if you’re a part of it, you better show up. He’s not flexible, but you don’t have to be either. As long as communication is open and you ask him plenty of thoughtful questions, you’ll both be on the same page and most of the speed bumps in your relationship will be avoided.

Your Taurus boy toy is incredibly picky and wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t really, really like you, so you can go into the relationship with full confidence. He’s a simple man with simple needs. He might not be the most spontaneous, and he’s not going to be an eager participant in every activity you plan, but hey, at least he’s consistent!

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Aries

Birthday: March 20-April 21

Type: Cardinal fire sign

Key words: Bold, ambitious, wild, exciting, energetic

Love anthem: “Love Game” by Lady Gaga

Famous Aries men: Robert Downey, Jr., Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Conan O’Brien, Eddie Murphy, Seth Rogen, Brendon Urie, Hayden Christensen

Best matches:

Leo and Sagittarius will love Aries’ high-tempo lifestyle, healthy love of competition, and truly unique personality. Being the same element, these fire signs have frictionless compatibility with each other and are most likely to get along well.

Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac, and of the spring season, which is mirrored in his personality. He’s a natural trailblazer and is interested in all things new, which lends him his intrinsic childlike curiosity and creativity. Aries defaults to a bright-eyed and busy-tailed demeanor, ready for adventure at any given moment. He’s constantly on the go, and his natural optimism is universally attractive, no matter what your sign is.

When you’re feeling down, Aries is like an extra shot of espresso that perks you up. Even on your worst days, that Arian fire can boost your mood and give you a reason to smile. His sign is ruled by Mars, planet of assertion and ego, making him very competitive, and he easily views everything as a game to be won. So when he’s on team YOU, he does whatever he can to help you bring home the gold!

He’s a truly good person with the best intentions, and when you’re with an Aries, it’s like being with a true best friend all the time. There’s a certain platonic element to your relationship that makes up for the typical lack of romance, and you’ll learn to enjoy the spontaneity he brings to the table. He knows how to work his charm just right to win over your heart, but he’s genuinely a total sweetheart. He can be a heartbreaker, sure, but it’s never on purpose—he just loves to have fun, sometimes overlooking the bigger picture and being a little naïve as a result.

When it comes to sex, he’s always ready for action, and his vibrant libido provides him with an eternally-burning sense of horniness that is nearly impossible to extinguish. That, combined with his high energy level and desire to please makes him sexual dynamite. Even if you climb on top or assume a dominant role, he’ll still want some degree of control and participation. The intensity you experience with him in the heat of the moment is well worth it, and he rarely (if ever) leaves you wanting more.

As great as all these fiery vibes are, there are some downsides. Again, because he’s the technical baby of the Zodiac, Aries is notoriously needy. He’s not selfish per se, but requires a certain amount of coddling and needs a partner that is up to the challenge–you’re regularly going to give, give, give. Aries’ emotions can be a LOT, which leads to passionate declarations of love, but also some serious grumpiness when things aren’t going his way. He’ll pitch a fit for a while, but it ends almost as quickly as it began, and things go back to normal.

However, when he wants to treat you well in return, it’s always a huge deal. Aries’ motto is “go big or go home,” so when he wants to do something for you, it’s monumental. His sign is one that makes you breakfast in bed, sends an enormous bouquet of flowers to your job, and gives you handwritten love notes on a whim, just because he wants to. Certainly, he’s a lot to handle, and if weren’t for his heart of gold, not many would be able to accept the challenge of dealing with an Aries.

If you’re looking for a sign that will cuddle with you in bed all morning, enjoy a lazy Sunday on the couch, or show his sensitive side, you’re barking up the wrong tree. A relationship with an Aries is like nannying a toddler at the worst of times, and butting heads with the archetypal Ram is a huge pain in the ass! But if you can handle the lows, the high points of your relationship are incredibly rewarding. Being with an Aries is like having your own fountain of youth–his childlike curiosity promises to take you on many an adventure, his eagerness to please is endearing and adorable, and you’re guaranteed to make great memories together!

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Rejoice, for this Christmas season has birthed unto the world a new dating app: Righter, which has pledged to be an alternative to all the lib-addled dating services that presumably exist. That’s fine! What we urgently needed to know after a minute or so of engaging with it was why Righter has a urologist on call, as part of the app.

Righter generated a modest wave of headlines before it launched; its founder Christy Edwards Lawton demonstrated a flair for a certain kind of publicity, doing things like pledging to sue “liberals” who used the app. (No such rule actually exists in its terms of service, that we can see, and it would be tough to enforce such a non-specific user ban). There were also a lot of social media posts extolling things like “feminine women” and “complementarity.”

Lawton is an Idaho-based businesswoman who, per her LinkedIn, has worked as a consultant for right-wing youth group Turning Point (best known for its too-online leader Charlie Kirk and its members’ enthusiasm for diapers). She was also, according to LinkedIn, previously the proprietor behind something called Street Fox, which pledged to offer love advice to “high net worth” individuals in the Rocky Mountain Area.

That service doesn’t appear to have taken off, though you can still enjoy a cached version of an interview Lawton did with a local publication about the challenges of finding love connections for the Rocky Mountain area’s heavy hitters. “The clients that I am dealing with are people that could never put their face on a website,” she mused in the interview, not entirely convincingly. “They are people that are either well-known—celebrity or tied to celebrity—or they are people that are business owners or CEOs or people that just flat out want their privacy yet they want to find love. How are they supposed to go about doing that in this small town, in this community? It’s been very challenging.”

Sure. There, too, Lawton demonstrated a singular focus on retiring, modest, virginal “feminine women” and the men who love to pursue them. Perhaps Righter will be the golden ticket for all those extremely real people. The app, however, does seem a little buggy: My editor and I, logged in sitting across from one another, were both told that there were “no more people in your area,” which bodes ill for any conservatives looking to find a geolocation-based kind of passion.

My editor then set his app to look for users within 500 miles, which resulted, curiously, in the same lack of matches or even the appearance of another human being on the high, lonesome tundra of this app. (Although, frankly, it could also be an issue with him. That’s a possibility.) The following day, he finally appeared in my list of potential suitors—along with a number of other men from up to 5,000 miles away, even though the app is auto-set to only find love connections with 20 miles, unless you change it manually. My editor, meanwhile, discovered a lone nurse several hundred miles away.

Nonetheless, Righter does have one fascinating feature: a special medical subscription, which for just $24.99 a month allows you online consultation with what they’ve termed the “Righter Medical team.” As it stands, the medical team kind of looks like one guy, Dr. Joseph H. Williams, an Idaho-based urologist.

Urinary health and adjacent issues are important, of course, though they are, many would agree, but one piece of a more comprehensive health regimen. Righter is like that: sort of curiously specific about some details (you have to enter your height to register, for instance), while rather lacking in some more general areas (the app never actually asks whether you’d like to look at men or women; its emphasis on social media is strenuously heterosexual, but you’d think they’d make sure.)

The community guidelines and other legalese associated with the site are also strewn with typos (“Everyone is held to the sake standard”), but really, none of that was more interesting to us than the urology. Lawton did not respond to a request for comment, but Dr. Williams did; he told us by phone that Lawton is an old friend and that he, quite reasonably, sees Righter as a way to talk to a new audience of men about their sexual health.

“I take care of a lot of guys who are having medical difficulties when they’re aging or when they’re re-entering the dating world,” he told us. “And I do a lot of work with guys who are having difficulty with intimacy physically and to a certain extent mentally.” He also said it “takes time and consideration and frequently some medical intervention to help make sure a guy is normally functioning and can have success and frankly be competitive in the dating world.”

Williams was clear that he wasn’t necessarily endorsing the political views of the app. “I’m not a politician and I don’t like to comment on politics because I’m not an expert, but within the context of this app when it comes to the fact that it’s a right-wing dating app, it’s an avenue to reach men. If Tinder had this kind of application and they reached out to me I might consider it. It’s just a venue for providing care wherever it arises.”

Should a woman have medical questions, Williams added, “There are experts on my team who I’ll be able to reach out to to bounce stuff of. We have a neurologist, a female PA. We have our bases covered and we’ll expand the team if we need to.”

While it is of course tempting to continue poking gentle fun at Righter, if an audience of older men use it to seek out medical advice they wouldn’t otherwise try to find, that’s probably a good thing. A free-market solution, if you will.

With that burning question addressed, I was content to quietly delete Righter from my phone, just in the nick of time: I’d both beheld a man in a TRUMP KANYE 2020 t-shirt and realized that after very few swipes, the app rather insistently redirects you to a page where you’re encouraged to purchase “Righter Luxe,” another Tinder-knockoff feature which costs $9.99 a month.

Also, and this is not passing judgement one way or another, but sort of generally noting: This app seems, well, attracted to the president. Sexually. And really, given the app’s apparent audience of aging men who have physical and mental issues with intimacy and are in need of medical intervention, it makes perfect sense.

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