Category Archives: Dating Advice
5 Ways To Get A Guy To 'DTR' & Become Your Boyfriend (Without Making The First Move) – YourTango
How to have “the talk” about where your relationship is going.
When you’re dating someone, the “Where is this relationship going?” question is a biggie. Some women blow this DTR (define the relationship) talk by coming off needy, clingy, or demanding in their quest to lock down a guy and figure out how to get a boyfriend.
Figuring out how to attract men and how to get a guy to like you in the first place isn’t the hard part. But getting the guy you’re dating to make a commitment to you and thank his lucky stars that you are his girlfriend is a whole different story.
To get him to DTR, you have to be fully in tune with yourself and what you want. You also need to be ready to walk if you aren’t getting it.
This doesn’t mean acting like a diva or playing games. It’s all about knowing your value and not compromising your needs. You have permission to make “you” the most important person in your relationship.
When you know your worth, you will walk away like it’s no big deal if you aren’t feeling valued, no matter who you’re with.
Here are the 5 steps for how to get a guy to like you so much that he wants to DTR (define the relationship) by becoming your boyfriend.
1. Don’t initiate “the talk.”
Whoever brings up the DTR talk first is the one sweating the relationship. You aren’t sweating it. You know what you want, and you haven’t locked it down with him until he proves himself worthy of what you want.
You are done being that girl. Let him be the one to bring up “the talk.” That means he’s worried about it, and you don’t come off demanding when you state your needs.
You know your needs: commitment, calls instead of texts, exclusivity, and time spent with you. He will genuinely hear you if you aren’t the girl chasing him for the DTR talk and instead let him initiate it.
2. Take your time.
Don’t agree to anything exclusive, or rush into anything exclusive either, until you have seen whether or not this man is going to back up what he has to say with his actions and treat you well.
You aren’t going to see the real person until your first fight at the 3-month “make it or break” stage.
Don’t get in too deep yet with your heart until you see the real him.
3. Don’t let him mistreat you and stick around.
Don’t tolerate his lateness, lack of phone calls, or any other behavior that is deemed not desirable in your book. That doesn’t mean you complain about it. Just don’t give him the time of day if he doesn’t respect you or your time.
His behavior and actions speak volumes. If this is what is going on, you will want to have the talk, but refrain. There is nothing to talk about or define. You hear what he’s saying loud and clear, which is why you should be ready to date other guys by this point.
4. Date other people if he hasn’t mentioned exclusivity.
Yes, you heard it. You might make the mistake of cutting off your options way too soon. When he has to work to earn your time and affection — not just him but anyone — you will appeal more because guys are competitive.
Don’t let him know this, but a little flirting with some other dating options will do wonders for your self-esteem. He will feel you are just a little aloof — and you should be until someone bothers to meet your needs and lock you down with a commitment!
Once again, keep him sweating it. This isn’t a game.
5. Always be honest.
Be honest no matter how vulnerable you feel. It doesn’t mean throw the fact that you’re dating other guys in his face, but it does mean you don’t need to be harsh about it. Put your heart out there.
Remember, you have other options. Say what you want when he brings up the DTR talk and asks what you what you are looking for, but let him know you don’t know if he is that person yet. You are still observing to see if it’s right for both of you.
When he brings it up, if you know in your gut this is the right thing to do after observing and clearly stating your needs, go for it. This is important.
You will know for sure. There will be no doubts. Ninety percent of communications is non-verbal, so this just means his actions have lined up with his words and this is a good place to be.
Susan Trombetti is a matchmaker and the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. Don’t forget to tune into her weekly LoveTalk with Susan webinar series on Monday at 8:00 pm, EST. Also, if you need a little dating advice, sign up for a session.
This article was originally published at Exclusive Matchmaking. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Dating someone who is extremely online, macking on a shy person and climate change anxiety – it's Dear Fifi – DailyEdge.ie
Back in Yangon! I think I may be heading towards Cambodia next. My free bit of advice for this week? Never take a 27 hour bus journey involving three buses. Especially if it involves sleeping across metal seats at 3am in a bus station in Pyay. And the next one breaks down three times in the mountains. Sigh.
Need advice that’s a little more applicable to everyday life? Get at me right here.
I have recently started going out with a guy that I had met through some friends. I always thought he was really funny on Twitter and really enjoyed hanging out with him. There is a bit of distance between us so I don’t get to see him that often and we mostly chat through Whatsapp.
The problem is, since we started dating I find him so boring. I realise now he is TOO online. Everything we talk about he has already shared on Twitter, everything he does is on Twitter, everything he eats, every thought he has. Even when we are together he is tweeting about it rather than talking to me. I have tried to talk him about it but he just tells me that’s how he is. As you are someone who is unapologetically online, what do I do? Do I have a right to be annoyed?
Yes, for sure. He’s being rude! You’re right that I’m online a lot – I love Twitter, both reading and sharing. It makes me laugh, teaches me things, it’s gotten me lots of jobs and it’s made me plenty of good friends. But there’s being “extremely online” as you put it, and there’s being downright rude.
There’s a line between checking your notifications once an hour or so and being glued to the thing to the detriment of IRL conversation and engagement. And look: we all walk the line sometimes. I know I do, anyway.
We have instant validation machines in our pockets that have trained us to check them every couple of minutes. It’s becoming hard-wired into how we operate on a daily basis. But when you’ve also got a flesh and blood romantic prospect in front of you, it’s a huge red flag to wilfully ignore them when they outright ask for a bit of basic attention. And it’s a red flag at an early stage, too. It’s not the Twitter use, really – it’s his poor response to being asked to slightly modify his behaviour towards you.
In the past, I’ve been asked by people to put my phone away. Admittedly, it’s my mother 99% of the time, but it has been exes too. And I always do it when asked, and I try really hard not to grumble. I either set it face down, across the room, or somehow else hide it from myself. Being disagreeable when someone asks something simple and doable of you like that is just rude. It’s disrespectful. For people who don’t use their phones as much, it reads as “I don’t find you as interesting as what is on this screen”. Once I’m told the person I’m with feels this way, I take steps to act and make sure they know I do find them interesting and care about their company. That’s the difference here, I think.
He’s not listening to you. Or else you’re just not that compatible. But worse still? You find him boring. That’s not good, no matter the reason. Might be better to cut this one loose and go back to faving his tweets from the safe distance of the timeline.
I really like a guy and have been dropping subtle hints but he just doesn’t seem to get it. I want to tell how how I feel but he’s really shy so I’m afraid of scaring him off. What should I do?
In this situation, I’m afraid it’s no risk/no reward. Asking people out is nerve-wracking at the best of times, but it’s tricky if you think this person is particularly skittish. The important thing to remember is that people aren’t mind-readers. One person’s subtle hints is another person’s pleasant, innocuous chit-chat. I think it’s time to dispense with the hints – clearly they aren’t working.
Be direct, but tactful. It’s always good to give people a little wiggle room to politely decline any sort of invitation. I think a simple, straightforward message asking him out is the ideal approach – nothing too vague that makes it difficult for a shy person to craft a response to. Then, depending on what he says, err on the side of caution and back right off if he doesn’t pick up what you’re putting down.
Remember that most if not all people will just be flattered to be asked out, even if it’s not the right date for them right now. Just go for it. Ask him to something you know he has an interest in, to show a bit of consideration. A gig, an exhibition, a type of restaurant, a movie, an arcade. Something that suits.
I think one mistake people make with date offers is not being specific enough on times and dates. That’s the dreaded vagueness I mentioned. Being clear allows the recipient a tactful refusal, and crucially it also ensures the invitation stage isn’t dragged out and more awkward than it needs to be. Ask him if he wants to go do this thing next Saturday and you’d love to spend some time together/get to know one another better/enjoy this shared interest together. (A shy person will find it easier to respond to than an anxiety-inducing aimless “Wanna hang out sometime?”) Then let go and let god.
Godspeed in getting your hole, my friend.
Climate change is going to destroy everything we hold dear, a lot of it in your lifetime, if you’re under 40. We’re pretty much locked in. Okay, there’s a chance we can fix it, but it requires a speedy level of social and personal change, on a global scale that is so unprecedented, it’s practically impossible. There’s no hope, realistically. Human civilisation, in all likelihood, will not survive the current century. I’m finding it hard to comprehend that, never mind accept it. What should I do?
I am a worrier by nature, so I get where you’re coming from here, but you need to take a breath and stop.
Two things. One, something my Dad said to me earlier on this year when I was catastrophising about something I feared was coming for me – something beyond my control, something bad, something in a chain of things that would happen that I could foresee, or so I believed.
Unleashing all this on him, he somewhat wearily replied: “Fiona, you can only worry about what’s in front of you.” That’s very true. Take life one obstacle at a time. Tackle it bit by bit and don’t get drawn into apocalyptic thinking.
Second – and apologies in advance for another truism you might roll your eyes at – but I found this Dalai Lama quote about worrying helpful too:
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
Essentially, worrying is fucking useless. Do what you can but don’t fret on things you cannot possibly predict or control. It’s a greatly liberating thing in life to realise that what’ll change our lives will be something unexpected, not what we’ve been worrying about. (By that, I don’t mean switch to obsessing over antibiotic resistance or some other doomsday topic, I mean just learn to let go.)
Do what you can. Let go of what you cannot control. Remember to breathe.
Want to talk?
Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always.
Jennifer Aniston Using Dating Coach? – Gossip Cop
(Getty Images)
One of this week’s tabloids claims Jennifer Aniston is using a dating coach to improve her love life and find a new boyfriend. The story is completely made-up. Gossip Cop can debunk it.
A headline in the latest issue of Grazia reads, “Swipe Right For Jen.” The accompanying article quotes an alleged insider as saying, “A friend suggested she seek the advice of a professional to help her in the dating game. After her split from Justin [Theroux] she vowed to remain single, but now she’s hoping that she’ll be able to move forward.”
The supposed source continues, “As well as seeking professional advice, Jen is relying on her friends to set her up on dates.” From there, the unreliable outlet speculates that Aniston might join a dating app at some point soon. The outlet even creates a mock profile for the actress, and includes some of the qualities she’s looking for in a man. The magazine imagines that Aniston is “looking for someone who loves chilling” and watching rom-coms, including her own show “Friends,” but says “don’t bother if you’re an East Coast type, want to break into acting [and] don’t like rom-coms.”
This entire article is a work of fiction. People magazine, a much more reliable celebrity news outlet than Grazia, recently reported that Aniston “isn’t concerned about dating” and “is happy to focus on work.” The actress is in fact busy shooting an Apple TV series and has a number of other projects lined up. Meanwhile, “Entertainment Tonight” recently published a story about Aniston’s “perfectly happy single life,” saying she “feels more centered than ever because she’s not dating anyone and she’s perfectly happy.”
Additionally, Gossip Cop checked in with a rep for the actress, who tells us in no uncertain terms, “Jen does not have a dating coach.” Unfortunately, the magazine has a history of publishing phony articles about the actress’s post-split love life. For example, we busted the magazine in July for wrongly reporting that Aniston was dating Google co-founder Sergey Brin.
Just a few months prior, we had called out the tabloid for falsely claiming that Aniston was dating Will Arnett. And just shortly before that, the outlet made up a story about Aniston secretly meeting up with Brad Pitt in London. It’s clear the publication has zero insight into the actress’s love life, but instead comes up with new narratives on a whim. This latest article about Aniston hiring a dating coach is more nonsense.
Sources
Fernandez, Alexia. “Jennifer Aniston ‘Isn’t Concerned About Dating’ as She Focuses on Work: Source.” People, 4 Sep. 2018.
Bueno, Antoinette. “Inside Jennifer Aniston’s ‘Perfectly Happy’ Single Life Following Justin Theroux Split (Exclusive).” Entertainment Tonight, 25 Oct. 2018.
Shuster, Andrew. “Jennifer Aniston NOT Dating Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin, Despite Report.” Gossip Cop, 19 Jul. 2018.
Weiss, Shari. “Jennifer Aniston, Will Arnett “Romance” Blossoming?” Gossip Cop, 12 Apr. 2018.
Weiss, Shari. “Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston Meeting Up In London?” Gossip Cop, 17 Jul. 2018.
Stephen Huvane, Spokesperson for Jennifer Aniston. 4 Dec. 2018.
Here Are The Best Body Language Tips For Feeling Confident On Dates, According To An Expert – Elite Daily
At the end of summer, I decided to take a much-needed break from dating. I had just ended a very emotionally taxing relationship that left me feeling completely spent. After taking a dating break for a couple of months, I tried to put myself back out there and, at first, it did not feel great. I found that I was constantly hella nervous, and realized part of me didn’t even want to be going on the dates I was scheduling. Because of this, I wanted to learn about some body language tips for feeling more confident on dates. I talked with body language expert Lisa Mitchell about my current dating predicament, and I ended up learning a lot about myself along the way.
Ever since I ended my last relationship, I’ve felt sort of bitter about dating. I spent a lot of time thinking about all of my relationships that hadn’t worked out, and why they didn’t. Deep down, I know that dating is a process and relationships end for numerous reasons, but I was feeling pretty defensive about trying to get back out there. This was confusing because, as a person who writes about dating a lot, feeling confident in my own love life is important to me. To me, that means being OK with being single, being open to the idea of meeting the right person, and not feeling a Disney-movie-evil-queen level of bitterness about my past. Ultimately, I wanted to understand where this anxiety was coming from and how to feel more confident.
At the beginning of our video call, I explained my current dating troubles to Mitchell. She responded, “So, what is your end goal? What do you want?” I was stunned for a second because I honestly didn’t have an answer. I had not been expecting to be asked such a simple question, and for the answer to feel so complicated. “I don’t know,” I said, “I guess, primarily, for no one to hurt me and, like, overall I either want something really good, or I want nothing.”
I wanted to understand where this anxiety was coming from and how to feel more confident.
She proceeded to tell me that people are always subconsciously emitting a nonverbal vibe that expresses their mood and what they’re thinking. There are numerous tips and tricks that she often suggests and practices with clients. Those include using good posture and making sure your body faces the person you’re talking to. You can also subtly mirror the movements of the person you’re interacting with because it makes them feel like they are with someone similar to them.
She continued to explain that people’s bodies are like GPS systems, and the mind is always inputting the directions. If the only information I am inserting into my GPS-brain before a date is, “Don’t hurt me,” it’s no wonder I felt defensive and anxious on dates.
Mitchell explained that all the body language tips and tricks she could share wouldn’t work if I didn’t have that initial clarity of what I want and need. So, she asked, what would happen if I decided to believe in what I wanted? Since my brain is sending a message to my body either way, I might as well try to input my own directions. She said my message could be as simple as, “I am worthy of good things both in life and dating.”
I thought about my meeting with Mitchell for a couple of days, turning it over in my mind like a cough drop that takes forever to dissolve.“What do I want?” I thought. The truth is, I did know what I want, but sometimes it takes guts to be honest about it. What I want is to enjoy dating again, to take the pressure of finding love off and just have more fun on dates. I don’t want to keep walking into dates wearing an invisible suit of armor that screams, “Don’t hurt me!!! Please!!!” The armor is there for a reason because my last two or three relationships did not end well, and that’s made me defensive AF. But since those people are in the past, what was stopping me from getting what I wanted? I thought I might as well test out Mitchell’s advice. So, I planned a date.
On the day of the date, I woke up and set the intention to do nice things for myself. I used a new face mask, took extra time to do my hair and makeup, and I even journaled for a little while. I made the intentional decision to believe I was worthy, attractive, fun to be around, and that my dating past doesn’t dictate my dating present. I tried to input the message into my head that I wanted that date to be enjoyable. And, as I walked to Prospect Park with the setting sun poking between spaces in the leaves of the red and gold trees, I realized I wasn’t riddled with the hum of pre-date anxiety that I had grown so used to. I noticed that I was walking taller with my shoulders open, and my stomach wasn’t tying itself into knots. I was wearing a cute outfit that my date ended up saying he liked. And, as we walked around the park, I felt at ease with myself and what I had to offer as a person.
We ended the date over dinner, laughing, talking about writing, growing up, and dogs we had just seen at the park. It felt good to think about how the simple decision to believe in what I wanted kind of made it happen.
Overall, the date was pretty normal. It wasn’t some magical romantic night that ended with a foot-popping Princess Diaries kiss. But the memory of it feels incredibly light. It’s almost as if I had been carrying the weight of my romantic past on my back whenever I went into a new dating encounter, and doing so turned out to be pretty heavy. Mitchell’s advice helped me set the weight of my past down. And in doing so, I feel so much lighter.
