Category Archives: Dating Advice
Is Your Friends With Benefits Dating Other People, Here's What To Do If You're Jealous
If you’re reading this because you’ve been feeling that twinge of jealousy in your gut when it comes to your friend with benefits dating other people, you’re totally not alone. They literally made a whole movie about this very thing. But since you and your FWB aren’t Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis playing fictional characters, it may be useful to get an expert’s advice on this tricky subject. To figure out what to do in this situation, I talked with clinical and behavioral psychologist, Dr. Joshua Klapow. His advice was super insightful and will hopefully clear up some of the confusion you’ve been having about your FWB.
According to Klapow, it is common and normal to develop feelings of jealousy when it comes to your FWB. He explains that these emotions can happen when you have a physically intimate relationship with someone. Everyone is different, so some folks might be more likely than others to get attached to people they have sex with. That being said, Klapow explains that jealousy is a sign you are developing romantic feelings for this person. And that means you may not see them as just a friend anymore.
Things can change over time, so it’s definitely not wrong or abnormal to develop romantic feelings for your friend with benefits. However, according to Klapow, feeling jealous means it’s time to talk to your FWB about what’s going on in your head.
It’s essential to communicate openly with your friend with benefits through everything, Klapow explains. It may mean that your FWB will not feel the same way that you do, but denying your feelings could end up hurting a lot worse in the long run. “As a general rule we are very ineffective at denying or reframing our feelings of emotional connection,” explains Klapow. Denying how you feel or concealing these emotions to continue the FWB-ship, you’re currently enjoying can hurt both of you.
In college, I had an FWB-ship that lasted for months, but I harbored a lot of complicated, romantic feelings for this person. And… didn’t tell him about them. The fun we had together was so thrilling that I didn’t want to say anything to drive him away. However, as time went on, my anxiety was always so high because I was worried that he was dating other people that he liked more than me. That wasn’t the chill-no-strings-attached-no-feelings-here message that I had been projecting to him at all. Back then, it didn’t even occur to me that being honest about my feelings was an option. This was because I was so concerned that saying how I felt would drive him away, I didn’t think my feelings had a right to take up space and be heard. It’s interesting to think about how things would have turned out, and how my general level of stress would probably have been lowered if I had talked with him about everything going on in my head.
When it comes down to it, Klapow explains, communication is essential to having a healthy FWB experience. And not just any communication, but honest conversations about what both of you want and need. According to Klapow, both partners need to be on the same page to prevent hurt feelings and promote a healthy connection. The best thing to do is establish what you both want from the start so that there aren’t surprises down the road.
Ask Anna: Why won't my boyfriend jerk off in front of me?
Ask Anna is a sex column. Because of the nature of the topic, some columns contain language some readers may find graphic.
Dear Anna,
My boyfriend won’t masturbate in front of me. I gladly do it in front of him. I find it weird that he won’t. Should I stop asking him? —Solo Spanking
Dear SS,
As a wise person — perhaps it was Gandhi — once said, some people simply prefer to jerk it alone. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Maybe he feels self-conscious or performative. Maybe he has to tune out the outside world and wouldn’t be able to do so with you watching. And if you’ve asked more than once and he’s said no, then yes, stop asking. That’s his boundary. Respect it and find other activities that get you both off.
Dear Anna,
I’ve been with my partner for a little over a year, and my frustration is mounting to a new level. In the beginning, we started out really hot and heavy, albeit very off and on. The sex was great, and we’d hook up several times a week. After a while, when we started to become more serious, I’d come over and cook for him, sometimes clean, and just do little things to help him around the house. Fast forward to now, and I gotta tell ya … I feel like I do everything. He’s currently collecting unemployment, while I work 50 hours a week. I manage to cook, clean, and satisfy him physically all the while, but he literally doesn’t do anything around the house. None of that bothers me as much as what has happened to our sex life. It became apparent to me very shortly after we moved in together that he didn’t have a very high sex drive. By now, our sex life is nonexistent. I’ve tried everything, from sexy costumes to massages, and everything in between. I’ve always been the one to initiate sex, and even when he does get in the mood, it only ever ends up with him receiving oral, and it’s never reciprocated, even when I ask for it. It’s started to take a real toll on my self-esteem, and I’ve had several conversations with him about all of these things, but nothing changes and I somehow always end up apologizing at the end of it all. I’m about ready to tear my hair out, and between the rejection and stress of daily life/picking up after my partner, I’ve just about had enough. —What Gives
Dear WG,
Signs point to: Dump him. What is keeping you tethered, WG? Based on your letter, I’m hard-pressed to find a reason you want to stay.
If you’re not ready to outright end the relationship, then at the very least stop doing everything you don’t want to do. And I mean everything. Stop picking up after him. Stop cleaning for him and cooking for him and giving him non-reciprocated sex. Take a giant, giant step back from this relationship and focus instead on what makes you happy and what you want to do and what you can control. Do this for a few weeks and see how you feel with the distance and space. I’m guessing it’ll bring you even more clarity than you already seem to have.
You’ve had enough, you say. You’re in a relationship that’s not meeting your needs. You’re APOLOGIZING for it even! You say his lack of help around the house doesn’t bother you, but it clearly does. Don’t minimize it. Own your feelings. Own your grievances. You want more out of a partner. This man isn’t giving it to you. Find one who will.
Check out more sex and dating advice from Anna here. »
Anna Pulley is a RedEye contributor. Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Send it below, or email redeyedating@gmail.com.
OPINION: Dating apps are changing the dynamics of college relationships
Dating can be hard, and finding someone to date can be even harder, especially in a big college like the University of Georgia. Dating apps have become an option for people to meet more people in a less conventional way, and the negative stigma behind these apps are changing.
Perhaps the views behind dating apps are changing because people have become more exposed to the idea of it. According to the Pew Research Center in 2005, a lot of people did not know much about online dating, and those who did thought online dating was not a great way to date.
However, by 2015, the PRC found the attitudes towards online dating blossomed to be more positive. The researchers attributed the change to be because more people now know more people using dating apps, and so people are more accustomed to the idea.
Whether people admit it or not, 60 percent of people in the United States between the ages of 18 to 29 have used a dating app at some point in the lives, and that percentage is just getting larger. By 2020, the online dating market is predicted to grow up to $12 billion.
Before, a dating app like Tinder might be referred to by college students as a hookup only app. As more people started serious relationships with someone they found on these apps, the stigma behind these so-called “hookup apps” is slowly dissolving.
Tinder tweeted on August 2015, “Tinder users are on Tinder to meet people for all kinds of reasons. Sure, some of them — men and women — want to hook up.”
Many people disagreed with this statement, saying that most people, not just some, were looking for something less serious.
Tinder and other dating apps have of course been noted as a platform for non-dating relationships. However, sometimes college students are not looking for anything serious, but that isn’t necessarily bad. In fact, a study of 200 college students found that 53 percent of Tinder and other dating app users are using the apps to find friends.
The survey found the majority of the users have never gone on a date with anyone on the app and just wanted to find friends through the apps. Surveys like this one show that the ways college students are using online dating apps are also changing.
Dating apps are not always a good thing, however. It can be frustrating to match with a person, get along with them and then find out they something different from the relationships. Also, apps like Tinder and Bumble can be seen as shallow because people either swipe right or left on a person’s profile based off of their pictures without ever bothering to get to know them as a person.
Online dating has its pros and cons, but it is definitely what one makes of it. In a Brit + Co article titled, “Pro Matchmakers Share Their Best Advice for Dating App Rookies,” the author gives dating app advice, such as not taking anything too seriously and not limiting yourself.
While online dating can be a good tool to meet a significant other or even a friend, it is not the only way to do that, so people should not limit themselves to just dating apps. Perhaps, the key is to giving the dating app a shot and figuring out for oneself whether or not it is the best thing for them.
Koffee with Karan Episode 4: From Varun Dhawan's love life to Katrina Kaif's advice on love, here are the highlights
Karan Johar hosted Varun Dhawan and Katrina Kaif for his fourth episode of Koffee with Karan. The TV hour was filled with laughter and several revelations about the two stars. Did you know that Varun loves to eat cold pizzas at night? And that Katrina finds love in pancakes? Well, you know that now! Also, both have a lot of faith in Arjun Kapoor as a friend. When KJo asked Katrina who she thinks is a better friend – Varun or Arjun – she chose Arjun and Varun said Arjun too. Katrina also admitted that she makes fashion mistakes often and she just can’t get her airport look right.
If you missed Sunday’s episode, here are the juicy bits:
Varun makes his relationship official
It was an open secret in the industry that Varun has been dating fashion designer Natasha Dalal for quite some time. When Karan asked about her on the show, Varun admitted that they are dating and that he intends to marry her someday. When Karan asked Katrina about marriage, Varun added that Katrina has done a lot for herself, and that itself should be celebrated.
Varun Dhawan with girlfriend Natasha Dalal. Photo: Instagram/varudvn
Katrina’s dating advice
When Karan asked her about her relationships and being single, she said that she was in a good space. She added that sometimes people in relationships depend a lot on others for happiness, which is bad for both the people in the relationship. She laughed off the serious conversation saying that the last single actress of her generation was giving love advice!
Varun wants equal pay for his co-stars
Varun revealed on the chat show that he and Katrina are doing a movie together. He also said that he has asked Katrina to demand more pay for her work in Bollywood. In fact, he has asked the producers of their upcoming movie for equal compensation for both the stars. He added that if Katrina’s compensation is lesser than his, he won’t do the movie.
Katrina’s misconception about Varun
Katrina had mentioned in the previous season of KWK that Varun and Arjun had started a hate club for Katrina because she didn’t show any interest in them. Denying the allegation, Varun said that they were angry because Salman Khan gave all his attention to Katrina instead of to them. Both the young actors used to hang out with Salman but that stopped when Katrina came into the picture
Karan will have an ‘emotional’ moment at Varun’s wedding
Speaking about weddings in the industry, Karan said that he will have an emotional moment at Varun’s wedding because he will feel as if he is giving away his son. Karan had launched Varun in Bollywood with Student Of The Year in 2012.
Salman’s guest appearance
As Varun will start working with Katrina Kaif, he asked Salman for advice on the dos and don’ts of working with the actress. Salman had quite a lot to say about his co-star. He added that Katrina rehearses for six hours everyday and will do so starting 20 days before the shoot begins. When you work with her, you cannot come to the sets and say you will learn the steps; you need to be thorough with your part while dancing with the actress, said Salman. He also added that she knows a lot of films, cinematography, direction and, strangely, medicine.
Varun does not want to swap careers with anyone
When asked who would Varun switch his career with, Ranbir or Ranveer, Varun said no one. He pointed out that both the stars have had flops in their career whereas Varun has never had one. Varun was last seen in Judwaa 2.
Two times when Varun gets emotional
Karan had compiled a video of Varun’s parents talking about his antics as a child. Varun added that there are only two instances when he cries — when he makes his parents proud and when he sees his brother Rohit playing with his (Rohit’s) daughter.
Katrina shops off people
Katrina’s friends had a lot to say about the actress too! Her gym trainer Yasmin Karachiwala said that she has a habit of taking people’s things If she likes them. Yasmin added that Katrina constantly takes clothes from her gym wardrobe. Varun agreed with them and said she had taken his sunglasses when they were in Dubai. Her friends added that Katrina loves pancakes and can eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Katrina and Varun both like Rajkummar Rao
When asked about which new age actor they like, both Varun and Katrina said that they like Rajkummar Rao. Rao was last seen in the horror-comedy Stree and known for his performances in movies like Newton, Shahid and Trapped Katrina also mentioned that she would like to work with Vicky Kaushal as they would look good together.
