Relationships Talk

All my friends are breaking up.

It’s the age of it, I suppose. Like balayage or hot yoga. My friends and I are all hurtling towards Saturn’s return, so sooner or later something phenomenal was bound to happen in our lives. Some of them are switching careers. One has taken up extreme long distance running with all the solemnity of a priest. But most of my friends’ Saturns are barging through their front doors with the express purpose of causing their relationships to fall spectacularly apart.

Not me. I have been single for so many years that they’ve all begun to blend into each other like a melted tub of neapolitan ice cream. It’s probably why my friends who have broken up, and there have been so many of them recently, end up sitting in my flat, cradling my wine glasses between their hands, talking to me and not to any number of our other friends.

I’m single. It’s what I do, it’s what I’ve almost always done. And over the (many) years that I’ve been doing it, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. I’ve done every difficult experience, every table-for-one in foreign cities, every lonely coaster up at the bar, every single movie ticket, every countdown to midnight on New Year’s Eve, every uneven place-setting at a wedding reception on my own. At this point, I’m pretty much the Oprah of being on your own.

The other day I sat outside at a cafe with a friend of mine who had just broken up with her partner of several years, someone she had crossed the world to start a life with. Together, they had begun building something, brick-by-brick. And then, nothing. He untangled himself from her, picked apart all the frayed threads that had tied them together, and left their life behind. Not that it really matters – but also, it does – this friend of mine is an incredibly special person. She’s smart and funny and sparkly with life, so full of it that it fizzes right out of her. What’s that saying? To know her is to love her.

“What am I going to do?” she asked me, looking just over my shoulder. The sky was grey and overcast, but she was wearing her sunglasses. “What if I never meet someone again? What if I’m on my own forever?”

I know this question. It’s the question that rattles through me sometimes in the witching hours of life. I find myself drenched with the anxieties of this question when I least expect it. It will be a normal day and then this question will appear in my head, and the normal day is gone.

I’ve thought about this question a lot over the years. How could I not? If you’re single, it’s the kind of thing that’s always sitting in some corner of your mind. I’ve wondered if I would ever meet somebody again and get to know the stuff of them as they got to know mine. If somewhere on my horizon there was handing over each section of the newspaper after I was finished reading it on a Sunday morning; if there were fights about the Amazon Prime membership and who was going to buy toilet paper and whether or not someone’s colleague was a sexist idiot; if there was knowing all the idiosyncrasies of someone else as well as I know my own.

Of course I have wondered about all of that. And if I’ve learnt anything over my years of being single it is this: I want that. I hope that one day I will have it. I truly believe that I will. In those lowest, iciest points of life I remind myself how much love I have in me and how many people there are in the world who love and will love me for it.

But if there’s another thing that I’ve learnt over my years of being single it is that no matter what else happens: I am enough.

This is what I told my friend that morning. You are enough. Every part of of you is enough. Your story is enough, you are its beginning, middle and end. Your wonderful, squishy, lived-in life is enough. All your shit is enough. You, on your own, are complete, even as you are growing and changing and transforming, still, you are whole. You are everything that you need. You are enough.

A few months ago I interviewed a dating guru for a story and despite having no intention of doing so I immediately bought whatever it was that he was selling. I went in clear-headed and left muddled, he was that charming and that present.

When I spoke to him, he talked with some urgency about how women are always trying to get more out of someone who for whatever reason doesn’t want to give them more. The answer, he said, was not to keep squeezing something that would not be squeezed. We have no control over what someone gives us. What we do have control over is ourselves.

It’s a nice line. (He should print it on tee-shirts.) But there’s something in it, I think. There is so much love out there that is not mine to manipulate. But this life of mine is mine, and it is everything. It is strange and full and funny and sad, it is all my own. Its mornings and its late nights, its bookshelves, its brunches, its screens, its receipts, its dishes, its alarms, its scrapes, its fevers, its nightmares, its dreams… It’s all mine and – even on its own – it’s all enough.

Happy Singles Day, everybody. You are enough.

Read more stories like this, including How I learned to enjoy being single plus, How to detox from dating.

“I think it’s funny that these people, who don’t know me, [care about my love life.] [Sometimes] the people who ship Veronica and Archie ship me and K.J. too. It’s funny the amount of people who got upset when it was announced that I wasn’t dating K.J. You don’t know K.J. personally! If we were supposed to, we would be in love right now. If we were supposed to date, we would be dating. But we’re not, for a reason. We’re actors, on a show. Yeah, we have chemistry — we’re friends, we get along! — but that doesn’t mean we should date. It’s one thing to ship the characters, which I never care about, like ‘Varchie’ or ‘Barchie.’ It fascinates me that people ship real people together, because you just don’t know.”

Whether it was The Fosters, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, or even Austin & Ally, people all over the world have fallen in love with the internet’s new boyfriend, Noah Centineo. Even with several projects in the works, Noah continues to make time to take on more as he sets out to become one of film’s biggest breakout stars of 2018.

As his latest film, Swiped, finally gets released almost 2 years after filming, Noah is gearing up to play some of his biggest roles yet, while also returning to one character that got his career started. Seventeen got to talk to him about balancing his many projects, dating, and what could be next for Peter Kavinsky.

Here’s what he had to say…

17: Let’s start off talking about Swiped. How was it working with your dad on set?

Noah Centineo: It was surreal. It was so dope. He out-acted me. I was in there and I was like, ‘oh my god. I think you’re much better at this than me.’

17: Your character helps create a dating app. Have you been on dating apps at all or do you avoid them?

NC: The app in the film is unlike any app I’ve ever experienced. I’m not really on dating apps. I used to be when I was younger. I’d rather meet people in real life. Like if you meet someone at a yoga studio ’cause you do yoga, odds are they do yoga too. If you’re out and about and you meet people, you’re gonna meet people doing the things that you like to do.

17: Is there any dating advice you wish you had when you were younger?

NC: I feel like people can give you advice, but until you experience the good, bad, mistakes, and what works, you’re not really gonna be able to do it properly. Experience was my teacher.

17: You’ll be returning to The Fosters universe as Jesus in Good Trouble. How was it returning to that set?

NC: It was like going home for the holidays. Honestly, I love them [Cierra Ramirez and Maia Mitchell] so much, and [series creators] Peter [Paige], Bradley [Bredeweg], and Joanna [Johnson]. It’s such a family. And going back there and being able to work with family just felt so natural. I wanted to do more [than two episodes].

17: How have Jesus’ relationships with his sisters changed with this 5 year time jump?

NC: He’s definitely older. What I like about it is that the relationships among the characters are now far more a portrayal and a parallel for the relationship of the people [acting them]. We’ve all been around each other for so long and we know each other by now. And it’s similar with the characters like, at one point, when a sibling might’ve been upset with another sibling because of something they did, after, 20 years or 22 years of it, you’re like, ‘ah, that’s just the way they are,’ and it doesn’t bother you so much.

17: How different will Good Trouble be compared to The Fosters?

NC: There’s a lot of maturity in the show. You can expect the same Callie fighting for justice and Mariana fighting for herself and her rights. There are so many great messages in Good Trouble. I’m just excited to be a part of it. Oh, and it’s kind of completely different, but in the best way possible.

Courtesy of Noah Centineo

17: Your other film, The Stand-In, featured a reunion between you and your Austin & Ally co-star Laura Marano. What was it like working with her again after all these years?

NC: That was so cool. I love her to death. She’s so smart and so talented. She really just gives a sh*t about life and living conditions and what’s happening in the real world as far as our country and people’s rights. She’s just, across the board, such a lovely individual. Having a little reunion with her was sick. I mean, I think we had pretty great chemistry. I haven’t seen the cut, so maybe it’s miserable and it’s terrible, but I had a lot of fun on that film, especially with Laura.

17: It was just announced that you will be starring in a new film, Valet. What drew you to the project?

NC: It was given to me as a spec and once I read it, I hounded my team and I called them to say them to say I loved it so much and I’m passionate about this role. Whether it’s the relationship that he has with his mom and his family dynamic that his desire for his innate hunger for something more and when this something more comes, it’s just this wild scenario.

The director is Assaf Bernstein, he did Fauda on Netflix, and I sat down with him on Yom Kippur, for his last meal before his fast and we talked for just under two hours. The conversation was not about the movie, it was about subject matters that were very, very close to our hearts and things we were going through and the world and we just dove right into the deep end of it. And then, we left. Fast forward a week and a half, two weeks, I’m backstage at [Jimmy] Kimmel and 20 minutes before I go on, my manager gets a phone call saying, ‘if you want the role, it’s his.’ I smiled and I was smiling the rest of the night.

17: Even with all your projects, are you hoping for a sequel for To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?

NC: Yeah! F*ck yeah! I would love to. That would be such a gift. I would absolutely love to. That would be a gift to be able to go back to Vancouver and hang out with Lana, Israel, and Trezzo, and everyone. That would be a gift.

17: And where would you want to see Peter Kavinsky in the sequel?

NC: Well, you know, it’s already written, so I don’t really have a say in it. ::laughs::

17: What are you doing for self-care during your crazy schedule?

NC: A couple of things. Sleep is very important. Meditation has been very, very helpful. You know, even if it’s just 5 minutes a day. And watching what I eat. Pretty much taking care of my body and taking care of my mind and letting myself relax, especially when I’m with friends and let out that steam. It’s been a great amount of work and I couldn’t be more grateful for it and happy about it and for as much as that work goes, I also have to learn to decompress. I’ve been going out to Joshua Tree for a few times and Redlands. Just hanging with friends and staying low key and it’s been lovely. And I would recommend that to other people to do the same. Keep those that love you close and take care of yourself.

Tamara Fuentes is the Entertainment Editor at Seventeen. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram!

CLOSE

Mike Glaicar, founder of TrueConnect in Holmdel, met with potential investors and made his best pitch. Michael L. Diamond, @mdiamondapp

NEWARK – AJ Jain is a world-class table tennis player who studied engineering at the University of Michigan and helped guide his family’s furniture business through the Great Recession.

But his task on a recent day was one of his greatest challenges yet: Convince venture capitalists to invest in Middletown-based Ongo Energy Spray, a product he is developing to give a quick jolt to the exhausted masses.

“I’m getting a chance to tell my story,” Jain said, taking a break from rapid-fire meetings with investors. “I’ve had some really good reactions. I’ve had some bad reactions. I shouldn’t say I’ve had any bad reactions. The only negative reaction I’ve had is, ‘This is not our space, good luck.’”

Jain was one of nearly two dozen New Jersey entrepreneurs who pitched their ideas to investors at Founders & Funders, a biannual event sponsored by the state Economic Development Authority.

The high-stakes meet-up at Newark Venture Partners here was timely. Reports began to emerge that Amazon wouldn’t place its second headquarters in Newark, depriving the state of the benefits of a massive corporate expansion.

Gov. Phil Murphy, who attended the event, downplayed the state’s chances at landing Amazon and said it’s time for New Jersey to become innovative again by fostering smaller companies that might not have name recognition, but have the potential to grow faster.

He alluded to hockey legend Wayne Gretzky, who liked to say the secret to his success was skating to where the puck wasn’t.

“We had a state living in the old economy,” Murphy said. “We’ll never achieve our aspirations unless we go to where the puck is going.”

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Mike Glaicar can relate better than most. He was a minor league hockey player who’s career was cut short after a concussion.

Glaicar worked for six years in advertising sales before leaving to start TrueConnect,  a software company based at Bell Works in Holmdel that delivers client profiles to salespeople, ideally making it easier for them to build more personal relationships.

Glaicar has raised $450,000 so far and hoped to raise another $100,000 to help pay the three engineers he hired and begin to market the product.

The pressure should be on; Glaicar, 30, lives in Howell with his wife, Alyssa, and their 7-month-old son. Their second child is due in six weeks. 

Wouldn’t there have been a better time to leave his stable job for a start-up?

“It’s a crazy time, but what I tell founders is there’s probably no good time,” he said. “For me, the right time was having an idea that I was so extremely passionate about.“

See Glaicar talk more about the experience at Founders & Funders i the video above.

From old school to startups

New Jersey’s economy has been playing catchup for the better part of two decades.

The Garden State once could reliably depend on corporate stalwarts such as AT&T, Johnson & Johnson and Honeywell for high-paying jobs.

But the digital age hit fast. A new generation connected to their laptops and smart phones could work anywhere. They increasingly wanted to be in cities. And employers followed them, slowly abandoning their leafy suburban New Jersey campuses.

The impact? New Jersey’s economy grew on average just 0.3 percent a year from 2005 to 2015, compared with the U.S. average of 1.4 percent a year. Job growth and median income in the state barely budged, a 2017 report by McKinsey & Co. found.

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Murphy appears to have embraced McKinsey’s prescription to foster younger, faster-growing companies. For example, he wants to build more innovation centers to help startups grow without worrying about overhead like rent. And he wants to auction off tax credits to big companies and use the proceeds to create a venture capital fund.

Murphy has latched onto a Chris Christie-era idea, too.

Founders & Funders began in 2012 after EDA officials grew frustrated. They would meet entrepreneurs who were developing gee-whiz ideas, only to hear from investors that their weren’t enough opportunities for them in New Jersey, said Kathleen Coviello, the EDA’s vice president of technology and life sciences investments.

The idea was to bring them together in one place twice a year in a combination of “Shark Tank” and speed-dating.

Founders meet with investors for 10 minutes, then move on to the next one, getting the practice and connections, if not the money, they need to make a go of it.

Not everyone is applauding. With Amazon and Google reportedly signing on to expand in New York, Republican state Senators Tom Kean Jr. and Steven Oroho said Thursday that New Jersey needed to lower its taxes so it wouldn’t miss out on another big employer.

“Gov. Murphy’s efforts to grow an innovative economy need to be more than just rhetoric,” Kean said.

But at least one investor at the Newark conference said the state’s economic strategy is on the right track.

“There are absolutely enough companies and there are some excellent quality companies, too,” Zev Scherl, a partner at Double18 Capital based in Fort Lee, said in between meetings. “We’re well positioned to take off right now. That’s what I would say.”

Solid business plan, strong stomach

Executives submit a two-page summary to the EDA and are assigned a point person who coaches them. They can only participate once, so they need to be ready for prime time, Coviello said.

What do investors look for? Entrepreneurs should be passionate about their idea, have a strong team, and know the market they want to attack, said Joanne Lin, senior investment associate with Newark Venture Partners, a venture capital fund that specializes in business-to-business technology companies.

“One of the big things I think early-stage entrepreneurs maybe don’t have enough focus on is sales execution and strategy,” Lin said. “And that’s where we find a little bit of lack of knowledge.”

For the new economic strategy to work, though, the state needs risk takers.

The odds aren’t great; 10 percent of companies that have participated in Founders & Funders have gone on to raise capital, Coviello said.

But no one, after hearing that statistic, got up and left. They think the world — or their state, or simply their community — needs their idea.

Gregory Hough is starting Yazzer, a Ewing-based company that wants to deliver gasoline and fill up your car. Dr. Ashwin Patel is starting InquisitHealth, a River Edge-based company that is making technology to help patients connect with peers who have gone through similar health struggles.

And AJ Jain is starting Ongo, a company making an energy supplement that you carry in your pocket, spritz three times on your tongue, and get the same jolt as a cup of coffee or a small Red Bull.

Jain, 38, lives in Colts Neck with his wife, Misha, and their sons, Kavish, 8, and Devansh, 6. He has a stellar resume that includes chairing the anti-doping division for the U.S. Olympic Committee.

With young children, though, he couldn’t get enough sleep. He would awake groggy, desperate for caffeine. He wished he didn’t have to go through the motions of making coffee or guzzling an energy drink.

Jain decided to leave his family’s furniture store a little more than a year ago, and, with his savings, work with scientists to perfect the formula. He is getting ready to test the product at several local 7-Eleven stores, he said.

He admitted during his first meeting with investors in Newark that he didn’t quite know what they were looking for. He listened to their advice. And then he launched into his pitch, hoping to raise $350,000 to $500,000.

Nobody swooped in that day to give him a lifeline. But they didn’t yawn either.

“I’ve gone through different struggles and developed a sense of confidence that if something is really difficult, I’ll figure it out,” Jain said.

Michael L. Diamond; @mdiamondapp; 732-643-4038; mdiamond@gannettnj.com

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