Relationships Talk

First, you fall in love and everything looks promising but before you can start enjoying the new catch, things take a painful turn. Your hard-earned money is wiped out and your heart terribly was broken by the very person you thought was your soul mate. Commonly referred to as “romance scams”, online dating scams are now commonplace. If you looked at the stats, you would be shocked beyond your imagination. According to the FBI, nothing comes close to romance scams when it comes to internet fraud.

As easy as it may sound, avoiding online dating scams can sometimes be a tricky affair. You must be 100% alert and vigilant at all times lest you become another sad statistic. Here are some pieces of advice that can help protect you when using online dating apps.

1. Ask questions

Ask A LOT of questions. Don’t hold anything back. You’d rather be safe than sorry on this one. Seek to know more than the basic info like location, age, and weight. Inquire about the choice of friends, their past relationships, taste in movies, their culture, family and so much more.

2. Conduct a thorough background check

The digital age makes this quite convenient. Use all search engines to investigate the authenticity of each of your matches. Look through their social media profiles if the information given corresponds to their profile. Check whether the profile is a duplicate or lacking a digital footprint completely. Invest in services such as Spokeo to research for personal info like criminal records, marriage records and so much more.

3. Think twice about a partner that’s “Too perfect”

You know what they say, “When a deal is too good, think twice.” Someone that comes out as a match made in heaven may actually be hiding something potentially harmful. As you begin of, try to stick to the dating app as a means of communication and allow time to learn more about this person.

4. Watch out for a person that wants to go offline too fast

It is pretty straightforward but to this day, many have been conned using this very tactic. There’s something alarming about a stranger that wants to rush things by getting you offline too soon. Don’t bow down to the demand yet. Ask them to give you more time to feel comfortable communicating off the app.

image source: manhattandigest.com

5. Avoid a person that avoids physical dates

You’ve been trying to set up an actual meet-up with this person in vain. They always come up with reasons why they cannot show up for a real date. This is a major red flag. If after a few months of chatting online, he or she won’t agree to a meet-up, you have tons of reasons to be highly suspicious. Monica Whitty, a psychologist as Leicester University actually says, “If a person isn’t ready to meet within the first month, leave.”

6. Concentrate on paid online dating sites

Granted, these two have their fair share of romance scammers but the numbers are relatively smaller compared to those in the free apps. The ton of personal information required repels a good number of them. They hide behind the free sites that cannot sell them out. The adult dating patrol has great reviews about which dating apps really work. You better to check this kind of reviews before deciding which site or app to go.

image source: introvertspring.com

7. Don’t fall for any of their pitiful tales

Most scammers purport to have lost a loved one in an accident or a deadly disease. They know this will attract sympathy and eventually, vulnerability. Another tactic used by these awful people is telling you they were on their way to see you but their card has been rejected.

The next time you suspect a fraudster on any of the 1800+ online dating websites, you would be better placed to be smart, vigilant and present. Don’t let that end there, report scammers at FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center. You might save someone thousands of dollars and possibly their precious life!

It’s been over two years since Trail Blazers All-Star Damian Lillard and Pelicans backup point guard Tim Frazier were teammates in Portland, but it’s clear that their friendship is still intact.

To an average NBA fan, they may not know the relationship that Lillard and Frazier have, because of their battles on the court. In fact, often times it looks as though the two don’t even like each other.

In the Blazers, 132-119 victory over the Pelicans on Thursday night, where Frazier got the start due to an Elfrid Payton injury, it was obvious from the tip, that this matchup of Lillard vs. Frazier was going to be an entertaining battle to watch. 

“It was a great competitive matchup for us tonight,” Frazier said. 

With just under two minutes into the game, Lillard pulled up for what fans and media now like to call a “Logo Lillard” three-pointer, a nearly 35-footer.

Lillard popped that deep three over Frazier.  

So the question is, does Frazier get a little more hyped about defending his old friend? Oh yes, Lillard has no doubt it.

“He do for sure. It’s like when we workout in the summer. It was no different- like today… The first three I made, he was like, ‘hell no’ and I was like ‘hell yeah’ and it went in,” Lillard said with a smile.

But Frazier made sure to return the favor not even a minute later in the first quarter.

“He caught the ball and I kind of looked at him and didn’t even go out there and I was like, ‘hell no’ and he was like ‘hell yeah” and he made it so I was like, oh god here we go,” Lillard said.

LIKE BROTHERS

There wasn’t an on-court scuffle like we’ve seen in the past from Lillard and Fraizer, but there was a moment in the second half where Frazier was on the fastbreak and got tripped up. That was a possession that Lillard will be talking to his old pal about.

“…our feet got tangled up and he fell and he was telling the ref I tripped him and I tried to help him up and he just ignored me. I was like whatever man, we’ll talk after the game about this one,” Lillard said laughing.

So, how can best friends go at each other that much? It’s almost like a brother vs. brother competition or at least that’s how Frazier looks at it.

“That’s my brother so, it’s like that brotherly rivalry. So right now he’s 1-0, so I’ve got to hear that until we play again. So, that’s basically what I try to take it as, you know, I know the history of these guys last year too, in the playoffs as well,” Frazier said. 

It was in March of 2015 when Frazier signed with Portland as a free agent.

Whether it was at practice or before and after games, you could see the connection between Lillard and Frazier when they were teammates. It was clear they could make each other laugh if ever watched “The Tim Frazier Chronicles” on Lillard’s Instagram page. 

To this day, the friendship between Lillard and Frazier off the court is something that most people wish they could find in a best friend.

“That’s my boy. When he was here we got real close. Then in the summer we basically spent, after I think that was my third year he was on our team, we were together everyday. I was at his house. He was at my house. That summer we went everywhere together. We literally spent probably 90% of that summer together and then the next summer it was the same thing and this past summer we was doing the same thing,” Lillard said.

FRAZIER’S JOURNEY

The Blazers waived Frazier in February of 2016. Frazier posted averages of 1.9 points, 1.2 rebounds, 1.5 assists and 8.5 minutes in parts of two seasons with the Trail Blazers.
Frazier has now played for the Pelicans, the Wizards, the Bucks and now back with New Orleans. With four teams in three seasons, Frazier and Lillard have realized the value of their relationship after dealing with the business side that sometimes your best friend gets waived or traded.  

“It goes from being like one of your teammates that you’re tight with or somebody in the NBA that you’re tight with to one of your real like best friends in your life and I think that’s just what it is,” Lillard said.     

“Throughout the summer we spent a lot of time together. We train together throughout the summer, but during the year, man, it’s texting, phone calls, you know what I mean, if stuff happens… Sometimes during games, I’ll hit him after my game and be like ‘did you see it’ and he’ll do the same,” Frazier said.

Wearing his Damian Lillard ‘Dame 4s’, Frazier supports his former teammate and best friend, but he also knows just how much he has learned and can still learn from Lillard and CJ McCollum.

“My first stop was here and they helped me out tremendously has far as it comes on my game and just being able to shoot, you know, workout with those guys for that time I was here. They’ve definitely contributed a lot to my game, they’ve been helpful a lot,” Frazier said.

Not only do Frazier and Lillard talk constantly throughout the season and still hang out during the summer months, but there’s so much of Lillard’s game that Frazier admires.

“He’s work ethic, I mean, he’s really a top player in this league without a doubt and you saw it tonight. He’s able to take over games and make tough shots when the team needs him and he’s very unselfish. All around the board, he’s one of the top players… You try to get us much as you can from that, but at the same time I can’t wait to see him again,” Frazier said.

Mark you calendars for January 18th in Portland. It’s the next time Frazier will get his chance to even up the brotherly score.

I’m sure you’ve heard this advice before. Maybe from an aunt, your mother, or a grandmother — or maybe even from someone your own age. For some reason, one of the worst pieces of dating advice is one one that’s stood the test of time: If you like someone, you should play hard to get.

No, no you really, really shouldn’t.

For someone reason, this idea of playing hard to get hasn’t just permeated our dating culture, it’s helped shape it. A woman, coy and aloof, doesn’t rebuke a man’s attention—instead she just ignores it completely. The man, driven wild by her apathy, pursues her aggressively. Suddenly, the big reveal — she was interested all along! True love blooms!

It sounds pretty gross, right? That’s because it is. Here’s why playing hard to get isn’t a good idea.

It’s Straight Up Game-Playing

Playing hard to get is, essentially, lying. You really like someone, but instead you tell them that you’re not interested — the opposite of the truth. You lie. And when has it ever been a good idea to start a relationship off on a lie? If you start by playing hard to get, there’s no reason that your partner should ever trust you.

Even more than that, playing hard to get treats your relationship like a game. A romance blossoming between two people should be built on mutually sharing, communication, and being vulnerable to one another — it should be something that you create together. It should be something authentic. Playing hard to get and swapping barbed insults might be entertaining in a Shakespearean comedy, but it’s a hollow, if not destructive, foundation on which to build a relationship.

It’s Another Way We Tell Women To Minimize Their Feelings

Playing hard to get is theoretically relationship advice — something that’s meant to help you, ultimately, get what you want. And maybe when a friend or aunt tells you to do it, they do genuinely have your best interest at heart. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that telling a woman to pretend she’s not interested feels like another way of suffocating and silencing her. It says, “Your emotions aren’t meant to be shown, your feelings shouldn’t be voiced. Be quiet — that’s when a man will want you.” Buried in the ‘playing hard to get’ advice is a really old-fashioned, misogynistic message.

Instead, why not find someone who likes you for speaking your mind? When you don’t play hard to get, when you own your emotions and you communicate them in a grown-up way, you can find someone who likes you for you — for your honesty, maturity, and candor. Dating advice shouldn’t just be about finding a partner, it should be about finding the right partner, someone who’s going to value being with you in all of your glory. So be honest, be direct, be open. Feel confident in your feelings — and empowered enough to share them. If someone doesn’t like that, then they’re just not the right person for you.

It Promotes Rape Culture

It’s true. Sure, it’s one of those pieces of advice that’s been banging around for so long that it’s easy to write it off as “quaint” or “old-fashioned,” but playing hard to get actually reinforces a much more sinister mentality. Playing hard to get perpetuates an idea that when a woman says “no” she means “yes” — one of the foundations of rape culture. Telling a woman to hide her feelings only to reveal them later is incredibly damaging — for young women and for young men. We want to teach young people that “no” means “no” and “yes” means “yes” — in a romantic setting and in a sexual one. Doing anything else is a huge disservice — and potentially very dangerous.

Instead, let’s embrace enthusiastic consent — in romantic pursuits as much as anything else. Not playing hard to get, especially at a young age, means engaging in tricky conversations about feelings and emotions. It means being open and navigating difficult territory. It means, ultimately, becoming better communicators and better partners — and isn’t that ultimately what we want for the next generation? If so, then we have to start by setting the example — and handing it down.

See more: There’s a Reason You Never Like the “Nice Guy”

When someone tells you to “play hard to get” — maybe even if you’ve suggested it yourself — they probably didn’t have any ill-intent in mind. It feels like it should be harmless advice, even good advice — it’s been around for so long, after all. But the truth is, there’s a lot that’s problematic and downright dangerous about encouraging women to play hard to get and teaching men that women like to play hard to get. So instead, let’s promote candor, courage, and respect for each other’s emotions — and a world where we all know that “no” never means “yes.”