Charles J. Orlando is a bestselling author and relationship/interpersonal relations expert who has spent the last 10+ years connecting with tens of thousands of people. Charles has built a massive following on Facebook where he offers free, street-smart love advice to men and women around the world.
Category Archives: marriage advice
6 Ways To Turn An 'OK' Relationship Into An Unbelievable One
Keep the spark, the connection, and the sensuality in your relationship.
Having a happy marriage is challenging enough without dealing with every day minutia. Everyone can use a tip or two to keep things fresh, alive, passionate, and connected, and now is no different.
Instead of relying on your family and friends to fill your head with ideas, there’s plenty of marriage advice to go around and actually help you change your relationship for the better. And after connecting with thousands of men and women, here’s how to have a healthy relationship that is vibrant and will make your marriage last forever.
1. Don’t give up the newness of your relationship.
As relationships mature, couples tend to forget that they are men and women first, and spouses/significant others second. Effort is required to keep things fresh. Never lose sight of the fact that as a relationship grows, you are left with a friendship. So, start out as friends and stay friends even after you become lovers.
2. Recognize that you aren’t able to change the other person.
So often, people try to mold or change their significant others into what they wish or want them to be. That approach is destined for failure. You can’t change anyone… they have to want to change and grow themselves. You can only control how you act or react to any issues that they present.
3. Make sure they earn your respect and long-term love.
Far too often, once the courtship phase concludes, men drop back from putting in as much effort — and women allow it. To counter this, men need to keep their effort level high, and women need to not allow a man’s halfway effort to serve as acceptable.
4. Keep your strength, individuality, and self-esteem upfront.
A relationship is made up of two people, and those people have their own wants and needs — both inside and outside of the relationship. It’s critical to keep their own interests and wants top-of-mind. Compromise might be good in a relationship, but not when you compromise who you are and what you really want out of your life.
5. Don’t settle for second best.
If the other person in your relationship refuses to grow with you or address what you both need, don’t settle. Life is far too short. You should be with someone that enjoys you and treats you as a treasure, not as an obligation or duty.
6. Aim for great intimacy.
Sex isn’t just the physical act — it’s closeness and trust. It’s the personification of passion and sharing. It can be as romantic or as passionate or as bondage-infused as the couple wants.
Sharing one’s physical self with the other is critical in a happy marriage (although there are exceptions, of course). Being open, vulnerable, and trusting is an important component of a healthy intimate life. Don’t let passion drift away. Remember that passion exists outside of the bedroom.
Man devastated as wife only has sex with him once a YEAR – what should he do?
GETTY
SEXUAL HEALING: A man asked for tips to spice up his love life
Many couples worry that they are bonking less than the average person.
While it’s normal for libido to go up and down during relationships, it can be worrying when it dries up completely.
In a recent Mumsnet thread, a bloke asked for advice about his sexless marriage.
While some urged the bloke to leave his wife, others were adamant that the situation is totally normal.
So what do you think?
On the popular parenting forum, the anonymous chap revealed he has been “happily married for seven years”.
The dad-of-two added that the relationship was perfectly normal until they pair had kids.
He wrote: “I’ve turned to Mumsnet in desperation and need a a female perspective. I’m worried I’m being an insensitive husband.
“I need advice about how to approach a lack of intimacy and sex in our marriage since the birth of our first child.”
While the Mumsnet user said he was still madly in love with his wife, he confessed that the lack of intimacy was taking its toll on his relationship.
He continued: “I still think she is beautiful and she still gets flowers and random gifts.
“I’ve re-arranged my work schedule to have a day off at home to help with childcare and home running.
“I feel awful saying this – but having sex 4/5 times in 5 years isn’t enough for me.
“The constant rejection, and then the constant holding back so I’m not ‘pestering’ is getting me down.
“I’m happy in every other aspect and she is an AMAZING mother.”
The best foods to boost your libido
16 foods to get you in the mood today!
Getty Images/Blend ImagesRed wine – Drinking a small amount of alcohol can certainly help to put you in the mood. As well as helping us shed inhibitions, a glass of red wine can also increase desire.
After outlining his problem, the husband asked: “Am I being unreasonable to want to have sex with my own wife?”
Hundreds of commenters responded to his question – and their opinions were very mixed.
Some reassured that the situation was bound to get better over time.
One explained: “I remember seeing a sex therapist on TV saying it takes two years to get things back to normal after a baby.”
Another agreed: “She isn’t going to give you what you want until she feels like her old self again. That can take a long time.”
While many advised the couple to talk through their issues, or consult a therapist, others worried that the marriage had broken down.
A commenter said: “Sounds like the marriage is over / she doesn’t love you anymore.”
Another wrote: “You are not being unreasonable to want intimacy, but it is very hard when the sex drives of a couple are mismatched.”
A third added: “Sexless marriages will make you both resentful.”
Are you worried about the amount of sex you have in your relationship?
A study recently revealed how often couples should be romping.
If you need to give your love life some help, check out these libido-boosting tips.
Local Author Has 50 Tips for Finding “Mr. Right”
By Janice Malone
NASHVILLE, TN — Ladies, are you still looking for “Mr. Right?” He’s not a myth. He’s still out there waiting to meet you, perhaps at the altar. Bridget Vaughan, author of the just released new book TIME FOR MARRIAGE: 50 TIPS FOR FINDING MR. RIGHT, has some practical info that just may help direct single women in the right direction when it comes to meeting the man of their dreams. “This is a self-help book that’s designed for the single woman who’s looking for a good catch,” says the author about her latest release. The book is helpful but also witty and it’s a quick read (58 pages). “It’s a great reference guide for single women and is perfect for book clubs,” adds Ms. Vaughan.
Even though the book’s only been out for a few weeks, readers who’ve purchased it are loving its contents. A customer from Amazon.com says: “While this book takes on a humorous tone, it speaks volumes of wisdom, too. Purchase it for members in the church singles ministry or use it as a book club selection. Bridget Vaughan is a writer on the rise. Watch her soar!”
Ms. Vaughan says the Time for Marriage project started out as a movie script of the same title, that eventually became the current book. The movie script/storyline is about a 24-year-old attractive woman, named ‘Jasmine’ who proposes marriage to her boyfriend after they had been dating for three years. The lovely Ms. Jasmine is devastated when her handsome beau declines her proposal. But because the proposal was public, Jasmine is extremely humiliated. She then purchases the book, ‘Time for Marriage,’ which she uses to help her find the man that she was meant to be with.
Here’s a brief preview from the book — Men come in five categories: Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now, Mr. Friends Only, Mr. Wrong and Mr. No Way in Hell.
Ladies, are you listening?
The Time for Marriage book is loaded with good old-fashioned, sound advice that many women have either forgotten or perhaps need to hear for the first time when it comes to dating today. But the book is not just for women only. According to Ms. Vaughan, she’s had several men who have also enjoyed her book. “I had a guy friend read it and he said there were a lot of topics in the book that cross over to what men often think about when they’re trying to find the right mate too. Things such as infidelity, drug and alcohol problems, finances. So, the book has advice for both men and women,” says Bridget.
The multi-talented writer/producer has either written or co-written several comedy and drama projects for television, film and the web. Even though her writing talents are quite diverse, it’s comedy and romantic comedies that Ms. Vaughan seems to have a personal liking to. She’s even written a successful webisode series, “Brooks Family Affairs.’ A list of her literary works can be found at http://www.bridgetvaughan.com/home.html
Right now, the Memphis-born author says she’s enjoying promoting her Time for Marriage book. She has an upcoming book signing this weekend, August 19th from 1 – 4 pm at Alkebu-Lan Images Books store (2721 Jefferson St, Nashville, TN 37208). The next book signing will be September 8th from 2 – 4 pm at Barnes & Noble Hendersonville (300 Indian Lake Blvd. Hendersonville, TN 37075).
Along the way, Bridget says she still has plans to develop the book into a film and has already been pitching the script to various film industry insiders who have given her positive feedback.
Adult stepdaughter's presence is a burden
Dear Annie: I am married to a man with two children from a previous marriage. They are adults. My husband is 15 years my senior, and he married early the first time, so long story short, his children are only four and six years younger than I am. The problem is with his daughter.
She really doesn’t have much of a social life and because of that spends much of her spare time at our house. This summer, she has been at our house seven days a week. She had vacation from work for three weeks and spent the entire time here. One of my biggest complaints is the lack of boundaries. She helps herself to whatever she wants without asking, comes in and out, and follows her father around. She generally arrives here in the early afternoon, when I have just gotten home from my first job and have two hours before going to my second job. When I get home at 9 p.m. or later, she is still here! Sometimes she’s here when I arrive even when my husband isn’t home.
I am feeling suffocated, and the lack of privacy for me is driving me crazy. I feel it’s disrespectful on her part and on my husband’s part. I don’t think it is fair to me to have a grown woman (54 years old) spending so much time here. It is weighing on me and, frankly, on my marriage. I have to tread lightly because she takes everything personally, and my husband says she’s fragile, so everyone needs to be nice.
How do I get this to stop? I am ready to leave, honestly. It’s gone on for so long I am afraid I should have confronted the situation before it got to this point, but it’s not easy to talk to a father about his child. Please help me sort this out before I explode!
— Had Enough of the Helicopter Child
Dear Had Enough: You are wise to tread lightly. It is probably difficult for your husband to face the fact that his 54-year-old daughter does not have a life of her own and spends almost all of her time with her father.
Tell your husband how you feel. All couples need alone time, and you are not getting any with a roommate, especially one who is still so tied to her father. Cutting the cord slowly will benefit your stepdaughter, your husband, you and ultimately your marriage.
The trick is to communicate with all parties involved, set the boundaries that you know are necessary and welcome her warmly when she visits according to the schedule you all agree upon.
Dear Annie: In regard to the letter about the pronunciation of the years since 2000, it didn’t flow off the tongue easily to say, for example, “twenty oh two” for 2002, so we started saying “two thousand two.” Come to think of it, it probably originated long before the turn of the century. It may date back to the book and movie “2001: A Space Odyssey.” Everyone pronounced it “two thousand one.”
People just became accustomed to saying it that way, and even though we have moved on to the teen years and it is actually easier to say “twenty eighteen” now, many people still say it the “thousand” way.
— Baby Boomer
Dear Baby Boomer: I never considered that Stanley Kubrick may have something to do with it, but that’s an interesting theory. Thanks for writing.
Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.
