Category Archives: marriage advice
The Spot-On Marriage Advice Ruby Dee Once Gave Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith have been married for 20 years but, like most couples, they’ve had their ups and downs.
In a new, candid interview on Rap Radar Podcast with music journalists Elliott Wilson and Brian “B.Dot” Miller, the Academy award-winning actor and Grammy-winning rapper shared the greatest piece of advice he and the Jada ever received when it comes to love, the one thing the two no longer call themselves, and the joy he’s discovered in their union.
“Ruby Dee died a few years ago. Her and [her late husband] Ozzie Davis had been together for 50 years. Me and Jada [were] struggling hard, so we went to go talk to Ruby Dee,” the Philadelphia born star began. “So Ruby turns to Jada and she says, ‘how long you known him?’ At the time it’d been 17 years so she said, ‘I’ve known him for 17 years.’ Ruby said, ’17 years? Shit, you don’t even know him yet.’ [Ruby] said, ‘just relax.’ And that was her whole advice, you don’t even know him yet. And it’s like the idea that [after] 17 years, you don’t even know him yet? That is so deeply true.”
Will and Jada met on the set of his sitcom series, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, when she auditioned to play his love interest. Although she wasn’t cast in the role (which went to Nia Long), the two remained close, began dating and wed on New Years Eve 1999.
Smith continued, “As much as marriage is a relationship commitment it really is a singular commitment to yourself that you were going to use your marriage to develop your self. Marriage demands that you be the best version of you or it ain’t gon work. Ruby really locked us into that space where Jada and I realized that we were on individual journeys. We were both trying to force a marriage when actually you know in terms of a seed and soil are they married? The seed is not married to the soil, it’s just growing together both doing what they were designed to do. Me and Jada sort of found ourselves into that space where we don’t even say we’re married anymore we refer to ourselves as life partners.
Together, the Smiths have two children, a son Jaden and daughter Willow as well as the 49-year-old’s son Trey from his previous marriage.
Now having gotten over some of the rocky moments in their marriage, Smith said he’s never been more content, secure and at peace in life and love.
“You get into that space when you realize you are literally with someone for the rest of your life,” he said. “There are no deal breakers, nothing she could do nothing ever, that would break our relationship. She has my support ’til death. And it feels so good to get to that space where you’re not complaining and worrying and demanding that a person be a certain thing to sort of satiate your ego deficiencies. You’re not demanding that somebody be a certain thing so you feel better about yourself.”
You can watch or listen to Will’s full interview on Rap Radar via Tidal.
Barack Obama thinks you should ask these three questions before you decide to marry someone
As far as aspirational couples go, Michelle and Barack Obama stand out among the rest. A duo that seem to be equals, they still look as if they laugh a lot and support each other, 25 years into their marriage.
With that in mind, the former US President is well placed to dish out relationship advice. Upon finding out that his former communications director, Dan Pfeiffer, was about to move in with his partner, he offered some insights on how to decide whether to marry someone or not.
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Pfeiffer shared the story in his new book, Yes We (Still) Can.
“Here’s the advice I give everyone about marriage—is she someone you find interesting?” he writes of Obama’s advice. “You will spend more time with this person than anyone else for the rest of your life, and there is nothing more important than always wanting to hear what she has to say about things.
“Does she make you laugh? And I don’t know if you want kids, but if you do, do you think she will be a good mum? Life is long. These are the things that really matter over the long-term.”
When Pfeiffer responded that his girlfriend was “incredibly interesting, funnier than I am and will be an incredible mum”, Obama said; “Sounds like she’s the one. Lucky you.”
Obama has not been shy when it comes to extolling the virtues of his wife. He told Marie Claire in 2008 that she has “the best sense of humour of anyone you’ll ever meet” and described her as his “rock” to Oprah.
“There’s no doubt I’m a better man having spent time with Michelle,” Obama told Vogue in 2013. “I would never say that Michelle’s a better woman, but I will say she’s a little more patient.”
Americans, get out a notebook: Barack Obama knew Michelle was “the one” because of these 3 things
Since 2008, the Barack and Michelle Obama have set national (and international) power-couple #goals by, well, just being themselves in the public eye. They advocate for each other at every opportunity, whether that means tag-teaming a workout or, you know, the small task of running the United States of America. So, just how did this unstoppable duo reach soul-mate status? Luckily, a just-released book from Barack’s former senior advisor, Dan Pfeiffer, Yes We (Still) Can: Politics in the Age of Obama, Twitter, and Trump, outlines three nuggets of relationship wisdom, straight from America’s 44th president.
First, “Here’s the advice I give everyone about marriage—is she someone you find interesting?,” Pfeiffer recalls the former POTUS asking him amid his plans to move in with his now wife, Howli. “You will spend more time with this person than anyone else for the rest of your life, and there’s nothing more important than always wanting to hear what she has to say about things.” And it makes sense, since you definitely don’t want to live a life full of awkward silences (only mutually comfortable ones).
“You will spend more time with this person than anyone else for the rest of your life, and there’s nothing more important than always wanting to hear what she has to say about things.” —Barack Obama
According to Obama, the next order of business is finding someone who makes you LOL on the reg, which explains why there are so many ca-yute photos of the dynamic duo cracking up or at least grinning at one another. Finally, Pfeiffer says President Obama asked him, “…I don’t know if you want kids, but if you do, do you think she’ll be a good mom?” Meaning, establishing that you and your beloved have the same family goals is key before committing to each other for life.
His sage advice harkens back to the idea that the wedded life is a marathon not a sprint: “Life is long. These are the things that really matter over the long term.” Since truer words have never been spoken, here’s a piece of advice for you, Mr. Obama: If you’re looking for a new gig, “relationship counselor” or even just “professional BFF” seem applicable to your skill set. Just saying.
Bookmark more must-read love tips from Hugh Jackman and Queer Eye‘s Karamo Brown.
Dear Abby: Romantic wedding dreams clouded by tug-of-war over marriage
Advice: That Pierre doesn’t believe in (marriage) should be an indication that the two of you have very different definitions of what a committed relationship is … How do you feel about that?
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Pierre,” and I have been a couple for 18 months. We moved in together three months ago.
The trouble is, Pierre is French, and he doesn’t believe in marriage. He says it’s an “outdated institution and a social construct.” He also claims that no one in France gets married.
My parents are very religious, and they do not support us living in sin. They say if we have a child out of wedlock, they will cut me off completely.
What should I do? I love my family, but I also love Pierre. And I’ve always dreamed of having a romantic wedding with my father walking me down the aisle. I know Pierre is committed to me, but he dislikes the institution of marriage and won’t budge on this. I’m 34 and my biological clock is ticking. Any advice will be appreciated. — CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CONFLICTED: Pierre has given you fair warning and so have your parents. Marriage exists in France just as it does here in the USA. That Pierre doesn’t believe in it should be an indication that the two of you have very different definitions of what a committed relationship is, and it may be partly cultural in nature. How do you feel about that?
I think it’s sad that the parents of a 34-year-old woman would threaten to cut her off if she decided to have a child without being married. If you can support one, that choice should be yours and not theirs. My advice is to stop dreaming about a romantic wedding with your father walking you down the aisle unless you can find a man with a different view of commitment than Pierre appears to have.
P.S. I once had a poodle named Pierre. He and I got along fine and marriage was never discussed.
DEAR ABBY: My mom and many others share this problem. She refuses to throw away expired food. I’m not talking about something a few days past its “best used by” date; I’m talking years.
Yesterday, I found a box of bread crumbs that had expired in 2001 (I took a picture). Mom insisted that they “never really go bad.” I told her she had better hope she isn’t the beneficiary of the life insurance policy of anyone who eats them or she could end up as an episode of “Snapped.”
Seriously, though, this is a huge problem for the elderly. I hope you will encourage your readers to help their older friends and family members by cleaning out their fridge and cabinets. I always check the expiration date before eating anything at my mom’s. Thank you! — DATE CHECKER
DEAR DATE CHECKER: Your mother is mistaken. While it is safe to consume some foods a few weeks past their expiration date, other items begin to lose their nutritional value or spoil.
I’m glad you wrote. I’m printing your letter for other readers whose older relatives think the way your mother does, so they can check the expiration dates on packages in their relatives’ cupboards (and remove any bulging or rusted cans that could cause botulism, a fatal illness).
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
